Wait Until This Venerable Casts a Divination

They said that if you weren't chuuni, you wasted your youth.

Everyone went through that phase to some extent. Some showed it outwardly, while others hid it deep in their hearts. The difference between flaunting it openly and being secretly flamboyant.

Song Shuhang was somewhat mature for his age. That phase came quickly and passed even faster.

So by his second year of middle school, while the boys around him were still trapped in dreams of martial arts, superheroes, and immortals, waving around their Subduing Dragon Eighteen Palms and striking superhero transformation poses all day, Shuhang had long since given up any hope in such things.

The laws of physics in this world were so precise. For a human to leap three stories high in one bound, clap both palms and launch a golden dragon, or fly just by wearing underwear outside their pants—those were all impossible!

Still, he liked xianxia novels and superhero movies. Perhaps deep down, he still hoped that one day, superheroes, aliens, immortals, and the like might appear before him?

He clearly knew it was impossible, yet he inexplicably looked forward to it. Perhaps that was humanity's unique talent?

Song Shuhang smiled and closed the group chat window. However, he did not leave the group.

He found the people in the No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces quite interesting. From an onlooker's perspective, those chat records that made one blush just reading them were unexpectedly entertaining—so before the group owner kicked him out, he planned to lurk for a while, read all sorts of amusing chat logs, and kill time when he was bored.

The movie continued playing on the computer screen. It seemed to be a horror film. One terrifying plot point followed another. This movie was the masterpiece of a genius horror director; supposedly, many grown men had been scared to tears, and plenty claimed they had been too frightened to go to the bathroom alone.

Unfortunately, Song Shuhang still found nothing frightening about it. After dragging the progress bar back and watching for a while longer, he yawned again, slowly shifting from sitting to lying down as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier...

If that genius director knew his movie had only this much effect, he would probably cry, wouldn't he?

In his hazy state, Song Shuhang had a beautiful dream.

It was an utterly wonderful dream, beautiful beyond measure. There were immortals, superheroes, and all manner of immortal realms.

Immortality and freedom, moving mountains and overturning seas, roaming the mortal world with a sword—how many people throughout the ages had dreamed of such things? Yet as they grew older, reality shattered their dreams, leaving them no choice but to bury them in their hearts and think of them no more.

A dream was, after all, only a dream...

The next day, Tuesday, May 21st, at one in the morning.

The group owner, True Monarch Yellow Mountain, finally came online.

The moment he appeared, Northern River Loose Cultivator popped up to ask, "True Monarch, who was that Great Pressure of Book Mountain you added yesterday? Where does she cultivate?"

"The person I added yesterday? Didn't you talk with her? She's the daughter of an old friend of mine, born in this era. Her aptitude seems quite good. At such a young age, she's already at the peak of Third-Stage Houtian and is about to enter Fourth-Stage Xiantian. Quite remarkable," True Monarch Yellow Mountain replied with a laugh.

Born in this era—then she was probably under forty? Reaching the peak of Third-Stage Houtian at that age truly made her a genius. Northern River Loose Cultivator nodded to himself, but the other party's Daoist Name was still strange. No matter how he looked at it, "Great Pressure of Book Mountain" did not sound like a Daoist Name.

While Northern River Loose Cultivator was still thinking, True Monarch Yellow Mountain suddenly said, "Eh? My old friend's daughter isn't called Great Pressure of Book Mountain. So what the hell is this Great Pressure of Book Mountain?"

"..." True Monarch Yellow Mountain was mortified.

Not some hellish thing—it was the unknown human you had added yesterday, True Monarch.

He cautiously asked, "True Monarch, you didn't add the wrong person, did you?"

"Let this venerable one take a look."

A moment later.

True Monarch Yellow Mountain sent a string of cold-sweat emojis into the group. "I really did add the wrong person. The numbers differed by only one digit in the middle. This venerable one entered an 8 as a 9. To think this venerable one would make such a huge mistake."

Northern River Loose Cultivator chuckled. "That's what I thought. No matter how much someone embraced modern society, no one would give themselves a Daoist Name like Great Pressure of Book Mountain."

True Monarch Yellow Mountain continued sending strings of cold-sweat emojis.

Then he hurriedly operated the group settings and added his friend's daughter to the group.

Group notification: 'Feathery of Spirit Butterfly Island' has joined the No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces.

