Human Realm, Fengxian County.
On his birthday, the Jade Emperor descended to the mortal world for a leisurely stroll, feeling relaxed and cheerful. From the clouds, he saw the lord of Fengxian County kneeling in sincere prayer, with lavish offerings prepared as well, so he descended. Just as he was about to take a peach, the offerings were knocked over!
What the hell! The Jade Emperor's face immediately darkened.
Taibai Jinxing, who was following beside him, trembled in fright.
"Taibai, heed my command. When we return to the Heavenly Court, set up a mountain of flour and a mountain of rice, along with a copper lock. The day a dog finishes the flour, a chicken pecks through the rice, and a candle burns through the copper lock shall be the day Fengxian County receives rain! Otherwise, hmph!"
"Yes." Taibai Jinxing bent at a ninety-degree angle, cold sweat pouring down his back. He understood that Fengxian County would become a living hell from this day onward.
There was no helping it. Who told those mortals to offend the Orthodox of the Three Realms, the Jade Emperor?
Forget those mortals—even a heavenly god like him had to tread carefully before the Jade Emperor, as if walking on thin ice. Serving a ruler was like serving a tiger.
The displeased Jade Emperor flicked his sleeve and left Fengxian County. When he reached a village outside the city, he passed by a farmhouse courtyard.
Looking at such a fenced farmhouse yard, the Jade Emperor felt somewhat sentimental. Once upon a time, he, Zhang Bairen, had lived in such a place.
Inside the fenced yard, Zhang Yifan sat in a rocking chair, eating fruit while basking in the sun.
It had already been sixty years since he had transmigrated to the Primordial Era World. That damned system had him farming, growing vegetables, cooking, brewing wine, hunting, raising fish, walking birds, and practicing music, chess, calligraphy, painting, and more all day long.
Over the past sixty years, he had long since mastered every one of those skills.
Yet that damned system simply refused to teach him any cultivation methods.
Not only did it refuse to teach him, it even claimed that the host was already invincible across all worlds and that there was nothing left it could teach him. Then it fucking ran off!
Fortunately, the system had given him this house and a million taels of gold when he first transmigrated. He had also once married a beautiful wife to keep him company, so his life had been fairly comfortable and carefree.
In truth, his invincible magical power had temporarily been taken over by the house's grand formation. Unable to use magical power or cultivate any other techniques, Zhang Yifan had always believed himself to be a mortal.
"That damned system said my wife had the potential of a Great Emperor, so it took her to another world to seek her fortune. It also said we would surely meet again someday. My son left home to make his way in the world long ago too, leaving me all alone."
"Counting the days, that rebellious son of mine has been out making his way in the world for twenty years. It should be about time for him to come home."
Zhang Yifan was calculating the days when the Jade Emperor outside the fenced yard was struck by the familiar scene and could not help walking in for a look.
The moment Zhang Yifan saw the Jade Emperor, his eyes lit up.
Wasn't this his son, who had gone out to make his way in the world, returning home?
He had even brought a servant along. It seemed he had not done too badly for himself.
"Well, well, my good son, you finally came back." The worry Zhang Yifan had been carrying in his heart finally eased. His son had gone out into the world alone; how could he not have worried?
"Taibai, this mortal seems to be able to see me."
Seeing the mortal before him staring at him and even calling him "good son," the Jade Emperor was somewhat puzzled.
After all, the Jade Emperor's youthful incarnation happened to look exactly like Zhang Yifan's son!
"Your Majesty, you jest. This man is merely a mortal. Since Your Majesty has not revealed your true form, how could he possibly see you?" Taibai Jinxing assumed the Jade Emperor was still angry. He glanced at the mortal but paid him no mind.
"Mm, that is true."
The Jade Emperor nodded, did not think much of it, and prepared to walk past Zhang Yifan.
Seeing his son behaving like that, Zhang Yifan's face darkened.
Twenty years had passed, and after returning home, he did not even call him Father! He even dared ignore him, putting on airs and calling people "Your Majesty" this and that. Did he really think he was some emperor now?
Outrageous!
Zhang Yifan sprang up and viciously grabbed the Jade Emperor by the ear. "You unfilial brat! You can't see your own father, can you? Huh? Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?"
"Ah, easy, easy! It hurts, it hurts! It hurts!"
The Jade Emperor was dumbfounded. He had only just been about to walk past when someone viciously grabbed his ear. It hurt so much that tears welled up in his eyes...
"So you know pain, you unfilial son!"
"Yeah, I know pain?" The Jade Emperor was even more confused.
