My Wand Is Thicker and Longer

Murphy glanced at the wand lying on the dais.

A little over twelve inches, white cypress... It was his wand, all right.

Back then, his wand had been knocked away by Lucius Malfoy's Disarming Charm, and he had counterattacked directly with his spare wand. With the situation so urgent, he had had no time to retrieve it.

But afterward, his Fiendfyre had burned everything away, and Murphy had assumed the wand had already been destroyed.

He hadn't expected Lucius to still remember to take it away under those circumstances.

He might have been even more meticulous than Murphy had originally expected.

Next, the examiner used Prior Incantato on the wand, and spells were traced back from it one by one.

Shield Charm, Petrification Spell, Throwing Charm, Disillusionment Charm...

Clearly, before being disarmed, the owner of this wand had indeed been in the middle of an intense battle.

Then came Apparition and Fiendfyre.

"Look! Fiendfyre!" Lucius shouted. "This man can use Fiendfyre, and he uses it extremely well. That's enough to prove he's a dark wizard!"

Then they continued farther back.

Memory Charm.

Legilimency.

Memory Charm.

Legilimency.

Memory Charm.

Legilimency...

Everyone was a little baffled. What was this? Had this fellow been practicing spells?

Then the tracing continued.

Large amounts of Apparition, large numbers of potion-related spells, the occasional common standard spell, and quite a few household spells. All of that was normal.

But very soon, an eye-catching spell appeared.

Cruciatus Curse!

"Look!" Lucius shouted again. "The Cruciatus Curse! An Unforgivable Curse! Murphy! And you still say you aren't a dark wizard!"

Prior Incantato more or less ended there. This was already the most powerful Prior Incantato that wizards could cast; tracing any farther back was basically impossible.

"Murphy, what else do you have to say?" Lucius finally stared at Murphy with triumphant satisfaction.

Murphy shrugged. "What does that have to do with me? This isn't my wand. And Lucius, do you dare take out your wand and let someone use Prior Incantato on it? I guarantee what we see will be even more astonishing!"

"Stop twisting the argument!" Lucius sounded slightly nervous. He did not dare actually let anyone trace his wand.

"I knew you'd try to argue your way out of this, but I have witnesses who can prove that this wand is yours!" Lucius hurriedly drew everyone's attention back to Murphy's trial. "Examiner, please bring in Frez Shafiq and Belinda Pound."

Before long, Murphy saw Belinda, who had gotten even fatter after not seeing her for a while, and Frez Shafiq, who now had another scar on his face.

Tsk, poor Frez. The fellow who treated him must have used bad dittany. If he'd used my White Medicine, there's no way it would have left a scar.

"Belinda Pound, do you know Murphy Darkholme? What is your relationship?"

"I do, Mr. Malfoy. He is a former employee of the Pest Advisory Bureau, my subordinate. But I have nothing to do with that lazy man!"

"Oh, how can you say that, you fat pig?" Murphy said without the slightest politeness. "I'm going to be heartbroken. Have you forgotten how I blew you into the sky last time?"

Someone on the judges' bench laughed despite themselves.

"You!" Belinda's face flushed crimson with anger.

But Lucius had no patience to listen to the two of them bicker. "Belinda, since you were his colleague, you should have seen his wand. Is this his wand?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy. That's the one."

"Oh, Belinda, you stupid pig, you know full well my wand is thicker and longer than this one," Murphy continued.

Belinda flew into another rage.

But Lucius decided to ignore them. He looked at Frez Shafiq. "Frez, you and Murphy Darkholme were classmates, correct?"

"Yes, Uncle Malfoy."

Fuck!

You idiot, don't call me uncle right now!

"As his classmate, you should know his wand. Is this the one?"

"Yes! That's right, that's the wand! I snatched it with my own hands once."

"So what did you snatch it for?" Murphy asked. "To shove up your own asshole, ugly Frez?"

"Murphy!" Frez was furious. "Don't think I'm afraid of you!"

"Heh, ugly bastard."

Fraser was about to explode, and it took the judges no small effort to pin him down and drag him out. Belinda was taken away as well.

"Murphy, they all recognized your wand! How are you going to talk your way out of this?"

"I don't need to talk my way out of anything. Those two idiots both hate me, and one of them is your nephew, so of course they might slander me any way they can. But I'll say it again: that is not my wand."

Lucius said, "How do you prove that wand isn't yours?"

Murphy said, "How do you prove I'm not your father?"

Insults were insults, but Murphy still decided to make some sense. He looked toward the bench. "Everyone, there's a very simple way to prove whether that wand is mine. Bring Mr. Ollivander here."

Being able to Apparate was convenient. Before long, Garrick Ollivander had been brought in by two Aurors.

"Ollivander, is this a wand you made?" Lucius asked, pointing at the wand on the dais.

Ollivander picked up the wand. "Oh, cypress, twelve and a half inches." He waved it in his hand. "Unicorn hair core... This is a wand I made, yes, but how strange. Very strange..."

"Does this wand belong to Murphy Darkholme?" Lucius quickly asked again.

"Ah?" Ollivander looked at Murphy and immediately shook his head. "No, no. Mr. Murphy's wand is not this one. I remember it was a fourteen-inch aspen wand with a phoenix feather core. A very unique wand. I very rarely make such a bold combination."

As Ollivander spoke, Murphy drew his new wand from his sleeve and handed it over. "Please see if this is the one."

"Yes, yes! That's right! This is it! This is Mr. Murphy's wand."

"What?" Lucius was bewildered. "Then this wand..."

"I don't remember," Ollivander said, shaking his head, seeming somewhat puzzled. "This should indeed be a wand I made. I must have sold it, but I don't quite remember to whom."

"Then it wasn't Murphy..."

"No, Mr. Murphy has only ever bought one wand!"

"Thank you, Mr. Ollivander," Dumbledore said. "Now the facts are clear. Mr. Malfoy, since you cannot prove this wand belongs to Murphy, do you have any other evidence to support your accusation?"

Lucius was clearly unwilling to let it go, but the evidence of the wand had already been invalidated, so there was indeed nothing more he could do with it.

After thinking for a moment, he said, "I do. I have a second piece of evidence that can prove Murphy violated the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy!"

"You are no longer accusing Mr. Murphy of attacking your home, is that correct?" Dumbledore asked.

"It was him! I know it was him!" Lucius shouted a couple of times in frustration, but in the end he said, "Yes, I withdraw that accusation."

"Please present your evidence."

"Bring in the goblin Locke!" Lucius said.