Alien Invasion?

(Free chapter)

I was exhausted, dizzy, aching all over, nauseous, and dry-heaving.

I had come to a profound realization: letting a Superwoman who could run at 210 kilometers per hour carry me on her shoulder for hundreds of kilometers in the middle of the night was unquestionably a moronic thing to do. Even more moronic was the fact that, after being put through that all night, I had still insisted on coming to class. It gave me a terrifying thought—could it be that my latent masochistic tendencies were finally being awakened?

...That was chilling.

After morning study session, the classroom was as chaotic as an alleyway the instant urban management officers showed up. Noisy voices filled the air, along with classmates overflowing with energy and running around everywhere. From the United States selling missiles to Taiwan to what the cafeteria would be serving for lunch, from how primitive humans tens of thousands of years ago had thought of barbecuing food to yesterday's school shooting, it felt as if every conceivable topic in the world had gathered in this tiny classroom. Massive amounts of information converged here, were processed into all sorts of bizarre forms, and spread out again. Without subtitles, I doubted many people could understand what they were saying.

In that noisy environment, all I wanted was a good nap.

If I could have gone to sleep peacefully, there would have been no need to write this chapter... Ahem, slip of the tongue.

In my haze, I saw a Black Shadow pounce at me with a rushing gust of wind.

That Black Shadow was named Zhao Hang. He was the first friend I had made after coming to this school. Unlike me, who had only transferred here after starting high school, Zhao Hang had attended this school since junior high and knew it far better than I did. He had helped me quite a bit when school first started. Aside from being a little loud and excitable, he was a pretty decent guy. His most distinctive features were his mountain-of-flesh build and agility completely at odds with his weight. Rumor had it that he already weighed 190 jin and showed signs of breaking through the 200-jin mark. Calling him a Human-shaped Tank would not have been an exaggeration.

"Chen Jun! Wake up! You look like this first thing in the morning—could it be that last night you..."

I raised my head, and the bloodshot state of my eyes gave the big fatty in front of me quite a scare.

"Whoa, Chen Jun, what happened to you? Did you pull an all-nighter? With your Older Sister keeping an eye on you, how did you still sneak out to an internet café?"

"If I said I met up with terrorists last night, would you believe me?"

"No." Zhao Hang firmly shook his head, sending waves rippling through the fat on his face.

"Then we have nothing to talk about..." As I spoke, my eyelids began drooping shut again, and my voice gradually blurred.

"Hey, wake up, wake up! Don't rush off to sleep yet. I've got some huge news. Want to hear it?"

"The cafeteria buns are on sale at noon?"

"Nope."

"Take care. No need to see you out..."

Seeing my eyes close again, Zhao Hang could only sigh helplessly.

Still, just because I had no interest in his news did not mean everyone else felt the same way. Before long, a voice came to the rescue of Comrade Zhao Hang's young heart, which was suffering a severe blow.

Qian Qian, who had always loved listening to gossip, leaned over and asked curiously, "Chubby, what news?"

"Our menopausal homeroom teacher had something huge happen at home and resigned!"

The whole class fell silent for several seconds before instantly erupting. Everyone's attention was drawn by the news, and they crowded over to ask for details—there went my chance to sleep for good.

"Alright, alright!" Zhao Hang suddenly waved a hand and proudly swept his gaze over the classmates around him, all filled with expectation. Then he slowly said, "The important part comes next—do you want to know who our new homeroom teacher is?"

The classmates went silent for two seconds, then bent down in unison to grab their chairs.

"Wait, I'll tell you, I'll tell you!" Faced with vanity and survival, Zhao Hang wisely chose the latter. "She's a gorgeous woman!"

"Ah—" everyone cried in unison, then said neatly together, "According to your standards of beauty?"

Zhao Hang's standards of beauty had always been a matter of great interest to everyone. Apparently, in his eyes, any woman who did not damage the city's appearance could be called a beauty. Later, rumors claimed that any woman at all could catch Zhao Hang's eye. The latest version was that Zhao Hang had expanded that range to include anything that was not a man. Optimistic estimates suggested that, in the near future, the range might even extend to Chun Ge...

Therefore, nobody held the slightest hope for the "beautiful" homeroom teacher Zhao Hang had mentioned.