Something was wrong!
He was a dignified quasi-Saint, the Orthodox of the Three Realms, the Jade Emperor. How had a frail mortal old man grabbed him by the ear?!
And why did it fucking hurt like a little kid getting his ear twisted by his father?!
At the sudden turn of events, Taibai Jinxing beside them was frightened out of his wits!
What was going on?
The Jade Emperor had actually been grabbed by the ear by a mortal?
And it hurt so much that he was baring his teeth, with tears swirling in his eyes!
It was over! It was over! It was over! Completely over.
The Jade Emperor had been attacked, yet as his attendant, he had failed to help. When they returned to the Heavenly Court, would he not be sent straight to the Platform of Extermination?
Taibai Jinxing jolted awake and hurried forward to help. Raising his whisk, he was about to strike Zhang Yifan dead.
"Get lost! I'm teaching my son a lesson, and you filthy servant dare lay a hand on me?"
Zhang Yifan flew into a rage and kicked Taibai Jinxing three meters away.
Crack, crack, crack...
Taibai Jinxing clearly heard the sound of his ribs breaking. At least five or six bones had snapped!
Seeing this, the Jade Emperor was shocked. This is a mortal? I'd believe you if you said he was a Saint.
Could this really be a Saint's scheme?
No, even a Saint might not be able to grab his ear so easily!
What was going on?
"Why aren't you calling me Father?" Zhang Yifan refused to let go and even added more force.
"Father! Father! I was just joking with you!" The Jade Emperor felt as though his ear was about to be torn off. He had no choice but to surrender and beg for mercy.
A wise man did not fight when the odds were against him. Besides, no one else had seen this humiliating scene. He could just kill this mortal afterward.
"Still joking? I think your wings have grown hard. You're deliberately trying to anger your father!" Zhang Yifan dragged the Jade Emperor along by the ear as though he were carrying a chick.
"Father, easy, easy! Your son knows he was wrong! I really was wrong!" The Jade Emperor continued apologizing. This mortal's large hand was like an iron pincer; he could not break free at all.
"Kneel down and kowtow. Call me Father!"
Thud.
"Father!" The Jade Emperor was driven to his knees and obediently called him Father.
"That's more like it." Only then did Zhang Yifan clap his hands and sit back down in the rocking chair.
Meanwhile, the Jade Emperor's mind had gone completely blank. Who am I? Where am I? How did I end up kneeling here and calling a mortal Father?
Taibai Jinxing beside him was even more dumbfounded. Th-This...
The dignified Orthodox of the Three Realms, the Jade Emperor of the Heavenly Court, Haotian Shangdi—since becoming the Jade Emperor, he had not even knelt before Dao Ancestor Hongjun.
There had only ever been others kneeling to worship the Jade Emperor. Yet today, he had actually knelt before a mortal!
Not only had he knelt, he had even called that person Father!
If this got out, the Primordial Era World would not merely be thrown into an uproar—it would descend into bloody chaos.
The kneeling Jade Emperor gradually regained his senses. Of course he knew that if word of today's events spread, he would no longer be fit to remain the Jade Emperor. The beings of the Primordial Era World would laugh him to death.
Killing intent suddenly flared in the Jade Emperor's eyes. He rose and raised his fist, intending to kill the mortal before him, but the next second, he froze.
Where was his magical power?
Where was his cultivation?
Where the hell was his magical power?!
Where the hell was his cultivation?!
What the hell?
What was going on?
He was a dignified quasi-Saint. How had his cultivation vanished?!
"What are you planning to do with that raised fist?" Zhang Yifan glared.
"Massage... massage your back! Massage your back! Ah, didn't I make you angry? I'll massage your back to help you calm down!"
The Jade Emperor absolutely did not dare say that he had wanted to beat him to death. He could only pitifully say he wanted to massage his back.
"That's more like it!"
Zhang Yifan straightened his body and let the Jade Emperor massage his back.
Taibai Jinxing endured the pain and got to his feet. When he saw the Jade Emperor actually smiling as he massaged the back of Zhang Yifan, a mortal old man, his eyes widened like bells.
Who could have imagined that the Supreme of the Three Realms, Haotian Shangdi, the Great Celestial Venerable, would be eagerly massaging a mortal's back?
Who would believe it if they heard it?
It was over. This mortal was absolutely finished.
Unless he was thrown into the Eighteen Levels of Hell and denied reincarnation for all eternity, there would be no way the Jade Emperor could continue living in the Primordial Era World with any dignity!
Before you continue