Finish This Bowl of Chicken Soup Before Hitting the Road

After recounting the glorious deeds of the three Hokage, Mitarashi Shixiao's mouth had gone dry. But seeing Duke's awestruck expression, he felt it had not been wasted effort. At least the kid now understood Konoha's greatness. The satisfaction of being a role model +1.

You actually don't know anything, do you! Duke struggled over whether to tell Mitarashi Shixiao the truth, but after thinking it over, he kept his mouth shut. This was a scandal among the higher-ups; knowing too much would do him no good. Better let him continue living happily in ignorance.

"Kid, after hearing all that, what are your thoughts?" Mitarashi Shixiao asked expectantly. After all I've said, shouldn't you be bowing down and shouting that you'll contribute to Konoha's construction?

"Thoughts... lots of them!" Duke was close to breaking down. So this was brainwashing!

"Oh? Let's hear them!"

The two entered a dango shop, ordered a few skewers and a pot of water. Mainly because Mitarashi Shixiao had talked for so long that he was thirsty.

"Uh, how should I put this?" Duke recalled the lines from the 7:30 broadcast and organized his words. "Konoha ninjas must faithfully carry out the basic policies and various directives set by the Hokage. They must take the lead in the glorious mission of defending the village and participating in all aspects of Konoha's development, inspiring villagers to strive tirelessly for economic development and social progress. In production, work, study, and daily life, they must play exemplary, leading, core, and bridging roles. They must become examples and models for the villagers. Only then can Konoha become even more prosperous..."

Duke spouted nonsense with a straight face. Even though he had only changed a few words, the flavor remained unchanged. As he kept rambling on and on, Mitarashi Shixiao's jaw dropped lower and lower, until he was utterly overwhelmed. Amazing. I'm ashamed to admit I can't compare to this level. If I had this ability, I'd already be the Hokage's assistant. Becoming an elder someday wouldn't even be a problem! I need to write this down. The Hokage will definitely love hearing it.

One talked while the other took notes, and they rambled on for half an hour until Duke's throat felt like it was smoking. Is this guy stupid? I've been spewing this much nonsense and he still hasn't stopped me. These words may be useful, but they don't fit this world at all!

"Is that it?" Mitarashi Shixiao asked, still wanting more. Keep going! I'm not satisfied yet. Whether I can become an elder in the future depends on you!

Duke lowered his head without answering. He had already exhausted every bit of knowledge in his head. Under the proprietress's disdainful gaze, he drank three cups of water in a row. These two poor bastards had come in, ordered only three skewers of dango, occupied a table, and then asked for five pots of water. Was water free?

Just as Mitarashi Shixiao was still unsatisfied and wanted Duke to say a little more, several ninjas in green flak jackets walked in. Spotting Mitarashi Shixiao in casual clothes, they all greeted him.

"It's Lord Shixiao!"

"I never expected to run into you here! No official business today?"

"Madam, we'll share this table. Bring us three more pots of water!"

"..." The proprietress silently turned around and added three pots of water. Then she put up a sign at the entrance. It read: Minimum purchase of ten skewers. If you wish to chat, tea and water will be charged.

"It's you guys! Haven't seen you in a while. How have things been lately?" Seeing familiar faces, Mitarashi Shixiao happily began chatting with them. After a round of meaningless small talk, they turned the topic to Duke.

"What a cute little girl. What's her name? How old is she?"

"Mitarashi Duke. I'm four years old, and I'm a boy."

"Oh! I know, I know. I heard yesterday that she's Lord Shixiao's illegitimate daughter."

I said I'm a boy!

"I know too. My neighbor's second aunt's colleague's youngest aunt's third great-uncle lives next door to Lord Shixiao. There was quite a commotion that night. An illegitimate daughter coming to the door—what a wealthy family scandal!"

Are you even listening to me? I said I'm a boy!

"Yeah, yeah! I heard about it from my fourth uncle's maid's grandson's second cousin's in-law too. They say the illegitimate daughter incident even alerted the Hokage Guard!"

Damn it, I'm a boy!

"I heard it from my Ninja Dog! It heard it from the lesbian lover of the mistress of the Inuzuka Clan's Sixth Brother! Incredible. An illegitimate daughter came knocking, yet it was resolved peacefully and everyone remained unharmed."

Fine, as long as you're happy!

"I'm so jealous. As expected of Lord Shixiao—he really knows how to manage his wife!"

Damn it, even dogs know now! And that Ninja Dog, do you have to be this gossipy? You're a dog! What the hell is the lesbian lover of the mistress of the Inuzuka Clan's Sixth Brother? You dogs are the truly impressive ones here! You've ruined the whole dog community's moral standards!

Mitarashi Shixiao was about to go mad. At this rate, all of Konoha might know. Maybe even the Hokage was using the Telescope Technique to watch the spectacle. Thinking of how he had nodded and bowed, begging desperately back then, and how it was now spreading throughout Konoha, Mitarashi Shixiao went completely pale.

Life was so hard. Life was truly so hard!

"Uncle, stay strong!" Duke patted Mitarashi Shixiao's shoulder, gave him a thumbs-up, and flashed gleaming White Fang. "Life isn't about waiting out the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain. Believe in yourself. You can do it!"

Bastard, who wants to drink your bowl of chicken soup? Who do you think caused me to become like this? How can your teeth be so white? My dream of becoming an elder is completely hopeless, all because of you!

