Only After Losing It Did She Learn to Cherish It

Lu Jingyao entered the dormitory, heartsick and dejected, waking Liu Muhan on the upper bunk just as she was about to fall asleep.

Half-asleep, Liu Muhan murmured, "Lu Jingyao, you have a letter. I put it beneath your blanket."

"Oh, thank you!"

Lu Jingyao became a little more alert and retreated to her own bed. She did not want anyone to see her weakness.

But Liu Muhan sensed something. She poked half her body out from under the covers, stretching her head down over the edge of the upper bunk like a curious cat.

"What's wrong, Sister Jingyao? Are you feeling unwell?"

"No."

Lu Jingyao quickly wiped the tears from her face with the blanket so Liu Muhan would not see them.

But just as Liu Muhan was about to pull her head back, Lu Jingyao suddenly thought of something.

"Muhan, could you lend me twenty yuan?"

"Twenty yuan?"

Liu Muhan froze for a moment, then sat up in bed, grabbed her coat, and began searching for her wallet.

As she searched, she asked, "Sister Jingyao, what do you need twenty yuan for? Is there some urgent matter at home that needs money?"

"No, it's for our literary club dinner. I want to pay Qian Shun back as soon as possible."

Lu Jingyao hesitated before telling Liu Muhan the truth, leaving out the part about Qian Shun going mad after drinking.

Liu Muhan's hand paused as she searched for her wallet. Then she still took out twenty yuan and handed it to Lu Jingyao.

"Thank you, Muhan. I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

"You don't need to rush to pay me back, but there are some things I have to tell you."

Liu Muhan said seriously, "Sister Jingyao, we've already entered the adult world. We can't keep trusting people as easily as children do.

"This society is complicated. Some people may seem good to you, but they may not have good intentions. Some people may seem harsh toward you, but they may not bear any ill will."

Lu Jingyao did not quite understand and asked awkwardly, "Muhan, what do you mean by that?"

Liu Muhan shook her head helplessly. "Sister Jingyao, think about He Xue and the others. Have they ever given you any real help? Then think about your former boyfriend. What kind of support did he give you?

"Any false affection will not withstand the measure of material reality. For the so-called 'concern' of a few close friends who only know how to talk, you went and belittled someone who once gave so much for you."

"Do you know He Xue and the others only wanted to see you make a fool of yourself?"

After pouring it all out in one breath, Liu Muhan shrank back under her covers to warm herself.

Yet Lu Jingyao's heart could not calm down for a long while.

"See me make a fool of myself? Wasn't I already a joke today?"

Lu Jingyao felt miserable. Today, she had wanted to quietly borrow money from He Xue and the others to pay the bill, in order to preserve the self-respect she valued most.

But He Xue had made such a fuss that word leaked out, letting everyone know how embarrassed and impoverished Lu Jingyao was.

Although He Xue later told Lu Jingyao with great anguish that she had not meant to do it, was something that appeared unintentional truly unintentional?

Thinking back to what had happened when they first entered university a few months ago, Lu Jingyao already had an answer in her heart.

Back then, they had just arrived at university. They chattered endlessly and were as close as sisters.

But before long, a faint barrier had appeared between them.

Liu Muhan came from a well-off family. Not only did she have everything she needed for daily life, much of it was genuine high-end goods.

Lu Jingyao was sensitive and self-reliant, and rarely touched other people's belongings. But He Xue and the others were carefree and thought nothing of taking things to use.

At first, Liu Muhan did not pay much attention to it. But after He Xue repeatedly took Liu Muhan's soap, shampoo, and cold cream, then gave them away in the bathhouse to upperclassmen from the student union, Liu Muhan became unhappy.

The Jiangnan girl looked delicate and fragile, but she had strong opinions. It was one thing for people in the same dormitory to use her things, but taking her belongings to put on airs and curry favor with others—did she have any shame?

But He Xue did not think much of it. She had a huge fight with Liu Muhan, calling her stingy and a petty bourgeois who indulged in luxuries, among other things, and swore she would compensate Liu Muhan double.

Yet several months had passed, and Lu Jingyao had never seen He Xue repay Liu Muhan for those things.

Even an expensive bar of soap cost only one or two yuan. Could He Xue really not squeeze that much out?

And today, stingy Liu Muhan had lent Lu Jingyao twenty yuan without hesitation, while He Xue knew perfectly well that Lu Jingyao's family was poor but still insisted on dragging her along and making her treat everyone.

"Ahh..."

With a sigh, Lu Jingyao took out her letters from beneath the blanket.

There were actually three?

