First, Second, From Now On, Finally, I'm Not a Pervert

"Chapter 33: First, Second, From Now On, Finally, I'm Not a Pervert"

"I'm a man, and you're a woman. You understand that, right?"

At that opening line, Chen Yuying's brain crashed for a moment.

"Huh? Uh." She voiced her confusion, then nodded dumbly. "Yeah! Mm, I get it. Huh? Wait? What else would it be?"

That many filler words showed just how many question marks were filling the girl's head right now.

She had indeed been waiting for something big, but it shouldn't have been a huge pile of crap.

Lin Li sighed. The task still wasn't complete. Sure enough, was he ultimately going to have to do the most beastly thing of all—give a sex-ed lesson himself?

He took a deep breath, then let it out.

Though ten million stand against me, I shall press on! How can a true man, standing between heaven and earth, remain forever beneath others? Humble origins are no disgrace; being able to bend and stretch is what makes a man! I'm not afraid of the little trap you set, System! A biology lesson task won't kill me, aaaaaah!

But before pressing on, Lin Li still had to say one thing: System, screw your whole family.

"No, you still don't understand." Lin Li shook his head. "First, I'm not a pervert. Second, remember the first point—I'm really not a pervert."

Lin Li continued backing away, widening the distance between them while stacking armor.

Chen Yuying: "?"

"Now, let me explain the difference between men and women!

"Men, though they are creatures with no virtues, do have one strength! Women are exactly the opposite. Not only do they lack strengths, they even have one weakness. But men and women are actually fair—women have two whole virtues!

"Now, let's analyze why men and women make the most fitting pair according to the natural order! The answer: men like to grasp women's two virtues and use their own strength to make up for women's weakness!"

Chen Yuying: "???"

Chen Yuying froze and stared blankly at Lin Li. Lin Li stared back at her too—though really, he was looking at the illusory system interface between them, silently praying.

A few seconds later, the system displayed a notification: Task Five completed.

Yes! I'm a genius!

A genius boy's great victory!

Sure enough, since Chen Yuying already understood this knowledge, he only needed to guide her thoughts in that direction for it to count as successful education. He didn't need to actually describe organs in scientific terms like a middle-school textbook.

But before Lin Li could start celebrating, he covered his ears.

"Ahhh!!! Pervert!!" Almost simultaneously with the system notification came Chen Yuying's flushed face and scream.

After all, the task being completed meant that Chen Yuying had fully understood what Lin Li meant.

Sigh. He had clearly stacked armor first, so why was she still calling him that?

Wasn't the reason he had kept backing away and putting distance between them to give Chen Yuying a greater sense of security?

The remaining boy and girl in the classroom immediately turned toward the corner where they were at, drawn by the scream.

That boy even stood up at once, apparently intending to play the Flower Guardian, and asked, "Class Monitor, what happened? Did Lin Li do something to you? Do we need to get a teacher?"

See?

That was why Lin Li could never get along with people like this.

Always running to get a teacher at the slightest thing. The two kinds of people Lin Li hated most were tattletales and people who stopped him from tattling.

Lin Li ignored the male classmate named Wang Yuezhi and explained to Chen Yuying instead.

"Class Monitor, calm down, calm down. There's a reason I said that. Don't panic yet—I'll explain, and you'll understand." From far away, Lin Li held both hands out in front of himself and pressed them down, trying to soothe her.

Seemingly realizing that she had screamed too loudly, Chen Yuying hurriedly covered her mouth, her little face burning red.

She turned to Wang Yuezhi and waved a hand. "It's nothing."

Wang Yuezhi nodded somewhat unwillingly and sat back down, but Lin Li could tell that his gaze was still vaguely fixed in this direction.

Heh, he definitely had a crush on her. But simps deserved a miserable death.

Chen Yuying looked back at Lin Li, still standing with her hands on her hips in embarrassment and annoyance. "Explain yourself."

"The tape is in Bai Bufan's bottom drawer. There!" Lin Li's mouth moved faster than his brain, and the lame pun slipped out. Once he realized it, he noticed that the color which had just faded from Chen Yuying's cheeks instantly rushed back.

