God Played a Joke on Me

Book theme: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back at you!

Reader warning: This story is lighthearted and comedic, with some plot changes. Those with strong feelings about Xiao Yan or devoted fans of the original should proceed with caution. Battle Through the Heavens is only the beginning; later, there will be The Great Ruler, Martial Universe, Dragon Prince Yuan...

The blazing sun hung like fire, and not a cloud could be seen for miles.

On the bank of a river, a five- or six-year-old child sat atop a huge rock with one leg crossed over the other. He viciously hurled a large stone in his hand into the river, sending wave after wave splashing up.

"Your grandpa's grandma's grandpa! It's been nearly six years already! Heavens, how much longer are you fucking going to toy with me?!"

The child was named Hun Han, the thirteenth son of Hun Tiandi, the renowned figure of the Dou Qi Continent.

Who was Hun Tiandi? He was one of the five strongest people on the entire Dou Qi Continent. A supreme expert at the peak of the Nine-Star Dou Sheng realm. Before long, he would become the first great figure since ancient times to break through into the Dou Di realm.

Logically speaking, transmigrating into the son of such a big shot, a man covered in gold from head to toe, should have been something worth celebrating. After all, what era did not depend on one's father?

Yet Hun Han could not bring himself to be happy.

On the Dou Qi Continent, strength was supreme. The weak were destined to be enslaved by the strong. Not to mention that Hun Han had been born into the Hun Clan, where martial prowess was valued to an almost ruthless extent.

Hun Han had it worse than Xiao Yan. Both were transmigrators; Xiao Yan was a fallen genius, while Hun Han was a genuine good-for-nothing. Hun Han had been born with an obstructed qi sea, unable to sense the Dou Qi present in the surrounding space.

Unable to sense Dou Qi, he naturally could not use it to temper his body. Becoming a true Dou Zhe was even more out of the question.

Six years. For six whole years, Hun Han had endured endless scorn because of this.

"Pah!"

The more Hun Han thought about it, the angrier he became. He grabbed a stone beside him and fiercely threw it into the river before raising his middle finger at the sky and roaring wildly, "Heavens, you sent me here just to make me a useless piece of trash? Fuck your ancestors for eighteen generations!"

In his previous life, Hun Han had been an ordinary nobody in the Huaxia Empire. Still, he had never lacked food or clothing. Every now and then, he could travel, have barbecue and drinks with friends, or even go for a massage. Life had been fairly enjoyable.

Now that he had transmigrated to the Dou Qi Continent, he did not have to worry about food and clothing for the time being. But in this world where martial strength reigned supreme, he could lose his life at any moment. Worse still, he was the son of Hun Tiandi, the infamous great devil. Who knew how many pairs of eyes were secretly watching him?

In other words, Hun Han's life was in grave danger.

Suddenly, the previously cloudless sky was swept by fierce winds, thunder, and lightning.

"Damn it, am I not even allowed to curse you? If you've got the guts, then strike me!" Hun Han roared at the top of his lungs. The shameless were invincible. Living was meaningless anyway, so Hun Han fearlessly cursed at the heavens.

As though it had sensed Hun Han's wish, a silver bolt tore through the sky and descended straight toward him.

"Young Master, watch out!"

A magnetic voice rang out from the forest beside the river. Immediately afterward, a black shadow shot forth, intending to block the lightning bolt for Hun Han.

However, it was already too late.

"Urgh!"

Hun Han stared blankly, his entire body charred black. He opened his mouth, and a wisp of black smoke drifted out. He looked as though he had just rolled out of a coal mine.

"Fuck, you actually did it?!"

Hun Han clicked his tongue inwardly as a numbing sensation spread throughout his body. Faint silver lightning still crackled around him.

"Ding!"

"Congratulations. System charging complete. The Sign-in System has been activated!"

"Young Master, are you all right?"

A voice as sweet as birdsong sounded beside Hun Han's ear.

A Sign-in System? What the hell is that? Could this be my cheat? Hun Han was overjoyed by the sudden voice in his mind.

"Ding!"

"System successfully loaded the plot of Battle Through the Heavens!"

"Ding!"

"Friendly system reminder: This system possesses three functions—Time Sign-in, Location Sign-in, and Character Sign-in! Would you like a detailed introduction to these three functions?"

"Holy shit, this thing is actually an intelligent system! Introduce them!" Hun Han ordered.

"Ding!"

"Time Sign-in function: After a certain amount of time has passed, the host may obtain fixed items through sign-in. Time until the next sign-in: 1 minute!"

"Location Sign-in function: Whenever the host reaches a designated location, the host may complete system-issued tasks to sign in and obtain fixed items."

"Character Sign-in function: Whenever the host makes physical contact with an important character in the plot, the sign-in task will be automatically completed and a random item will be obtained. This function may only be used once per person."

"Hahaha..."

Hun Han burst into laughter and exclaimed ecstatically, "I finally have a cheat!"

Without a doubt, this Sign-in System was the cheat Hun Han had been desperately waiting for over the past six years! With it, Hun Han now had the means to contend with heaven's favored children, especially Xiao Yan.

"A cheat?"

The graceful figure standing before Hun Han lowered her head and looked at his hands. They were pitch-black. This... was hardly some golden finger.

The woman looked uneasy. Grasping Hun Han's fingers, she asked worriedly, "Young Master, what's wrong? Don't scare Aunt Qin!"

"Ding!"

"Congratulations. You have made physical contact with Qin Lan. Sign-in successful. You have obtained the movement technique: Netherworld Ghost Shadow!"

Netherworld Ghost Shadow: Black Tier Intermediate Movement Technique. This technique contained endless mysteries. At the minor mastery stage, one could move like a ghostly shadow, swift as a gale. At the major mastery stage, one could create a mirror image, making it impossible for others to tell real from fake.

"Holy shit, that works too?!"

Hun Han's eyes widened as he stared speechlessly at the woman in black before him. He had merely held her hand, yet he had actually obtained a Black Tier Intermediate Movement Technique!

The woman had willow brows and an oval face, with delicate and refined features. Her tight black clothing perfectly outlined her curvaceous figure.

With his hands held by hers, the soft, silky sensation made Hun Han's heart stir.

The woman was named Qin Lan, Hun Han's personal guard. Ever since Hun Han could remember, Qin Lan had always been by his side, silently protecting him.

Hun Han smiled and said, "Aunt Qin, don't worry. I'm fine!"

Qin Lan's brows remained furrowed as she asked with concern, "Young Master, why were you muttering nonsense just now? What was that... cheat?"

Hun Han shook his head slightly. Explaining the Sign-in System would be troublesome, so he simply chose not to explain. Smiling, he said, "Aunt Qin, you only need to know that from this day forward, Hun Han, swift as the wind, has returned!"

"Uh..."

Qin Lan completely failed to understand what Hun Han meant. After checking his body and seeing that he was unharmed, she asked curiously, "Young Master, what was that lightning just now?"

"It's nothing. I was just struck by some blind idiot." Hun Han smiled and answered casually.

Suddenly, another bolt of lightning descended, turning the already charred Hun Han even blacker.

"See? Like that!" Smoke rose from Hun Han's mouth as he explained to Qin Lan.

"Uh..."

Qin Lan stared at Hun Han in astonishment. If it had been an ordinary person, that single bolt of lightning would have been enough to kill them. Even a Da Dou Shi expert would have been severely injured, if not killed, by that strike.

Yet Hun Han was completely unharmed aside from being charred black all over.

Qin Lan remembered that Hun Han had always been special, so she did not dwell on it. Then she suddenly remembered something and anxiously said, "Young Master, hurry and take the test! If you miss this test, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!"