Eliana Hammers the Dumbass

Brain storage facility, for storing all kinds of clever, adorable brains.

Please store them in an orderly manner, then you may begin reading.

A surprise attack!

Random inspection—have you all put them away?

Now you can really begin reading.

As Dumbledore stepped onto the stairs outside the orphanage entrance, Eliana was lying in ambush four streets away, ready to fight at any moment.

Those damned Smith brats, ugly as sin and always doing rotten things. They even stole money the orphanage kids had raised through donations. Were they two pennies short of buying themselves a coffin?

Ha, today she would let him know that some people could still die even after being buried in the dirt!

Angry sparks danced in Eliana's eyes.

Did that idiot know how long Mary had stood in the street holding that donation tin? More importantly, she and Mary had been in the same group, and the rankings were based on each group's total!

Every night, she had secretly gotten up and crept over to other people's beds to weigh their tins in her hands. None of them had been heavier than theirs. They were definitely in first place. She had nearly been mistaken for a pervert because of it.

And then.

She had merely looked away for one second.

Damn it all, everything had been wiped out in an instant!!

He had not even left the tin behind for her!!!

Just wait. If she did not squeeze the shit out of that bastard today, her name was not Eliana!

Eliana ground her teeth, lowered herself closer to the ground, and curled up like a drawn bow.

A boy built like some gigantic pig king came thundering around the corner, clutching a large gold-foil-wrapped chocolate bar in his pig hoof.

He must have bought that with the money from their donation tin!

Her money! Her first place!

Eliana was so furious that her black eyes nearly turned green. The hand braced before her chest gave a light push into the air.

A stone in the road seemed to be shoved by an invisible hand. It rolled a couple of times and stopped right beneath the boy's shoe.

"Aaaagh!!"

The boy crashed to the ground with a bang that practically shook the earth.

Heh, London Transport ought to thank her. With that hit, the next time they sent a road roller down this street, they could save half a liter of fuel.

"Bastard!"

Eliana sprang out from behind the bushes in a single bound, cutting a high, sweeping arc through the air like a bird before landing heavily, butt-first, on the half-dead fat pig's back.

"Weren't you acting all cocky yesterday? Huh?!"

A line formed from square characters suddenly flashed through her mind—when the enemy is tired, attack; when the enemy retreats, advance.

How perfectly suited to the situation!

But why did she know such a philosophical saying?

Eliana tossed the fleeting thought aside. Maybe it was because she was a genius!

The genius viciously raised her fist.

BAM!!!

A pig-slaughtering shriek rang out through the street.

But no matter how loud the commotion was, it could not reach the orphanage director's office four streets away.

"Good morning, Mrs. Brown." Dumbledore politely extended his hand to the pale woman before him. "My name is Albus Dumbledore. I wrote you a letter some time ago..."

"I remember." Mrs. Brown looked at the old man whose beard nearly reached his belt with some hesitation. At such an advanced age, he still had to come recruit students himself. This school probably was not much good, was it?

Well, no matter how bad it was, it had to be better than the community vocational school, right?

"You said in your letter that you were willing to let little Eliana attend your school—I believe it was called Hogwarts?"

"Aliana?" Dumbledore's voice paused.

That momentary hesitation seemed to make Mrs. Brown misunderstand something. "Yes, Eliana. Eliana Ritchie."

"Black hair, black eyes, an Asian little girl, but I guarantee she is no worse than any white girl... You mean her, right?"

Mrs. Brown spoke faster and faster. Though she had doubted the school only moments ago, a bad school was still better than no school at all.

"If it is not her, perhaps you could take a look at this child instead. She truly is a very good child. She deserves a bright future," she said anxiously.

"Yes, that is right. It is her," Dumbledore reassured her. "Could you tell me about her?"

Mrs. Brown relaxed, and the doubts she had previously overlooked surfaced again.

"Of course, but first, there is something I must ask. We never enrolled her in any school. Where did you hear about her, and why are you willing to take her in as a student?"

"Actually, her name appeared on our admissions list some time ago."

"Some time ago?" Mrs. Brown pressed urgently. "How long ago? Did her parents or some other relative enroll her? Then why have they not come to take her away?"

Her questions came like a barrage.

Fortunately, Dumbledore had encountered many similar situations throughout his long life.

"Perhaps if you take a look at this, you will understand."

He skillfully handed over a blank sheet of paper, then lightly waved his wand with his other hand.

Mrs. Brown's gaze became unfocused. She studied the blank page inch by inch with great care.

"I do not think I have any more questions." She returned the paper to Dumbledore. "Thank you very much for giving little Ellie a chance. Perhaps I could offer you a cup of tea?"

"It would be my honor." Smiling, Dumbledore put away the paper and took out a packet of cookies wrapped in greaseproof paper from his pocket. "Perhaps we could have some sweet refreshments as well."

Wisps of white steam rose from the cups. The warmth and sugar seemed to melt away the initially chilly atmosphere and loosen Mrs. Brown's tongue.

"I gave little Ellie her name," she said, proudly lifting her chin. "But if you meet her, you will know how fitting it is—she is a little sun!"

