Vroom-vroom, purr--
As the engine groaned, Chen Tao immediately took off, forcing back into Bane's stomach the trash talk he'd been about to continue.
For the first time, a look of horror appeared on Bane's face.
His assessment of Batman's intelligence had clearly been catastrophically wrong.
What was that thing?
He replayed what his eyes had seen in that instant over and over in his mind.
How could a person's feet possibly turn into wheels?
"You—"
As soon as he reacted, he broke into a long-legged chase. While running, he pulled out an earpiece and put it on.
"Zombie Man! Cave Dweller! Birdman!"
"We're here, Bane!"
Bane's subordinates answered over the radio.
"Change of plans. Everyone come chase them."
Subordinate: ?
Bane's gaze turned dark and deep.
"I need to figure out exactly what happened to the Bat."
Although he was carrying four people, Chen Tao took off running—no, not running, rolling his wheels—and for a while, Bane actually couldn't catch up.
The Bat-Monster Truck was hated and hunted by everyone in its own world, so running away was naturally its passive skill. Chen Tao forcefully tightened his gluteus maximus—his liquid-nitrogen thruster.
"Good heavens!"
Killer Croc stared at Chen Tao's feet, which had turned into wheels. "Bat, I had no idea you could do this."
"Stop talking nonsense, Deathshot. Get ready to shoot!"
"..."
My name is Floyd Lawton. I'm twenty-seven years old, and I'm Deathshot.
Right now, I'm being chased by a demon muscleman over three meters tall. He just butchered three of my companions, and I have no doubt that one punch from him could pound me into a little biscuit.
But I'm not panicking at all, because he can't run as fast as my horse.
"..."
However, there was still one problem—a very, very important problem.
The horse I was riding right now was named Batman.
"Grrrrrraaaah!"
A huge boulder flew overhead with a howl, passing above Deathshot's head as he sat on Chen Tao's left shoulder and making his sphincter clench in terror.
Rat-a-tat-tat...
He pulled out a submachine gun and fired backward. The recoil and jolting made the flesh on his face ripple like waves rising over the Gotham River.
Even on that violently bouncing shoulder, his bullets still accurately nipped at Bane's eye area, forcing him to cover his face with his palm.
"We're done for!"
He shouted at Batman, "Why can't you go up there and fight Bane?"
Because I can't beat him, you idiot.
Chen Tao said, "To protect your safety, I can't fight Bane while also taking care of all of you."
Cheshire Cat immediately put on an expression like a cat who had been deeply moved, although she was wearing a mask and there was no way to tell what her face looked like.
"It's all right. You don't have to wor—"
Deathshot shot Cheshire Cat a sidelong glance. You actually believe his bullshit?
He fell into deep thought. Batman must have had a special reason, but he knew far too little right now and was completely in the dark.
"Your feet..."
"Shut up. You just ride. I'll think of a solution!"
"You..."
Chen Tao drifted with his prostate, barely dodging a huge boulder Bane threw at him. He said irritably, "What now?"
"Look ahead!"
Chen Tao turned his head and saw several buses blocking the road ahead. Several of Bane's subordinates stood on top of them, waiting for him to crash straight into them.
"So, do you have any ideas now?"
Chen Tao gritted his teeth.
"Super Baby" was a newly opened restaurant in Gotham City. To attract customers, all the waiters dressed up as superheroes, making for quite a sexy sight.
Inside, two police officers sat beside the transparent floor-to-ceiling windows, enjoying a sumptuous breakfast.
"Beep beep beep... Help! The Joker just robbed our bank! You have to—"
The slightly older officer exchanged a glance with the younger one, then nonchalantly switched off the communicator.
"Ah, it's fine. Batman will catch the Joker and take him back."
The younger officer said, "Exactly. We'd just have to clean up afterward anyway. Why bother?"
They exchanged another glance, found the kindred spirit of fellow slackers, and burst out laughing...
"..."
"So, are you two ordering anything else?" asked the waiter dressed as Harley Quinn, somewhat impatiently.
They added a few more dishes, and the older officer continued, "After spending so many years in Gotham, I can hardly be surprised by anything anymore."
