The first time he cried in front of her

A wall lamp was on in the bedroom.

It was set very dim.

But in the darkness of the night, even a few sparks were enough to illuminate the person beside you.

Nan Xingyu didn't like to leave a light on when she slept.

But she knew Xi Jin did.

He said he wanted to be able to see her curled up beside him whenever he woke in the middle of the night, without fumbling around in the dark.

More importantly, when he made love to her, he wanted to see clearly how she was swept up in passion for him.

Tonight, once again, she had fallen asleep waiting for him.

Half asleep,

Nan Xingyu felt a familiar presence envelop her.

It was a little cool at first, but soon warmed against her body.

She frowned slightly, her body reacting before her mind as she moved closer to that source of warmth.

Like a kitten seeking the comfort of a warm nest.

His heat roused her, and before she had fully opened her eyes, her whole body had already gone limp.

Soon, she slipped into another hazy state.

His deep voice sounded in her ear, carrying a hint of childlike stubbornness as he said again and again:

"Xiaoyu, say you love me."

"Say you'll never leave me."

"Say you can't live without me..."

Nan Xingyu pressed both hands against his burning chest.

Whenever she hesitated even a little and failed to respond in time, he would use his own way to make her obey.

"Mmm..."

Nan Xingyu tried to shrink back, but his hand, veins standing out, held her lower back in place, leaving her unable to move.

Soft, broken moans spilled from her throat.

She spoke haltingly. "Love... I love you..."

Whenever Xi Jin got her response, he would pull her even more tightly into his arms.

As if he wanted to crush her and meld her into his very flesh and blood.

A satisfied smile curved his lips as he whispered in her ear:

"Xiaoyu, I love you too."

The light cast an especially soft glow over the intimate atmosphere.

Afterward,

Xi Jin picked up her limp body, kissed her forehead, then lowered his head to rest his cheek against it as he carried her to the bathroom.

Over the years,

He had long since "trained" her into the habit.

Right after they finished,

She could fall asleep on the spot, no matter where they were.

Even now, soaking in the warm bathtub,

She slept against his chest like a boneless creature.

She let him wipe her body with a towel, like a doll he carefully handled.

Only when he touched a sensitive spot

Did she stir a little.

After washing her clean, Xi Jin carried her back to bed.

Eyes closed, she nestled into his arms out of habit and murmured, "We're out of medicine at home again."

Xi Jin held her tighter and stroked her hair with his palm.

"Got it."

Nan Xingyu shifted in his arms, found a comfortable position, and settled into sleep.

Xi Jin lowered his eyes to look at her.

The tenderness in his gaze was gradually replaced by complicated emotions.

He recalled what Xi Kun had said today.

He knew Xi Kun would find out about it sooner or later.

Nan Xingyu had fertility problems.

When he had first gotten together with Nan Xingyu,

He had already known.

He remembered that they hadn't used protection their first time.

Nan Xingyu's period had been late, and she had mistakenly thought she was pregnant.

The two of them had gone to the hospital for a checkup together.

After learning about infant care with her,

The two of them, inexperienced as they were, seemed to have developed a curious longing for a child.

That day,

As he drove them back, he saw Nan Xingyu staring at the blood test report that showed she wasn't pregnant.

"What? Want to be pregnant?"

Nan Xingyu put the report away. "Of course not."

Xi Jin smiled. "Then what are you staring at it for?"

Nan Xingyu mused, "I just think life is pretty amazing. I thought there was a little life inside me."

She touched her lower abdomen. "It's so hard to imagine that one day, a child will grow inside my belly."

She smiled at Xi Jin. "Those babies at the baby swimming center just now were so tiny and cute."

Xi Jin ruffled her hair and teased, "If you like them, big brother can help you."

"Pah."

Nan Xingyu scrunched up her nose. "I'm not having a baby with you."

Her voice was sweet and clear; even tinged with annoyance, it sounded coquettish.

Xi Jin caught her hand, drew it to his lips, and kissed it.

