Missing Thoughts Literature

Overnight, Yu Sui went from a wild child in the mountains to a noble young lady of the royal family in the Qingyang Nation.

After Nangong Ming gave her a name, Yu Sui rarely saw Lady Su again. The Mute Woman still stayed by her side, but there were far more people looking after her than there had been on Luoshan.

The grand house before her, with its red walls and black tiles, was much better than the little black room on Luoshan. As the Prince's personally chosen heir and one of only two young princesses entitled to bear the Nangong surname, Yu Sui had the best food, clothes, and comforts. Everyone in the mansion treated her with the utmost respect, even though she was only a toddler who could barely speak.

The advantage of being a child who understood little was that she learned plenty of secrets.

There were three madams in the mansion, each with a son. Her three older brothers were six, five, and four years old.

Since none had earned the right to bear the Nangong surname, they all took their mothers' surnames.

Yu Sui saw her three brothers only on her first day. The three madams, however, visited every few days. They liked to sit with the Young Princess and chat for a while, and never came alone—they always arrived together.

Nangong Ming also often came to see Yu Sui. He even let her play beside him while he handled official business.

Everyone felt at ease around Yu Sui. She was only a year and a half old; what could she understand about government affairs? Besides, she could barely walk without wobbling and often fell over. Her speech was also unclear. In every way, she seemed a step behind other children her age.

In other people's eyes, the Young Princess could be summed up in four words: silly and clueless.

And a silly, clueless child could be quite endearing to certain clever people.

Nangong Ming was one of them.

After finishing his official business, he rose and went to the wooden couch behind the screen. The child on it was playing house with her dolls.

Nangong Ming asked, "Suisui, do you miss your mother?"

Yu Sui looked up. "I do."

Nangong Ming smiled, bent down, and picked her up. "Then let's go see her."

After several months, Yu Sui saw Lady Su again. She sat beside the window, moonlight spilling through it and making her look lonely. When a maid came to report that the Prince and the Young Princess had arrived, Lady Su showed no particular reaction.

Nangong Ming stepped forward. "Susu."

Yu Sui stood on the ground, beaming up at her. Timidly, she called, "Mother..."

Lady Su's eyes moved. Only then did she turn to look.

Yu Sui had always wanted to grow closer to Lady Su. Even after Lady Su had nearly strangled her last time, she still planned to mend their relationship first. After all, she was far too weak right now.

But as Yu Sui wobbled toward her, Lady Su stood and walked away.

Nangong Ming glanced at his daughter, who stood frozen in confusion. He smiled, patted her head, then carried her to the table and set her down to play by herself.

"I thought you missed the child, so I brought her here," Nangong Ming said. "This child took half your Xirang. Do you loathe her that much?"

Lady Su stood with her back to them by the window and said nothing.

Nangong Ming spoke in an even tone. "How strange. You stole the Xirang from me and hid away, and I haven't even blamed you. Yet you're the one throwing a tantrum."

Yu Sui pricked up her ears.

What else was there about this pair of feuding spouses that I didn't know?

Lady Su said coldly, "It was mine by right. We agreed before working together that the Xirang would belong to me once we got our hands on it."

"I did promise you that, but you left too soon." Nangong Ming walked over to Yu Sui and wiped the sweat from her brow, making the hair on her body stand on end. "You were about to give birth, yet you still ran—and took Qingkui with you. What do you say? Should I bring Qingkui back too?"

Lady Su spun around, her eyes wide with shock.

Yu Sui obediently played with her teacups, not daring to let any of her surprise show.

"Mister Zhou, one of the Three Saints of the Medical School, was willing to help you. That was a little unexpected. But if one truly wanted to find him, it wouldn't be very hard." Nangong Ming sighed softly and looked up at Lady Su. "Would you like me to bring Qingkui back?"

Lady Su's eyes trembled. She seemed to want to speak, but her resolve had already crumbled.

As if all the strength had drained out of her, she lowered her head. "Leave Kui'er alone."