Her color changes were pretty sensitive. She could probably be hung by the roadside as a red-and-white signal light. Heh, kind of fun.

Crap, now wasn't the time to be thinking about that.

"Not that kind of tape!"

"Ahem. Here's the thing, Class Monitor. What I said just now was necessary groundwork for what I was about to describe. Let me stress one last time: I'm really not a pervert," Lin Li said.

But the suspicion in Chen Yuying's eyes did not fade.

Normal people didn't repeatedly insist they weren't perverts.

"What comes next needs to be said quietly. I'm afraid someone might eavesdrop. Why don't you sit down?" Lin Li had already backed up to the storage cabinets at the rear, and talking like this was tiring. He also had to keep his voice down.

So he walked back to his seat and pointed at Bai Bufan's chair.

Perhaps curiosity had overcome her fear of perverts, because Chen Yuying still sat down. They said ladies only sat on half of a chair, and Chen Yuying was the same—but the problem was, she sat on the half farthest from Lin Li. That didn't seem very ladylike either.

Wang Yuezhi's stare from not far away grew increasingly intense.

Whispering to your goddess right in front of you. Die mad, die mad, die mad. This NTR feeling is so satisfying.

But the urgent matter was salvaging his reputation.

"Class Monitor, you must understand what I meant just now. That act—or more accurately, that kind of desire—often leads to certain criminal acts." Lin Li spoke with a solemn, proper expression. "And the case I helped the police solve was one involving that."

"Here's roughly what happened. A while ago, I picked up one of those little cards people deliberately scatter all over the ground. You might have seen them too. I was very interested in it—wait! Don't call me a pervert again! Let me stress for the last time: I'm really not a pervert.

"What interested me wasn't the kind of sexual interest you're thinking of."

Chen Yuying, whose reaction he had predicted, pursed her lips. Half-convinced and half-skeptical, she gestured for Lin Li to continue.

"What I thought then was, could the people behind those cards be brought to justice? So I began investigating and gathering information. In the end, I found a shop connected to one of the cards, and then, after school every day and on weekends, I staked out the place, took pictures, collected information, and even interviewed customers.

"Finally, after all my hard work, I gathered enough conclusive evidence. I immediately went to the police station to report it. With the information I provided, they easily wiped out the operation behind those cards! That's why they came to school today, through the principal, to commend me for what I did."

"Really?" Though it was all nonsense Lin Li had made up, those fresh and bizarre details still left Chen Yuying stunned. She asked in surprise.

"Of course it's true. I bet the commendation letter is already posted on the notice board downstairs. If you don't believe me, Class Monitor, you can go take a look. But it doesn't mention the case details I told you about. It only says I helped the police, since this sort of thing isn't suitable to state openly."

Chen Yuying nodded in amazement. Since he had even brought up the notice board, it should be true.

Good. She believed him. He had bluffed her successfully. Lin Li was very pleased.

There was no way he could tell Chen Yuying the real version.

Bai Bufan had no shame, but he still did.

"But I have another question," Chen Yuying said.

"What?"

"Then why did you have to say... say all those perverted things about men's strengths and women's weaknesses before telling me about this case?" Chen Yuying looked puzzled.

"First, I'm not a pervert. Then, didn't I already explain the reason? It was to help you better understand what triggered the case—it was necessary groundwork. Class Monitor, I did this with your best interests at heart. Finally, I'm really not a pervert." Lin Li sounded utterly sincere.

Chen Yuying wanted to nod, but something still felt strange.

That wasn't right.

Lin Li could have just told her the case details directly, and she would have understood.

The whole distinction between men and women was completely meaningless preamble!

It felt like a pervert was forcibly finding excuses for his perverted behavior.

Chen Yuying paused, looked at Lin Li, and said with some dissatisfaction at not getting the truth, "Since you love giving background so much, why didn't you start with Nuwa creating humanity?"

Lin Li blanked for a moment, then nodded. "Legend has it that Nuwa molded humans from clay in her own image, creating and establishing human socie—"

Chen Yuying: "You're actually saying it?!"

That bit about men's virtues and strengths had probably been a meme from over a decade ago.

I used to joke about it in elementary school, so now I'm reviving it.