Arkham Daily Life (Part 2)

As Gotham entered summer, the few remaining green plants began to flourish, and Arkham Asylum remained a peaceful place.

"Jack, I'm warning you! If you dare sneak into my office in the middle of the night again and scribble all over the walls, I'm canceling your outdoor time for the whole week, you hear me?!"

Jack crouched in the corner, picked at his ear, and pretended to be deaf. Schiller put his hands on his hips and said to Jack, "I know Batman has started school and is busy with his homework, so he doesn't go out to fight criminals as much, which means you're also quite free. But that's no excuse for you to play these annoying pranks in the hospital every day!"

Jack muttered a complaint, "A bat doing its homework? What are you guys doing? Am I supposed to praise it as a good boy who goes back to his cave to sleep on time?"

Schiller crouched down and looked at Jack, saying, "Okay, Mr. Jack, I admit you're a genius. You're born knowing everything, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that. Batman needs to attend classes, do homework, take exams, and get a college degree. Plus, he has to manage companies and participate in the development of Gotham City..."

"Boring! Boring! Boring!" Jack yelled. "You'll kill him! You'll kill Batman! I'm here to save him!"

Schiller tried to reason with him, Jack desperately covered his ears, shook his head, and sang some nonsensical songs, basically adopting an attitude of "I won't listen to your nonsense."

The two of them were more like two ancient foxes, neither of them trying to outwit the other. Schiller knew he couldn't cure the Joker, but he still dutifully played the role of a Doctor. The Joker knew Schiller wasn't a Doctor at all; he was clearly a patient too, so he never intended to persuade Schiller.

Essentially, the two of them are like looking in a mirror; there's no need for either of them to convince the other. Their stalemate is more like a pastime to pass the time when they're bored.

But all of this came to an end one night when Brand's phone call woke Schiller up from his deep sleep at home.

"Hurry up and come over here. That crazy guy with the smiley face painted on his face has staged a kidnapping. He says he wants to call Officer Schiller to negotiate with him..."

Schiller lay on his soft, warm bed in his manor, took a deep breath, and said into the receiver, "No need, it's hopeless, just kill him."

After saying that, he slammed the phone receiver down angrily, then pulled his arm back into the warm blankets and went back to sleep.

Less than two minutes later, the phone rang again. Schiller rolled over, picked up the receiver again, and put it to his ear. Before the other end could say anything, he said, "Listen, Brand, from now on, if anyone says any of the following to you, I expect you to turn around and walk away without giving them a second glance."

"For example, 'I want to play a game with you,' 'Do you want to solve a riddle,' 'Do you want to truly live?' etc... Whenever you hear these kinds of questions, don't ask anything, don't say anything, just punch him, and then turn around and walk away..."

Schiller was so sleepy he was talking nonsense. Brand said helplessly on the other end, "Let me finish. Do you know who he kidnapped?"

"It definitely wasn't you, otherwise you'd be screaming already..."

"He kidnapped that most expensive and advanced brainwave device that was just delivered last week! The one worth nearly $200,000! Now the hammer in his hand is less than 10 centimeters away from that device..."

"Shit, I'm coming right away!"

Two minutes later, a sleepy-eyed Schiller stood at the door of the instrument room. He lowered his head, closed his eyes briefly, and then took a deep breath.

Jack was sitting in the room, putting on the brainwave-detecting Helmet. Because he didn't know how to use it, one of the patches kept getting caught in his hair, and he was grimacing as he pulled at his hair.

Seeing Schiller arrive, he grabbed a hammer from the side and shouted, "Police, listen up! I have a hostage..."

Schiller pulled out a medical record book from somewhere and started scribbling in it, saying as he wrote, "You're finished, Jack..."

Jack sat on the table, shaking his head and muttering something. He said, "There's nothing more boring than playing the most boring game in the world with the most boring person in the world..."

With a ripping sound, Schiller tore a piece of paper from the medical record and said to Brand, "He's cured. We'll process his discharge tomorrow morning!"

Brand glanced at the paper and gasped.

The next morning, Jack swaggered to Cobblepot and Evans' room to say goodbye. He mocked Cobblepot's idea of an Iceberg Lounge and sang operetta in Evans' ear for two hours. Just as the two were about to punch him in anger, he triumphantly produced the discharge diagnosis.

Then, amidst the murderous glares of the two men, he swaggered out through the gates of Arkham Hospital, waving and whistling at the two men in the window under the sunlight.

Before he could even step out onto the street in front of his house, more than a dozen luxury cars surrounded him, and a group of gang leaders in suits warmly greeted Jack.

Jack looked around and realized the situation was bad. He tried to run away with his head in his hands, but he was grabbed and dragged into the car.