"What are you saying? Qingkui is my daughter too. Would I kill her?" Nangong Ming said as if it were nothing. "I want Qingkui to grow up free and safe too. It's just that Suisui will have to bear the burden. The entire Nine Streams Realm now knows that the Xirang is inside Suisui, and has nothing to do with you."

Yu Sui pushed two cups together, making them clink.

"Even though it's only half, who could possibly know that?" Nangong Ming walked up to Lady Su, took her hand, and led her toward Yu Sui. "You need to keep the secret, and continue working with me. Don't fly into a rage and disappear every other day. There are plenty of people who want to kill my child. You can't stop them."

"Those people will only pay attention to Suisui now. No one cares about Qingkui, so she'll be safe."

Lady Su's expression faltered. When Yu Sui looked over, she quickly turned her gaze away.

Nangong Ming led Lady Su to sit beside Yu Sui. To an outsider, they looked like a happy family of three.

"Susu, for Qingkui's sake, keep using every means at your disposal to help me find a way to break the vow."

Nangong Ming had seized on Lady Su's weakness, leaving her unable to resist. For her daughter Qingkui's sake, she continued to compromise and work with him.

*

Yu Sui gained a clearer understanding of her situation.

Her parents had each pushed her out as a decoy for their own benefit, making the world believe the Xirang was inside her, rather than that she had only half of it. They had hidden Lady Su from the public eye so she could serve Nangong Ming more easily.

She alone was the great fool sacrificing her happiness so the whole family could prosper.

Nangong Ming meant to raise her to give her life for the family one day, too.

The more attention she attracted, the more careful Yu Sui had to be not to reveal that she was the World Destroyer. If people discovered that she possessed a strange flame and was someone the entire continent was duty-bound to hunt down and kill, her life would be over.

From the conversations of the three madams who often visited, Yu Sui learned that the Prince's three Young Masters were all exceptionally talented and quick to learn. The Eldest Young Master was six and would soon enter the National Academy.

The National Academy was where the children of the nobility and royal family were taught knowledge, etiquette, and techniques.

Students entered at six and finished their studies at sixteen.

Yu Sui still had a long stretch of infancy ahead of her, but she wasn't bored. Every day, she heard plenty of strange and astonishing news.

After Lady Su gave in to Nangong Ming, she began visiting Yu Sui more often. At Nangong Ming's direction, Lady Su represented the Prince's Mansion as its mistress and attended many banquets. Every so often, she brought Yu Sui along.

Word had spread through the capital's circles that Yu Sui was the future heir to the Prince's title. Even those who looked down on Lady Su for being a concubine didn't dare slight the Prince's Young Princess.

In the year the Prince's Mansion Young Princess turned three, Yu Sui accompanied Lady Su to the palace to present a birthday gift to the Empress. During the birthday banquet, the Empress singled her out, but Yu Sui could answer none of her questions. She only stared blankly at the Empress, leaving the whole room roaring with laughter. Everyone laughed at her, and she giggled along, just as foolishly.

The Qingyang Emperor and Nangong Ming smiled and spoke softly together, seeming to be discussing his little daughter as well.

Yu Sui's world was noisy with voices. Even conversations from far away reached her ears:

"So this is the little sister who stole the throne from the three of you? Hahaha! She looks so dazed. You three must feel pretty aggrieved, getting your throne snatched by her!"

Yu Sui glanced over from the corner of her eye. Her eight-year-old eldest brother sat with perfect decorum, frowning without a word. Her seven-year-old second brother covered his forehead as if embarrassed, while her six-year-old third brother looked at her with disdain.

After that day, Lady Su stopped letting Yu Sui do as she pleased and began arranging all kinds of lessons for her, from music, chess, calligraphy, and painting to horseback riding and archery. She wanted the future Queen of Nangong to be graceful and refined, but also capable of wielding a blade and a bow.

Yu Sui learned very slowly, so slowly that her teachers had to grit their teeth and explain things over and over.

