Now That's Authentic!

Now That's Authentic!

Lin Li returned to his seat with a miserable look on his face.

As mentioned before, Lin Li's English grades were average, and his spoken English was an absolute mess. He could spell many words, but reading them aloud? No chance.

"I just achieved the excellent score of zero on the recitation test. Why don't you give it a try too?"

Anyway, he would be picked to recite again next class.

Bai Bufan's recitation was actually a pile of dog shit too, but he had at least stumbled his way through it. He only needed to recite it to the group leader after class.

That was nothing. The group leaders were all their buddies—they'd open zero eyes and close both, and let it slide.

Now, Bai Bufan had something he was even more curious about. Though he faced his English textbook, his eyes had long been sneaking glances at Lin Li.

"Lin Li, what happened? What did the principal want with you?"

"A confession," the depressed Lin Li replied.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"I told her a teacher-student relationship wasn't appropriate, and that we could reconsider after I graduated," Lin Li said seriously.

Bai Bufan carefully recalled the principal's image in his mind, and reverence rose within him. He clasped his hands. "You must be starving."

Then, with lightning-fast reflexes, Bai Bufan intercepted the two envelopes Lin Li was about to put into his drawer. Seeing that they weren't sealed, he immediately violated Lin Li's privacy by opening them, then widened his eyes.

His thoughts raced as Bai Bufan looked at Lin Li with pity. "The principal forced herself on you? Is this hush money for sex? Lin Li, buy some good post-exposure meds. Don't get sick."

Lin Li couldn't be bothered to respond.

"Wait, does that mean your farts won't make any sound anymore?" But Bai Bufan had found another blind spot.

Lin Li: "?"

After offering greetings to Bai Bufan's entire family tree, Lin Li took the envelopes back. He casually tossed the envelope containing cash into his drawer.

At school, leaving money in a drawer or even on top of the desk was perfectly safe. Most students wouldn't covet it in the first place, and besides, that huge surveillance camera above the front door was watching everyone.

But tissues and snacks were another matter. Forget leaving them on the desk—even putting them in the drawer was extremely dangerous.

Tissues were especially bad. If you came back even a little late after PE class, they'd be like roadside eggs in India: all that remained was an empty husk after being repeatedly fried by countless people.

Lin Li began calculating the value of the supermarket cards.

"Why are there supermarket cards too? And they can only be exchanged for this stuff. Lin Li, don't you barely know how to cook? Would you even know how to use these?" Bai Bufan asked after seeing what was in the envelope.

"Who said I can't cook? I've mastered plenty of recipes. Let me tell you, I've got a homemade little dish—" Lin Li said in an authentic old Beijing accent.

Bai Bufan reacted quickly. "No soy sauce allowed."

"...Then that's it."

Teacher Yu Qian's recipes had three traits and one core principle: simple, cheap, and awful—the core principle was soy sauce.

Maybe he should go home and learn some of Teacher Huang Lei's recipes. His seemed pretty impressive; they basically never got bad reviews on the show.

Who said these recipes were bad? They were amazing.

After counting everything up, the supplies cards were worth nearly eight hundred. Even converted to cash, they'd fetch at least seven hundred. He could keep them as backup hidden energy for emergencies.

Unable to restrain his curiosity any longer, Bai Bufan asked, "Bro, what exactly happened? Please, bro, tell me. I feel like ants are crawling all over me. I'm so anxious I want to shit all over the floor."

"It was nothing. Over the weekend, I helped the Police Station here solve a case. They came today to give me a commendation letter, along with this reward money and these gifts," Lin Li said.

Since the commendation letter was going to be posted publicly, there was no realistic way for him to keep it completely hidden. It would be a hassle if people kept questioning him later, so he might as well tell them roughly what happened.

"For real? That awesome?" Bai Bufan's eyes widened. This sounded more believable than the principal confessing to him. "What kind of case was it? The reward must've been several thousand, right? What did you do to get that much?"

"I discovered and arrived at the crime scene. After confirming that a crime had been committed, I immediately called the police. Then I personally engaged one of the suspects in close combat to stall for time.

"My body endured countless rubs and presses from her. Several times, I couldn't help crying out, but with my unyielding will, I held on until the police arrived. In the end, the case was completely solved, restoring peace and order to Xi Ling Town."

Lin Li smiled faintly and calmly recounted his glorious achievement.

"Bro, stop talking shit and tell me the truth. Did you find a wallet containing a hundred million in cash or something?" The description was too ridiculous. Bai Bufan didn't believe a word of it.

"If a single word of what I just said was false, may I be impotent." Lin Li sneered and looked coldly at Bai Bufan.

Now Bai Bufan had no choice but to believe him. He knew Lin Li would never joke about his authentic Lao Xi Ling Chicken Roll.

Besides, Lin Li really hadn't told a single lie just now.

He only regretted not battling Xiao Jing for another twenty minutes.

Bai Bufan covered his mouth in shock, then looked Lin Li's body over as though searching for wounds that had been left behind. But he found none.

"The pain was in my heart, not my body. In this incident, the greatest torment I suffered was still emotional," Lin Li said calmly.

That was true too. His heart ached for those twenty minutes that never happened.

Bai Bufan was genuinely impressed. "You really are amazing. But your physique is so weak—couldn't the criminal beat you? That's a little clownish, isn't it?"

"No matter how weak someone is, as long as they use a slide tackle, even a tiger can only accept its fate of having its belly ripped open by toenails. Let alone someone unprepared. And besides, I'm no longer the weak person I used to be.

"Bufan, NoFap. You wouldn't understand if you've never truly abstained. That's what abstinence does to you."

"Who says I've never truly abstained? What's so hard about abstaining? I do it every day." Bai Bufan's face reddened. How could Lin Li just slander his innocence out of nowhere? "But you still haven't told me—what kind of case was it? Was someone robbed, or was there a theft?"

That was a good question. Don't ask it again.

But Lin Li had been prepared.

"I just discussed this with the school and the Police Station. It needs to be kept confidential, so I'm sorry, but I can't tell you," Lin Li said with the air of a true master.

"But you know my lips are sealed. I swear on my chicken wrap, Dad—tell me, and I absolutely won't tell anyone." Bai Bufan was itching with curiosity, his whole body feeling restless.

"The Buddha said: it cannot be spoken of." Lin Li smiled and shook his head. "Bufan, just focus on class."

Lin Li adjusted his posture, preparing to enter sleep mode. He had not forgotten his original aspiration.

Bai Bufan ground his teeth in frustration.

Not long after.

Bai Bufan suddenly turned back around.

Xi Ling Town was not a big place.

News traveled fairly quickly here, yet this week, he had not heard about any major cases.

Besides, what was there to hide about helping solve a case? It was such an honorable, badass thing, yet even he could not be told.

The bond between him and Lin Li could be described like this: if the two of them were sitting on a sofa watching TV, and one of them could not find the remote, he would never accuse the other of sitting on it.

What could possibly be something he could not be told?—Unless it was that anti-prostitution case Zhou Baowei had mentioned.

"Lin Li, the case you helped crack and shut down... it wasn't that Massage Parlor Baowei mentioned, was it?" Bai Bufan asked.

Lin Li closed his eyes.

"I know you're not asleep."

Lin Li opened his eyes and immediately rolled them. Speechless, he said, "How could that be? Stop bothering me. I'm going to sleep."

"Oh." Bai Bufan nodded. Looks like he had overthought it.

A minute later.

Bai Bufan turned around again.

He recalled Lin Li's reaction when Zhou Baowei had mentioned the matter not long ago.

Something still felt off.

So he said faintly:

"Lin Li, swear on your chicken wrap again?"