Living for Yourself (Continued)

"I can't do anything about her anymore. I'm so tired," First Concubine murmured. "I tried, but she wouldn't listen to me."

She had wanted to take her mother out and let her live on her own, but her mother refused.

Her mother couldn't leave the man who treated her so coldly, even though he treated her badly.

To her mother, her father was far more important than her daughter.

"I once thought that if I ever became a mother, I would love and cherish my daughter. What a pity I won't have the chance..."

Gu Wanning sat on a chair behind her, her brows tightly furrowed, saying nothing.

Even now, she didn't know what had happened to make First Concubine lose all will to live.

No matter how everyone tried to persuade her, First Concubine refused all food and water, as if she meant to starve herself to the end.

Fourth Concubine was closest to her and found it hardest to accept. She tried to force food and water into her mouth, but nearly choked her and didn't dare try again. She only wept beside her, asking over and over, "Elder Sister, why are you treating yourself like this?"

Gu Wanning felt weighed down.

By now, even Xu Weibei had heard about it and sent Gao Lan over to ask what was going on.

But First Concubine was determined to die and paid no heed to anything else.

This couldn't go on.

Gu Wanning sent everyone away and stayed behind alone.

"Is it because of him?" Gu Wanning looked at the woman in the bed, who seemed to have aged overnight, as though all her vitality had been drained away. Her gaze was complicated.

First Concubine nodded.

"Did he die, or did his heart change?" Gu Wanning asked bluntly.

Tears burst from First Concubine's eyes. "He... married someone."

So he hadn't died. He had just turned out to be a scumbag.

Oh, she couldn't even say that, because the two of them had never made any promises to each other.

A few days ago, First Concubine had earned some silver selling embroidery and wanted to give it to the woman she had hoped would be her future mother-in-law. That was how she had found out.

"...After he left, his family's circumstances grew worse by the day. I worried that his mother was struggling to get by, so I often asked people to take her silver..."

"You earned that silver one stitch at a time?"

"Yes. I couldn't easily leave the Marquis's Residence, so I always asked someone to take it to her. I let myself dream that when he came back, his mother would stop opposing us for the sake of the help I'd given her..."

But the woman accepted every bit of silver that came her way and never once mentioned her to her son.

She had even arranged a marriage for him.

"The Marquis returned, and Madam allowed us to go out, so I went myself yesterday, thinking I would see how things were... I never expected that his household would be celebrating a wedding..."

The man she had longed for day and night had returned, riding a tall horse to marry another woman.

He might even have paid for it with the silver she had given them.

He was a little darker and more robust than before. Sitting on his horse, he smiled as he cupped his hands to acknowledge the people offering their congratulations.

"He celebrated his wedding night, and you went out into the rain to die?" Gu Wanning was so angry she laughed. "Why didn't you go and demand your silver back?"

First Concubine's tears fell in a stream, like pearls from a broken string.

"I know I'm foolish. But in my heart, he was my only light."

No matter how much injustice she suffered, no matter how oppressive and desperate life became, as long as she thought of him, she had a future to look forward to.

First Concubine had lost not only love, but also hope for the future.

"Now I don't know what I'm living for. My living is probably just a waste of food, clinging to a miserable existence... What meaning is there in that?"

"Life has no meaning to begin with," Gu Wanning said. "Especially for ordinary people like us, what can we do that will shake heaven and earth? While you're alive, you can tend the garden with us, roast meat, sing, and play Werewolf together... Enjoy each day as it comes. Do you really think there's no pleasure at all in your life now?"

First Concubine bit her lip and said nothing.

"Hope, the future... all those things are lies. Whether you look forward to them or not, whatever comes is fate. It's enough to live well in the present. To say something self-deceiving, you used to hold him in your thoughts without ever touching a corner of his clothes, and you still lived perfectly well..."

"Now imagine a good man, someone with all the qualities you like, who will have no one but you. Save your silver and wait for him to come and marry you."

"No, there won't be anyone like that..." First Concubine murmured.

"You fell for your cousin because you couldn't meet more men. Three-legged toads are hard to find, but two-legged men are everywhere, and there are plenty better than him."

"Madam, I belong to the Marquis now, and I can't bring myself to hope for anything from him."

She didn't even dare look at Xu Weibei.

The murderous aura about Xu Weibei made her retreat three leagues.

She liked men who were gentle and warm as jade.

Gu Wanning said, "...You're right. I can't make you any promises on the Marquis's behalf. But look at things as they are. Is the Marquis interested in either of us?"

First Concubine shook her head, then nodded. "Madam is different to the Marquis."

"That's because I come from a good family, and you don't."

First Concubine fell silent.

"The Marquis has someone in his heart. You know that, don't you?"

First Concubine hesitated. "Madam's elder sister?"

"Yes." Gu Wanning spoke mildly. "Not only does he have someone in his heart, he also has a woman outside the residence, and they even have a child. So neither the woman in the Marquis's heart nor the woman he wants to sleep with is one of us. But I can't say he's a bad man, so you have a chance to leave. Do you understand?"

First Concubine was shocked. "He has a woman outside the residence, and they even have a child?"

She hadn't heard a whisper of it either.

And how could Madam be so calm?

"Yes," Gu Wanning said. "It's probably only because the princess is keeping it under control that he hasn't brought her into the residence."

"What will happen in the future, then? I'm afraid the Grand Princess will give in eventually. What will you do?"