"Yeah. The work will never get finished anyway. Remember when Poison Ivy robbed STAR Labs a couple of days ago? Gordon was running around like it was some huge emergency. And now? Hahahaha!"
"Exactly. Anything can happen in Gotham." The old officer took a sip of beer. "Even if I saw a dinosaur wearing roller skates on the street right now, I wouldn't find it strange. But how does that saying go? The sun still rises, and Batman can solve everything~"
The younger officer froze.
"?" The old officer looked strangely at the younger officer, who stood there like a wooden chicken.
"L-Look behind you!"
He turned his head and saw a gigantic green Tyrannosaurus, at least six meters tall, waddling down the street with a loud cawing roar.
It wore a somewhat tattered uniform exactly like Batman's, revealing anthropomorphically powerful arms and thighs wrapped in golden, spiked bracers. It wore a mask on its head—though on its dinosaur head, the mask might as well not have been there.
It held several indistinct little things in its left and right hands. They seemed to be several people and a large lizard.
"???"
The lively atmosphere inside the restaurant fell silent as everyone stared blankly outside, watching the dinosaur's tail disappear around the corner.
The two officers exchanged a glance.
"Hahahahahaha—"
"We must be seeing things. How could something like that possibly happen?"
They slapped each other's backs and laughed until they were out of breath, then fell silent together.
A tremendous boom rang out. It was unmistakably the sound of a rocket exploding.
The dinosaur came running back, now with two wheels on its feet, pursued by three people carrying rocket launchers and a muscle-bound giant.
"Roar!"
The two officers looked at each other.
"Eeeek—"
Bang!
The restaurant doors burst open. A large crowd of customers screamed and rushed outside together, successfully dining and dashing!
The two officers ran out of the restaurant, trembling as they drew their little pistols. They watched the giant green dinosaur race through the street, getting blocked here, blocked there, running from one side to the other.
Rockets flew everywhere and bullets sprayed wildly. Vehicles parked along the roadside were hit by rockets and flipped into the sky amid violent explosions, only to be caught by the muscle-bound giant as he leaped up and thrown at the dinosaur like shot-puts. People on the street wailed and fled in all directions, leaving chaos everywhere they passed.
Look at what you've protected!
Even while fleeing, the giant green dinosaur didn't forget to save people. One moment, he scooped up a little girl who was about to be struck by a falling streetlamp; the next, he grabbed a middle-aged man who had fallen down. Then he casually dropped them along the way, hopping and dodging left and right with the agility of a giant ape. The four people chasing him were so furious that smoke seemed to pour from their seven orifices, but how could they catch those long legs that slid more than ten meters with every step?
In the end, the huge fellow seemed to have finally been driven mad by the four relentless pursuers. He actually turned around and beat up two of the people carrying rocket launchers. Before those two could escape and before the muscle-bound giant could come over, the green dinosaur took off again—
He suddenly leaped into the air, planted the tires on his feet against a wall, and used the reaction force of their rotation to shoot up the wall with a whoosh. He jumped onto the roof, crushing a large section of roof tiles. The four pursuers climbed up after him, and the chase quickly vanished from sight, leaving only the two officers staring at each other.
Someone nearby wailed, "My car!" Flames and ruined wreckage covered the road. A fire hydrant exploded, soaking the two officers who failed to dodge in time and turning them into drowned rats.
The older officer sighed with serene detachment.
"All right, what exactly just happened? Was that dinosaur Batman?"
The younger officer calmly answered, "Who cares? Our job is cleaning up afterward. Damn, sometimes I feel like an NPC living in a video game."
"I feel the same way!" the old officer joked. "If this world were a book, the two of us would probably be the kind of nameless extras written into the background."
"Right, Sean!"
"Exactly, Boris!"
They slapped each other's backs and laughed until they were out of breath, then fell silent together.
"Damn it, we have to work again."
"Yeah, motherfucker."
"Wait. The street's going to get wrecked by some superhero or villain again after we finish cleaning it, so does it really make a difference whether we clean it now or later?"
"Hey—good point! Let's go back and eat. I only had half a bite of my doughnut."
And so, the two tough old Gotham regulars with hearts as strong as the American flag quickly accepted everything that had happened. After casually wiping their heads clean, they went back inside and continued eating breakfast.
Before you continue