Overcome with grief and indignation, Mitarashi Shixiao grabbed Duke by the collar and vanished from outside the shop in a flash.

"Madam, I'll pay for the dango next time. Put it on my tab for now."

"..." Speechless, the proprietress thought, My Konoha shop has been in business for twenty years. What kind of ninja haven't I seen? But I really haven't seen one like you. You need credit for three skewers of dango? How henpecked are you? She turned around and added another sign at the entrance: Small business, thin profits. Please do not ask for credit.

After thinking about it, she still felt uneasy, so she added a line of small print beneath it: Middle-aged henpecked customers with purple hair are not welcome.

After returning home, Mitarashi Shixiao found that Natsuki was not there, nor was Anko. He guessed that mother and daughter had probably gone visiting, and he immediately became restless. What will happen if Natsuki finds out that the image of a virtuous wife and loving mother she painstakingly maintained for years has collapsed overnight? She'll break, won't she? What if she gives up on herself and directly reveals her true nature? How am I supposed to live after that? Is my peaceful, quiet life really going to end like this?

Looking at Duke's innocent, blank expression, Mitarashi Shixiao wished he could cover him from head to toe in Explosive Tags and send him to the Hokage's Office for some targeted blasting.

Kid, I can see it now. You and the Hokage are in this together, aren't you? You teamed up to screw me over, right? Lord Hokage, I've already forgotten that office scandal from that day. Stop digging pits for me! Your pit is too deep! A huge pit inside a small pit, a small pit inside an old pit. There's water in the pit, mud in the water, shit in the mud, and damn it, poison in the shit! It's only been three days. If it goes on for three months, you'll probably need to find a new Anbu Captain.

Seeing Mitarashi Shixiao looking utterly dead inside, as though he were ready to turn on the gas and apologize to the world, Duke decided to say something to stop him.

"The road you choose for yourself must be walked to the end, even if you have to crawl on your knees."

"..."

After swallowing another bowl of motivational chicken soup, Mitarashi Shixiao felt chilled to the core. He instantly made up his mind: before turning on the gas, he would kill this kid first, so he could not continue harming Konoha.

"Shixiao, are you back already?"

Before Mitarashi Shixiao could make a move, Natsuki entered the house carrying Little Anko. Mitarashi Shixiao shuddered in fright, hurriedly took Little Anko and handed her to Duke, then served tea and water while massaging Natsuki's shoulders and back. Duke took Little Anko and started playing their big-eye staring game again. Little Anko giggled happily and grabbed Duke's hair.

"Dear, I just went visiting at the home of the youngest aunt of the third uncle-in-law of Seventh Aunt from the next street, and I heard a very interesting piece of gossip. Come with me, into the room. I'll tell you all about it slowly." Natsuki smiled as she linked arms with Mitarashi Shixiao, a cold glint flashing through her eyes.

"Let's skip the slowly part. The Anbu still has official business..." As Natsuki pulled him along, Mitarashi Shixiao's hairs stood on end. He was about to make an excuse when he saw the malice flash in her eyes. Sooner or later, I'm going to die anyway. I'll risk it today. Maybe there's still a chance to save this.

"But no matter how important the work is, it can wait. Dear, your matters are the most important."

"That's good. I wouldn't want to delay your work."

"Hehehe, bye-bye, Daddy!" Little Anko turned around and waved.

"We'll probably meet again..." Mitarashi Shixiao forced a smile as he was dragged away, leaving only a lonely, desolate silhouette for the next person to see.

Duke sympathized with someone suffering from terminal henpecked syndrome. His misfortune was worth reflecting upon for every man. So the question was: excavator... ah, no, what had made a powerful man like Mitarashi Shixiao so afraid of his wife?

Judging from his words, behavior, and the attitudes of the other ninjas, Mitarashi Shixiao was either in a high position or extremely strong. In any case, he could not be some ordinary ninja of mediocre strength. What, you don't believe it? Have you even read the original story? Before Orochimaru defected, his daughter Anko was his only true disciple in Konoha. What kind of person was Orochimaru? The Third Hokage's designated successor and the leading candidate for Hokage. If his scandal had not been exposed, that warm blond guy would never have gotten the position.

Unless Anko possessed peerless talent and was a super genius like Minato Namikaze, why would one of the Sannin personally take her as a disciple? Was Anko a super genius? Obviously not. Anko, whose ceiling was merely Jonin, had nothing to do with genius. Therefore, Orochimaru's purpose in accepting Anko as his personal disciple was obvious. He needed Mitarashi Shixiao's power to support his bid for Hokage. Yet this very powerhouse, whom even Snake Uncle had wanted to win over, suffered from henpecked syndrome so severe that he could be issued a critical condition notice.

Konoha women were really fierce! Naruto's mother had been just as formidable, if he remembered correctly. The dignified Fourth Hokage, the Yellow Flash who had shaken the ninja world, had been trained into a good family man with excellent cooking skills. Truly... delightful.

"Anko, when you grow up, you must become a virtuous, kind, good woman." Duke held Little Anko's thumb, and the two hooked pinkies to make their promise. That tomboy from the original story, with her wild and carefree personality, was basically the ultimate evolved form of a zombie. Unacceptable. His Anko would definitely grow into a perfect woman.