No Wonder You're a Teacher

No Wonder You're a Teacher

"Sensei, there's no time!"

"No time or not, you still have to eat, right?"

Asuka glanced at the busy Teuchi, then pressed each of his three students into a chair and said casually,

"Eat. Three bowls each. Sensei's paying.

"Now that you've become ninja, Sensei needs to tell you a cruel truth.

"You should treat every meal you eat from now on as your last.

"Because you never know whether tomorrow or an accident will come first."

At that, he secretly pointed toward the Senju Clan compound and lowered his voice.

"You know Sensei was born in Konoha Year 33. Senju Nawaki died in Konoha Year 37. I was already old enough to remember when he died.

"Tsk, tsk.

"I heard from the ninja who collected the bodies that when that last sprout of the Senju House died, there was nothing in his stomach. He went to the Pure Land hungry.

"Who knows if they even have food in the Pure Land—"

Bang! Before he could finish, Asuka felt a heavy blow strike his head. Rubbing the swelling bump on top of his head, he gritted his teeth and turned to glare behind him.

"Who hit me?!"

"Me!"

Hearing the other person admit it so confidently, Asuka's gaze slowly traveled upward.

Long, slender white legs. A faintly rising belly. Waist-length red hair. And veins bulging on her forehead. Why was she here? Watching Kushina sit down directly beside him, clearly intending to eat ramen, Asuka twitched his mouth and instantly put on a serious expression.

"Teuchi, one extra-luxurious tonkotsu ramen."

Only then did he notice that the Clan Head's Wife had come along behind Kushina. Squeezing his somewhat deflated wallet in his pocket, Asuka looked back at the menu and asked hesitantly,

"Lady Mikoto, is there anything you can't eat?"

Mikoto smiled faintly. She exchanged a glance with Kushina and instantly understood the look in her eyes.

"I don't avoid anything that's free."

"Heh."

Seeing the two of them acting like they were here to fleece some poor sucker, Asuka sneered inwardly and ordered a deluxe ramen for his Clan Head's Wife as well.

She's married, yet she left her husband behind to come eat ramen here.

Tsk. Poor Fugaku. He should just get divorced.

Watching their teacher wear a wicked grin, Iruka and the other two exchanged looks, huddled together, and whispered.

"What's wrong with Sensei?"

"Not sure. It looks like Sensei is thinking about something bad."

"I heard a while ago that Sensei doesn't get along very well with his clan."

With that question in mind, the three watched the two women leave after finishing their ramen. Then they all turned toward their teacher and asked curiously,

"Sensei, you and them...?"

Seeing the gossip written across their faces, Asuka looked around, then lowered his voice.

"It's nothing. The Fourth Hokage's wife lived at the Senju House for a while back then. She knew Nawaki, and they were sort of related too.

"Anyway, that unlucky kid Nawaki didn't get a proper meal before he died. Even if that old hag Tsunade stood right in front of me, her little brother still got blown to death on an empty stomach.

"So if you're going to be ninja, treat every meal as your last. Don't waste food, and don't leave your stomach empty."

Then, looking in the direction the two pregnant women had disappeared, Asuka crossed his arms over his chest and muttered emotionally,

"Seeing their bellies get bigger and bigger is really upsetting.

"Every night, I dream about Kushina sitting on me and using the Nine-Tails in her belly to slap me.

"Uchiha Mikoto too. If either she or Fugaku doesn't get sterilized, I just can't calm down.

"If some butterfly effect happens and Uchiha Mikoto's belly starts growing again after she gives birth to Sasuke, the Uchiha Clan might as well ascend to heaven on the spot."

Iruka and the other two looked up at Asuka. Seeing the struggle occasionally flash across their teacher's face and hearing him mutter under his breath, they exchanged curious glances before asking,

"Sensei, what are you talking about?"

"Heh."

Asuka rolled his eyes at them, then turned his attention to Hyuga Hanahana.

"Hanahana, how about getting sterilized?

