Social Anxiety and the Rock of Loneliness

Words left Gotou Hitori's mouth before they even passed through her brain.

By the time she realized it, she was already walking to school with a guy she'd only met yesterday.

She stole a glance at Ishikawa Hayato beside her. His clean-cut face, not frail but handsome, gleamed in the sunlight. He carried his bag with one hand as if it weighed nothing, and his pace slowed to match hers.

A human! Too close!

Awareness hit, and she blinked blankly. The light in her eyes faded as her thoughts plunged deep into her consciousness.

Ishikawa Hayato accompanied Gotou Hitori to school without speaking. Rather, he didn't even have a chance to talk.

Because...

He watched with amusement as the girl beside him shuffled along like a zombie, making "Ah... aah... aah..." sounds with a broken expression.

He finally understood why such a pale, pretty girl had no boyfriend.

Never mind her habit of dodging people without a word—this sight alone was enough to turn her into a meme for the intellectually impaired.

At the entrance to the school building's hallway, Ishikawa Hayato stopped.

The zombie Gotou Hitori took two extra steps before snapping back to reality and halting.

"Well, let's part ways here. Hope everyone has a great day."

Ishikawa Hayato smiled gently, then headed for his own classroom.

He wasn't in a rush to get close to Gotou Hitori. Dealing with a social phobic required the patience of navigating a maze. Besides, his contact with her was only because she was interesting.

"Ah, thanks."

Watching Ishikawa Hayato turn and walk away, Gotou Hitori's bright eyes were full of confusion.

Why would someone like him bother with someone like her?

He was so handsome, and he seemed gentle and refined—completely a different class from her.

Even if it was for the band, there were plenty of better choices.

Gotou Hitori's expression twisted as her imagination kicked in.

Hmm, was it a dare? Was he threatened by the yakuza? An actor hired by her dad?

She couldn't figure it out at all...

Maybe... maybe she should keep a little distance.

Thinking that, she turned and walked toward her own classroom.

But just as she turned, her delicate little face, still carrying a hint of worry, melted.

"Hehehe..."

"Hehe... a friend to walk to school with... today's a good day... hehe."

Though she had no memory of the walk and had decided to keep a safe distance, it didn't stop her from floating on air. With a sound that startled passing students, she drifted into the classroom.

Ishikawa Hayato slid open the classroom door.

Students chatting loudly glanced over as he entered, and their voices dropped a notch.

A few people put on expressions of resentment, as if to say, It's all your fault we can't have fun.

The atmosphere in the room chilled noticeably.

But Ishikawa Hayato acted as if he didn't see it. He walked to his seat, pulled a book from his bag, and sat down with a relaxed smile, crossing his legs and reading leisurely.

After a few seconds of being ignored, the awkward tension dissipated on its own.

But his behavior definitely made some people even more annoyed.

"Ohayou~"

Not long after, Kita Ikuyo opened the classroom door, greeting her classmates with a sunny smile.

She looked a bit worn out today, but her smile was even brighter than usual. Behind her, she carried a white-and-orange instrument case.

Ishikawa Hayato looked up from his book, glanced at her, then looked away.

Oh~ As expected of a social butterfly—strong execution.

But she's still far from me. A social terrorist can join a band without even bringing an instrument! And even get the band to buy one for them.

Noticing Ishikawa Hayato's brief glance, Kita Ikuyo's expression turned serious. She stared straight at him, as if challenging him.

But the look vanished in an instant. Aside from Ishikawa Hayato, who was being stared at, everyone else just thought she'd stopped smiling for a moment.

Kita Ikuyo greeted her friends, and amid their surprised exclamations, she pretended to be a guitarist who'd learned long ago but never revealed it.

Hmph, I don't know Ishikawa's real skill level, but if he couldn't join the street performance, he definitely didn't get Ryo-senpai's approval.

And me? I'm not just the key guitarist—I've got six years of relentless practice, rain or shine, of super-strong skills.

Kita Ikuyo was already dreaming of overtaking Ryo-senpai on the track to win her over.

But she'd already forgotten that she'd only touched a guitar yesterday—and whether it was even a guitar was another matter entirely.

The superhuman linguistic ability of social butterflies can even fool themselves.

13. One Step

Even if it's self-deception, there comes a time when you wake up.

Kita Ikuyo stood before the entrance of STARRY, pausing to stare at the brass handle on the black door, her heart wavering.