Lu Jingyao looked them over. One was from her younger brother, one from Xia Yue, and one from Li Ye.

After considering it briefly, she opened her younger brother's letter first.

After reading Lu Zixue's letter in one go, Lu Jingyao was weighed down with worry.

Even separated by a thousand miles, she could feel the resentment and grievance deep in her brother's heart. Yet she felt utterly powerless in the face of that resentment and grievance.

This matter was easy to resolve, if one wanted to call it easy. As long as she bought Lu Zixue a bicycle, his predicament would immediately be resolved.

But who could give her a bicycle? And a Phoenix brand one at that?

Other than Li Ye, there was no one else.

Last time, Lu Jingyao had written to Li Ye, asking him to return the Phoenix bicycle to Lu Zixue first, and saying that she would slowly repay the cost of the bike.

At the time, she had thought there was nothing wrong with that solution. But after what happened today, Lu Jingyao's heart wavered.

For merely thirty yuan, Qian Shun had wanted to pull her off for "a walk together" under cover of darkness.

Then how much was Li Ye's Phoenix 26 bicycle worth?

With a coupon, it cost more than one hundred sixty yuan. Without one, even two hundred yuan might not buy it.

Two hundred yuan was a figure as astronomical as the heavens to the Lu family.

Why should he give it to you?

Did you let Li Ye hold your waist? Did you play hide-and-seek with him under the blankets?

Li Ye did not owe you anything.

"Ah..."

Lu Jingyao sighed again and opened Xia Yue's letter.

She still felt close to this former best friend. The two had very similar personalities: both came from humble backgrounds, both were confident and self-reliant, and both longed for freedom in the future.

In the days before, they had encouraged and supported each other in thought, getting through their hardest days together.

But when Lu Jingyao finished Xia Yue's letter, she could not help staring blankly for a long time.

That Li Ye, with his connections, had pulled strings to get into the advanced class.

That Li Ye, with his connections, had tattled on me and cost me my position as class monitor.

That dog of a landlord, Li Ye, had secretly crammed English. He would probably still chase you all the way to the capital to plague you later.

Across four whole pages of stationery, Lu Jingyao did not feel any "self-reliance" or "confidence." Instead, it was all the same "resentment" and "grievance" as her younger brother's.

But what concerned Lu Jingyao was not Xia Yue's resentment or grievance, but Li Ye's rapid improvement in English.

"His English has already surpassed Xia Yue's. Could he really get into the Foreign Languages Institute next year?"

"If Li Ye can get into the Foreign Languages Institute, then Father's promise from back then... should I accept it? Should I fulfill it?"

Back then, Lu Jingyao's father had promised Li Ye in front of all the neighbors, "If you can get into university, I won't stand in the way of you two."

At the time, Lu Jingyao had been furious, believing that her father had been forced to compromise and back down.

But looking at it now, it seemed her father had been the one who understood the ways of the world, a master whose calculations missed nothing.

If Li Ye came to the Foreign Languages Institute next year, would their relationship naturally fall back into place?

At that thought, Lu Jingyao suddenly felt ashamed, as if she were somewhat... shameless.

Yet faintly, she also felt a little anticipation.

If Li Ye were by her side, how would someone like Qian Shun dare treat her the way he had just now?

Li Ye might be a little simple-minded, but his fists were no ordinary hard.

And Li Ye's good looks alone were enough to make countless suitors feel ashamed of their inferiority and retreat at the sight of him.

Li Ye did not understand literature or poetry, but he was a university student!

The radiance of a university student was enough to eclipse countless flaws and make him her equal match.

"Hm?"

With hopeful feelings, Lu Jingyao opened Li Ye's letter, only to find that inside was the original letter she had written to Li Ye several days ago.

Only after carefully turning it over did Lu Jingyao see Li Ye's reply written on the back of the letter paper.

Then Lu Jingyao was completely stunned.

The fierceness of Li Ye's words and the finality of his questioning caught Lu Jingyao completely off guard, leaving her at a loss.

And Li Ye's final sentence was like a basin of cold water poured over her head, soaking her to the core.

Since you chose to pursue your freedom, what right do you have to interfere with my life? What right do you have to demand that I be magnanimous and give the bicycle to your younger brother?

Don't contact me again. A swan that has flown into the sky should not come back to harass a frog at the bottom of a well. Even if he someday becomes a prince, he will already have nothing to do with you.

Only after a long while did Lu Jingyao mutter, "He actually... hates me that much..."

And an intense sense of loss rose from the depths of her heart, swiftly spreading through her entire body.

Only after losing something did one learn to cherish it. Once many things were missed, they would never return.