Cellular Coexistence Persuasion Device: Physical Cupping and Peace Light!

The office.

Director Wang sat behind his desk, resting his chin on his crossed hands as he looked at the sheet of paper on the desktop.

"Can you explain what '5,000 yuan for irreparable combat damage to a limited-edition Armani suit' and '30,000 yuan in compensation for transnational emotional trauma' mean on this reimbursement form?"

Sing Sing leaned back in the chair opposite him, holding an enamel tea mug.

He had helped himself to the mug from Old Ma. Eight red Chinese characters printed on it read, "Everyone is responsible for workplace safety."

Sing Sing used the lid to skim the floating tea leaves. "Director, you have to look at the numbers this way."

"That white suit was my battle uniform. It saw me charge in and out seven times. Now it's died a glorious death. Five thousand yuan for its funeral isn't too much, is it?"

"As for the emotional damages... Director, think about it. I crossed the ocean to the heart of capitalism to bring someone back, scared out of my wits every day. My hairline's receded two millimeters. Shouldn't the organization give me a little compensation?"

"Bullshit!"

Director Wang slammed his desk. "Don't think I don't know you, brat! They already told me everything when I spoke to them one by one just now! You emptied the gang boss's safe on that smuggling ship! Where's the money?!"

Sing Sing blinked. "What money? Director, you need evidence when you say things like that! I, Sing Sing, am incorruptible and regard money as no better than dirt!"

"Besides, every cent of my windfall has already been accounted for! And one thing has nothing to do with the other. My reimbursement form is my sacred right under labor law!"

"All of it accounted for?"

Director Wang leaned forward and demanded, "Then tell me, how much did you find on the ship in total?"

"Not much, not much. Just... a few thousand in loose change."

"A few thousand?"

"Ma Weiguo said your bundle weighed at least thirty jin. Thirty jin of loose change? You think I've never seen money before?"

"That's because there were a few gold chains in there adding to the weight."

The words slipped out of Sing Sing's mouth. He touched his nose.

Alas!

My big mouth!

"Gold chains? Didn't you just say it was a few thousand in loose change?"

"Director, gold chains are odds and ends too..."

"Ling Ling Qi."

Director Wang pointed at Sing Sing's nose. "Believe it or not, I'll use Deadly Scissor Legs right now, leap into the air, and snap your head off between my legs!"

"Come on, Director, we're on the same side!"

Sing Sing waved his hands. "Let's talk about something serious. That kid Anton isn't doing too well."

At the mention of serious business, Director Wang lowered his hand.

"You brought him back, and you promised he wouldn't die. What do we do now?"

"Ta-da!" Sing Sing pulled his phone from his pocket and waved it.

"For a difficult case like this, we need to call in the 749 Bureau's leading expert in counterintuitive medicine. I messaged him when I landed, so going by the time—"

As soon as he finished speaking, the office door was kicked open.

With the slap-slap of flip-flops against the floor, a man burst in.

He wore a wrinkled white lab coat with unidentified grease stains on the hem.

His bald crown gleamed under the incandescent lights, and a pair of reading glasses sat on his nose, one arm wrapped in clear tape.

Most outrageous of all, he held something high in his hand, as solemnly as if he were holding the Statue of Liberty's torch.

When Director Wang saw what it was, he shot to his feet.

It was a fucking toilet plunger!

A flashlight was tied to the top of the rubber cup, secured with three loops of wire.

A radio antenna was attached to the end of the wooden handle, with a little brass bell hanging from its tip that rang with every step.

"Ling Ling Qi! I'm here!"

He shouted excitedly and set the toilet plunger down on Director Wang's desk.

Director Wang gripped the edge of the desk, veins throbbing on his forehead. "Da Vinci, why aren't you doing research at the psychiatric hospital? What are you doing here? Get that piece of junk off my desk!"

"Director, this is no piece of junk!"

Da Vinci pushed up his glasses. "This is my latest invention, the Your Life 3000 Medical Special Edition: the Cellular Coexistence Persuasion Device!"

Cellular Coexistence Persuasion Device

Sing Sing stood up and walked a circle around the toilet plunger.

He leaned in to examine the connection between the flashlight and the antenna, then flicked the brass bell with a fingernail.

"Ding~"

"Wenxi, how exactly does this thing work? Can it really treat X-Gene rejection?"

"I'd like you to call me by my full name—Da Vinci."

"Okay, Wenxi."

Da Vinci was already used to the shortened name and didn't correct him again.

He reached out and picked up the toilet plunger. The cup came off the desktop with a crisp pop, leaving a distinct circular rubber suction mark on Director Wang's smooth solid-wood desk.

"Why does gene rejection occur? Because the foreign X-Gene and the host's ordinary cells can't stand each other. They're fighting! It's a territorial dispute between different cell communities."

"So?" Director Wang asked.

"Fighting and killing won't solve the problem. We need to do ideological work on them!"

Da Vinci switched on the flashlight, and a beam of green light shone on the wall.

"This device can emit Peace Light through the flashlight and, together with the cosmic white noise received by the radio antenna, act directly on the cell nuclei!"

"It lets the cells calm down and listen to one another, put aside their prejudices, and build a harmonious bodily environment together!"

Director Wang took a deep breath. "You're going to use a toilet plunger with a flashlight tied to it to give cells ideological and political education?!"

"This is a Cellular Coexistence Persuasion Device!"

Da Vinci turned the plunger over and showed him the rubber cup on the bottom.

"And it can also be used for cupping. Look at the suction—it makes an airtight seal when you stick it on. Multiple uses in one, very environmentally friendly."

Da Vinci pressed the cup against his forehead.

"Pop~" It stuck.

With the toilet plunger attached to his forehead, Da Vinci continued, "I've done the calculations. The negative pressure from the suction cup can promote local blood circulation, and combined with stimulation from the flashlight's light waves, it can also serve as an auxiliary treatment for cervical spondylosis..."

"Enough!" Director Wang slammed the desk.

Sing Sing slapped his thigh. "Brilliant! Wenxi, I knew you were a genius!"

"Ridiculous! This is utterly ridiculous!"

Furious, Director Wang grabbed Sing Sing's reimbursement form, crumpled it into a ball, and hurled it into the trash can.

"Why does my dignified 749 Bureau have the two of you, a crouching dragon and a fledgling phoenix, on its payroll?!"

Before he could blow up, Sing Sing leaned close to his ear and lowered his voice. "Director, let's treat a dead horse as if it were still alive. Wenxi's inventions look insane and are extremely absurd and abstract, but when have they ever failed to work? If we don't use his, are we supposed to watch Anton die?"

Director Wang said nothing.

"Besides..."

Sing Sing lowered his voice further. "That kid's only in his early twenties, and his brother was willing to give up his life for him. If Anton dies, people's hearts will scatter. Who'll complete the projects that follow?"

Director Wang looked at Da Vinci, who had a toilet plunger on his forehead and a solemn expression on his face, then at Sing Sing, whose face said, "I'm thinking of you."

Finally, he pressed a hand painfully to his aching forehead and waved weakly. "Go on, go on... get the hell out of here and treat him. If he dies under your care, I'll hold you responsible!"