Standing by the window of the attending physician's office at Arkham Asylum, Brand watched this scene and said, "You actually gave him a prescription with all medical expenses covered. Now, every mob boss in Gotham will probably be asking him for favors 24/7."

Brand looked Schiller up and down and said, "Everyone knows that the head physician at Arkham Asylum is a bloodsucker who takes every penny he can get, but you deliberately gave him a break. They'll definitely think he's some kind of relative of yours, and that he'll be treated like royalty by those mob bosses..."

Three days later, Gordon knocked on Schiller's office door. When he pushed the door open, he found Schiller writing at his desk. Gordon walked over, knocked on his desk, and said, "Professor, could you please get that madman out of here right now?"

"He hijacked the TV station five times in three days, he..."

Just as Schiller finished speaking, the news anchor on the television screamed again and hurriedly ran away. The Joker's face appeared on the screen; he looked even more insane and haggard. He cried out, "Someone, please save me! Save this poor mental patient!"

"That kind Doctor, are you there? Look at me, I'm insane, I should be hospitalized..."

Then he rummaged through his clothes and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, showing it to the camera. He said, "See this? This is my medical insurance payment slip. I pay so much money every year!"

"But now, but now... Waaah, I have a serious mental illness, but the One mental hospital in our city refuses to admit me, waaah..." He started faking tears in front of the camera again.

Suddenly he became agitated, saying, "Schiller Rodriguez! You're the most annoying guy in the world! You let those gangsters swarm me like flies! You know perfectly well that I think they're the most boring people in the world..."

"There is no hope in this kind of life!" the Joker said, spreading his arms wide. "The world has turned black... Despair! Despair! Utter despair!"

He hugged the television camera and said, "Can you imagine? They come to me every day asking me how to make money! It's torture!"

The Joker gritted his teeth and said viciously, "They are torturing and abusing me with their mediocre and boring brains and their monotonous way of thinking!"

"I burned their money and safe, and they actually laughed and applauded for me. This is no joke!"

"They..." The Joker's voice suddenly betrayed a deep helplessness, "They are so ordinary that they frighten me..."

His voice began to tremble with sobs. "Luxury cars, Fine Wine, women, and money! And that damn money! I'm surrounded by a bunch of lunatics!"

"I ran away, but they always found me..." The Joker cried, truly heartbroken. "They all keep talking about it, saying Gotham is getting better so they can make more money..."

He started crying more and more bitterly, "Everyone is talking about these things, I just can't believe it, the world must be crazy..."

"Come and take me away! Take me back to the mental hospital! I'd rather argue with that stupid Penguin or that tasteless, lousy opera singer than hear these disgusting things again!!"

The Joker started gagging in front of the camera, he seemed genuinely disgusted, but before he could finish, a gangster-like bodyguard rushed up and handed him a glass of water.

The Joker gave a "you all saw that, right?" look, then suddenly jumped up, pointing at the glass of water and screaming wildly, "See! This is how they torture me! Every day is like this... Waaah... They prepare delicious food, wine, and money for me, and then bury me with all of that..."

He gritted his teeth and yelled at the television, "Schiller Rodriguez! You damned, unscrupulous quack! A mental patient is standing right in front of you, can't you see him?!"

"Just let me leave! I'll go anywhere! Just take me to a mental hospital, do you hear me?!"

Schiller didn't even look up. Gordon looked like he'd swallowed a fly. He said, "I said before, even if everyone in Gotham is a little crazy, this guy's way too crazy. Who would beg to go to a mental hospital..."

Just then, he slapped his forehead and said, "Oh, I forgot, now every mob boss in Gotham wants to get in here."

"Alright, Professor Schiller, listen, I don't mind you turning this place into a gang's private prison, especially when it's somewhat good for law and order, but that doesn't mean you're going to let a madman like this roam the city."

He earnestly said to Schiller, "After all, this is a mental hospital. Shouldn't it admit one or two real mental patients?"

Schiller was still writing with his head down. After a while, he looked up, shook his neck, and said, "Alright, I can reluctantly reserve a bed for him."

"However, I don't accept insurance companies here." With that, Schiller stood up from his seat, took out the form he had just written, and handed it to Gordon, saying, "This is the repair cost for everything he broke. Once you sign this, I'll admit him to the hospital."

Gordon took the bill and glanced at the final price. He gasped, but still said, "This... I'll pass it on to him, but I don't think someone who works as a truck driver would dare to sign such a large bill."

"Tell him that if he doesn't sign, I'll send this bill to Batman and tell him that his friend Joker Jack owes me a lot of money and refuses to pay. He's a complete scoundrel."

Gordon sighed and said, "I don't know what you guys get out of playing these Role-playing games, but whatever, isn't this a common occurrence in Gotham?"

"You absolutely mustn't say that in front of that madman. If he finds out that you think his game is normal in Gotham, he'll definitely give you a huge surprise."