We've Received Professional Training—No Matter How Funny It Is, We'll Still Hahahaha

We've Received Professional Training—No Matter How Funny It Is, We'll Still Hahahaha

"Just kidding, just kidding, Uncle. I was only trying to lighten the mood." Lin Li just thought the line about hiring a lawyer sounded cool and wanted to say it.

If swearing hadn't been inappropriate in that sentence, Lin Li really would have wanted to imitate Carl from Shameless.

"Do you know my blood pressure has been raised sky-high by your 'mood-lightening' all the way here? Are all kids of your generation this bizarre?" Yang Liang really had a headache.

He now wanted even more to meet Lin Li's parents and ask for parenting advice, so he could avoid every possible pitfall.

"Not really. People as outstanding as me are still relatively rare." Lin Li shook his head.

The only person around him who could clearly crush him was probably Bai Bufan. Otherwise, how could the two of them be such good brothers?

"That's great. There's still hope for the country." Yang Liang let out a sigh of relief.

Lin Li: "?"

That was such a filthy insult.

"Let me ask the questions and you answer." Yang Liang waved a hand. He had figured it out—if he handed the initiative to Lin Li, who knew how far off the rails things would go.

"First, how did you find out that the Light Noble Health and Wellness Club was secretly providing sexual services?"

"A friend told me." When in doubt, blame a friend. "As for my friend's name, it should be okay if I don't tell you, right?"

"Even if you told us, we wouldn't investigate him. But we understand if you don't want to say. That's your right." Yang Liang nodded. That was only natural. Then he asked what he truly wanted to know, and what he was most curious about. "So, Xiao Lin, why didn't you report it to us right away? Why did you go and... experience it yourself first, before informing us?"

Ask me? Ask the system.

Did you think I wanted to sacrifice the little self for the greater good? I didn't want to Enter the Game in Person either.

But naturally, he couldn't say that aloud. "First, my friend only heard about it secondhand. He hadn't actually been there, so in order to avoid making a false report, I had to confirm whether the information was true and obtain evidence first.

"So I went to investigate on-site. By the time I called you, I had already confirmed the evidence.

"Second, I must clarify something. I am, in fact, unstained by mud, unalluring even when washed by clear water. I did not lose my virginity...

"No, Uncle, what does that expression mean? You're laughing, aren't you? I'm being very serious right now."

"We've received professional training. No matter how funny it is, we won't laugh." Yang Liang covered his mouth with one hand and spoke sincerely.

"Unless you can't hold it in?" Lin Li gritted his teeth.

"It's not that I don't want to believe you, Xiao Lin. It's just that when I entered your room, none of you had even had time to put your clothes on." Yang Liang recalled the scene and found it a little hard to keep a straight face.

"No, talking about that makes me mad. First of all, it wasn't 'none of us.' Only Xiao Jing wasn't dressed, and only her upper half was uncovered." Lin Li's voice grew louder. "Second, luckily I have recordings to prove my innocence."

Lin Li took out his phone, opened the latter halves of two extremely long recordings, and began playing them at increased speed while occasionally dragging the progress bar forward.

"..."

"Miss, please behave yourself!"

"..."

"Listen, listen, Uncle! I really guarded my body like jade! I even said nonsense like 'Miss, please behave yourself'!"

"Forty minutes! That was forty hours—no, forty days! I waited for you for a whole forty days! Ah, sir! Do you know how I, ignored by everyone, survived those forty years? How painful and agonizing it was?"

Lin Li stood up and shouted himself hoarse, his eyes faintly red. He had gotten a little too into it.

Yang Liang said nothing. He took Lin Li's phone, dragged the progress bar back a little, and Lin Li's own voice came out of the phone:

"...A little to the left. Yes, press the calf muscles. Use more force. Yes, yes, yes, yes—fuck! Ah~~ So good—sugoi~~~ oh, yes~~"

"During those forty years, you were in pain? You were suffering? How come I couldn't hear it?" Yang Liang looked at Lin Li seriously and asked sincerely.

It was pretty embarrassing to hear himself moaning. Had he really been that loud? The atmosphere of an undercover agent furiously interrogating his contact after years of infiltration had been utterly ruined. Lin Li scratched his head, sat back down, and said awkwardly, "One thing is one thing. Even though my body felt good, my mind was suffering and being tortured every single moment..."

Yang Liang: "..."