Seeing everyone's lukewarm reaction, Zhao Hang became anxious. He raised his voice and said, "What's with that reaction? I'm telling the truth! She's a Long-haired Beauty! And it's not just me who thinks so—two other guys passing by said so too!"

It seemed that he had at least some self-awareness regarding his own tastes. At the very least, he knew to find normal people to back him up. Of course, we could not rule out the possibility that there were others with equally unusual standards of beauty.

Seeing that everyone still looked unconvinced, Zhao Hang flung his sleeve. "Fine, you'll find out soon enough. The new homeroom teacher's class is first period. Let's see what you have to say then! Hmph, she's definitely a Long-haired Beauty!"

Seeing Zhao Hang act like that, everyone could not help feeling half-convinced, and they began to harbor a faint expectation for the legendary "Long-haired Beauty homeroom teacher."

As for me... why did I feel so uneasy the moment Zhao Hang said the words "Long-haired Beauty"?

Just then, the class bell rang.

Everyone hurried back to their seats at top speed, holding their breath as they waited for the legendary beautiful homeroom teacher to arrive.

Rhythmic footsteps sounded outside the door, and then a beauty with waist-length hair, a curvaceous figure, and the appearance of someone barely over twenty walked in.

"Wow—" all the animals in the class cried out together.

"Ah—" all the women gasped in envy.

I slipped beneath my desk with a swoosh.

I knew this one. She was the long-haired older sister who had nearly become the President of the United States last night...

"Hello, students. I'm your new homeroom teacher. From now on, I'll be responsible for your Chinese classes. My name is Pan Lingling, and I hope we can get along happily over the next six months..." The Long-haired Beauty at the podium spoke with a warm smile, her gaze occasionally sweeping over me.

I had thought your first sentence would be something like, "Ignorant Earthlings, you have been conquered! Drop your weapons and submit to our leadership at once!"

I had no idea how I got through that class. Having such an unstable factor standing at the podium affected me greatly and made me feel like I was sitting on pins and needles. Fortunately, all the animals in the class had already been utterly captivated by that extraterrestrial terrorist, so nobody found anything strange about how restless I was.

After class, the first thing I did was head to the Junior High Department to ask Pandora what exactly was going on.

Just as I ran down the stairs of the teaching building, I slammed hard into a tall man.

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" I said in a panic, then turned around and left.

Three seconds later, I turned back.

The tall man I had collided with was standing there ramrod straight. When he saw me return, he snapped into a military salute.

"Just how much counterfeit money did you print last night?" I asked darkly.

"Reporting to the Emperor! The cash we printed is enough to support all Empire Commanders living in this world for four or five months," said the man in front of me, who was none other than one of last night's counterfeit-money duo. "We guarantee it will not have too great an impact on this world's economy."

"Then what are you doing here now?"

"Reporting to the Emperor, I have successfully become a teacher at this school!"

Just as expected...

"What do you teach them?" I was quite curious what this big brother, who had been printing counterfeit bills the night before, could possibly teach students.

"Political ideology and legal fundamentals!" the counterfeit-money man answered with great vigor.

I felt that Earth's next generation was experiencing a premeditated disaster...

Beneath the Junior High Department's teaching building, Pandora remained perfectly calm in the face of my questions.

"Following your orders, they each found suitable jobs. And considering your safety, I arranged for them to be placed around this school."

"...Fine, I don't doubt that they have the relevant abilities, but I have another question—how did they find jobs? No matter what, not even half a day had passed. How could they possibly find work? They only arrived in this world last night!"

"Brother, do you remember that commander who teleported into a tree trunk yesterday?"

I immediately thought of that unfortunate fellow who had spent an entire night getting splinters picked out of him.

"Did they get all the splinters out of that guy's body?" I was still quite concerned for my subordinate's safety.

"More or less," Pandora said indifferently. "That guy is a commander of the Mind Assault Unit. What he excels at most is large-scale Mind Interference."

...Could I take that to mean the aliens had brainwashed Earthlings?

Although it still felt somewhat inappropriate, I could only reluctantly accept the outcome. After all, I could not think of any better way to settle those three hundred people.

And so, without anyone noticing, an alien invasion was completed in such a muddleheaded fashion...