It was only now that she remembered she couldn't play guitar at all.

She shifted the guitar on her back—bought on impulse out of worry that Ryo-senpai might be taken away.

For a moment, her gaze gained confidence.

She had practiced for a long time last night. From now on, as long as she worked hard, spent more time honing her skills, she would definitely reach a level where she could perform alongside her senpai.

Besides, she had already done something so underhanded.

She couldn't afford to hesitate over such a small matter.

"Akane-chan, I found a nice dessert shop. Let's go together today."

"Eh... Kita-chan, I'm on duty today."

"Let's swap..." Kita Ikuyo said in a coaxing tone.

"I know, I know... Who should I swap with?"

Akane reluctantly agreed, then turned her gaze to a nearby classmate, checking who she could exchange duty with.

"How about Ishikawa-kun? He looks free."

Having planned this in advance, Kita Ikuyo grabbed Akane's hand and pulled her toward Ishikawa Hayato, who was about to leave.

"...No way."

Akane was reluctantly dragged along by Kita Ikuyo, sighing weakly.

In front of Ishikawa Hayato, Kita Ikuyo put on a troubled, cute expression, clasping her hands together as she pleaded with him.

"Ishikawa-kun, could you please swap duty days with my friend? I'm begging you."

After saying this, she gently nudged Akane with her shoulder in a pleading gesture.

"Please, Ishikawa-kun."

Akane made the request without much hope.

"No problem. Then Tanaka will handle next Tuesday's duty."

Ishikawa Hayato was very straightforward; it felt like he agreed without even thinking.

Tanaka Akane hadn't expected Ishikawa Hayato to be so decisive. She was surprised for a moment, then broke into a slight smile.

"Thanks~"

After that, Kita Ikuyo went to eat dessert with Tanaka Akane. When it was time for Ryo-senpai and her friends to arrive at STARRY, she parted ways with Akane and quickly rushed to STARRY.

At this hour, duty should have just ended. Ishikawa-kun wouldn't be here.

She was a little worried that Ishikawa Hayato might stop her from joining the band—after all, she had called him out like that yesterday, and judging by his contact with Ryo-senpai, he might be hoping for a relationship.

And yesterday, she had stared at him for so long; maybe he had vaguely noticed.

She didn't want the person she admired to be taken by someone else.

So she used a little scheming to quickly join their band.

She was truly awful.

But Kita Ikuyo didn't regret it. She reached out and pulled open the door of STARRY.

Ryo and Nijika were sitting at a table chatting, while the manager Seika was zoning out at the counter. But when Kita Ikuyo entered, their gazes all turned to her in confusion.

Under their puzzled looks, Kita Ikuyo descended the stairs.

Before Seika could say that the place wasn't open yet, she spoke.

"Ryo-senpai, I heard you were recruiting band members before. I was very moved after watching your performance yesterday. Please let me join."

Gotou Hitori, in a carriage that wasn't very crowded, shrank into the corner seat, head lowered, her gaze fixed on the floor in front of her feet.

Although the train was a place with a fair flow of people, almost no one here paid attention to their surroundings.

Most people found something to do during this long, boring time.

This allowed Gotou Hitori to feel a little at ease.

And at the same time, like everyone else, she was lost in thought.

Looking back on today, one name had become the word she had recalled the most.

Ishikawa Hayato.

Besides meeting him in the morning, she had also seen him at noon.

During lunch break, Gotou Hitori quietly slipped out of the classroom without drawing anyone's attention.

She hurried to the stairwell at the far edge, glanced around to make sure no one was looking her way, then quickly ducked into a corner stacked with discarded desks and chairs.

Sitting in the dim, cramped space, Gotou Hitori let out a sigh of relief.

Huh, strange—why can't I relax?

She looked around in confusion. The abandoned desks and chairs formed a secluded nook invisible from the outside. A faint, indistinct light trickled down from the stairwell above. She hadn't sat directly in it, but had deliberately avoided it.

No one should be able to see me here.

Gotou Hitori had clearly forgotten yesterday's agreement, yet her body instinctively came here—and at the same time, she felt tense.

Thump, thump.

The sound of knuckles tapping against the wall, followed by a familiar voice.

"Is Gotou-san in here?"

"Yes."

Gotou Hitori answered as if possessed, and only then did the memory of yesterday's lunch break suddenly resurface in her mind.

"Can I still come find you here from now on?"