A Monster Named Loneliness

"It's so cold."

Her hair was suddenly ruffled by the wind, causing Hua Xin to murmur softly.

As soon as she got out of the car, a gust of cold wind blew past her. The biting wind seemed to penetrate her clothes as if they were nothing, and the piercing chill rose up her spine, making her shiver.

The drowsiness I felt in the car just now vanished without a trace.

During the several-hour car journey, Hua Xin hardly slept the whole way, unlike when she traveled with Xia Yan to see the sea in Li Xue's car. Although she was still a little sleepy, it was not as good as chatting with Xia Yan.

If Hua Xin's previous confusion and entanglement with the identities of "Gu Xin Hua" and "Hua Xin" led to a somewhat distant relationship with Xia Yan, after resolving everything and confiding in him, she now longs to talk to Xia Yan and spend more time by his side.

What is this like?

This feeling of "having someone to rely on"?

In the past, if she wanted to do something or buy something, she would watch a lot of videos and read a lot of bloggers' sharing, compare prices from three different stores, or just blindly press an app and assume that everything was the choice of Steins; Gate.

But things are different now.

Xia Yan knows a lot of things; it seems like there's nothing he doesn't know.

It wasn't just about their shared interests, but about things in their "life."

The brothers mostly talk about things they can't talk about with their parents or partners, such as complaints and interests that only they know about.

Having recently transitioned from Online Relationship to an offline one, they naturally wouldn't discuss overly depressing topics.

But when the words "brothers" and "lovers" are combined, a new topic emerges.

"Life".

Please, they're living together now.

While in the car earlier, Hua Xin wanted to buy some clothes. If we disregard the issues of fit or quality, buying online would definitely be more cost-effective compared to buying in physical stores.

She naturally thought this way, caring only about saving money and not caring about anything else.

But Xia Yan already knew what kind of life Hua Xin had been living before. Although Hua Xin had never told him or complained about her past, how could Xia Yan not guess?

If in the past, the desire to become stronger and grow was to gain "recognition," to be accepted and to prove oneself, and that's why I persevered all the way, now it's all about protecting the people around me, being able to live a better life with Hua Xin than before, and living happily together.

Xia Yan, who was against it, naturally wanted to wait until they returned to their grandfather's house after the New Year before making the purchase.

Xia Yan roughly understood what kind of emotion she was feeling.

She's already suffered enough. If life with him is still the same as before, then what has he even tried?

However, Hua Xin insisted that "money should not be spent indiscriminately, but should be spent in a hierarchical, purposeful, and necessary way, with spending first leading to spending later."

Through this exchange, Hua Xin and Xia Yan understood each other's thoughts.

She wanted to make some plans for the future.

But money isn't something you can save; if you need to spend it, don't be too stingy.

He wanted her to learn to be kinder to herself.

You can say to him, "I want this, buy it for me!"

From Hua Xin's perspective, she is more of a homemaker, while Xia Yan wants Hua Xin to rely on him more.

In this way...

The compromise was finally reached: we'll go shopping and have a date together.

"The wind from the north is strong, do you want to hide behind me?"

Although both of them were wearing heavy clothes, Hua Xin, who rarely experienced this kind of weather, still found it hard to accept for a while. Fortunately, the sun was shining brightly today and it was a little warmer than usual. It wasn't as unbearable as a day without sunshine but with wind and snow, where it felt like your ears would freeze off if you stayed outside for even a short while.

"Pshaw, I'm not some little kid who'll fall over at the slightest breeze. Just make sure you don't catch a cold."

Seeing Xia Yan's question as if he were treating a child, Hua Xin stubbornly took a step and walked towards the exit station.

He followed immediately.

As Xia Yan looked at the girl with long hair and wearing a down jacket, who was walking around and looking around curiously, the loneliness he used to feel when he came to this station alone seemed to have quietly and slowly disappeared from the depths of his memory.

He comes back every year, although he doesn't have any deep memories of this place.

His childhood memories were all in Shanghai, as were his struggles and hardships as an adult. Although that city didn't evoke any strong feelings of "hometown" or "warmth" in him, it was there that he met Hua Xin, the person who changed his life.

In my memory, ever since he tore away the last fig leaf that my parents had left to hide their secret thoughts, the house, which used to be occasionally lively, has been deserted ever since.

When he was a child, he lived with Xia Zhongshan. He would only stay at his grandfather's house for a few nights when there was no other way. As their "business trips" became longer and longer, he, being young and lacking life skills, had to stay alone in that big house for long periods of time.

Later, he moved to his grandfather's house because his parents hadn't been back for a very long time.

Even when he made a careful call, the only response he received was, "Adults are at work, don't cause trouble," and the call was hung up before he could say anything.

How should I describe it?

Even a thousand words could hardly express what kind of mindset little Xia Yan had when he carried his schoolbag and walked to his grandfather's house, which was quite far away.

All he remembered was how terrifying the house was, as if a monster lurked inside.

But now, in his "home," there will never be any monsters that would frighten Xia Yan again.

"Should we buy some gifts? Wouldn't it be impolite to come empty-handed?"

Hua Xin tugged at Xia Yan's clothes and said very seriously.

Although Xia Yan wanted to say no, he could sense Hua Xin's nervousness.

After all, this was the first time he had brought her grandfather along.

"Shall we buy some New Year's goods?"

"Great! I'm going to show off my cooking skills during the New Year!"

Thirteen Spices Fried Rice?

"... If you want to eat it, I can go home and make it for you, but I don't want to mistreat the elderly during the Chinese New Year."

The weather is a bit cold, and there are many more footprints on the ground in the north.

Hua Xin naturally took Xia Yan's arm, and the two walked along chatting and laughing.

Suddenly, Xia Yan remembered it.

What was that monster, and why did it leave such a lasting and unforgettable fear in my young self?

Perhaps...

It must be a monster called "Loneliness".