"That sounds wonderful," Dumbledore said.

"Of course." Mrs. Brown had clearly been prompted to speak, and she went on enthusiastically. "She is the cleverest little girl I have ever seen—and the most hardworking. When she first arrived last year, her dictation was a complete mess. She could not even spell 'please' properly. Yet within just a few months, she became first in her class."

"She only arrived last year? She did not grow up here?" Dumbledore asked, looking very interested, which undoubtedly heightened the speaker's desire to share.

"Oh, no. It was last October, I think. A sunny afternoon—you know how rare those are in London. Little Ellie was abandoned at the door. Poor child, she was terribly ill, covered from head to toe in chickenpox, her cheeks burning red with fever. She had lost all consciousness. We almost thought she would not survive. God bless her, but she pulled through."

"Did she say anything after she woke up?" Dumbledore asked. "About her parents, for example?"

"Actually," Mrs. Brown sighed, "she could barely speak at the time."

"She could barely speak?" Dumbledore sounded somewhat surprised.

"The doctor said that perhaps the dangerous fever had affected her brain a little—" Mrs. Brown realized her words could be misunderstood and hurriedly corrected herself.

"I do not mean Ellie is stupid. Within a month, she had learned English all over again and could communicate with us perfectly well. She is truly very clever. She simply forgot everything from before, even her own name."

"Later, she gave herself a surname." Mrs. Brown seemed to recall something amusing, and her expression softened. "She wanted to call herself Ritchie—rich—because being wealthy was her greatest wish. She said that even if someone scolded her in the future and began by calling her Miss Rich, her anger would lessen a little."

"She sounds like a quirky little girl." Dumbledore smiled, seemingly casually asking, "Have any strange things happened around her?"

"Strange?" Mrs. Brown looked offended. "Ellie has never been a strange girl! Unless you mean how she often secretly does the work of two people by herself to lessen our burden!"

"Or have you believed the nonsense spread by those gossiping women in the street... Yes, once before, the cook accidentally fell off a ladder while changing a lightbulb, and little Ellie caught her without suffering a scratch. But I think perhaps it was a burst of strength born from panic—we must allow for some miracles of love, must we not?"

She was practically aggressive.

Something in her words seemed to touch the old man. He removed his half-moon glasses and wiped them. "Yes, love is the greatest power. I look forward to meeting this lovely little girl."

"Of course." Mrs. Brown brightened again. "Obedient, easy to care for, everyone likes her—"

"Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown! Something terrible has happened! Eliana stole the gong from the hall!"

A little girl rushed in.

Mrs. Brown: "..."

Dumbledore: "..."

After a pause, Mrs. Brown calmly said, "Of course, you must understand that girls her age always have a few lively ideas..."

Dumbledore smiled and nodded, as though he had thought of something. "Yes, I understand very well."

Mrs. Brown let out a huge breath of relief and said somewhat awkwardly, "But I swear situations like this are not very common. Most of the time, Eliana is a well-behaved little angel..."

"Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown! Oh no, it is terrible! Ellie caught Young Smith and is kicking him down the street like a ball! There are so many people watching, and Mrs. Smith wants you to go deal with it!"

Another little girl rushed in.

Mrs. Brown, who had been desperately trying to convince Dumbledore how well-behaved Ellie was and make him forget that little incident: ...

Dumbledore: ...

The muscles in Mrs. Brown's cheeks twitched violently, and she clenched her teeth. "Ah, occasionally, not often, there may be a tiny little accident now and then. Children cannot help being a bit lively. Believe me, Ellie truly is a good child. Things like this... do not happen often—I mean, little Eliana will definitely be admitted to your school, right?"

"Of course."

"Even if she does not perform perfectly in this interview—?"

"Actually, this is not an interview—I mean, she will definitely be admitted to our school."

"Perhaps a little mischief would not matter either?"

"Even if she blew up the house right now."

Dumbledore said it with a smile, as though he did not consider it a big deal at all.

Mrs. Brown narrowed her eyes at the old man, as though judging whether his words were trustworthy.

But evidently, she ultimately decided that they were.

She took a deep breath. Dumbledore saw that, in the instant she turned away, fire seemed to blaze from both her eyes. This thin woman now looked like an enraged tiger.

"Take me to Eliana, Mary. That little brat who will tear the roof off if she goes three days without a beating—does she know what day it is today? Dropping the ball at such a crucial moment!"

The little girl named Mary gave a violent shudder and softly pleaded for her companion. "Eliana did not do it on purpose—"

CLANG!!!

Another enormous gong strike came from the doorway, followed by a girl's commanding voice. "Come and take a look, everyone!!!"

The veins on Mrs. Brown's forehead throbbed in the same rhythm as the gong. "All right, Mary, be quiet. I hear her."

She turned around and tried to restore her previous gentle expression for Dumbledore, but the corners of her mouth were visibly twitching with anger. "Perhaps you could wait here for a moment...?"

"No, no, I cannot wait to meet this lively little girl."

Dumbledore looked rather eager to do so.