True Monarch Yellow Mountain and No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces

Monday, May 20, 2019.

Spring ends and summer begins.

During this season, the diurnal temperature variation in the Jiangnan Region becomes very significant. It's hot enough to wear just shorts during the day, but at night, you'd freeze like a bird in a nest.

Jiangnan University Town.

It's 2:13 PM, prime time for students to be in class. Yet, Song Shuhang is alone in his dorm, his computer desk pulled close to his bed so he can watch movies in various positions.

Song Shuhang doesn't usually skip class. Last night, the first half of the night was stuffy and hot. In his sleep, he used a move called 'Two Dragons Emerging from the Sea' and kicked off his blanket. In the second half of the night, the temperature plummeted. Wearing only his underwear, Song Shuhang was miserable. In his sleep, his hands fumbled desperately on the bed, searching and searching, but couldn't find his blanket. He ended up curling up like a shrimp, shivering under the oppressive midnight cold.

By the time the sun rose, Song Shuhang had joined the ranks of seasonal colds.

His roommate had already called in sick for him today.

Then, he took some cold medicine and slept until now.

The fever had subsided, but his body still felt weak. He was in no condition to attend class. So, he could only stay in the dorm alone, bored, watching a movie.

On the screen, the movie's progress bar slowly advanced. But Song Shuhang wasn't paying attention to the content at all.

"Is the medicine still working? So sleepy." He yawned, his eyelids feeling heavy.

'Beep beep beep~' Just then, the chat software in the bottom right corner of his computer popped up.

This was a notification that someone had added him as a friend or joined a group.

"Who added me?" Song Shuhang muttered. He reached out and gently tapped the bottom right corner of the touchscreen, and the notification popped up.

[True Monarch Yellow Mountain(＊＊＊＊＊＊) requests to add you as a friend.] Attachment: None.

True Monarch Yellow Mountain? Who is that? What a strange nickname.

"Is it a classmate?" Song Shuhang thought to himself. He couldn't help but think of the guys in his class who, despite being in college, were still stuck in their adolescent fantasy phase. If it were them, they'd definitely come up with weird nicknames like this.

Thinking this, he clicked 'Accept'.

Immediately, another system message popped up.

[True Monarch Yellow Mountain invites you to join the group 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces', do you accept?]

Song Shuhang continued to click accept.

'Great Pressure of Book Mountain' accepted the invitation to join 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces'.

[You have accepted to join the group. Say hello to your group members!] A system smiley face was attached.

Chat tools nowadays are becoming more and more user-friendly.

After a series of notifications, Song Shuhang calmly closed the notification and group chat windows. He was feeling drowsy, how could he possibly care about what groups he had joined?

Anyway, his group settings were always 'no notifications, just display count'. Group chats wouldn't pop up to disturb him; they would only show the number of unread messages after the group name.

When he felt more awake, he could go back and check the chat history to see what kind of group he had joined, and the chat records of the group members wouldn't be lost.

His eyes grew heavier and heavier...

The movie progress bar stubbornly moved forward, but Song Shuhang's consciousness grew increasingly hazy.

In the 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces', upon seeing a new member join, some lurking members surfaced.

Northern River Loose Cultivator: "Did True Monarch Yellow Mountain add a new fellow daoist? It's been over a year since we added anyone new, right?"

Another ID, 'Su Clan's A-Seven', quickly replied: "New fellow daoist? Which district in Huaxia are you from? Where do you cultivate in your cave dwelling? What's your daoist title? What's your cultivation rank?"

These rapid-fire questions felt a bit off somewhere.

Almost simultaneously, the ID Mad Saber Three Waves popped up a message: "New fellow daoist's gender? Are you a fairy? If so, give us your measurements and a picture!"

Seeing the messages from Su Clan's A-Seven and Mad Saber Three Waves, several people in the group twitched their mouths.

"Brother Sanlang, are you really a goldfish?" Northern River Loose Cultivator sighed. "Don't go courting death again. What if True Monarch Yellow Mountain added another Grand Elder?"

This Sanlang guy was good in all aspects: loyal, righteous, and helpful, so he had good relationships with people. The only thing was, he loved to run his mouth and court death.

What's more, his luck was abysmally low. Every time he inadvertently courted death, he always offended a Grand Elder. These Grand Elders, bored out of their minds, were naturally happy to mess with Mad Saber Three Waves, who practically delivered himself to their doorstep for entertainment.

"I beg you, don't mention 'Grand Elder'. This seat has trauma." Mad Saber Three Waves sent a string of 'crying' emojis.

Four years ago, his big mouth offended a beautiful 'Grand Elder' and he was tormented to no end... That Grand Elder messed with him for a full year and four months. You heard that right, a full year and four months! Thinking back to those inhuman, arduous times, his eyes welled up.

As soon as Sanlang finished speaking, a series of smirking emojis popped up in the group – no attempt to hide it, just blatant schadenfreude.

There were eight people showing as online in the group, and six of them simultaneously sent a line of smiling faces.

"You bunch of schadenfreude bastards, this seat remembers every single one of you. Don't let me run into you, or I'll make you taste the power of my Seventy-Two Styles of Fast Saber!" Mad Saber Three Waves said resentfully. He was confident in his fast saber techniques; none of the six guys who were smirking were his match in a one-on-one fight.

As soon as Mad Saber Three Waves finished speaking.

Another smirking emoji immediately popped up in the group, this one from Su Clan's A-Seven.

Then Su Clan's A-Seven excitedly said: "When are we sparring?"

