You Called Yourself Shit? Well, That's a Great Name

The moment he heard that slightly accented "hometown language," Murphy immediately realized what sort of creatures he had summoned. A surge of joy welled up inside him.

They weren't the burning Titans who wielded giant swords and stood ready to destroy the world, as he'd hoped. But in a sense, these two represented something even more terrifying than world-ending Titans.

Still, they'd called him an NPC?

So, in their eyes, this was a game?

Hah. The wisdom of mortals!

Murphy had lived here for a month. He could say for certain that this wasn't some virtual game, but a real, alternate world. Which meant that, in theory, these two little players had experienced a trip to another world themselves.

And the best part was that they had no idea.

In that instant, Murphy narrowed his eyes and started outlining tens of thousands of words' worth of plans for the future in his mind. But he quickly calmed down.

The most important thing right now was to keep these two under control and reinforce their preconceptions, lest the truth scare them off.

Just like the first conversation with a new employee!

Drawing them a big, beautiful carrot was basic. If he wanted to take things further, he could talk about ideals and ambitions. As someone who'd spent over a decade struggling to get by in the working world, Murphy knew all about that.

New Player Tutorial (1/6): First Summoning (Complete)

Reward: Test invitation codes replenished to 10.

Notice: 2 invitation codes have been used. Send out the remaining codes?

Developer's Note: Some things aren't better in greater quantities, just as other things aren't better when they're bigger. Sometimes small is cute. Most of the time, you need to take things one step at a time. You can't see a hole and immediately get worked up about rushing inside.

I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.

"Send them! Why wouldn't I?"

At the prompt, Murphy immediately chose to send out all eight remaining invitation codes. What good were two little players?

They couldn't even clear a dungeon!

The locals might think Murphy was incapable of summoning more spirited little players. Besides, he was saddled with a mission that could get him killed, so the more help, the better.

But even after he confirmed the invitations, the display for "Summon Otherworldly Creatures" still read 2/2.

It seemed recruiting "testers" took time. Murphy didn't understand how this worked in the players' world, but that clearly wasn't something he needed to worry about right now.

New Player Tutorial (2/6): Direct Testers Through the Initial Basic Tests (Walking, Jumping, Attacking, and Daily Activities); Test Duration: 30 Minutes.

Reward: New Feature Unlocked.

Developer's Note: Every new project is bound to encounter all kinds of bugs and complaints. When you run into problems, don't panic. Take a deep breath first. You can't solve them anyway, so just make something up and cover it over.

That shouldn't be too hard for you, right?

"Ahem."

Murphy pursed his lips and cleared his throat, making the two little players—who were hopping around and looking curiously at everything—turn to him.

He really needed to get these two under control!

The shorter one was more conservative, trying to take off the boxer shorts that had come with him into the "game." The taller one had already gone to rummage through the basement trash.

Hell, what was he going to find down there besides all the liquor bottles belonging to Triss, the King of Cripples? Was he trying to collect seven broken bottles to summon the King of Cripples and fulfill his dream of becoming a cripple in another world?

Don't do anything stupid, brother. You already had a living example of the consequences right in front of you!

"Heh heh heh. These summons are surprisingly high-quality this time."

Murphy let out a laugh in the gloomy voice vampires were known for.

His eyes glimmered in the dark basement. The dancing crimson light made the shorter player shrink back, muttering that it was pretty creepy.

No kidding!

An ordinary person would have been scared stiff to encounter a genuine vampire like Murphy in a dark basement. Only fearless little players would still have the nerve to crack jokes.

"Rude and indecent wretches, stand up straight!"

Murphy put on his best NPC voice, rested a hand on his sword hilt, and flicked his right hand. A faint spark of dark psionic energy gathered at his fingertip and shot out, startling the player rummaging through the trash.

"Listen! I'm preparing something important. Unfortunately, this world is full of fools, so I can only turn to other worlds for help. You two are a little weak, but you seem quite clever.

"You might be able to help."

The vampire tugged his hood lower, doing his best to cultivate an air of darkness.

He rubbed his chin and said,

"But first, I need to see whether you're healthy, whether you have enough energy, and whether you're sharp enough. I won't accept defective goods. If you fail my test, I'll offer you up to the terrifying vampire witch upstairs as 'backup blood bags.'"

He tried to scare the two little players, but couldn't detect the slightest trace of fear on their faces. That left him feeling rather defeated. He waved a hand, then turned away and said,

"Go ahead and look around. This long-neglected place is barely fit to live in, but I don't have time to explore its secrets, hidden here for over three hundred years.

"Go on. Put your intelligence to work, then bring the most valuable things you can find upstairs to meet me in thirty minutes.

"That's your first test.

"Oh, and remember my name. Remember the being who summoned you from another world into this living one.

"My name is Murphy!

"Ravnos Murphy Lasombra.

