Social Anxiety and the Rock of Loneliness Chapter 37

Farther ahead, at the end of the grassland, there seemed to be a cliff, and beyond it lay the sea.

At that moment, the movement of the figure ahead drew her attention back.

Ishikawa Hayato swung down from his bike.

She hurriedly got off her bicycle as well.

Clutching the cloth bag in both hands, she stood stiffly to one side.

After pushing his bike to the roadside and laying it down, Ishikawa Hayato walked straight toward Bocchi, who was gripping her cloth bag tightly.

For some reason, the closer he got, the more nervous she became.

Her face inexplicably reddened, and a hint of panic appeared in her expression. Her hands wrinkled the cloth bag into layer after layer of creases.

Ishikawa Hayato stopped in front of her and crouched down. Amid her startled cry, he cupped her face with both hands, gazed directly into her wavering eyes beneath her bangs, and said, "Hitori is beautiful. I can say that with certainty—Hitori is really beautiful. You're absolutely a pretty girl."

"So have a little confidence in yourself as a pretty girl."

Being looked at like that, hearing him say that—Bocchi felt all sorts of emotions piling up in her chest, as if she were about to burst.

And Ishikawa Hayato's eyes were fixed directly on hers. No matter where she glanced, she could still see the colors in his eyes from the corner of her vision.

Whenever their eyes met by accident, it felt as though even her breathing stopped.

"Th-that-that..."

Her face red, she murmured softly.

But just as she was about to burst, Ishikawa Hayato released her and stood up. He turned around, patted her shoulder, then directly took hold of her arm.

"Come on. The scenery here is the best."

36. Like

It had really been a long time since he had last come here.

Practicing instruments, studying music theory, preparing for performances with Nijika and the others, improving the atmosphere at school.

Every day had been packed full, leaving him no time to come here for fun.

But today, he had finally brought someone here again.

And it was an adorable, timid pretty girl.

Ishikawa Hayato took a waterproof sheet from the sling bag across his body, spread it over the ground, and sat down without a care.

Then he patted the empty space beside him.

"Bocchi, come sit here."

Bocchi shuffled over in tiny steps, slowly bent down, and sat. She placed her cloth bag beside her, shot Ishikawa Hayato a quick glance, then turned her gaze toward the distance.

Yet from the corner of her eye, she was still secretly watching him beside her.

"It's beautiful here, isn't it?"

Ishikawa Hayato looked toward the hazy horizon.

In the distance, layers of thin, cotton-like clouds piled atop one another, covering the sea and blurring the horizon.

Bocchi looked into the distance as well, but before her gaze could reach the horizon, she immediately pulled it back and uneasily looked behind her.

A sparrow flew past the edge of her vision.

Noticing her movement, Ishikawa Hayato said to her, "Very few people come here. This road is an old road leading to a village. Every now and then, I only see some old men and women taking walks here."

Seeing her relax slightly, Ishikawa Hayato felt that if he did not explain things clearly beforehand, she probably would not be able to fully settle down.

After a moment of silence, once every sound had faded away, with a little curiosity in his heart, wondering what cute reaction she would have, he said, "I kind of like Bocchi. You're like a hamster—wary of everything around you, cute, and timid too. But because of that, I didn't dare get too close casually. I was afraid of scaring you."

As he spoke, he secretly glanced at Bocchi.

After surprise, panic, and shyness passed over her face, Bocchi revealed a dreamy smile, then tried hard to hold back her expression.

But when she felt she could not suppress it, she raised her bent legs from the grass a little, hugged her calves, and buried her head in her knees.

Ishikawa Hayato stopped talking.

After pausing for a while, Bocchi suddenly raised her head uneasily again.

She thought for a moment, then said, "Th-thank you..."

Ishikawa Hayato could tell that as she said it, what she was really thinking was, I'm not as cute as you say I am.

"Bocchi, do you know what I like about you?"

Bocchi's eyes flew open in panic at his sudden words. She looked at Ishikawa Hayato uncertainly, then blankly shook her head.

Ishikawa Hayato looked at her shoulders, then beyond them at the grass and the sky.

He spoke slowly.

