A Flop's Diary

My updates have been very unstable lately, and I apologize to everyone first. The reason was explained in my previous post as an author: yes, my kidney stones have flared up again.

It's really hard for me to describe that unbearable cramping pain to someone who hasn't experienced it. There's no such thing as developing resistance after a while; the pain is still the same.

I'm a slow-paced person in both personality and life. My ultimate dream is to be a lazy bum and drift along. But if a dream could be realized, it wouldn't be a dream anymore.

After some unpleasant things happened, my dream—no, my goal—suddenly changed, like most people's—to make money.

All I want is to make money, the more the better.

For this reason, I volunteered to work overtime for the first time in my life, and even picked up the modeler course I had previously given up. I cut my food expenses in half, and for all the journeys within three kilometers, I walked or rode a shared bicycle. I also stocked up on a lot of discounted daily necessities and near-expiry fast food at home.

I even prepared a new book, because the full attendance bonus for the first three months after it goes on sale would be a decent income.

I don't think it's bitter, it's just a little tiring and not as joyful.

I was prepared to work my butt off, and I had already started doing so—then the familiar excruciating pain struck. I endured the pain and finished writing the day's chapter, but kidney stones are not as forgiving as my readers; they blocked the blockage, and the pain continued.

The painkillers at home didn't work at all, so I went to the hospital for emergency treatment. As I sat in the car, my scalp trembled from the excruciating pain, and I kept thinking that taking a taxi back and forth would cost much more in gas than driving myself.

Arriving at the emergency room, everything was familiar, except for the excruciating pain, which was still brand new.

I clearly remember that I received the painkiller injection at 6:06 PM. The waiting process for it to take effect had never felt so long. I couldn't even lean back in my chair and wail in a weak and shameless manner—I came alone, and I was afraid that I would faint from the pain and no one would care.

I paced back and forth in the hospital corridor with the clock on it, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead with my soaked sweater, begging the painkiller to take effect a little faster.

When the time jumped to 18:31, I felt like I had been reborn.

Finally, the pain subsided to a tolerable level, and I felt more comfortable than I had ever been in my life—that's what I thought the last time I had kidney stones and needed painkillers; life is just a fucking cycle.

At that moment, I finally had the leisure to catch my breath and think about other things, and then I almost burst out laughing.

Damn it, I'm going to lose my perfect attendance bonus for this month again.

After the pain relief, I was met with ultrasound lithotripsy, days of pain, difficult stone expulsion, and lonely wailing.

Does this make me sound too pitiful? I'm a writer, so I like to exaggerate a bit. Please understand, okay?

The neighbor's dog has started barking again, it's so annoying.

So please allow me to do something that makes me very happy.

Everyone's here? Let me throw some flowers!

ヽ(°▽°)ノ