Couldn't Make Sense of It at All

Seeing the confusion in Wang Ge's eyes, as if he did not understand what she had just said, Gu Panyan raised her head and gazed up at the star-filled sky as she explained:

"Because of some personal reasons, I always assumed the worst of people. I always thought there weren't many good people around me...

Heh, you might think I'm just whining for no reason, or trying to get attention and sympathy. After all, I'm only seventeen or eighteen. Talking about human nature at this age probably seems especially stupid and childish."

Seeing that Wang Ge said nothing, she said indifferently, "No matter what you think, I'll keep going.

For that reason, I also thought you weren't a good person. Taking me out to skip school in the middle of the night, you must have had some ulterior motive."

"That's what I thought before, but looking at you now..." She suddenly turned her head and looked Wang Ge up and down. The corners of her lips curled into an exceptionally beautiful smile. "I'm suddenly not worried anymore."

She did not say why she was no longer worried, leaving Wang Ge a little dignity.

Even if he does have some ulterior motive, so what?

A man so sensitive that his whole body stiffens when someone says something in his ear—what bad intentions could he possibly have?

It was not exactly appropriate to put it that way, but that was roughly what she meant.

"I feel like you're insulting me." Wang Ge's face darkened like the bottom of a pot.

He was so mad. He had clearly achieved his goal, but he was still so mad!

I'd rather you kept your guard up around me!

This was the greatest insult to his dignity as a man that he had ever suffered!

"Don't be angry. At least this means you have a pretty good chance of winning me over now." Gu Panyan burst into laughter.

Wang Ge kept his mouth shut and said nothing.

Actually, I don't want to win you over at all. I just want you to study properly...

Seeing that Wang Ge did not speak, Gu Panyan did not mind. She looked up at the stars filling the sky, a faint smile lingering on her lips. "I still have to thank you, though. After all, you let me see so many stars, and...

I haven't been this happy in a very, very, very long time—not like today, not like right now."

Wang Ge continued to keep his mouth shut.

Nothing he said would have been appropriate in this situation.

The girl seemed to have opened her heart to him. The best thing he could do now was be a quiet listener.

"Let me lean on you for a bit."

Gu Panyan casually rested her back against him. She had tied up her hair, and her long ponytail draped over Wang Ge's shoulder. A few strands brushed across his face, making it itch.

Her hair was black and silky, faintly gleaming in the darkness. It gave Wang Ge the urge to hold it in his hand and play with it.

Unfortunately, the instant Gu Panyan leaned against him, his body had gone rigid. The girl's warm, soft body made him stiffen.

This body really was... Wang Ge sighed inwardly.

"When I used to live with Grandpa, we often watched the stars together at night. He taught me how to recognize constellations and told me the names of those stars. He said that was how he had tricked my grandma into marrying him."

Gu Panyan rested the back of her head on Wang Ge's shoulder and looked up at the sky, that faint smile never leaving her lips. "But I don't remember a single one anymore."

"Is the old man doing well?" Wang Ge realized that this "Grandpa" might be an important figure and asked.

"He's been in the ground for many years." Gu Panyan smiled soundlessly. "He lived out his natural life. The old man had a good reputation when he was alive, and his funeral was grand too. Everyone in the village came to see him off."

From her voice, she did not seem particularly sad, as though she had long since come to terms with it.

After a moment of silence, Wang Ge changed the subject. "Did you attend middle school in the countryside? It couldn't have been easy to get from a small place like that into First High School. Were you a top student in middle school?"

"No, I wasn't." Gu Panyan shook her head. "Middle school was much worse than high school, and my grades were firmly at the bottom of the class."

After a pause, she continued, "People in places like that generally had poor manners and cared too much about saving face. Their mouths were full of filth, and they would start fighting at the slightest disagreement. Violent extortion and brawls were common, and people taking leave from school over all sorts of incidents happened from time to time...

You probably never lived in that kind of environment, right? It was like sinking into a filthy, chaotic swamp. All that surged toward you was naked malice. You had to struggle so, so hard just to barely avoid being swallowed by that mud.

I had been struggling hard, but then my grandpa happened to pass away."

Gu Panyan paused, and Wang Ge fell silent as well.

"This world is truly disgusting," she said softly, then added, "So I stopped struggling."

"That was a very dark time."

Wang Ge remained silent, but Gu Panyan did not mind. She said in a low, self-mocking voice, "I wasn't swallowed by the mud, but I couldn't remain unstained by it either. I became part of the mud—perhaps even the filthiest, most chaotic, worst part of it."

After saying that, Gu Panyan did not speak for a long time. Wang Ge remained silent as well, and for a moment, the world was quiet except for their breathing.

His feelings were slightly complicated.

He could actually understand what Gu Panyan had said. In his previous life, he had grown up in the countryside too. Rural people were generally busy, not highly educated, and old-fashioned in their thinking. They also lacked discipline for their own children and neglected their upbringing. Nothing was obvious when the children were young, but by middle school, the problems began to show.

Being neglected at home, lacking love while growing up, receiving little discipline or excessively harsh discipline—problems like these could breed a great deal of resentment in children's hearts.

Some children chose to bottle that resentment up. As they kept bottling it up, they became introverted "good kids" who did not like to talk.

Some chose to vent that resentment, gradually becoming those delinquent little punks.

There were especially many students like that in schools in villages and small towns.

Wang Ge had attended that kind of school before, so he naturally understood that suffocating feeling.

It was just that in his previous life, he had believed his parents' nonsense that "studying hard is the only way out." He had always studied seriously and, aside from getting good grades, was not particularly noticeable, so those little punks had never targeted him.

But Gu Panyan was different. With her looks, she was destined to draw attention. Fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds were also at the age when they were curious about the opposite sex. Survival had already been difficult in that environment, and then she had suffered another blow...

Back then, she had only been a fourteen- or fifteen-year-old girl. Her relative had died, and she was surrounded by a pack of wolves, isolated and helpless.

No matter what choice she had made at the time, Wang Ge felt it was understandable.

"What did you do back then?" Wang Ge asked, already having thought of words to comfort her.

Gu Panyan said, "I sent everyone who had been harassing me to the hospital."

Wang Ge:?

...How was he supposed to understand that?