Chapter 84

She understood this point. After all, only men truly understand men, right?... Before Niu Niu left, she was a purebred tough guy, how could she not understand the thoughts of these shrimp-headed men who let their fantasies run wild online?! Want a reward? She won't accept it! Except when playing games with Lao Shui and talking a lot on voice chat, she didn't like to chatter incessantly when playing games alone. So, she would only say a few words in the last few seconds before the stream ended. Thinking of Lao Shui, she sighed softly. The girl turned off the computer, and the computer, which had been roaring for hours, finally stopped working and rested for a while; the temperature of the case dropped. Hua Xin slowly lay down on the bed. "Phew..." Her numb and sore wrists and waist also got a rest at this moment. Hua Xin relaxed and put her hands behind her head, closed her eyes, and calmly listened to the wind blowing through the leaves and the chirping of insects outside. This feeling was good. But another week passed. Another week passed. Her hand unconsciously went to her heart. That day in the library, after witnessing Lin Qingyu and Liu Ruoyun vying for Xia Yan, and hearing Xia Yan's words, she felt strange. Her feelings towards Xia Yan were strange. Although everything seemed normal, as long as she wore a mask and hood and used a disguised voice, she was still Xia Yan's good brother and friend. She replied to his messages online, played games together, and laughed happily while listening to his silly voice, both teasing and refuting him. Even though she knew that Lao Shui and Xia Yan were the same person. Even though she knew Xia Yan was her good friend, and Lao Shui was her Online Relationship boyfriend—an Online Relationship whose only goal was to Explode Gold Coins. The shock and shame she felt before seemed to disappear in her interactions with Xia Yan, returning her to normalcy. Hua Xin felt her heartbeat. It seemed to be accelerating again. Actually, her concept of gender wasn't strong. Even if this felt like a dream, or some joke from gods or deities. Whether male or female, she had already told herself before. Hua Xin was Hua Xin. Without Xia Yan's appearance, she wouldn't be there; she would definitely still be hiding in this house. She knew that. What she had always longed for was that distant yet unattainable care and friendship. Longing, yet afraid. Afraid of Xia Yan's approach, suspicious of Xia Yan's approach, confused by Xia Yan's approach. It wasn't that she hadn't hoped, "Perhaps all of this is true, Xia Yan really wants to be friends with me, there really is someone who wouldn't mind someone like me." But more than that, it was a girl's almost instinctive rejection. Because without expectation, disappointment wouldn't feel so heart-wrenching. Hua Xin gently sat up; the game she used to numb her distracted mind had failed. She looked at the starry sky outside, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen beside her ear behind her ear with one hand. When did she become so accustomed to such a feminine gesture? So dark, so very dark. There were unusually few stars today, only a moon faintly emitting light, not as dazzling as the sun during the day. Tomorrow would probably be another rainy day. "Should I go for a walk like this?" Suddenly, this thought popped into Hua Xin's mind. "Like this, as I am now." "Want to go for a walk?" the girl murmured softly, but a faint smile involuntarily appeared on her face. The moon in her sight seemed to transform into the blinding sun of daytime. Just like the scene she saw that night at the school's welcome party. The same light that illuminated her heart. That person holding a birthday cake. 77. Hua Xin should be preceded by "Xin"! It's not a joke, nor is it baseless. When people want to do something, it seems they don't need a reason. Although it's already very late. As usual, she put on her Little White Shoes and the pants she had cut herself, but this time she didn't tie that suffocating strip of cloth around her chest that would leave red marks on the slime. She put on a short-sleeved shirt as a kind of underwear, and then put on her black hoodie over it. The oversized hoodie easily concealed the bulge in her chest, which is why Xia Yan didn't notice anything unusual that night during the National Day holiday. At 12:23 AM, many people were already sound asleep, dreaming sweet or bizarre dreams, or lying in bed reflecting on their past mistakes and regrets. But mistakes cannot be undone, and regrets cannot be erased. Even doing something enjoyable to temporarily numb oneself, the fleeting dopamine rush is nothing compared to a simple "goodnight" or "are you okay?" Hua Xin felt lost. What was right, and what was wrong? Thursdays and Fridays, as usual, involved reviewing with Xia Yan for a while after class, followed by spending time in the grove with Chun Qiu near dusk, listening to the wind rustling through the leaves. In the evenings, she would bicker, chat, and play games with "Lao Shui" (her boyfriend). Hua Xin really wished she hadn't discovered Xia Yan was Lao Shui, and wanted to continue living peacefully, but reality was reality. Ah... She stared blankly down at the black mask that had somehow ended up in her hand. It wasn't the kind of medical mask she usually wore. This mask had been with her since childhood, long since becoming too small as she grew older, but now, thanks to that supernatural phenomenon, it fit her perfectly. A hint of tenderness flashed in her eyes as the girl gently folded the mask and put it away. Then, she picked up her keys, put them in her pocket, and with a creak, pulled open the door handle and went out. The hallway was quiet. She carefully closed the door and descended the stairs step by step, feeling somewhat uneasy. "Whoosh!" Hua Xin instantly closed her eyes. Her long, flowing hair, which had been falling smoothly down her back, was blown by a strong gust of wind, with a few strands clinging tightly to her cheeks. She really should have tied it into a ponytail... The girl silently tidied her hair, even smoothing the bangs that were obscuring her eyes. Without the hood and the strands of hair obscuring her vision, everything seemed clearer than ever before. She walked alone in the night, her hands behind her back. The scene in the neighborhood was both familiar and unfamiliar. It had been familiar a long time ago, but now it felt strange. Hua Xin, guided by her memories, walked to a small park resembling a recreational area. The lawn where she used to lie and daydream as a child had been replaced by clumps of grass for landscaping. If she wanted to lie down there again, wouldn't she be swarmed by insects? The thought of those tiny yet incredibly mobile insects... sent a chill down her spine, and she fearfully moved away from the nearby grass. Absolutely not. "The fruit trees that bear fruit, the apricot trees that bloom pink in spring but whose color fades over time..." "Even that old, worn-out trash can..." "It's all gone..." The girl calmly watched everything she was "familiar" disappear, her eyes showing no lingering attachment, but rather a hint of relief. And the park not far away that she had visited with Xia Yan before. That little corner had also vanished. She continued walking forward, the streetlights increasing in number, stretching her shadow long.