Everyone around her said she had mediocre talent and didn't seem like the Prince's child. Even Lady Su sometimes wondered why her eldest daughter, Qingkui, was so clever and quick-witted, while her younger daughter, Yu Sui, was so ordinary.

When she was six, Nangong Ming brought an Yin-Yang School practitioner to examine Yu Sui's talent.

Everyone on the Xuangu Continent could cultivate and choose a path. Those without the talent to study the Dao were Normal Practitioners; those with the talent to study the Dao were Nine Schools Practitioners.

The difference between the two was clear:

Normal Practitioners could only master theoretical knowledge.

Nine Schools Practitioners, on the other hand, could wield esoteric skills and supernatural abilities.

Nangong Ming came from a renowned school and was on good terms with the Yin-Yang School's faction in the Qingyang Nation. He wanted his daughter to enter the Yin-Yang School. His daughter simply couldn't be a Normal Practitioner; she had to be a Nine Schools Practitioner.

A person's "talent" was the crucial link to the Dao. Without talent, there was no way to enter the Dao.

Yu Sui stood beneath the moonlight as the night wind tossed her hair and clothes. The Old Sorcerer, standing a short distance away, unfurled the scroll in his hands and flung it into the air. His hands rapidly formed seals, and the ink on the scroll joined into lines that leapt from the paper.

The black Ink Lines snapped apart and scattered, settling on Yu Sui's brow, nose, cheeks, shoulders, and the other points of her Seven Meridians and Eight Extraordinary Vessels. The spots they touched felt cool. After lingering briefly, the lines flew back to the sheet of paper floating in midair.

The Old Sorcerer caught the scroll. Its ink remained unchanged, and the human figure that appeared on it showed not the slightest glimmer.

Yu Sui knew from his expression that the result wasn't good.

The Old Sorcerer rolled up the scroll and faced Nangong Ming, who was waiting nearby. He said gravely, "Prince, the Young Princess has mediocre aptitude and no talent at all. She has no affinity for the Yin-Yang path."

Nangong Ming glanced at Yu Sui standing in the moonlight, then waved for the Old Sorcerer to leave. He walked up to her without bending down, looking down at her from on high. He smiled, but still made Yu Sui feel utterly oppressed.

"Are you scared?"

Yu Sui lowered her head, looking glum.

Nangong Ming continued, "No one in the Nangong Clan has ever been a Normal Practitioner. You can't be the first."

Yu Sui thought for a moment, then asked, "What if I am?"

Nangong Ming was a little surprised that she would ask such a question. As far as he could remember, this daughter rarely spoke. Most of the time, she was either crying or laughing. Unless someone asked her something, she hardly ever spoke first.

The little girl looked up at him, her eyes resembling her mother's—dark and clear, pure and innocent.

Nangong Ming looked down at her and smiled. "You can't be."

Yu Sui asked again, "If I am, will you drive me out?"

Nangong Ming said nothing.

The little girl's soft, childish voice made him pause. He saw Yu Sui looking troubled, and she timidly continued, "Father, if you're going to drive me out of the mansion, could you let me eat dinner first? I haven't had dinner tonight. You called me here before I could eat."

Nangong Ming thought to himself: People say he is devious and calculating, and his ancestors were all brilliant strategists. His children's mother had talent reaching the Thirteenth Realm, and his three sons were all clever and quick-witted. How had he ended up with a foolish daughter?

A moment later, Nangong Ming took his foolish daughter to have dinner.

*

The six-year-old Young Princess was old enough to begin studying at the National Academy too.

Every day, Yu Sui went to the National Academy with her brothers, then returned to the Prince's Mansion with them at sunset.

They had gone from never speaking to one another to politely calling her "Elder Brother" or "Young Princess" when they met. The three brothers didn't call her by name or call her their little sister. They called her the Young Princess instead.

On Yu Sui's first day at the National Academy, she couldn't recognize most of her classmates. But thanks to the joke she had made at the Empress's birthday banquet a few years earlier, she was quite famous. Several children came over to greet her. "You're the Young Princess of King Nangong's Mansion, Nangong Sui, right?"