"If you're not having one with me, who do you want to have one with?"

Nan Xingyu looked at him and asked curiously, "Xi Jin, you said just now that if I were pregnant, we'd have the baby. Did you really mean that?"

"When have I ever lied to you?"

Xi Jin glanced at her.

Nan Xingyu muttered, "You lie to me all the time, okay?"

Xi Jin added, "What I said just now was true."

Nan Xingyu asked, "Do you like children?"

Xi Jin said, "I like our children."

But what happened afterward

Completely shattered their "hopes."

Once, he had gone abroad for a month of intensive training. When he returned, he couldn't restrain how much he missed her. He was so eager when he pressed her onto the bed that there was no time to use protection.

So Nan Xingyu bought and took a contraceptive pill.

Who could have expected her period to start the very next day?

She had been at Xi Jin's house that day when her stomach suddenly began to hurt so badly that she had to lean against the wall, inching toward the study with difficulty.

Xi Jin was reading in the study.

He saw glaringly bright blood running down her smooth calves.

It scared the soul right out of him.

He rushed over and scooped her up.

It was past nine at night, and there were still quite a few cars on the road.

He ran red lights all the way to the hospital.

Nan Xingyu was still fully conscious. She gripped his taut arm and said weakly:

"Xi Jin, slow down..."

Xi Jin gripped the steering wheel with one hand and her icy hand with the other, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Xiaoyu, don't be afraid. I'm here."

But the tremor in his voice betrayed him.

He was the one who was more afraid.

The car soon reached the hospital entrance.

Xi Jin didn't dare waste a moment and carried Nan Xingyu out.

Her white nightgown was already stained red.

He didn't dare look.

But when his palm touched that dreadful stickiness, he could feel her blood still flowing.

His eyes reddened in an instant.

He rushed into the emergency room with Nan Xingyu in his arms, tears falling uncontrollably.

It was the first time he had cried in front of Nan Xingyu.

His usually aloof, carefree eyes now showed undisguised panic.

Then the person in his arms raised a hand to wipe his tears and comforted him:

"Xi Jin, don't be afraid. I'm fine."

"..."

Xi Jin was too choked up to speak.

Following the nurse on duty's directions, he carried her to a gurney.

Nan Xingyu was quickly taken into the operating room.

His white shirt covered in her blood, Xi Jin stood outside and waited through the longest two hours of his life.

They felt as long as two centuries.

He thought of many possibilities.

He even wondered what he would do if Nan Xingyu died.

His nails dug bloody marks into his own hand, the blood mingling with Nan Xingyu's.

Fortunately, in the end,

Nan Xingyu was fine.

But the doctor called him into the office alone.

The doctor used a lot of medical terminology.

To sum it up, Nan Xingyu had an unusual constitution, and her chances of getting pregnant in the future were nearly zero.

Xi Jin walked out of the office.

For a long time, he couldn't pull himself together.

He knew Nan Xingyu had traditional ideas about family.

She had even told him that she wanted a boy and a girl someday.

Together, they would make the character for "good."

He was afraid Nan Xingyu couldn't bear the blow, afraid she would feel "incomplete."

So he had kept it from her all along.

To verify what the doctor had said, he had even gone to the hospital for a checkup in secret. After confirming there was nothing wrong with him, he had deliberately gone without protection when they made love.

Then he gave her vitamin pills, lying that they were contraceptives.

Three years had passed.

There really hadn't been the slightest sign of a pregnancy.

Once, when they were traveling, there was a noisy baby on the high-speed train.

Nan Xingyu kindly helped the baby's mother hold the baby, freeing her hands to prepare formula.

Xi Jin rubbed his nose and said with a cold look of disgust, "Hold the baby farther away. It reeks of milk. It stinks."

"You can't even stand that little smell, and you say you want children someday."

Nan Xingyu looked at him in displeasure. "I knew someone like you definitely wouldn't like children."

Xi Jin looked at her, so "sure of herself," his throat stinging slightly, and deliberately said:

"That's right. I hate children most of all."