Now that was a name fitting the style of the No. 1 Group of the Nine Provinces, carrying an overwhelming aura of xianxia. Great Pressure of Book Mountain was definitely some strange thing that had slipped in among them.

The moment the newcomer joined, Mad Saber Three Waves immediately popped up. "Yo, the new Daoist friend is a Fairy ＠＃％×? Post a picture and give us your measurements! If you're pretty, want to meet up?"

Mad Saber Three Waves had been lurking for a long time—though he had the memory of a goldfish, it was still longer than three seconds. Someone had reminded him yesterday, so today he had cautiously lurked and observed the situation.

After hearing True Monarch Yellow Mountain say that the newly joined Fairy ＠＃％× was his friend's daughter and that her cultivation was at Third-Stage Houtian, Mad Saber Three Waves relaxed. She was not a "senior" figure, so he could tease her to his heart's content and satisfy his verbal cravings.

There were rarely any newcomers in this group. He had been holding it in terribly hard.

The moment Three Waves opened his mouth, True Monarch Yellow Mountain's face went dark.

"..." Feathery of Spirit Butterfly Island entered a string of colons, then sent another message in an eerie tone. "As it is late, this old man's daughter has already begun her meditation practice on schedule. Her account is temporarily being kept online by this old man while waiting for Daoist Friend Huangshan to add her to the group. Ahem... I had long heard that Friend Three Waves of the Nine Provinces group was suave and eloquent. Seeing you once is better than hearing of you a hundred times. Friend Three Waves, this old man appreciates you. I'll treat you to a drink some day."

Mad Saber Three Waves was instantly incredibly embarrassed. Teasing a girl only to run into her father—there was nothing more shameful under heaven. He wished he could find a hole in the ground and crawl into it.

Fortunately, this senior seemed easygoing and brushed the matter aside with a single light remark.

Next, the senior greeted the people currently online in the group and asked everyone to take good care of his daughter in the future. Then he went back to lurking with his account online.

Seeing the senior leave, Mad Saber Three Waves let out a breath of relief and said cheerfully, "Good thing. It looks like this senior isn't the sort who can't take a joke. Maybe I'll get a chance to chat with Miss Yurouzi herself someday."

"..." True Monarch Yellow Mountain.

"..." Northern River Loose Cultivator.

Pharmacist, who rarely appeared, popped up again. He was a man who treasured words like gold and seldom spoke in the group, yet this time he unusually typed four words: "Pray for your own blessings."

"?" Three Waves was puzzled.

But the word-stingy Pharmacist clearly would not explain any further.

"Look at the prefix of the newcomer's Daoist Name," Northern River Loose Cultivator explained. If you didn't court death, you wouldn't die—why did Brother Three Waves never understand this principle?

"The prefix? Spirit Butterfly Island?" Mad Saber Three Waves still did not seem to get it.

"Yes, Spirit Butterfly Island! And she's the daughter of a senior. Haven't you thought of anyone?" Northern River Loose Cultivator prompted.

After a long while, Mad Saber Three Waves suddenly understood and flooded the group with kneeling emojis. "That needle-counting Spirit Butterfly Venerable?"

Spirit Butterfly Venerable was a powerful senior. Everything about him was good—upright and chivalrous... except that he loved fussing over every tiny, trivial matter. On the road of splitting hairs, he had already reached the pinnacle. Others counted every ounce, but he counted every needle!

Northern River Loose Cultivator's mouth twitched in fury. "That is not how I reminded you!"

True Monarch Yellow Mountain sighed. He truly could not bear to watch any longer. "Three Waves, my old friend is merely keeping the account online. He hasn't logged off yet."

Which meant... the chat records might be seen.

No, they would definitely be seen!

True Monarch Yellow Mountain truly could not watch Three Waves continue courting death. After all, he was a junior in his group.

"Damn it, I'm finished." Mad Saber Three Waves seemed to see the near future: Spirit Butterfly Venerable coming to his door, then tormenting him in every possible way. His eyes grew moist again. This time, it seemed he had provoked an even more troublesome great senior?

Three Waves immediately wailed, "True Monarch, please plead for me!"

True Monarch Yellow Mountain sent an emoji of a cold, departing back.

No one in the group paid any more attention to Three Waves's defeated-dog-like cries. Calmly, they changed the subject.

Northern River Loose Cultivator asked the group owner, "True Monarch, what should we do about that Great Pressure of Book Mountain?"

Su Clan's A-Seven said, "Should we kick him out? He's only an ordinary person, after all. It wouldn't be appropriate for him to take part in our conversations."