"Sensei knows you long for freedom. You understand the Hyuga Clan's situation even better than I do. Do you want your children to live with a curse like you?"

Idiot!

Seeing Hyuga Hanahana actually standing there agonizing over it, Asuka flicked her on the head several times and said irritably,

"You really are an idiot. I said it casually, and you actually started thinking about it.

"Don't worry. You won't have children anyway. Idiots can't find boyfriends."

As he spoke, he pulled a scroll from his pocket and stuffed it into the arms of the three students, his face turning serious.

"The mission starts now.

"From here on, as your supervising teacher and temporary team captain, I expect you to obey my orders."

Seeing their teacher suddenly straighten up, the three put away their gossiping expressions and answered seriously,

"Yes!"

"Good.

"Iruka, Hyuga Hanahana, you'll gather intelligence. Collect complete information on every household that lost a pet cat, and clearly mark the households with only elderly people left.

"Uzuki Yugao, you're coming with me to purchase cats. Pfft. To find cats."

"Understood!"

Watching Iruka and Hyuga Hanahana leave, Asuka took Uzuki Yugao and headed out of the village.

"Sensei!"

As the road grew more remote and the surroundings increasingly desolate, Uzuki Yugao swallowed softly and asked,

"Sensei, the lost pets probably wouldn't leave the village, right?"

"They wouldn't. Those little guys are definitely still in the village."

"Then why are we...?"

Uzuki Yugao sniffed. Looking at her teacher walking ahead of her, the scene at the ramen shop suddenly echoed through her mind.

Sensei brought me out of the village... He isn't planning to—

"Don't let your imagination run wild!"

Asuka waved at Yugao, who had stopped behind him, and casually poured cold water over her thoughts.

"Don't be so nervous. Sensei doesn't have any interest in little girls.

"I brought you out of the village to see Cat Granny. Cat Granny lives outside the village."

"Huh?"

Uzuki Yugao shuddered. She looked awkwardly up at the sky and muttered,

"Sensei, can you read minds?"

"No, but the way you covered your chest with both hands gave you away. Isn't that the classic move when you run into a pervert? Other than me, who else is even around?"

"That's true!"

Uzuki Yugao scratched her head and jogged after Asuka. She knew it—she had been overthinking it.

When they arrived at Cat Granny's place, Uzuki Yugao looked at the kittens all over the ground, and her eyes turned into stars.

So many cats. So many breeds. Their fur is so shiny. Eek, this one is kind of adorably ugly...

"Granny!"

Ignoring the little cats around him that wanted to get close, Asuka waved at Cat Granny seated above them and smiled.

"Granny, I'm here!"

"Oh?"

Cat Granny opened her eyes to narrow slits and looked down at the familiar figure below. The wrinkles on her face instantly piled together as she said in an aged voice,

"Little Asuka, are you here to take care of this old woman's business again?"

"Heh, don't even think about it. I came for something else this time."

Hearing that this easy mark was not here to do business, half the smile vanished from Cat Granny's face. She set her pipe down on the table and slowly said,

"Go on, then. What do you want from Granny?"

"I'm here to stock up on cats."

???

Holding two kittens in her arms, Uzuki Yugao tilted her head and stared at her teacher in confusion.

Did I hear that right?

Stock up on cats? How do you stock up on cats?

Cat Granny, on the other hand, barely reacted. She took a notebook from the desk, flipped through several pages with practiced ease, and muttered,

"Now that's rare. I didn't expect your village to assign you a D-Rank Mission again. It's been so many years. I thought you'd never be able to do D-Rank Missions again."

"Yeah, I thought I had nothing to do with D-Rank Missions anymore too. But who knew I'd become a teacher recently? I might as well bring them along to grind some D-Rank Missions."

"How many are you planning to stock up on this time?"

"Twenty for today. Not many cats have gone missing in the village these past few days."

"Twenty?" Cat Granny looked through the notebook for a while, then whispered several words to a kitten beside her.

