My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

"...I see."

I thought Yukino would scold me again, but she just sighed in resignation and gave me a look of profound sympathy.

"...No one's listening to you at all, are they?"

"That's not true..."

I admit I wasn't confident that anyone would be willing to respond when I spoke up. After all, initiating conversations and developing topics was incredibly draining, like using up all your magic points on Madante.

"I didn't find the culprit, but I did discover something else."

At my words, all three of them leaned in, eager to hear more. One looked surprised, another expectant, and the third seemed genuinely intrigued. Bathed in their gazes, I cleared my throat, and Yukino immediately asked:

"What did you discover?"

"That group is Hayama's group."

"Huh? Why are you still talking about that now?"

Yuihama clearly thought I was a complete idiot, her eyes practically asking, Are you a virgin? Or Ooka? Wait, what does Ooka have to do with anything!

"Um... Hikigaya-kun, what do you mean by that?"

"Oh, I probably didn't express myself clearly." Hayama's "this part is possessive, meaning it's yours, it exists for you."

"However, I don't think so..."

He only thought that because he hadn't discovered it himself. In reality, the other three within that group might not have noticed either.

But I, an outsider, could clearly see the difference.

"Hayama, have you ever observed the other three when you weren't around?"

"No..."

"Do I even need to ask? If he wasn't there, how could he have seen?"

Yukino said with a laugh, as if I were an imbecile. I nodded in agreement:

"That's why he doesn't know. When I observed from the side, I found that after Hayama left, the three of them didn't get along at all. To put it bluntly, to them, only Hayama was a 'friend,' and the others were just 'friends of friends.'"

Only Yuihama reacted when everyone else heard this.

"Ah~ that's right~ I totally get that! Without the central figure to keep the conversation going, things get awkward; when you can't think of anything to say, everyone just starts playing on their phones..."

Yuihama seemed to recall something and her head suddenly drooped. Yukino gently tugged her sleeve and asked softly:

"Is, is that really how it is?"

Yuihama crossed her arms and leaned into Yukino's ear, making "mm-hmm" sounds. As expected of Yukino, since she has no friends, she certainly wouldn't have any friends of friends.

Hayama remained silent, as if chewing on my words, but unfortunately, he was helpless in this situation too. To him, all three were friends, but beyond that level of friendship, they had to figure things out themselves.

When people make friends, they have to accept the accompanying troubles, big and small.

Therefore, I never thought having many friends was a good thing.

What Hayama was experiencing right now was a quagmire. The opposite of "friends all around you" is being surrounded by people and being unable to escape as you wish. If you were to describe it using the game "Dragon Quest," it would be a sign of a "total party wipe."

However, I knew a way to escape.

"Assuming what Hikigaya-kun said is true, the motives of those three become even clearer. So, is there a way to more definitively identify the culprit? If we don't eliminate the culprit, this matter can't be resolved. Or, perhaps we should just eliminate all three of them..."

Yukino rested her chin on her hand, lost in thought. It was terrifying how naturally she could utter the word "eliminate."

I wondered if Sagawa and Shimoda, whom she had mentioned earlier, had already been eliminated by her.

Speaking of which, it was a terrifying thing if someone were to mysteriously disappear from school, so I offered another suggestion.

"There's no need. What needs to be eliminated now isn't the culprit, but something else."

Hearing me say this, Yukino tilted her head, a question mark popping up above it.

To prevent a crime, directly eliminating the culprit is indeed one method. However, there's another scenario. Suppose today was a jewel theft; if there were no jewels to begin with, the theft naturally wouldn't occur.

We just had to steal the targeted jewel first. Since I possessed the skills of a ninja, being a phantom thief seemed more fitting than being a detective.

"Hayama, if you have the will, this matter can be resolved. Not only will we not have to continue searching for the culprit, but those three won't be scheming against each other anymore... and perhaps, they might even become good friends."

I wondered what my expression looked like when I said that. At least, I must have been smiling, a brilliant smile that would make Yuihama step back and exclaim, "Waaah~~!"

I suddenly had the urge to imitate Zaimokuza's "Heh, heh, heh" laugh. If there were truly demons in this world who made evil pacts with humans, it would probably be like me right now.

"Do you want to know?"

Faced with this demonic transaction, the poor lamb—Hayama Hayato—chose to nod in acceptance.

× × ×

The day after Hayama made his decision about his fate.

The list for the Workplace Internship grouping appeared on the classroom blackboard, with names divided into groups of three.

The three girls next to me seemed to have already discussed it beforehand; when it was their turn, they excitedly looked at each other and smiled before going up to write their names.

As for me? I didn't seek anyone out, just sat at my desk and stared blankly at it all.

This was how I always approached every group activity.

The most important thing right now is to lie low. The famous Sengoku general Takeda Shingen once said, "As immovable as a mountain," and he was absolutely right. I've even expanded on it: "As swift as the wind when returning early, as silent as the forest when sleeping, as burning as fire with jealousy, and as immovable as a mountain."

As the situation developed, I waited for my teacher to finally announce, "Alright, I know none of you like Hikigaya-kun, but ostracizing him is wrong! You can't ostracize your classmates!" My fourth-grade teacher, that old hag Isehara... I will never forgive her.

In short, as the saying goes, "Good fortune needs no rush." As long as I keep pretending to sleep, lone wolves like me, or groups struggling to find a third member, will inevitably ask me if I want to join out of desperation. Then, everything will be settled... Sigh, I should just sleep.