Clearly, Su Clan's A-Seven wasn't gloating – he just wanted to find someone to fight.

"..." Mad Saber Three Waves immediately deflated.

He couldn't beat Ah Qi!

His cultivation was profound, reaching the late stage of Spirit Emperor 5th Rank, only two steps away from Spirit Lord 6th Rank, but he still couldn't beat Ah Qi.

His Seventy-Two Forms Saber Technique was both fast and fierce, coupled with lightning-fast footwork, yet he couldn't beat Ah Qi.

He was known as Mad Saber, so fearsome when enraged that even he himself was afraid, but he just couldn't beat Ah Qi!

Seeing San Lang deflated, the people in the group sent another string of unrestrained laughing emojis.

"..." This time, Mad Saber Three Waves could only depressingly send a string of ellipses.

The group chat buzzed for a long time, but the newcomer hadn't said a word, causing some confusion.

"Is the new fellow cultivator silent?" Northern River Loose Cultivator asked.

Unfortunately, due to the effects of his cold medicine, Song Shuhang had already fallen into a semi-sleep state again.

At this moment, Su Clan's A-Seven happily sent another message: "I checked, the new fellow cultivator's name is 'Great Pressure of Book Mountain'. Has anyone heard of a master with this Daoist title? It sounds a bit like a Confucian scholar, doesn't it? I'm so looking forward to it! These past few years, Confucian scholars have been in deep seclusion, impossible to find. I haven't fought one in nearly a hundred years! Thinking back, fighting Confucian scholars is even more satisfying than fighting Buddhist monks. Not only are their arguments sharp, but their fists are also hard. And when they get excited, they'll recite poetry with gusto to spice things up. It's the best! I love fighting them the most."

"Ah Qi, I have to ask, are your expectations for new fellow cultivators always about how fun they are to fight and how satisfying the fight will be?" Mad Saber Three Waves sent a crying emoji. This is practically bullying!

"Uh." Su Clan's A-Seven looked a little embarrassed.

Northern River Loose Cultivator chuckled wickedly, "Could it be another 'Great Senior' who doesn't know how to use chat tools?"

Hearing this, everyone felt a sense of déjà vu.

Right, about four years ago, there was a senior who emerged from seclusion after over a hundred years. They finally joined a chat group, added by True Monarch Yellow Mountain. However, they couldn't type and remained silent.

Then, a guy named Mad Saber Three Waves happily started flirting with this senior, asking for their measurements, requesting photos, and suggesting voice chats.

And then... a few days later, Mad Saber Three Waves personally witnessed this senior. She was a stunningly beautiful senior, as radiant as the moon in the night sky.

Following that, this beautiful senior tormented Mad Saber Three Waves for a full year and four months before finally leaving satisfied.

Mad Saber Three Waves immediately collapsed in defeat.

"Yellow Mountain?" At this moment, an ID named 'Pharmacist' chimed in.

A strangely brief message, with no context.

Fortunately, the people in the group were already accustomed to Pharmacist's concise chatting style—he used a two-finger typing method combined with handwriting, making him incredibly slow. When typing a lot, he'd make mistakes and suffer through deleting and retyping. Therefore, Pharmacist habitually kept his messages as short as possible. Over time, this evolved into his current, word-hoarding communication style.

"He went offline right after adding someone. I heard his precious big demon dog ran away from home in a huff again, and True Monarch Yellow Mountain went to chase after it. Dealing with that precious big demon dog isn't easy. The True Monarch must be very busy now; it's already a rare moment for him to come online and add people." Northern River Loose Cultivator replied.

"..." Pharmacist.

"Then we can only wait until the new fellow cultivator learns how to use the chat tool," Su Clan's A-Seven sighed. They had all jumped to conclusions, assuming the newcomer was also a fellow cultivator.

Seeing no reaction from the new fellow cultivator, the online members, finding no more entertainment, also went into stealth mode.

About an hour later, Song Shuhang slowly regained consciousness.

"I remember someone added me to a group just now, something like 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces', right?" he muttered softly, casually tapping the chat tool in the bottom right corner and pulling up the chat window for 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces'.

What kind of group is this?

Soon, the chat history from an hour ago appeared before him.

Song Shuhang browsed through it.

Fellow cultivators? Cave dwelling? Cultivation rank?

And seniors? True Monarchs? This Venerable? Chasing a big demon dog?

All sorts of jargon from Xianxia novels.

The way the group members chatted was also interesting—half ancient, half modern. It gave the impression of modern people trying to communicate in ancient language, but failing due to insufficient classical Chinese knowledge, resulting in awkward communication.

"Pfft~~" Song Shuhang chuckled.

It looks like this is a group founded by Xianxia enthusiasts?

Oh no, this is definitely not an ordinary Xianxia enthusiast group!

Everyone in the group had given themselves Daoist titles, their residences were called cave dwellings, and the group owner's lost pet dog was described as a big demon dog running away from home. Someone even claimed they hadn't fought a Confucian scholar in over a hundred years, implying they had lived for several hundred years?

Just looking at these chat records made him feel incredibly embarrassed.

"This level of obsession has reached chuunibyou, and it's a very Chinese-style Xianxia chuunibyou," Song Shuhang nodded inwardly.

It seems this is a concentration camp for Xianxia chuunibyou sufferers!

This was his first impression of 'No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces' and its members.

But why was he added to the group?

He checked the profile of the group owner, True Monarch Yellow Mountain, and he wasn't his classmate, nor did he know him for sure.

Was it a mistaken addition?