Primordial World: Dad Under House Arrest? I'll Smash Hongjun with My Baby Bottle!
Chapter 5

What kind of baby bottle is this? It's a sky-opening divine axe disguised as a baby bottle!

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3mo ago

"Pfft!"

With his Natal Treasure destroyed and his mind connected to it, Haotian immediately spat out a mouthful of golden essence blood, his originally ferocious aura instantly wilting.

He collapsed to the ground, staring blankly at the shards on the floor.

Shattered?

The Qi Fortune Suppressing Treasure bestowed by the Dao Ancestor... was smashed by a baby bottle?

How is this a baby bottle?

This is clearly a Creation Divine Axe disguised as a baby bottle, dammit?!

Xiruan couldn't care less.

She strutted over with a swagger that acknowledged no kin, stopping before Haotian, who had begun to question his own existence.

A shadow fell over him.

Haotian shuddered and instinctively covered his face.

"D-Don't hit the face..."

At that moment, all the dignity of the Heavenly Emperor, all the authority of the ruler of the Three Realms, crumbled before absolute violence into...

This little girl is too freaky!

That baby bottle hitting his body hurt not just his flesh, but even his Primordial Spirit trembled!

He felt that if he took another hit, he would truly perish on the spot, body and soul extinguished.

"Can we talk properly now?"

Xiruan tossed the baby bottle to the ground, and a few more cracks split the earth.

She looked down at Haotian, her little face deadly serious.

"Y-Yes... yes..." Haotian swallowed his saliva, his voice trembling uncontrollably.

"How much does my dad owe you?"

"H-He doesn't owe me anything..." Haotian was on the verge of tears.

Master Tongtian was a Saint. Even if he was under house arrest now, a lean camel is bigger than a horse. How could he possibly owe him money?!

Which bastard started this rumor? Bringing this living ancestor to haunt him?!

"He doesn't owe money?"

Xiruan frowned, reached out, and raised the baby bottle again, "If he doesn't owe money, why are you keeping him locked up? If he doesn't owe money, why are you sending people to guard him? If he doesn't owe money, why did you just point that mirror at me?"

"I..."

Haotian was at a loss for words.

That was the Dao Ancestor who locked him up! That was the Dao Ancestor who sent the guards! I'm just a gatekeeping acolyte!

But he didn't dare say that.

He was afraid that if he did, this little girl would charge straight to the Purple Cloud Palace, and when the Dao Ancestor blamed someone, it would still fall on him.

This blame was too dark, too big, too heavy. He couldn't bear it!

"Fine. If he doesn't owe money, then you're just bullying an honest man, huh?"

Xiruan snorted coldly, stretching out her little hand, "Mental Distress Fee, Lost Wages Fee, and that... Scaring Children Fee from just now. Pay up."

"Fine! Imperial We... I'll pay!"

Haotian just wanted to send this plague away now.

He tremblingly pulled out a Storage Bag embroidered with a golden dragon from his bosom, "Th-There are ten bottles of Nine Revolutions Golden Elixir here, a hundred jars of Myriad Years Nectar, and a few Postnatal Spirit Treasures I... I kept for myself..."

"Who wants this junk!"

Xiruan didn't even glance at it, cutting him off directly, "I want peaches! The kind that are big and red, that make you grow taller when you eat them!"

"P-Pantaoyuan peaches?"

Haotian's heart was bleeding. Those were the foundation the Heavenly Court used to win over the immortals!

"Are you giving them or not?"

Xiruan said, shoving the baby bottle right up to Haotian's nose.

Haotian jolted.

"Fine! Fine, fine, fine!"

His hands trembling, he tearfully pulled out a warm, smooth Jade Token, "This is the token for Pantaoyuan... J-Just go pick them yourself..."

Xiruan snatched the jade token, bit down on it to make sure it was hard, then stuffed it into her red bib with satisfaction.

"Hmph! You know what's good for you."

She reached out and patted Haotian's face.

"Next time I catch you bullying my daddy, I'll tear this shabby hall down and build a latrine!"

With that, she hoisted her milk bottle back onto her shoulder and turned to leave.

After two steps, she suddenly stopped.

Haotian's brief relief shot straight back up into his throat.

Xiruan twisted her head, her gaze landing on the nine golden dragons pulling the carriage.

The nine majestic golden dragons, caught in her stare, huddled together trembling, wishing they could find a crack to crawl into.

In their hearts, they all chanted: Don't see me! Don't see me!

"These long worms don't look bad either. Plenty of meat."

Xiruan slurped back some drool, a little regretful.

"Forget it, I'm too full today. I'll store them here for now and come back for dragon meat hotpot next time."

The nine golden dragons rolled their eyes on the spot and fainted from sheer terror.

Only after watching Xiruan's figure vanish into the depths of the clouds, heading straight for Pantaoyuan, did Haotian finally let out a long, turbid breath. He collapsed limply to the ground, his dragon robe soaked through with sweat.

"Your Majesty... Your Majesty, are you alright?"

Taibai Jinxing crawled out from behind a pillar, trembling, and shuffled over to help him up.

"Get lost!"

Haotian shoved Taibai Jinxing away, staring at the priceless fragments of the Haotian Mirror scattered across the floor, grief welling up inside him.

"Tongtian... you old bastard!"

"Did you birth a daughter just to torment Imperial We?!"

"Quick! Go to the Purple Cloud Palace and summon the Patriarch! This life is unbearable!"

Beyond the Thirty-Three Heavens, in the Purple Cloud Palace.

Patriarch Hongjun, who had just woken up and hadn't yet finished mending his palm shattered by Pangu's Shadow, suddenly felt a premonition.

He counted on his fingers, and the muscles on his eternally stoic face twitched violently.

"Pantaoyuan... trouble."

At this very moment.

At the entrance to Pantaoyuan.

The Tudigong on duty was dozing against a tree stump when he suddenly felt the earth tremble violently.

An earthquake?

He blinked awake groggily and saw a little kid carrying a milk bottle standing at the garden gate.

She stared at the garden full of peaches, her big eyes gleaming green.

"Wow! So many big peaches!"

Xiruan wiped the traitorous drool from the corner of her mouth.

"If Daddy eats these, he'll definitely have the strength to kick that black room's door open!"

"Minions! Time to eat!"

She waved her hand.

Of course, there were no minions.

Only a system frantically adding its own drama.

[Ding! Detected that the host is about to engage in a zero-cost shopping spree!]

[Triggered hidden quest: Pantaoyuan Clean Sweep!]

[Option One: Only pick the ripe ones. Reward: One Good Kid Certificate.]

[Option Two: Only pick, don't eat. Reward: One Storage Bag.]

[Option Three: Kids make choices, I want it all! Even pull up the trees! Reward: Innate Supreme Treasure Cauldron (Perfect for both alchemy and stewing meat)!]

A pure, innocent smile spread across Xiruan's little face.

"Pull up the trees? I'm good at that!"

The Tudigong looked at that smile, and for some reason, his heart kept pounding.

This little ancestor... with that stance... she was going to scrape the very topsoil away!

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