She sat in her seat, gazing wide-eyed at the unfamiliar children.

A pretty little girl with a face like a carved doll laughed at her dazed expression. "You really are silly. Everyone says you have no talent and are the only Normal Practitioner in the Nangong Family."

Yu Sui folded her arms on the desk, laid her head down on them, and yawned sleepily.

"Why aren't you answering me?" Princess Shangyang prodded her irritably. "The fact that I, the Princess, am willing to talk to a fool like you is a blessing."

They were all little children, and their words were both childish and funny. Yu Sui murmured, "Thank you, Princess Highness."

Princess Shangyang laughed at her again.

Yu Sui was slow at everything. Sometimes she seemed not to understand what anyone was saying, just standing there with a blank, confused look.

Princess Shangyang and her little friends laughed at Yu Sui for several days. Once the novelty wore off, they went looking for other ways to amuse themselves.

The Princess was the daughter of the current Qingyang Emperor and Empress. Her background meant she could do whatever she liked at the National Academy. While other students studied hard, she could shout as loudly as she pleased, and no one dared reprimand her.

Everyone who studied at the National Academy came from powerful and influential families. They were spoiled at home and used to having everyone cater to them. The teachers at the academy treated the children with great care, too.

The teachers taught as usual. Whether the children listened was up to them.

Yu Sui sat beside Princess Shangyang. With this lively little Princess around, every day at the National Academy was a riot. Princess Shangyang would poke her now and then and call her a fool.

Yu Sui didn't mind. She slept every day she came to the National Academy.

As a result, she barely heard anything the teachers said. She fell behind in her lessons, and when she took the written exam, every answer on her paper was wrong. She came last in the class.

When Lady Su saw her results back at the mansion, her brows knitted together. Her cold, piercing gaze stayed fixed on Yu Sui for a long time.

In the end, Yu Sui was made to kneel outside the door. She held a book in her hands and flipped through it sleepily.

It wasn't that she always slept at the National Academy for no reason. When it was time to sleep, the strange flame deep in her consciousness became incredibly active, keeping her so hot that she tossed and turned without falling asleep.

Yu Sui had studied it for a long time, wrestling with the strange flame in her consciousness and trying to figure out what was wrong.

She never figured it out, but her mental energy dwindled by more than half, leaving her completely unable to stay alert during the day.

Now, the night breeze was cool and gentle. Yu Sui's knees hurt from kneeling, and she kept shifting restlessly. She sneaked a glance at Lady Su inside the room and drew out her words: "Mother... Can I memorize it tomorrow?"

Lady Su didn't even look up. "How many tomorrows have you already wasted?"

Yu Sui had no choice but to lower her head and read.

Lady Su simply didn't fall for her pleading.

For several days in a row, Yu Sui had to kneel outside the door and recite her books whenever she returned to the mansion.

Nangong Ming came by once and saw her. He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Your way of studying is certainly unusual."

A boy about Yu Sui's age followed behind him.

In the chilly spring night, the boy wore a black coat that concealed his thin frame. He was barefoot, his feet smeared with mud, and water clung to his hair and dripped from where it stuck to his cheeks and neck. The boy lowered his head, but Yu Sui looked up and caught the hostility in his eyes.

Nangong Ming took the boy inside to see Lady Su.

Yu Sui was left outside.

Only after quite a while did Nangong Ming come out to see her.

Yu Sui was still kneeling on the ground. Nangong Ming didn't tell her to get up. Instead, he crouched down and asked with a smile, "You can't recite even one passage?"

"I can recite five already." Yu Sui held up her hand and showed him five fingers.

Nangong Ming shook his head. "I don't know whether I should praise you for being clever."

Yu Sui looked past him into the room. "Who is that person?"

"Him?" Nangong Ming stroked Yu Sui's head, still smiling warmly. "He's someone you'll have to protect with your life one day."