Yuri's Third Transaction

"Uh..."

Tony glanced at Yuri, who had tactfully turned around. After a moment's thought, he shot back with two questions: "How did you get in? And what do you want with me?"

"Oh, my dear nephew."

On the other end of the line, Obadiah let out a deep sigh, swirling the amber liquor in his glass before taking a long drag on his cigar. "No matter which Jarvis it is, they'd never turn away their master's uncle."

"I'm in the living room. Hurry over."

"Click!"

Tony stuffed the phone into his pocket, turned to Yuri, and forced a strained smile. "Uh, I might need to handle something in the living room, so..."

Yuri nodded, silently wondering if this was the final stretch of Iron Man 1's plot: did Obadiah swing by the villa before snatching the reactor from Tony's chest?

"Jarvis!"

"Ring, ring..."

Tony pulled out his phone, blurted out a "Holy shit," and glared furiously at the camera overhead. "Jarvis, why are you calling me?!"

"Sir, as per your request."

Yuri couldn't help but chuckle unkindly. The smile struck Tony as bitterly ironic, and his mustache twitched uncontrollably in anger—those two lively curls spasmed, the lips beneath parting and closing a few times before he finally softened his tone. "Jarvis, take Yuri to the guest room first. We'll deal with the rest later."

"As you wish, sir."

"This way, Mr. Ambrosius."

Watching Yuri disappear around a corner, Tony pulled out his phone again to check the time—22:15.

"Fine."

He gave his hair a quick tidy, casually tugged at his collar and lapels. "I'll keep this meeting under five minutes!"

Tony stepped into the living room. It was pitch black, not a single light on. He reached for the switch, only to find the room empty—no one there.

"Obadiah?"

No answer.

Tony shrugged it off, grabbed an opened bottle, and poured some amber liquid into a fresh glass. He plopped heavily onto the sofa. Tonight had been a grind—testing the armor, catching the Lizard Monster... he was exhausted.

"Ring, ring..."

Tony fished out his phone: why was Pepper calling this late?

Sniffling, he answered. The next second, a piercing sonic wave hit him. Veins bulged on his face, and he lost all control of his body.

"Tony?"

"Tony, you there? Hello?"

A large hand reached over the back of the sofa, plucked the just-connected phone from his grasp, and hung up decisively.

"Take a deep breath."

Obadiah's bald head gleamed in the firelight. Smug satisfaction plastered across his face, he raised the little device in his right hand to Tony's line of sight. "Remember this? Too bad the government never approved it. Temporary paralysis still comes in handy a lot of the time."

Obadiah pulled out his earplugs, circled around from behind the sofa, and bent down to retrieve a Reactor Stripper he'd hidden in the cushions earlier. He extended it toward Tony, delivering his victor's speech at a leisurely pace.

"Zzzz—!"

The heat set the fabric covering the miniature reactor ablaze. The searing burn made Tony's mouth fall open, but under the paralysis, not a sound escaped him.

"Because you still have to lay that last golden egg."

Obadiah held the faintly glowing blue reactor up to Tony's face, flaunting it. "Isn't it beautiful, Tony? This is your Ninth Symphony—it'll be your swan song!"

Just as he was about to wax poetic, Pepper's second call came in. Obadiah grabbed the phone and hung up, regretfully packing the reactor into a case. "Too bad you dragged Pepper into this. I was planning to let her live."

Tony's breath hitched. He strained with all his might, but only managed to twitch his eyes slightly. At that moment, he envied Spider-Boy—that kid could go toe-to-toe with the Mark I with just his bare body. If only he had that kind of strength...

The paralysis began to fade. Tony struggled a few times and finally grabbed the phone within reach. "Yuri... Yuri... Yuri..."

"Found you!"

Trembling, he dialed. He could feel the shrapnel creeping toward his beating heart. "Come on!"

"Hello?"

Tony swore to heaven he'd never heard a voice so beautiful. He pressed the phone to his cheek and begged without hesitation. "Come to the living room, Yuri. I'm dying!"

"Whoa!"

On the other end, Yuri smirked. Looked like today wasn't just the end of Dr. Lizard—it was also Tony Stark's uncle-killing day.

What a fine day indeed.

He leaped off the plush bed, threw open the door, and shouted down the hall. "Jarvis! Take me to the living room. Tony says he's dying!"

"As you wish, sir."

Guided by Jarvis's voice prompts, he soon spotted Tony slumped on the sofa, "dictating his last words" to Pepper. This true son of Marvel hadn't even bothered to crawl, as if he had no doubt Yuri would come save him.

"That's it for now, Pepper. We'll talk later."

Tony saw Yuri walk in from the entrance of the living room and decisively hung up the phone. He pointed his chin at the hollow in his chest, staring at Yuri with certainty as he asked, "You've got a way, right? Whether it's magic or something else?"

Click!

Click!

Yuri snapped two photos without hesitation. By now, Tony had no regard for his own dignity: "If you can save me, I'll even give you nudes!"

"NO! NO! NO!"

Yuri put away his phone, stepped closer to Tony, and asked, "Oh, wounded Tony~ I've got two options here. Do you want option one or option two?"

"I'll take both!"

Tony had indeed grown up a lot. He grabbed Yuri's hand and, for the first time, felt not a trace of disgust: "Save me now. Right now!"

"How about we make a deal?"

Yuri raised his right hand, where a vibrant golden energy ball slowly floated and pulsed: "I'll completely heal your wound. As a trade, you give me the reactor—"

"Deal!"

Without even hearing the rest, Tony grabbed Yuri's right hand and pressed it against his own chest.

The energy ball instantly dispersed into the flesh around the wound. Tony let out a low growl, clutching the sofa cover with all his might: It itched! So damn itchy! Itching to death!

Tendrils of flesh, finer than a strand of hair, rapidly proliferated. They forcibly expelled the shrapnel and reactor remnants that didn't belong to this body, looking for all the world like a constipated patient straining to push out waste...

Plop! Plop...!

Yuri caught all those fragments in a glass filled with amber wine. When it was done, he handed it to Tony, who was gasping for air, and asked, "Obadiah?"

"It's Obadiah!"

Tony touched his now smooth and supple chest, his face a mix of astonishment and fury: "He betrayed me and my father. Now I'm going to pass judgment on him!"

"With what?"

Yuri looked curious: "A Tin Can with no power?"

"Well..."

Tony stood up from the sofa, clapped Yuri on the shoulder, and strode forward as he said, "We still need to make a trip to the garage!"