You really said every possible version of the story, huh?

Still, he did believe that Lin Li hadn't accepted any gray-area services. Thinking about it, that made sense. No matter how bizarre he was, he wouldn't knowingly leap into the fire when he knew they were about to arrive.

Lin Li dragged the recording to the end, to the part where Xiao Jing was about to forcibly service him, then said, "Did you hear that? I had no idea she'd taken off her clothes. If you'd come any later, I would've been assaulted! I wouldn't have been clean anymore! Forty minutes—how could you be so slow? When I get back, I'm reporting you for slacking off!"

Lin Li's tone was full of resentment.

Clearly, Yang Liang's professional training wasn't quite enough. He laughed happily.

Lin Li shot him an even more resentful look. "Aren't you going to explain yourself?"

Yang Liang explained, "My teeth were too hot, so I took them out to air them."

"That's not the explanation I want!"

Only then did Yang Liang answer Lin Li's earlier question. "Ahem. About what you just said, we need to explain something. We received the notification immediately and didn't waste any time at all. But at places like this, the cautious ones may even have people stationed at several nearby intersections to pass along warnings.

"To ensure the operation succeeded, as you saw, every one of us came in plain clothes, and we drove our own vehicles. We also had to gather manpower. All of that took time. In fact, arriving in forty minutes was already very fast. You really can't blame us for that.

"And in your situation, even if something had actually happened, after considering the circumstances, we wouldn't have held you responsible."

"Huh? Why didn't you say so earlier? You led me astray!"

Yang Liang: "?"

Watching Lin Li's regretful expression, Yang Liang shook his head with a laugh. This kid really would climb as soon as he was given a pole.

"I was wondering why you were so cocky after being caught. You even wanted to wear handcuffs and ride in a police car. So you were fearless because you knew you'd definitely be fine and just wanted to experience all of it, right?" Yang Liang asked with amusement.

Now he had figured it all out too.

"Pretty much. And I really couldn't recognize you on the spot. Those people who got arrested were still there. What if they retaliated against me afterward?" Lin Li nodded.

"You did think that through correctly. Caution is necessary. All right, this information is enough for me to write my report. You're fine now. You can leave. I'll take you home.

"If you still want to take a photo at the entrance, you can go do it now. I can drive you back in a police car too, so that'll satisfy your final regret." Yang Liang put away his paper and pen, then said.

"Sure, but Uncle, I have one more thing."

"What is it? Go ahead."

"Well... for the sake of this undercover operation, I paid the extremely expensive price of 399. You know, I'm still a student. That's very important to me. I'm not asking you to reimburse it, but returning it to me shouldn't be a problem, right?"

Lin Li chose his words carefully.

That was 399! Seven hundred and ninety-eight packs of spicy strips! One hundred and thirty-three bottles of iced Boss Tea! One Spring Breeze Elf (a Zhang Fei mold)! He could even ride one of those kiddie rocking cars for a whole damn day.

If he couldn't get that money back, Lin Li would be miserable to death.

"Didn't you get a massage?" Now it was Yang Liang's turn to tease Lin Li.

"That was worth 99 at most! I righteously refused the most important premium service! How about this, Uncle? Give me back 200, and treat the rest as a kickback for you guys." Lin Li argued his case.

"Kickback my ass!" Yang Liang laughed and scolded. "Of course the money can be returned to you. And if nothing unexpected happens, since you're the informant, we should even be able to apply for a certain reward for you.

"But it's illegal to directly transfer money from her phone right now. I can't do that. We have to follow the proper procedure step by step. If you're short on money, Uncle can transfer you some of mine first. Once the money reaches your card, you can pay me back."

"No rush. I can wait."

Lin Li waved it off indifferently. He still had quite a bit of spending money on hand. As long as he could get the money back, everything was fine.

"Anything else?" Yang Liang asked.

"Yes." Lin Li thought for a moment, then nodded again.

"What is it?"

"Can you let Xiao Jing go out alone with me for twenty minutes? Ten minutes is fine too. Five minutes... no, five minutes won't do. Five minutes is too short."

Looking at the eager Lin Li, Yang Liang: "?"

"I have something important to ask her. Oh, and prepare a 1.8-by-2-meter bed for me while you're at it. It needs a Simmons mattress, plus jelly, popping candy, ice crea—"

"Shut up and go home."

"Got it, Uncle!"