I unleashed the ultimate technique from my eighteen martial arts: the art of feigning sleep. By the way, other techniques include "He becomes a good person when the story enters a long arc." Hey, isn't that...○-tora?

Just then, someone gently shook my shoulder. Even though her slender arm was covered by her clothes, it didn't diminish its tenderness. The call of "Hachiman" was like a melody from heaven, and I felt as if I were floating on clouds. Then, I opened my eyes.

"Good morning, Hachiman."

"...An angel? Oh, it's Totsuka."

Phew, you scared me. Totsuka is so cute, I thought he was a little angel. He smiled gently and sat down in the seat previously occupied by that group of girls.

"What's up?"

At my question, Totsuka lowered his head, grabbed the hem of his tracksuit, and looked up at me, stammering:

"Ab-about the, the groupin..."

"Hmm? Oh, that. I thought it was mostly done."

I recall Totsuka already finding a group, which is a shame.

I stretched and took a look around. With most groups already formed, it was time for us lone wolves to step up. I'd have to prepare myself mentally to form temporary groups with other lone wolves. However, being grouped with other lone wolves is still good. If I'm too slow, I might end up in a group that already has two members, and those two are very close.

I scanned the list on the blackboard to see who was still without a group. At the same time, the three people writing the group list on the blackboard looked quite familiar.

"The arrogant, golden-haired Tobe."

"The indecisive, dense Yamato."

"The opportunistic virgin Ooka."

The new Sanbiki-giri (Note 17: A Japanese period drama that has had many sequels)! I'm truly fortunate to witness the formation of this trio! Among them, I especially recommend the character "Opportunistic virgin Ooka." After writing their names, the three looked at each other and smiled shyly. This time, Hayama Hayato's name was not on the blackboard.

As I was watching them, someone suddenly spoke beside me.

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

Without waiting for my reply, the person sat down next to Totsuka.

"Huh? Um, excuse me..."

Totsuka looked flustered by the unexpected visitor, which was incredibly cute.

"Thanks to your help, things were resolved perfectly. Thank you."

Hayama Hayato smiled cheerfully.

"I didn't do anything."

Why is he talking to me so casually? Is he really a good person?

"Don't mention it. If you hadn't told me those things, they might still be fighting amongst themselves."

Even though he said that, I didn't really help much. I just wanted to push him towards the path of a lone wolf.

After all, the reason they were fighting was because they wanted to be in the same group as Hayama. In that case, all I had to do was remove the source of the problem, which was to get Hayama Hayato out of the picture.

Lone wolves are like permanently neutral countries; they don't get stirred up by non-existent issues and aren't dragged into any disputes. If this world were made up of a hundred lone wolves, there would absolutely be no war or discrimination. Hmm, shouldn't I be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

"Before this, I always thought it was best for everyone to get along, but I never expected to become the center of conflict..."

Hayama murmured, looking a bit dejected.

I couldn't think of anything encouraging to say, so I could only let out a helpless laugh. Hayama came to the Service Club seeking our help to solve problems for his friends and his group. However, the choice I offered him only caused him pain.

He's willing to talk to me, he remembers Zaimokuza, he's truly a good person. His school life should be more vibrant than anyone else's.

However... no, it's precisely because of that that he said the following:

"When I told those three I wouldn't be in their group, they were all surprised. But I hope that through this opportunity, they can become true friends."

"...I see."

Honestly, Hayama's kindness is so extreme it makes me wonder if he has some kind of illness. I slightly distanced myself from him and nodded perfunctorily.

"Thank you. Also, I haven't found my group members yet. Do you want to join?"

He smiled and extended his right hand towards me.

...What? A handshake? Why are these normies always so good at interacting with people? I can't stand it! Please stop messing around! Are you American?

"Oh, OK."

Because of him, I ended up replying in English.

I lightly slapped Hayama's hand, and he smiled, saying "Ouch." Perhaps because we are both lone wolves now, we can understand each other.

So, all that's left is to find one more person, and the grouping issue will be resolved.

"Ugh..."

At that moment, a cute little guy beside me protested.

"Totsuka, what's wrong?"

Totsuka's eyes welled up with tears, his cheeks puffed out in displeasure. It was incredibly cute.

"Hachiman... what about me?"

"Huh? That... wait? But didn't you say you'd already decided?"

"That's what I'm saying!"

He excitedly grabbed the cuff of my jacket.

"From the very beginning... I decided I wanted to be in a group with Hachiman."

"So that's what you meant by deciding..."

What kind of word game is this? Then again, loners are good at reading between the lines, so if the other person doesn't clearly state the subject and predicate, it's easy for us to misunderstand.

Totsuka looked at the ground, his cheeks flushed red, as if he were throwing a tantrum. Seeing him like that made my expression soften involuntarily. As soon as I smiled, he looked up and let out a soft chuckle as well.

Hayama smiled as he watched Totsuka and me, then stood up and turned back to ask us, "So, I'll go write down the names. Where do you want to do your internship?"

"You decide."

I replied, and Totsuka nodded in agreement.

Then, he wrote the names of the three of us on the blackboard.

"Hayama," "Totsuka," "Hachiman."

Oh! If he uses kanji, he won't misspell my name. Just thinking that made me a little happy. Maybe this is what they call friendship?

After writing our names, he continued to write down the workplaces we wanted to visit.

"Ah, I want to choose the same place as Hayato too."

"No way~ Is Hayama-kun going there? We're changing too!"

"Then I'll go there too:"