Voltaire once wrote a story about a "Candide" who, one day, wandered into the magnificent "palace" next door. It was actually the baron's home, where he had a 350-pound wife and a seventeen-year-old daughter who was both plump and tender.
The young lady refused to marry the squire's son because his old family lineage could only be traced back seventy-one generations; the rest of the genealogy had been lost to time.
When Candide arrived at the baron's house and saw the beautiful young lady, he was utterly dazzled. But he did not have the courage to do anything to her. At the time, he accompanied the baron's son in his studies and also listened to the master's lofty lectures, believing that he himself might someday achieve great things.
Outside the castle was a forest suitable for use as a small hunting ground. The young lady had become friends with a very pretty brown-haired girl, and the two conducted physics experiments together. One day, on her way back to the castle, she encountered Candide after class and could not help blushing. Candide blushed as well. She greeted him, but could barely speak; he answered her, though neither knew what he was saying.
After lunch the next day, the two left the dining table. The young lady led Candide behind a screen and deliberately dropped her handkerchief on the floor.
Candide was not entirely made of wood after all, and knew to pick it up for her. She "absentmindedly" took his hand in hers, and Candide "absentmindedly" kissed the girl's hand. Then their lips met.
Just then, the baron happened to pass by the screen. At the sight of this, he immediately flew into action and kicked Candide in the backside, driving him out the front gate. The young lady fainted on