Freedom and Love Do Not Conflict

"No."

Chen Yanxi pursed her lips.

She refused him heartlessly, as always.

Although her attitude towards Wang Ge had changed significantly compared to before, the answer to this question remained the same.

Wang Ge was used to being rejected and didn't mind. He just said resentfully, "Alright, alright. You're so noble, detached from the low-level pleasures of love and romance. Go pursue your grand ambitions, and leave me, a lonely old man, to guard an empty room..."

What kind of nonsense is this... Chen Yanxi shook her head, unsure whether to laugh or cry. "There's no such thing as high-level or low-level when it comes to preferences."

"In the eyes of the public, people like you with ambitions are much more superior than someone like me, who has no great aspirations and just wants to lie flat," Wang Ge shrugged.

"Lying flat is also a kind of ideal. Society today emphasizes equality for all; no one is nobler than another. Ideals are the same, aren't they?"

"I completely agree with you. But comparison is the driving force of social progress. There are all sorts of comparisons everywhere, and ideals are no exception..."

They strolled casually down the street, maintaining a comfortable distance, chatting about inexplicable, nonsensical things.

Chen Yanxi truly cherished this feeling.

That evening, she wrote in her diary:

"I have to admit, being with Wang Ge is an incredibly tempting thing."

"With him, my current situation could greatly improve. I wouldn't need to work a part-time job anymore, wouldn't need to attend cram schools, wouldn't have to endure this suffocating family. I could do things I love, and even experience the sweet love described in books."

"All the beautiful things I've never experienced but have long yearned for, he can bring them to me with ease."

"More than once, I've thought, why not just say yes to Wang Ge? Being with him would be quite nice, easy and free. After all, I do like him, don't I?"

"It's like taking a shortcut in life, like having a cheat code. All I need to do is nod in agreement, and my world would change drastically, with all those beautiful things pouring in."

"But then again, where in this world is anything purely beautiful?"

"If there were, it would surely be a trap set by demons to lure people into depravity."

"It's not that I'm too proud or foolish, insisting on hardship and disdainful of shortcuts."

"It's just that what Wang Ge can give me is only the most superficial kind of beauty. It's founded on Wang Ge's affection for me. Once this affection disappears, the beauty will shatter instantly, leaving behind a mess."

"I'm not doubting Wang Ge's feelings for me, but as I told him during the day, nothing in this world is eternally unchanging. Everything has a shelf life."

"My parents loved each other dearly long ago. The smiles in their wedding photos were so sincere."

"But what about now?"

"Whether it's liking or disliking, love or hate, these feelings based on subjective human emotions are the most prone to spoiling. No matter how deep or unforgettable, they will gradually fade under the erosion of time."

"Even if Wang Ge could like me forever."

"But the beauty brought by others is, after all, not truly one's own."

"In this life, one shouldn't be shackled by these superficial things. In the long journey of life, there must be something that surpasses everything else, something worth pursuing even at the cost of one's life."

"That is the true beauty that belongs to oneself."

"For others, it might be ideals, justice, love, or perhaps a specific person or event."

"For me, it is freedom."

"The freedom to not be bound, to have my life completely dictated by myself."

"I've been bound for too long. Since childhood, my parents have never let me do anything I truly wanted to do. This has led me to develop an extreme craving for freedom, something I've never possessed."

"I know this craving is abnormal, perhaps even deformed."

"I don't want this deformed craving to affect my normal judgment of Wang Ge's feelings. To that end, I've repeatedly questioned my heart."

"What is it that I truly want?"

"Is it the beauty within reach just by embracing the person before me, or the deep-seated craving for freedom?"

"What does the freedom I desire look like?"

"Is it enough to escape this family? Is it enough to freely do things I like?"

"Through repeated self-questioning, self-reflection, and self-examination, I found the answer."

"In the face of freedom, love and all the beauty it brings are so fragile, minuscule, and vulnerable."

"Freedom is the entire meaning of existence for this person named Chen Yanxi."

"Doesn't Wang Ge like me precisely for this point? If, one day, I abandon my pursuit of freedom, the Chen Yanxi he likes will disappear, leaving behind only an empty shell indistinguishable from ordinary people."

"Then he won't like me anymore, and the beauty he brings will shatter like a bubble."

"Just as I said above."

"Thus, the logic is complete."

"And the freedom I desire is definitely not that simple. If I agree to Wang Ge, I can easily break free from my family's constraints with his help. But in doing so, I would owe him, our relationship would no longer be equal, and our feelings would no longer be pure."

"Isn't this just escaping one cage and entering another?"

"All intimate relationships are a form of shackles. I used to always say this. Now, as my thoughts mature, I need to add a prefix to this sentence."

"All unequal intimate relationships are a form of shackles. The deeper the bond, the stronger the shackles."

"It's not that I can't be with Wang Ge; freedom and love aren't mutually exclusive, but that must be built on equality."

"I'm not ignorant or inflexible. If I were a mediocre talent with no ability to break free from my family's constraints, I would naturally ask Wang Ge for help."

"But since I have the ability, I will gain my freedom through my own efforts."

"That way, when we meet again someday in the future, I can stand before him as an equal and, with a smile, accept this feeling that is composed entirely of affection and love, a feeling of unparalleled purity."

"I might end up with him, but definitely not now."

"..."

"After rereading the diary entries above, I suddenly realized I'm quite selfish."

"Relationships should be about two people, yet I've only been considering myself."

"I need to reflect."

"..."

"Examining myself again, I discovered that the reason I wasn't considering Wang Ge was probably because of that girl named Gu Panyan."

"I thought I didn't care about this, but I still felt a little uncomfortable inside, and I even had a bit of resentment towards Wang Ge. That's why I subconsciously didn't consider his feelings just now."

"--Even though I was always thinking about making it up to him before."

"Looking at it this way, this is probably 'jealousy'?"

"A very interesting feeling."

Please don't scold me, I don't understand many things. Please be more tolerant of me, a new author.

Also, I might revise this chapter a few times later and use some more beautiful words to embellish it, but the plot itself won't change, so rest assured.

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