The Proper Way to Pee

The Proper Way to Pee

"Hit him! Hit him!"

"Beat him to death! Beat him to death!"

Everyone launched into a frenzy of kicks. At first, the bandit struggled desperately, but there were too many feet coming at him. He could not get up at all. Gradually, the bandit stopped moving.

Only after kicking him for a while longer did they finally stop.

"He's not moving. Looks like he's dead."

"Dead? He was way too fragile."

Someone pulled off the bandit's hood, took a look, and said, "This isn't Sharpshooter San Pao. He has hair. San Pao is bald."

"This gun's fake too." Someone picked up the gun and fiddled with it casually.

Jiang Hao held up his pants with one hand and took the gun with the other. The moment it landed in his hand, his heart jumped. Damn it, this definitely was not a fake gun. It was an old-fashioned blunderbuss, and it really did contain gunpowder—a double-barreled one at that. This was nothing like the movie. Hadn't the movie said it was a fake gun?

Jiang Hao stood up and shouted, "Nobody move!" Then he raised the gun toward the sky and pulled the trigger. "Boom! Boom!"

The two consecutive shots made everyone's ears ring.

Everyone turned pale with lingering fear. "Oh, my mother, that thing's real! It can fire!"

"With that much power, wouldn't a shot to the body leave nothing but holes?"

"Why the hell did I charge in just now?"

"I saw Brother Zhan'ao rush over, so I rushed over after him."

Everyone was still terrified. When they looked at Yu Zhan'ao again, there was an added measure of reverence in their eyes.

In truth, Jiang Hao was scared too. The fake gun had turned out to be real. If he had not moved quickly enough and the bandit had shot him, he would not even have had a chance to run.

Jiu'er returned to the sedan chair. Jiang Hao looked over, and their gazes met in midair, as if some different emotion had begun to grow between them.

What woman did not love a hero, especially one who had saved her? After a long while, Jiu'er slowly lowered the sedan curtain.

"What should we do with this man?" a Helper asked, pointing at the bandit.

Jiang Hao came back to his senses and looked at the bandit, who was already thoroughly dead. "Find a place and bury him. Better than leaving his corpse in the wilderness."

"Brother Zhan'ao sure knows how to do things," someone said.

They took the money from the bandit's pockets and counted it themselves. Not a single coin was missing. People were honest in those days, and they divided up the money.

They found a small dirt pit in the Sorghum Field, tossed the body in, then shoveled some dirt over it from nearby. That was that. The sorghum here would probably grow even more lushly next year.

Jiang Hao kept the gun. He also found a gourd of gunpowder and a leather pouch of lead shot on the bandit. It was only a blunderbuss, but it was still a gun. It might come in handy someday. Since it was not convenient to carry on him now, Jiang Hao hid it somewhere in the Sorghum Field.

They set off again. Half an hour later, they arrived at the Shibali Pu distillery. Jiu'er got out of the sedan chair beneath her red veil and was helped toward the house by a woman. Jiang Hao stood at a distance and watched. When she reached the doorway, Jiu'er suddenly stopped and turned to look in his direction.

Jiang Hao quietly looked at the red veil as well.

Neither of them could see the other's eyes, yet both knew the other was looking. It was like a silent exchange.

"Come on, let's go inside," the woman said.

Jiu'er turned around and entered the earthen house.

As Jiu'er's red jacket disappeared from view, Jiang Hao suddenly felt a powerful sense of loss. He did not belong to this world, so why did he feel this so intensely?

He did not know.

He steadied himself. He was here to complete a mission. Buy the wine. Buy the wine.

"I'd like to buy a jar of wine to take back with me," Jiang Hao said.

"When we ran into the bandits on the road, Brother Zhan'ao was the first to charge in. Otherwise, we'd definitely have been in trouble this time. By rights, we should give you a jar, but it belongs to the owner, and we can't use it to repay a favor," a Helper said apologetically.

"It's fine. You should charge me," Jiang Hao said with a hearty smile.

They came to the wine cellar, where rows upon rows of wine jars lined the room, large and small. The biggest vats were as tall as a person and held two hundred jin, while the smallest jars held thirty jin. While the Helper was not paying attention, Jiang Hao covered one jar with his palm and silently thought, Collect.

Ten seconds passed, but the jar did not disappear.

Jiang Hao received a system notification instead.

This wine does not meet the customer's requirements!

It had failed!

Jiang Hao suddenly remembered that in the movie, Yu Zhan'ao had peed into the wine, and that was what made it taste good. Should he give it a try?

But the Helper was right there, so he had no way to pee. He could only buy it and take it back.

He shook the four Silver Dollars in his pocket. They were just enough to buy a small jar of wine. The Helper tied the jar with a hemp rope and had Jiang Hao carry it on his back. After leaving the distillery and climbing up the hillside, Jiang Hao turned back to look once more at the few adobe houses. At last, he gritted his teeth, turned around, and left.

When he reached the Gauze Curtain of the Sorghum Field, Jiang Hao ducked inside. He set down the wine jar, opened the lid, and took a sniff. A strong smell of grain liquor hit him. It was hard to call it good. He dipped in a finger and licked it. Sure enough, it tasted awful. No wonder the system would not accept it.

Jiang Hao smiled and began peeing into the wine jar.

If this worked, he planned to find a way to get some money and buy a hundred jars of wine—or simply steal them.

"Pssssshhh~~"

Once he was done, he put the lid back on and vigorously shook the jar several times, thoroughly mixing the wine and urine for the best flavor. Then he covered the jar with his hand and silently thought again, Collect.

"Ding~ This wine does not meet the customer's requirements!"

The system's response was exactly the same as before.

Jiang Hao was dumbfounded. Had he peed too much?

Or perhaps he had too much internal heat today? Maybe it needed time to ferment?

Could it be that he had to figure out the perfect formula for peeing? That would be troublesome.

Jiang Hao mulled it over for a long time before finally reaching a conclusion. Maybe the problem was not his urine. Maybe the problem was the wine itself.

In the movie, after the old proprietor died, Jiu'er took over the distillery, but the new wine she brewed still tasted bad. Yu Zhan'ao came over and caused a scene, peeing into the wine jars, and only then did the wine become delicious.

Looks like he had to wait for them to brew new wine.

But for new wine to be brewed, the old proprietor had to die. Yet according to the movie, it seemed Yu Zhan'ao was the one who killed the old proprietor. Wasn't that supposed to be him?

Murder was no small matter. Killing the bandit earlier had been forced upon them. Everyone had rushed in together and accidentally beaten him to death. But if Jiang Hao had to deliberately plot to kill someone, he might not have the heart to be that ruthless.

Jiang Hao felt that he needed to think it over carefully. He was about to leave when he saw the wine jar on the ground and stopped again. He retied the hemp rope and carried it on his back.

It was not that he did not want to throw it away. The four Silver Dollars he had spent on the wine were all the money he had. If he threw away this jar too, he would really be left with nothing but air for the next few days. A little extra effort was better than starving. He decided to carry it back to the city and see whether he could sell it. Even two Silver Dollars would be good enough—at least it would cover a few days' worth of meals.