"Meow." The cat nodded. After glancing at Asuka, it turned and ran outside.

Not long after, more than a hundred kittens of varying colors and sizes suddenly emerged from the corridor they had arrived through, leaving Uzuki Yugao stunned.

Asuka put on a pair of cat ears, swept his gaze over the group of kittens, and spoke.

"If you stay with Cat Granny, you can fill your stomach, but you won't eat well.

"Now, I have an opportunity where you can both fill your stomach and eat well. Go to the homes in Konoha whose cats have gone missing and mooch food, drinks, and beds."

"You should know what it means to be full every meal, so I won't say much more.

"I need a few that don't scratch people, that can act cute and clingy, preferably ones who like staying near people, sleeping with them, and burrowing into their blankets whenever they can.

"As for ninja cats, it's fine for you to go eat there, but don't run off after two months. You need to be able to stay in their homes long-term."

"Oh, right!"

Asuka suddenly slapped his forehead. Picking up a fat cat from the ground, he said disdainfully,

"Forget cats this fat. They don't look like they can fight.

"You need to make sure that when their original cats come back, you can chase them away. Then show those cats a clear path and have them come here to Cat Granny."

"Sensei!"

After staring blankly for a moment, Uzuki Yugao hurriedly tugged on Asuka's clothes and said anxiously,

"We can't carry out the mission like this."

"What's wrong with it?"

Asuka tossed the fat cat aside, patted Yugao's shoulder, and reassured her.

"Who told those pet cats to run off on their own? They're grown cats. They need to pay for their actions.

"How can the world have something so good?

"They get tired of staying at home, go out wandering for a few days and run wild for a few days, then expect a warm haven to be waiting when they return? You'll understand if you compare cats to people."

As he spoke, he removed the cat ears from his head and placed them on Uzuki Yugao's.

"It's like you and your husband. Your husband goes out to mooch food, drinks, and beds from other women. Once he gets tired of playing around, he wants to return to your home. Would you be happy about that?

"If you can't hold onto those kittens' hearts, just replace them. We're giving those cats a clear path anyway. They won't starve to death."

At that, Uzuki Yugao's gaze fell on the cats around them.

She discovered that after putting on the cat ears, she could actually understand what the cats were saying.

So they really were like people. They could think, joke around, and tell the kind of dirty jokes only adults would make. Pointing at a black cat telling one of those jokes, Uzuki Yugao bit her lip, her face flushing red as she directly tattled on it to Asuka.

"Sensei!"

Cats here were so improper too.

Taking off the cat ears and handing them back to Asuka, Uzuki Yugao picked up a tabby cat and asked worriedly,

"These cats have somewhat different colors from the missing cats.

"Won't they get found out?"

"Don't worry. Sensei knows a hair salon. Their skills are excellent."

A hair salon? Uzuki Yugao lowered her head to look at the kittens gathered around her feet, a complicated expression appearing in her eyes.

She... seemed to vaguely understand where her teacher's several thousand D-Rank Missions had come from.

It was cheating, but it felt so good.

That was right. Why should cats that ran off to go wild be able to return to their original homes after everyone worked so hard to find them?

It was like an ordinary family. The "wife" grew tired of staying at home and decided to run away, heading out into the dazzling outside world to mooch food, drinks, and beds. Then they, the genin assigned to the mission, went through countless hardships to find the "wife," drag her back, and forcibly stuff her into that original family.

They had thought they were doing a good deed after spending so much time and effort.

But it turned out that this was actually a terrible thing.

If the kitten wanted freedom, then give it freedom.

Just find a new cat.

What a simple solution.

After thoroughly brainwashing herself, Uzuki Yugao looked at Asuka with a faint trace of admiration in her eyes.

No wonder he could be a teacher while she was only a student.

Her teacher's way of thinking was simply different from normal people's.

I revised this chapter a little. I found a really ugly picture of Yuhi Kurenai yesterday, so I'm temporarily not interested anymore.