"I am your guide and your protector. I am your beginning and your destination!"

With that, Murphy ignored the two players still standing there in a daze and quickly vanished through the basement entrance like a shadow in the night.

The door slammed shut. The unlucky vampire, playing an NPC for the first time, let out a long, shaky breath.

"Damn, making a grand exit and running off is thrilling."

As he spoke, he crouched down again and peered through a crack in the wall beside the basement door. The two little players were already busy, searching every corner of the vast basement.

Murphy hadn't lied to them.

The basement was as old as the manor, easily three hundred years old. But there was nothing valuable in it.

Still, all their activity would be enough to satisfy his second tutorial task.

Murphy soon found himself worrying again. How was he supposed to explain the origins of these two "otherworldly creatures" to Triss, the lady of the manor?

Maybe he could say they were his blood thralls?

But the players' bizarre behavior, so out of step with this world, and their language were both major problems. Maybe he could have the two little players pretend to be mute?

Come to think of it, he still hadn't asked their names.

That was incredibly rude!

For an NPC, that was a terrible oversight. In theory, even if a player named himself Shit, Murphy would have to smile and praise it as a great name.

Never mind. He could make up for it later.

Murphy hurried back to the main house to pack a few things. But the moment he entered, he saw that Triss wasn't resting. Instead, she was standing by the window, entirely unlike her usual self.

Like a statue, she gazed absently at the view of Cadman City outside. She didn't even notice the irritating sunlight falling across her fingers.

Wisps of gray smoke rose from Triss's pale fingers. It was the first sign that a vampire was being burned by sunlight.

"What are you doing? Have you finally realized how miserable your life is and decided to kill yourself in some creative way and start over? Too late! Five hundred years too late, so please just keep living."

Murphy hurried over and shoved Triss away from the window. Then he swiftly pulled down the blinds, plunging the room into darkness.

"Ahem."

Triss awoke with a fit of violent coughing. Murphy took a handkerchief and wrapped it around her burned fingers, then asked softly,

"Does the wound hurt again?"

"I'm fine."

Triss didn't seem to mind. She appeared used to the pain. She tried to bandage herself, but she was so weak that she needed Murphy's help.

Murphy knew exactly why Triss was so weak.

It had happened a month ago.

The real vampire Murphy, unwilling to live as a cripple, had tried to perform some dangerous psionic summoning ritual in the manor basement. The source of the ritual was anyone's guess, but something had gone wrong.

The violent psionic energy from the astral plane had nearly torn him apart.

By chance, Triss hadn't been drunk that day. She'd fought to rescue her childe from the psionic explosion, at the cost of further worsening her already dreadful health.

But to be precise, the real Murphy, who'd wanted to defy fate, had gotten exactly what he wished for: he'd died in that failed ritual.

The person Triss had rescued was someone else.

But without her, Murphy would have bled to death on the night he arrived in this world, becoming history's first vampire to die of anemia and earning a place in the annals of infamy.

That was why Murphy had been tirelessly looking after Triss for the past month. He knew how to repay a kindness, especially one that had saved his life.

They said that hardship revealed true feelings. After a month of "living together in poverty" in another world, Murphy had developed a sense of being bound together by fate with his unreliable elder. After all, no matter how rundown this house was, it was still better than having him sleep on the street, wasn't it?

The former Blood Eagle elder watched Murphy bow his head as he bandaged her fingers. For a moment, the dilapidated room fell quiet.

The silence was so deep, they could almost hear their hearts beating.

Vampires had heartbeats too, just far, far slower than those of ordinary people.

After a dozen seconds, Triss spoke.

"I was just thinking about my life over the past century. Little Murphy, I've sired so many people. Most of them were driven out of Transia and left to fend for themselves. A few struggled to survive in the Blood Eagle Clan, but they all did their best to distance themselves from a cripple like me. Yet trouble always found them.

"I remember a time when I made a comfortable living by siring those who feared death. That's why they called me 'Triss, who'd sell anything for money.'

"I've met all sorts of people, but you're the exception.

"Little Murphy, you're the only one who's stayed by my side, looking after me like a blood thrall. It's made me feel, for a little while, as though I were living the ordinary but warm life that those silly mortals long for.

"Still, it's time for you to leave.

"You've grown up.

"You should learn to stay away from danger, and from misfortune."

"But how are you supposed to travel any distance like this?"

Murphy immediately understood what Triss meant, but the crafty veteran of the working world chose to play dumb. He looked at Triss, who could barely stand on her own, and shook his head.

"Don't worry. I asked those bastards who sent me to my death for a few blood thralls. I'll leave some here to look after you when I go. Don't worry about me.

"It's dangerous work, but I think I'll make it back alive.

"Once you're feeling a little better, we'll talk about where to go next."

"Pfft."

Triss stared at Murphy with wide eyes, then covered her mouth and laughed.

