Zhao Gongming was completely dumbfounded. His head was buzzing.
He snatched up the system's description of the magic treasure and examined it over and over, his face full of disbelief.
"No, something's wrong. Something's definitely wrong!"
"I designed this treasure to be greasy, socially mortifying, and capable of locking people down!"
"It's not supposed to bewitch anyone, and it definitely doesn't make people stupid and love-struck!"
"This isn't scientific! This isn't the Primordial Era!"
Nearby, Daoist Ci Hang put away the Recording Stone. Seeing Zhao Gongming's shell-shocked expression, he clicked his tongue twice and said sarcastically,
"Oh, my..."
"Who was it just now who said he wanted to watch his bro turn into a clown?"
"Looks like someone else is the real clown now~"
Zhao Gongming instinctively rubbed his nose.
"Is it red?"
Then he came to his senses and looked miserably toward the stage.
"No... What does Huang Long have that I don't?!"
"He's a three-nothing True Person—no looks, no talent, no prospects. How did he manage to win over Junior Sister Shi Ji?"
"That's Shi Ji! The flower of the Interception Sect's Outer Sect! She's so beautiful, and so sweet and gentle..."
"Tell me this isn't real! It's an illusion! It's a heart demon!"
"No~~~~!!"
Zhao Gongming's legs gave way. He dropped to his knees with a thud, clutched his hair, and howled at the sky.
At that moment, a mournful BGM seemed to rise all around them.
"Snowflakes drift, the north wind howls"
"Heaven and earth are lost in gloom~~~"
So tragic. Too tragic.
He'd wanted to laugh at his brother, but his brother had become a winner in life, while he was left a single dog by the roadside.
On the cloud platform, the Sages were just as dumbfounded.
The turn of events had completely defied even a Sage's predictions.
Yuanshi Tianzun was stunned for a while. Then he stroked his beard, a proud, even somewhat pleased, smile appearing on his face.
"Well, well. Excellent."
"Looks like the Interception Sect's disciples have quite good taste."
"Though Huang Long's roots aren't the best, he's diligent and hardworking in his cultivation. And with the blood of the Dragon Race, he's naturally gifted."
"This is the fortune he deserves. Hmm, I approve of this match!"
The Two Sages of the West exchanged a look, both completely bewildered.
Zhun Ti sent a voice transmission.
"Senior Brother, is this really the same Yuanshi who disliked those covered in fur, clad in scales, or born of wetness and eggs?"
"Didn't he used to hate Huang Long the most?"
Jie Yin shook his head.
"Maybe... that's just a double standard."
"If you can win, you're a good disciple."
Empress Nuwa covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes sparkling with gossip.
"Wow, so sweet!"
"I ship them! The domineering senior brother and the sweet, adorable junior sister—I'm shipping this couple first!"
"Bang!"
Sect Master Tongtian sprang to his feet and glared, his beard bristling with rage.
"Second Brother, have you no shame?!"
"That's my Interception Sect disciple, my little cabbage!"
"Your Chan Sect disciple is poaching him in public, and you're not going to do anything about it? You're actually cheering them on?"
Yuanshi Tianzun shot him a sidelong glance, then calmly turned away and said lightly,
"Tongtian, you're being narrow-minded."
"They're mutually in love. It's a free choice. How is that poaching?"
"What age are we living in? You're still hung up on sect boundaries? You old fossil!"
"Pfft!"
Tongtian nearly spat up a mouthful of blood.
What the hell did you mean, old fossil?!
Which one of us was actually the most old-fashioned?!
"Damn it!"
Tongtian was furious, but seeing his own disciple looking so bashful, he couldn't bring himself to make a scene. He could only sit back down, seething.
Below the stage, the Chan Sect disciples erupted in cheers.
Daoist Ci Hang even cupped his hands around his mouth like a megaphone and shouted toward the stage.
"Senior Brother Huang Long, you're awesome!"
"Bring your sister-in-law along to hunt fiends sometime! We'll bring wedding gifts!"
On the viewing platform, the Quasi-Sage Great Experts were also buzzing with discussion.
They remarked on how wonderful it was to be young, how bold, how this was what youth was all about.
At that moment, Yellow Dragon True Person had turned bright red.
He'd only meant to show off. Instead, he'd ended up with a wife.
"I... I-I..."
"You... y-y-you..."
"This... th-th-this..."
Huang Long was flustered, his mind completely blank.
Seeing him like that, Shi Ji's eyes dimmed. She put on a hurt, fragile expression and gazed at Huang Long through tear-filled eyes.
"Senior Brother... don't you like me?"
"Was I just imagining things? Wuwuwu..."
