Exploding Pissing Beef Balls

Exploding Pissing Beef Balls

Xiaoqiu poured Jiang Hao a glass of water. He drained it in one gulp and recounted what had just happened. If he had not spotted the danger early and made the snap decision to run for his life, he would probably have already been hacked to death in the street.

"Who do you think wants to hurt you?" Xiaoqiu asked.

Jiang Hao said, "It's not hard to guess. Whoever hates me most is the most likely to hire someone to chop me up. Nobody hates me more than Fatty Wu."

Zhen Xiaoqiu nodded. "After the first episode of our 'Gourmet Roast' aired, the response was huge. Everyone in Hong Kong knows Da Long Feng Restaurant uses substandard ingredients. No one goes there to eat anymore. I heard they're losing tens of thousands every day now."

"The Imperial Kitchen isn't doing much better. It got dragged down because of Wu Mengda, and business is terrible there too. It seems the Imperial Kitchen's owner intends to kick Fatty Wu out and restore the Imperial Kitchen's reputation."

"Fatty Wu's restaurant group isn't having an easy time either. Heh, he has you to thank for all of this. Just imagine how much he must hate you now. How could he possibly let you off?"

Jiang Hao snorted coldly. "My restaurant group used to be even bigger than Fatty Wu's. If he hadn't framed me, would I have ended up like this? He won't let me off, and I won't let him off either."

Zhen Xiaoqiu said, "Still, you need to be careful these next few days. It'd be best if you laid low for a while. The programs we recorded before are enough to last two weeks."

Jiang Hao nodded.

Zhen Xiaoqiu looked him over and said, "You're drenched in sweat. Go take a shower first. Stay here tonight. Well, you'll still be sleeping on the sofa."

After his shower, there was an extra blanket on the sofa. Jiang Hao lay down. The familiar sofa, the familiar scent... he quickly fell asleep.

Early the next morning, Xiaoqiu went to work at the television station. With nothing to do, Jiang Hao watched TV and pondered his situation. He had been in the God of Cookery world for two weeks, and his mission completion rate had reached 36%. That was not slow.

But for a while now, it would probably stagnate. If he had money and influence, the mission would likely have been completed long ago.

Influence could not be built overnight.

Money, though, could be earned somehow.

He picked up his clothes, found a mask, put on a cap and sunglasses, and looked just like a celebrity going out as he charged straight for the market.

Twenty catties of prime beef shank, and two large beef bones.

Ten catties of mantis shrimp.

Salt, MSG, pepper, cooking wine, sugar, and other seasonings.

That was right. Jiang Hao was going to make Pissing Beef Balls.

Since Stephen Chow had risen again through Pissing Beef Balls in the original story, there was no reason Jiang Hao could not make it work too. Once he had money, he could naturally stand against Fatty Wu—and eventually overturn him outright.

Back at Zhen Xiaoqiu's place, Jiang Hao began experimenting with Pissing Beef Balls. He cut the meat from the mantis shrimp and blended it into a paste.

He put the beef bones and shrimp shells into a pot and simmered them into a rich beef-and-seafood stock.

He placed the beef on a chopping board and savagely pounded it with a wooden stick more than twenty-six thousand eight hundred times, using brute force to break its sinews and mash it into a paste.

He put the shrimp paste into a pot, added salt, MSG, stock, pepper, cooking wine, and sugar for flavor, then cooked it until half-done. He poured it into a tray and froze it in the refrigerator, then cut the frozen shrimp meat into fingertip-sized pieces.

He wrapped the beef around the shrimp-meat balls to make Pissing Beef Balls, then boiled them over high heat in the stock. A bowl of delicious Exploding Pissing Beef Balls was born!

Jiang Hao picked up a round beef ball and put it into his mouth. "Pshht~~" Juice burst from inside the meatball, splashing everywhere as a wave of deliciousness exploded across his tongue. It was truly amazing.

"Ding~~ Congratulations, Collector. You have collected one serving of 'Taste of Gourmet Food.' Keep up the good work."

It had actually increased his gourmet growth. Even the system recognized this as gourmet food.

Crack!

The sound of the door unlocking rang out. "Wow, what is that smell? It's so fragrant! Are you cooking?"

Xiaoqiu ran into the kitchen.

Jiang Hao held up a bowl containing several Pissing Beef Balls. "Try them. I made them."

"I've known you for so long and called you the God of Cookery for days, but this is the first time I've actually seen you cook. Don't disappoint me." Zhen Xiaoqiu took the bowl and was about to pierce one with her chopsticks when Jiang Hao stopped her. "Put the whole thing in your mouth and bite down in one go. You'll get a surprise."

"Really?"

Zhen Xiaoqiu picked up a Pissing Beef Ball and put it into her mouth. She bit down hard, and juice burst across her mouth. The feeling of juice filling her entire mouth made her thrill from the inside out, and liquid could not help running from the corners of her lips.

"Wow~~~ That's so delicious!"

Zhen Xiaoqiu could not help crying out.

"What is this?"

Jiang Hao chuckled. "I call it 'Exploding Pissing Beef Balls.'"

"Exploding Pissing Beef Balls? That's so vulgar. Something this delicious has such a lousy name. It really cheapens it. Why not give it a nicer name?" Zhen Xiaoqiu said.

"A bad name brings a good life," Jiang Hao said.

Zhen Xiaoqiu ate a whole bowlful. The two sat in the living room drinking tea to aid digestion, and Zhen Xiaoqiu asked Jiang Hao, "How come I've never had this before? Did you invent it yourself?"

Jiang Hao said, "Pissing Beef Balls first appeared in Songjiang Ancient Town in Jiangnan on the mainland. They were invented by a Former Imperial Chef Zhou who had retired to idleness, and became a local specialty. They have been passed down for more than two hundred years. During the Victorian era, someone even took them to Britain as tribute for Queen Victoria to taste, and they were bestowed the name 'Tribute Balls.'"

Zhen Xiaoqiu's eyes widened. "How have I never heard of something so famous?"

"Hahaha, I just made that up." Jiang Hao laughed.

"What do you think? How about using that as its history to build up its reputation? With Queen Victoria's prestige behind it, wouldn't it seem more upscale?" Jiang Hao said.

Zhen Xiaoqiu suddenly caught on. "You want to make a business out of this? Wait, that Imperial Chef Zhou... don't tell me you're going to say he was your ancestor?"

"Of course. This is my family's inheritance." Jiang Hao said shamelessly.

Zhen Xiaoqiu pointed at Jiang Hao. "You... I really have to hand it to you. Such a huge gimmick—imperial chef, family legacy, queen—and it tastes so good too. It really could become a hit if you launch it. What are you planning to do?"

"It's simple. Register the brand, then set up a food company to make canned Pissing Beef Balls and start promoting them. Then take the company public to raise money. After that, promote and sell it on the mainland. Once we make money, we'll buy up land on the mainland and get into real estate," Jiang Hao said.

Jiang Hao looked at Zhen Xiaoqiu. "Xiaoqiu, you have to help me. The early promotion is very important. I'm planning to make an episode about 'Exploding Pissing Beef Balls.'"

Making comprehensive use of resources—that was what Jiang Hao wanted.

Zhen Xiaoqiu's eyes shifted, and she suddenly said, "I want shares in this business too."

Jiang Hao chuckled. "Naturally, you'll have shares. I've just gone bankrupt, so I'm not qualified to be the company's first legal representative. You'll be the legal representative. You take twenty percent, and I take eighty. We'll do this together, and we'll definitely prosper in the future."

Bonus chapter. Asking for nothing.