Freedom and Love Do Not Conflict

"No."

Chen Yanxi pressed her lips together.

Another merciless rejection.

Although her attitude toward Wang Ge had changed greatly compared to before, the answer to this question had never changed.

Wang Ge was used to being rejected and did not mind. He merely said mournfully, "Fine, fine. You're so high-minded, above such lowly interests as romance and love. Go pursue your lofty ideals, leaving this lonely old man to guard an empty room..."

What kind of nonsense was this...? Chen Yanxi shook her head, half amused and half exasperated. "When it comes to preferences, how can there be any distinction between high and low?"

"In the eyes of the masses, people like you who have ideals are much more elevated than people like me, who have no lofty ambitions and only want to lie flat," Wang Ge said with a shrug.

"Lying flat is also a kind of ideal. Society values equality now. No one is nobler than anyone else, and ideals are no different."

"I completely agree with you, but comparison is what drives social progress. Comparisons of all kinds exist everywhere, and ideals are no exception..."

The two of them strolled casually down the street, keeping a distance that was neither near nor far, chatting about all sorts of inexplicable and nonsensical things.

Chen Yanxi truly liked this feeling.

That night, she wrote this in her diary:

"I have to admit that being with Wang Ge is an incredibly, incredibly tempting prospect."

"Being with him would greatly improve my current situation. I wouldn't need to work part-time anymore, attend cram school anymore, or endure this suffocating family. I could do the things I liked, and even experience the sweet romance described in books."

"All the wonderful things I have never experienced but have long yearned for—he could bring them to me with ease."

"More than once, I have thought: Why not just agree to Wang Ge? Being with him would be pretty good—easy and free. Besides, I like him too, don't I?"

"It would be like taking a shortcut through life, like possessing a cheat for life itself. All it would take was for me to nod, and my world could undergo earth-shaking changes, with all those beautiful things arriving one after another."

"But then again, what in this world is entirely beautiful?"

"If such a thing truly existed, it would surely be a trap set by the devil to lure people into depravity."

"It isn't that I'm high-minded or foolish, or that I insist on suffering and disdain taking shortcuts."

"Rather, the beautiful things Wang Ge could give me are only the most superficial kind. They are founded on his feelings for me. Once those feelings disappeared, that beauty would instantly fall apart, leaving ruin scattered across the ground."

"I am not doubting Wang Ge's feelings for me. It's just that, as I told him during the day, nothing in this world remains unchanged forever. Everything has a certain shelf life."

"My parents had loved each other once, long ago. The smiles in their wedding photos were so sincere."

"But what about now?"

"Whether liking or loathing, love or hatred, feelings built upon human emotions are precisely the things most prone to spoil. No matter how intense or unforgettable they are, they will gradually fade beneath the erosion of time."

"Even taking the most pessimistic view, even if Wang Ge could go on liking me forever..."

"The beauty brought by someone else would never truly belong to me."

"While alive, one should not let these superficial things bind one's hands and feet. In the long course of life, there must be something greater than everything else, something worth pursuing even at the cost of one's life."

"That is the beauty that truly belongs to oneself."

"For other people, it might be an ideal, justice, love, or perhaps a certain person or a certain matter."

"For me, it is freedom."

"The freedom to be unbound, to have my life governed entirely by myself."

"I have been bound for far too long. From childhood until now, my parents have never let me do a single thing I truly wanted to do. Because of that, I developed an extreme longing for freedom—a thing I had never possessed."

"I know this longing is abnormal, and may even be somewhat distorted."

"I do not want this distorted longing to affect my judgment of my normal feelings for Wang Ge, so I have questioned my heart many times."

"What is it that I truly want?"

"Is it the beauty within reach simply by embracing the person before me, or the longing for freedom hidden deep within my heart?"

"What does the freedom I want actually look like?"

"Would it be enough simply to escape this family? Would it be enough simply to be able to freely do the things I like?"

"Through repeated self-questioning, self-reflection, and self-examination, I found the answer."

"In the face of freedom, love, along with all the beauty it brings, is so fragile, so small, and so powerless."

"Freedom is the entire meaning of existence for this person named Chen Yanxi."

"Isn't that also what Wang Ge likes about me? If one day I gave up my insistence on freedom, the Chen Yanxi Wang Ge liked would disappear, leaving behind nothing but a shell no different from those of countless ordinary people."

"Then he would no longer like me, and the beauty he brought me would shatter like a bubble."

"Just as I said above."

"Thus, the logic is complete."

"And the freedom I want is definitely not that simple."

"If I agreed to Wang Ge, I could indeed rely on his strength to easily break free from my family's restraints. But then I would owe him something, our relationship would no longer be equal, and our feelings would no longer be pure."

"Wouldn't that simply mean escaping from one cage and entering another?"

"I used to say that all intimate relationships were a kind of shackle. Now, as my thoughts have matured, I want to add a preface to that sentence."

"All unequal intimate relationships are a kind of shackle. The deeper the bond, the tighter the shackle."

"It isn't that I cannot be with Wang Ge. Freedom and love do not conflict, but they must be built upon equality."

"I am not foolish or incapable of adapting. If I were an ineffectual mediocrity, if I had no ability to break free from my family's restraints, I would naturally ask Wang Ge for help."

"But since I have the ability, I must rely on my own capabilities to obtain freedom."

"Then, when we meet again someday in the future, I will be able to stand before him as an equal and accept with a smile this utterly pure feeling, composed entirely of fondness and love."

"I may be with him, but it definitely won't be now."

"..."

"After rereading the diary above, I suddenly realized that I really am a selfish person."

"Feelings should be a matter between two people, yet I have been thinking only about myself."

"I need to reflect."

"..."

"After examining myself once more, I realized that I probably don't take Wang Ge into consideration because of that girl named Gu Panyan."

"I thought I didn't care about this, but I still feel somewhat uncomfortable, and even harbor a little resentment toward Wang Ge. That's why I unconsciously failed to consider his feelings just now."

"—Even though I had been thinking before about how I could make it up to him."

"Looking at it this way, does this count as 'jealousy'?"

"What an interesting feeling."

"Please don't criticize me, please don't. There are so many things I don't understand. Be a little more forgiving toward a new author like me."

"Also, I may revise this chapter a few times later, perhaps polishing it with more beautiful wording, but the actual plot will not change, so everyone can rest assured."

"Lastly, please keep reading and vote for me~"