She'd meant for Murphy to leave on his own, but the little fellow still wanted to take her—the dead weight—along with him. What a sweet, naïve young man.

"What are you laughing at?"

Murphy asked irritably. Triss waved a hand and said,

"Nothing. I just thought of something funny. Hmm, my clothes fit you pretty well. You've got a handsome face. Wait, why is it so noisy downstairs?

"Did thieves break into the house?

"Wonderful!

"Now we have dinner!

"Ah, thank you, Mother of Night, for this gift! We'll celebrate the Blood Feast early today."

Triss heard the noise from the basement and immediately perked up, her vampire fangs showing. But Murphy quickly stopped her and waved a hand.

"It's nothing. Those blood thralls I asked for are cleaning up. Don't worry about them. Get some rest and come out after dark. I'll prepare dinner for you before I leave.

"I'll be back in a week at most. I promise.

"And don't drink too much."

He helped Triss back to her bedroom on the second floor, made sure the windows were tightly covered, then left to pack his own bags.

Thirty minutes later, Murphy stood at the basement entrance, looking at the items the two smug little players had brought him.

Two unopened bottles of dwarf ale.

The labels said they were two hundred and fifty years old. They'd make a perfect gift for Triss.

An exquisite drinking set inside a rotting box. He didn't know where it came from, but it looked a little like elven art. It had probably been left behind by the manor's previous owner.

And finally, a battered pocket watch with a dented case.

Murphy recognized it.

It was the thing the real Murphy had dropped in the basement the night the psionic blast sent him flying. There was still bloodstain on it.

But those three items weren't even the most astonishing things they'd found.

He glanced at the pile of coins at his feet. Besides rusty copper pieces and dull silver coins, it held several gleaming gold coins from Porsia.

Murphy eyed the two panting little players suspiciously. Where on earth had they found all this stuff?

He'd lived here for a month, yet hadn't found half as much in the manor as these two had in thirty minutes.

So this was the terrifying talent players possessed?

"Not bad. You did very well! I'm impressed, warriors from another world."

Murphy pulled back his hood, revealing his handsome face, and spoke kindly to the two players.

"I've seen your keen potential. You're exactly the helpers I need! Now, return to your world and get ready!

"Once I've made all the preparations, I'll summon you again, along with the other otherworldly spirits I've selected. Then you'll have the great honor of taking part in my grand plan!

"Heh, I look forward to seeing you again.

"Oh, what are your names?

"Please understand, but I must record this moment so that, a hundred years from now, bards can sing of the beginning of our legend."

The two players looked at each other, puffed out their chests, and shouted in unison in response to Murphy's question:

"My name is Meow King!"

"My name is Leading Pigeon!"

No wonder I picked these little players. Those names really are absurd! They've got that surreal charm.

Murphy swallowed his laughter and gave them an approving nod. With all the dignity an NPC should have, he smiled and said,

"Those are excellent names, perfectly suited to your keen minds and bravery. Now, my warriors, until we meet again."

He raised a hand and dismissed the summons.

The players' bodies quickly dissolved into points of light before his eyes, like psionic energy unwinding the very process that had woven them into being. At last, only a cluster of lights remained, circling Murphy before settling to the ground.

New Player Tutorial (2/6): Basic Controls Test (Complete)

Reward: Perception and Reconnaissance Feature Unlocked.

Notice: You can now scout targets to obtain certain information. However, this action can be detected and is therefore somewhat dangerous.

Developer's Note: There are two prerequisites for using this ability well. First, you can't be a paladin! Second, you can't have a habit of kicking down tavern doors.

Of course, if you're strong enough, cool enough, and don't mind deleting your character and starting over, then forget I said anything.

Beginner Tutorial Mission (3/6): First Live Combat. Direct the testers through a basic live-combat operations test, including but not limited to attacking, dodging, charging, dying, and releasing their souls.

Reward: 5 Test Invitation Codes; new feature unlocked.

Developer's Note: Since you've learned to walk and jump, why not go try slaying a dragon?

"?! The difficulty just shot through the roof! And what the hell is this note? Hah, I'm in a good mood, so I'll let it slide this time."

Murphy curled his lip and glanced around, then bent down to pick up the pile of money on the ground. Humming a tune, he left the estate to buy some food and drinks, so "King of Cripples," Triss, wouldn't starve to death while he was away.

The unlucky vampire kept to the shadows along the walls to avoid the sunlight. His steps were light, and he smiled from the bottom of his heart, nodding to everyone who passed by.

He was all about elegance.

But in his heart, Murphy was laughing without restraint:

"The little players sure are useful! They're just the thing for traveling, killing, and covering up the evidence. I still don't know what my grand plan is, but with you guys, what could stop me from accomplishing great things? Nyehahaha!

Tremble, world!

A legend will rise tonight!"

Please add this to your collection~