"Bocchi's eyes are very clear. You're always carefully watching other people. Even when you're wary of them, you still care about them. I said it before—Bocchi is very kind."

"Bocchi's kindness is that if someone falls farther behind than you, you'll try to reach out a hand."

"Also, Bocchi is pink and soft. It feels like hugging you would be very comfortable."

"And Bocchi seems easy to take care of. Even a little concern is enough to make you happy."

"Bocchi is also really good at guitar. That solo that day was awesome."

After Ishikawa Hayato finished speaking, he looked at her blank expression, stood up, and took two steps back.

Then he asked her.

"Bocchi, do you know why I like this place?"

Bocchi blankly shook her head.

Ishikawa Hayato raised one hand, as though holding up the sky.

"This place is very open—open enough to contain me."

"There is a vast ocean here, and a boundless sky. Here, I can face something enormous and infinite."

"It gradually gives me the courage to face anything."

Bocchi quietly looked at this figure who seemed to stand between heaven and earth.

Ishikawa Hayato... Hayato...

A falcon was a bird capable of hunting creatures several times its own size. It was brave and resolute, and flew at incredible speeds, ranking among the fastest of birds.

It stood at the top of the avian food chain.

And Ishikawa Hayato... the boy before her was much the same, wasn't he?

"Bocchi, your turn. What do you like?"

Bocchi hesitated. She lowered her gaze slightly, and the eyes still holding the boy's image fell to the ground.

"I... I like..."

On the way back, just as before, Bocchi sat on the back of the bicycle.

She regretted being unable to say anything then.

There were things she liked, but none of them could compare to the jewels the boy had laid out before her.

And there was something else she liked, but if she said it aloud, it would only be a distant wish.

So she could not say anything.

Ishikawa Hayato did not ride back as urgently as he had come. He took it slow.

But Bocchi wished he would go faster and get them home sooner.

She lowered her head in self-contempt, feeling as though she no longer dared remain by his side.

"Bocchi."

Ishikawa Hayato's voice drifted back from the front with the wind.

"Ah, what is it?" Bocchi answered quickly.

"That day, I wasn't lying to you. If Bocchi finds life hard in the future, I'll support you."

Was he teasing her again?

If only it were true.

Bocchi felt her eyes grow a little hot.

"A pervert like me probably won't have an easy time finding a wife, so it's fine if Bocchi stays at my house. That way, I won't feel lonely by myself either."

Really?

Bocchi raised her head and looked at the figure ahead.

But before she could speak, it was as if Ishikawa Hayato had read her thoughts.

"It's true," he said gently.

"However, if you stop trying because of that, I'll be disappointed. That's why I said what I did at the end that day."

Reason sorted all the fragments out and paved them into a road, allowing their hearts to communicate upon it.

Amid the sound of the wind, the doubts and barriers in her heart broke apart.

The blocked passage was connected once more.

After Ishikawa Hayato finished speaking, he waited for Bocchi behind him, who had not answered for a long time, to speak.

The bicycle wheels rolled over the hard-packed dirt road, and the paved highway was just ahead.

Before they reached the highway, a weak voice with a slight sobbing tremor came from behind him.

"I... I'll work hard."

"Good."

Ishikawa Hayato smiled in satisfaction and reached a hand behind him, feeling around where Bocchi's head should be.

Then two small hands grabbed his arm, and a little head of soft, fine hair nudged itself over.

He happily gave it a pat, then withdrew his hand.

And just then—

"Hey, you two over there!"

The moment Ishikawa Hayato heard the shout while riding, he immediately sensed trouble and looked over.

A traffic cop on a motorcycle was calling out to them from the roadside.

"Bocchi, hold on tight to me."

Ishikawa Hayato quickly shouted to Bocchi in the back seat.

Bocchi's panicked voice came from behind him.

"Huh?"

"Hurry." Ishikawa Hayato raised his voice.

After hesitating for a moment, Bocchi wrapped her arms around him. Her two hands circled Ishikawa Hayato's waist, holding him cautiously and loosely.

Ishikawa Hayato glanced down. Though she was not holding him tightly, her hands were already clasped together.

He paid no heed to the traffic cop shouting behind them, "Wait right there!"