Exploding Pissing Beef Balls

# Chapter 45: Exploding Pissing Beef Balls

Xiaoqiu poured Jiang Hao a glass of water. He downed it in one gulp and recounted what had just happened—if he hadn't spotted the danger early and bolted without hesitation, he'd probably be dead in the street by now.

"Who do you think wants to harm you?" Xiaoqiu asked.

Jiang Hao said, "It's not hard to guess. Whoever hates me most is the most likely to send someone after me. And the one who hates me most is Fatty Wu."

Zhen Xiaoqiu nodded. "After the first episode of our 'Gourmet Roast' aired, the response was huge. The whole of Hong Kong knows Da Long Feng Restaurant uses substandard ingredients. No one goes there to eat anymore. I hear they're losing tens of thousands every day now."

"The Imperial Kitchen isn't much better off. Because of their connection to Wu Mengda, business has tanked too. Word is the owner wants to kick Fatty Wu out to salvage the restaurant's reputation."

"Fatty Wu's catering group is having a rough time too, hah. All thanks to you. Imagine how much he must hate you now. No way he'll let this go."

Jiang Hao snorted coldly. "My catering group was bigger than Fatty Wu's back then. If he hadn't framed me, would I have ended up like this? He won't let me go, and I won't let him off either."

Zhen Xiaoqiu said, "Still, you need to be careful these next few days. Lay low for a while. The episodes we've already recorded are enough for two weeks."

Jiang Hao nodded.

Zhen Xiaoqiu looked him over. "You're drenched in sweat. Go take a shower. Stay here tonight. Mm, still the sofa."

After his shower, there was an extra blanket on the sofa. Jiang Hao lay down—familiar sofa, familiar scent. He was asleep in no time.

The next morning, Xiaoqiu went to work at the TV station. Bored, Jiang Hao watched TV and mulled things over. He'd been in the God of Cookery world for two weeks now, with 36% task completion. Not slow.

But progress would probably stall for a while. If he had money and influence, this task would've been done long ago.

Influence couldn't be built overnight.

Money, though—that he could figure out.

He grabbed his clothes, found a mask, put on a hat and sunglasses. Looking like a celebrity going incognito, he headed straight to the market.

Twenty jin of top-grade beef shank. Two large beef bones.

Ten jin of mantis shrimp.

Salt, MSG, white pepper, aged wine, sugar, and other seasonings.

That's right—Jiang Hao was going to make Pissing Beef Balls.

Since Stephen Chow in the original story made his comeback with Pissing Beef Balls, there was no reason Jiang Hao couldn't do the same. With money, he could take on Fatty Wu, and eventually knock him flat.

Back at Zhen Xiaoqiu's place, Jiang Hao started experimenting. He shelled the mantis shrimp, blended the meat into a paste.

Beef bones and shrimp shells went into a pot for a seafood stock.

He laid the beef on a cutting board and pounded it with a wooden mallet over twenty-six thousand eight hundred times, breaking down the tendons by brute force until the meat turned into a mushy paste.

The shrimp paste went into a pot with salt, MSG, stock, white pepper, aged wine, and sugar for flavor. He cooked it until half-done, then poured it into a tray and froze it. Once frozen, he cut the shrimp paste into fingertip-sized cubes.

Wrapping the shrimp cubes in beef paste gave him Pissing Beef Balls. He dropped them into the boiling stock and cooked them on high heat. A bowl of delicious Exploding Pissing Beef Balls was born!

Jiang Hao picked up a plump beef ball and popped it into his mouth. Squirt! A burst of juice exploded from the ball, splattering flavor everywhere. An incredible taste erupted in his mouth. It was truly, utterly delicious.

Ding~ Congratulations, Collector. You have collected a portion of "Taste of Gourmet Food." Keep up the good work.

Even the system acknowledged it as gourmet food. That meant his food growth had increased.

Click!

The door unlocked. "Wow, what's that smell? It's amazing. Are you cooking?"

Xiaoqiu ran into the kitchen.

Jiang Hao picked up a bowl with a few Pissing Beef Balls. "Try it. I made them."

"I've known you this long, called you God of Cookery for days, and this is the first time I've seen you make anything. Don't disappoint me." Zhen Xiaoqiu took the bowl. Just as she reached for chopsticks, Jiang Hao stopped her. "Put the whole thing in your mouth and bite down. You'll get a surprise."

"Oh?"

Zhen Xiaoqiu picked up a Pissing Beef Ball, put it in her mouth, and bit down hard. Juice exploded inside her mouth. The feeling of the liquid flooding her entire mouth was exhilarating from the inside out. Juice couldn't help but trickle from the corner of her lips.

"Wow—this is so good!"

Zhen Xiaoqiu couldn't help exclaiming.

"What is this?"

Jiang Hao chuckled. "I call it 'Exploding Pissing Beef Balls.'"

"Exploding Pissing Beef Balls? That's so uncouth. Such delicious food with such a lousy name—it cheapens it. Why not give it something nice?" Zhen Xiaoqiu said.

"A lousy name means good fortune," Jiang Hao replied.

Zhen Xiaoqiu ate a full bowl. The two sat in the living room drinking tea to settle their stomachs. She asked Jiang Hao, "I've never had this before. Did you invent it yourself?"

Jiang Hao said, "Pissing Beef Balls first appeared in Songjiang Ancient Town, a Jiangnan water town on the mainland. They were invented by a retired former imperial chef named Zhou, and became a local specialty. They've been passed down for over two hundred years. During the Victorian era, someone even brought them to England as a tribute for Queen Victoria, and they were granted the title 'Tribute Balls.'"

Zhen Xiaoqiu's eyes went wide. "Something so famous, and I've never heard of it?"

"Hahaha, I just made that up," Jiang Hao said with a laugh.

"What do you think? Using that as its history to build a reputation—with Queen Victoria's prestige backing it, wouldn't that make it feel more high-end?" Jiang Hao asked.

Zhen Xiaoqiu suddenly caught on. "You want to go into business with this? And that former imperial chef named Zhou—you're not going to claim he's your ancestor, are you?"

"Of course. This is my family's legacy," Jiang Hao said shamelessly.

Zhen Xiaoqiu pointed at Jiang Hao. "You... I really have to hand it to you, coming up with such a big gimmick—imperial chefs, family recipes, a Queen, and the taste is this good. If you launch it, it could really blow up. What's your plan?"

"Simple. Register the brand, set up a food company, can the Exploding Pissing Beef Balls, start promoting, then take the company public to raise capital, push sales on the mainland, and once we've made money, hoard land there for real estate." Jiang Hao said.

Jiang Hao looked at Zhen Xiaoqiu. "Xiaoqiu, you have to help me. Early promotion is key. I'm planning to do a show about the Exploding Pissing Beef Balls."

Leveraging all resources—that was what Jiang Hao was after.

Zhen Xiaoqiu's eyes darted. Suddenly she said, "I want in on this business too."

Jiang Hao chuckled. "Of course you'll have shares. I just went bankrupt, so I'm not qualified to be the legal representative. You'll be the corporate rep. You take twenty percent, I take eighty percent. We'll do this together, and we'll make it big."

Extra chapter. Asking for nothing.