The Tragic Jiraiya

Bing San shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head as he left the exam grounds alone.

It was obvious what was going on. The children of the major clans were fighting a bunch of civilian Genin, and all their opponents had been handpicked. Bing San had lost interest in watching.

As Bing San walked farther away, he passed the public bathhouse and felt that something was off.

He looked around carefully for a while before noticing someone disguised in a tree across from the bathhouse.

If not for a faint, fishy smell, Bing San wouldn't have spotted him.

Bing San quietly crept over to the tree and looked up. A lecherous young man was peering into the bathhouse with a monocular.

The young man had white hair and red face paint. His Forehead Protector sat crooked on his head, and he hadn't bothered to straighten it. His green Jonin vest looked like it didn't fit him at all.

It was that lecher, Jiraiya. Bing San's eyes shifted as an idea came to him. Today, he, Shimura Bing San, was going to teach this old pervert a lesson.

Bing San planned to sneak up the tree and give Jiraiya a hard whack, then see if he could extort something from him!

But before Bing San could even climb onto the trunk, he was spotted. Jiraiya glanced down at Bing San standing below, winked and made faces at him, then put a finger to his lips. He was telling him not to shout.

Bing San hugged the tree and tried to climb for ages, but couldn't get up. His massively increased Chakra meant he couldn't climb trees or Water Walk like he used to!

After trying and failing to climb the tree for ages, Bing San's anger overwhelmed his fear. He pulled a little white bottle from his clothes and hurled it up at the tree.

Jiraiya hadn't expected the kid below to suddenly throw something at him without making a sound. He caught it reflexively.

The bottle was open, and white powder scattered through the air. Jiraiya accidentally inhaled a little, and his expression changed instantly.

Only after throwing it did Bing San realize he'd caused trouble. He turned and ran.

Jiraiya appeared in front of Bing San in a flash. His face bright red, he fought to resist the drug's effects and reached out to grab him.

Bing San screamed in terror. The Root Ninja assigned to protect him merely shook his head before vanishing with a swish!

Hearing Bing San's scream, several people came out of the bathhouse to investigate. Jiraiya grabbed Bing San and ran. With Bing San screaming the whole way, they fled far, far away.

By the time Jiraiya stopped, he had no idea where they were, but they should still have been inside the village.

If they tried to leave the village, they would have to pass through the barrier or the main gate. Someone would definitely stop them then.

"Kid, where's the antidote? Where is it?" Jiraiya set down Bing San, whose face was covered in snot and tears.

Bing San forcibly suppressed his instinctive fear and wiped away the tears and snot that had been flung from his face by the speed.

"Kid, hurry, hurry! I can't hold out much longer. If you don't give me the antidote, I'm going to spank you!" Jiraiya urged him again, his face flushed red.

Just then, rustling sounds came from behind them. Bing San and Jiraiya turned to look. A few little snakes were slithering their way.

Jiraiya was in agony, and this drug...

I Love A Shiba Inu: Consumable, potent drug. It takes effect on contact and is colorless and odorless. Anyone poisoned develops an irresistible attraction to long, slender objects. Lasts 1 hour. 3 uses. (From The Deer and the Cauldron)

Jiraiya appeared beside the snakes in a flash, grabbed one, and rubbed it against his face.

"Jiraiya, since when have you been so interested in my summons?"

A hoarse voice came from behind them.

Jiraiya froze on the spot, the snake still pressed to his face.

"Orochimaru! Come look at this, quick, hurry! I can't hold out much longer!"

Then he tossed the bottle in his arms to Orochimaru.

The bottle's lid had been off the whole time because of the rapid movement. In his haste, Jiraiya had forgotten about it.

Orochimaru flicked his sleeve, and a little snake appeared and bit down on the bottle. It wobbled, spilling a little white powder.

Orochimaru's expression changed. He flicked his sleeve, sending all the white powder flying toward Jiraiya, who was still rubbing the snake against his face.

Bing San gaped at the scene and thought, Shit, I'm done for!

Jiraiya hadn't expected to be stabbed in the back by a teammate. He was hit on the spot.

By the time he came to his senses, his eyes were already spinning. He dropped the little snake, hugged a tree, and started rubbing against it.

Half an hour later, in the Hokage's office.

Standing on the left was Tsunade Hime, with long golden hair and a slightly tipsy look.

Beside her stood Orochimaru, wearing a white kimono that was slightly damp and muddy.

Jiraiya lay unconscious on the floor in an extremely undignified pose. The occasional twitch of the "bird" in his crotch proved that this heap was still alive!

On the right stood Danzo, scowling; Utatane Koharu, looking baffled; Mitokado Homura, yawning; and a man with long purple hair who looked refined and polite.

The man was around thirty, wearing a green Jonin vest and holding a few documents.

"Lord Hokage, when we arrived at the scene, Lord Orochimaru was beating Jiraiya.

"Although half a house nearby had collapsed, there wasn't any other damage. It seems only one civilian family was frightened.

"Then Tsunade Hime arrived, and this is how things stand now." After finishing, the man holding the documents nodded to indicate that was all.

"Sorry for the trouble, Zixiao.

"Orochimaru, why did you two get into a fight in the civilian district? And you even used a large summoning beast." The Third Hokage tapped his desk, looking rather troubled.

"And why did Tsunade join in? You've been teammates for years. Whatever the reason, you can't just go wild." As the Third Hokage spoke, he rubbed his forehead.

"Ask Orochimaru. His summon went to get me.

"But when I got there, that idiot Jiraiya lunged at me. I just struck back on instinct." Tsunade Hime burped as she spoke.

Looking at Jiraiya, unconscious on the floor with a face like a pig's, the Third Hokage's face twitched. That was your instinctive response? You beat him half to death!

Jiraiya: _(:3 」∠)_

"I was resting at home when the guard protecting Bing San-kun came to report that Jiraiya had grabbed him and run to the civilian district.

"I didn't want that idiot Jiraiya leading the child astray, so I went to check on them.

"Then Jiraiya, for some reason, seemed confused and launched an 'attack' on me!

"I had no choice but to summon my beast to pin him down.

"Then I notified Tsunade and asked her to take a look at him."

Orochimaru finished speaking in a tone that made it clear Jiraiya had started it. He even brushed off his clothes afterward.

The person protecting Bing San had been wounded on the western front and withdrawn from the battlefield. He had originally been one of Orochimaru's subordinates.

Because his injuries were severe, he was no longer fit to return to the battlefield. He had therefore been assigned to Danzo and sent to Root, where he became an instructor for training the Anbu.

Danzo had then assigned him to protect Bing San. From a moral standpoint, there was nothing wrong with reporting the matter to Orochimaru. That was what everyone thought, at least. Who knew what had really happened?

Then everyone turned to look at Bing San.

Bing San: (⊙﹏⊙)

Everyone: (ー`ー)