Seeing this, Huang Long forgot all about saving face and hurriedly tried to explain.
"No, no! I like you, of course I do!"
"Oh, Junior Sister, why did you confess at a time like this?"
"I... I haven't even prepared the betrothal gifts yet!"
Down below, Zhao Gongming was shouting frantically too.
"Exactly! That's not how dating sims work!"
"You're supposed to give Huang Long gifts first to raise his affection."
"Then confess during a special event to unlock the hidden CG! Huang Long, you bastard!"
But the two onstage were lost in their own world. No one paid Zhao Gongming any attention.
Shi Ji instantly stopped crying and smiled, her cheeks flushed.
"So Senior Brother likes me too! That's wonderful!"
The two gazed into each other's eyes, completely ignoring the tens of thousands of titanium alloy eyes watching them.
On the cloud platform, Di Jun watched the scene and couldn't help sighing.
"What a lovely, gentle girl."
"Clear eyes, gentle nature."
"I hope Huang Long cherishes her. Women who don't beat their husbands are rare."
Nearby, Di Jiang was picking at his toes. Hearing that, he immediately decided to stir the pot and bellowed,
"Oh, Di Jun?"
"So you mean the two in your family aren't gentle?"
"They're tigresses, then?"
"Fine, I'll remember that. I'll have Houtu go to Taiyin Star and tell Xihe and Chang Xi that you don't appreciate them!"
Di Jun's face turned deathly pale. He clutched Di Jiang's hands, pleading with him, and nearly dropped to his knees.
"Big Brother! Di Jiang, Big Brother!"
"Don't! Whatever you do, don't!"
"Weren't we supposed to be brothers for life? You're trying to kill me!"
"I was wrong! I take back what I said!"
Watching the pair of jokers, Kunpeng and Eastern Emperor Taiyi exchanged a look.
With perfect timing, they sighed and said in unison,
"Actually..."
"Being alone is pretty good too."
"Women only slow down the speed at which I draw my sword (ring my bell)."
Pink hearts were practically overflowing from the stage.
Huang Long finally remembered the matter at hand. He turned toward the high platform and asked timidly,
"Um... Master, Uncle-Master."
"How should we decide the winner?"
Yuanshi Tianzun stood up with a hearty laugh and waved his hand.
"Decide what?"
"You brat, you've already got a bargain. Don't push your luck!"
"Get down there and have a proper talk. Stop standing around in the way!"
"I'll prepare a special wedding gift for you, and a gift for Shi Ji as well. Go on, go on!"
"Thank you, Master!"
Huang Long was delighted. He hurriedly took the shy Shi Ji by the hand.
Amid a chorus of teasing cheers, they fled the arena.
In a corner below the stage, Zhao Gongming was still kneeling. The background music, One Plum Blossom, kept playing on loop.
Cihang crouched beside him, patted him on the shoulder, and consoled him.
"Junior Brother, don't be sad."
"Sure, you're still single. Sure, you got a face full of someone else's happiness. Sure, you've become a clown..."
"But you still have us!"
Zhao Gongming's mouth twitched.
"Senior Brother, is that supposed to comfort me? You're just twisting the knife!"
Suddenly, Zhao Gongming sprang to his feet. His gaze turned deep and serious, and he asked Cihang solemnly,
"Senior Brother Cihang."
"Tell me... what's the point of being alive?"
Cihang thought about it for a moment.
He raised a finger as pale as a green onion and gently rested it against his red lips.
He tilted his head slightly, making an adorable, effeminate Nan Liang thinking pose.
A moment later, he blinked and answered as if it were obvious,
"Why, of course..."
"To see who gets to be the next person we laugh at~☆"
Those words struck Zhao Gongming like a bolt of lightning, instantly dispelling his confusion.
His eyes lit up. Revived in an instant, he clenched his fist.
"Exactly!"
"As long as I'm alive, the fun never stops!"
"Huang Long may have avoided Social Death this time, but there are still plenty of people after him!"
"I refuse to believe there won't be anyone worth watching!"
Just then, Laozi coughed on the high platform, drawing everyone's attention back.
"Ahem."
"The first match had a little... unexpected development, but at least it ended in a happy union. Let's offer them our blessings."
"Now, who would like to take the stage?"
As soon as he finished speaking,
a figure shot onto the arena like lightning and landed steadily.
He wore a brocade kasaya, held the Lightning Five Consecutive Whips, and wore a confident smile as he shouted,
"Duo Bao, first disciple of the Interception Sect!"
"I challenge you!"
[Zhao Gongming: No~~~~ I need more updates to soothe my soul!]
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