"Ahem, since this venerable one added him by mistake, it can still be considered a kind of fate. Let this venerable one cast a divination and see how to deal with it," True Monarch Yellow Mountain replied—the main reason being that he had suddenly added the other person to the group, and if he kicked him right out now, wouldn't that make him lose face?

So he would at least cast a divination for appearances' sake, find himself an excuse, and then kick the person out.

That way, he could show off his lofty and impressive style.

Secondly, he had suddenly become interested in divination not long ago and had studied it for a month or so. His hands had been itching terribly. Before doing anything, he liked to cast a divination.

As he spoke, he used a copy of Tang Poetry and Song Lyrics at his side to begin the divination. He reached out and flipped through it, activating a secret divination art. An unseen force drew out a line of poetry, forming the divinatory image.

This divination went exceptionally smoothly. Since learning divination, this was the first time True Monarch Yellow Mountain had ever felt so in tune with it!

He gazed at the result of the divinatory image with delight.

Then...

True Monarch Yellow Mountain's expression became as dark as water.

True Monarch Yellow Mountain's face turned ugly.

The divinatory image read: "In heaven, may we be birds flying wing to wing; on earth, may we be branches entwined as one."

As he recalled, this poem had been written by a Tang Dynasty poet called Bai Juyi. It was a classic, later often quoted to describe love?

At once, True Monarch Yellow Mountain felt terrible all over.

Wing to wing, my ass! Entwined branches, my ass! May we be entwined branches? This venerable one might as well hang himself from a southeast branch!

Could it be that the dignified True Monarch Yellow Mountain was supposed to enact a heartrending, earth-shaking romance with that male Great Pressure of Book Mountain? This made him think of Lord Longyang from China's Warring States period—and he instantly felt as though he had swallowed a cockroach, utterly nauseated.

"This must be because this venerable one's mastery of divination is insufficient. After all, I've only studied for a month... so this venerable one should cast another divination! Yes, that must be it!" True Monarch Yellow Mountain activated the secret divination art again, and the unseen force once more flipped through Tang Poetry and Song Lyrics.

Another line of poetry was drawn out.

This time, the secret divination art operated incredibly smoothly. True Monarch Yellow Mountain felt very good about himself. It had definitely hit the mark!

He looked at the divinatory image.

Then...

True Monarch's face went pale.

The divinatory image read: "If two hearts remain true for long, why need they be together morning and night?"

Morning and night, my ass!

"This venerable one refuses to believe this evil!" True Monarch Yellow Mountain cast another divination.

This time, the feeling was even better. True Monarch Yellow Mountain felt that his mastery of divinatory images had reached the pinnacle at this very moment!

This time, it would definitely hit!

He lowered his head to look at the divinatory image. "Turning suddenly, I found that person standing there, amid the fading lantern lights."

"..."

"Deep breaths, deep breaths." True Monarch Yellow Mountain calmly closed Tang Poetry and Song Lyrics and gazed sorrowfully at the sky at a forty-five-degree angle—what a melancholy feeling!

Then True Monarch calmly tore apart the hardcover copy of Tang Poetry and Song Lyrics in his hands. As he tore, he nodded forcefully. "This venerable one truly has no talent for divination. I was never born to be a diviner. Therefore, the divinatory images I calculated must all be wrong!"

He tossed the shredded Tang Poetry and Song Lyrics aside, silently swearing in his heart that he would never again recklessly cast a divination!

After throwing the fragments of the hardcover poetry collection aside, True Monarch typed into the group, "As for that Great Pressure of Book Mountain... let him stay for now. This venerable one just cast a divination and discovered that he is fated with this venerable one. Adding him to the group was not an accident, but an inevitability! What happens afterward will depend on his own fortune."

True Monarch fobbed them off with all sorts of divination terminology. As for the result of the divinatory image, he would never reveal a single word of it, even if beaten to death!

Damn it, even if they were fated, it was definitely an ill-fated bond!

"Then let him stay. He'll probably leave the group himself before long anyway. By the way, what was the result of True Monarch's divinatory image?" Northern River Loose Cultivator had heard that True Monarch was learning divination, so he was very curious what this senior had calculated.

"..." True Monarch Yellow Mountain said, "Well, you all keep chatting. I have urgent business, so I'll be going first."

With that, he swiftly went offline, leaving behind a baffled Northern River Loose Cultivator.