Chapter One

Qing City Tieba

Post—My Suffocating Hospital Roommate

Posted by: jiojio, repeatedly testing the gates of the mental hospital

1L (OP): Anyone here ever stayed in the VIP ward at Qing City Second Hospital? If you have, you don't need to raise your hand, because there's no way you've had an experience as bizarre as mine.

Here's what happened. I had to stay in the hospital for a few days because of a minor illness, so I casually picked a VIP room. As luck would have it, the rooms on both sides of mine filled up that day too, so I ended up with two roommates. You can call them Old Man A and Old Man B.

2L: You just casually got into a VIP room? OP must be short, rich, and ugly.

3L: Don't mess around, person above. Did Old Man A and Old Man B fall for OP's beauty, enough to introduce you to their daughters who can't find husbands?

4L: Introducing their daughters is nothing. Introducing their sons to OP would be worth posting about on Tieba.

5L (OP): Friends above, you're way too innocent. Actually, Old Man A and Old Man B are the stars of this story. OP has nothing to do with it. I'm just a bystander whose worldview has been shattered, watching the drama unfold.

Old Man B is the father of some big shot in Qing City's business world, the kind of person you can find with a quick Baidu search. I heard he'd come to the hospital after breaking his leg. When I first saw him, I only dared to look from a distance. I was afraid that if I got too close, the bodyguards in dark sunglasses outside his room would throw me out. I was seriously scared.

Then there's Old Man A. He looked even healthier than me, and apparently he'd come in for a few days because he'd strained his back. He had a granddaughter under twenty looking after him. Incidentally, his granddaughter was really cute.

6L: If OP were writing a novel, readers would've kicked you out by now. Two whole floors and you still haven't gotten to the point. Are you a chatterbox in human form?

7L: Don't get worked up, bro. Calm down, calm down.

8L (OP): Ahem, the point. The point is that on the second day of my hospital stay—which is today—Old Man A ran into Old Man B's son in the hallway. In other words, the big shot from the business world.

Then Old Man A told the big shot that dark clouds hung over him, and that his whole family would suffer bloody calamities soon.

I was watching from not far away at the time, thinking that whether the big shot's family would suffer bloody calamities was hard to say, but he might be in for one himself any minute.

Sure enough, the big shot got really angry. But out of respect for his elders, he didn't do anything to Old Man A. He just left in a fury.

9L: What? It's just a story about a swindler failing to scam someone.

10L: I'm out. Nothing worth reading here.

11L (OP): Hold on, here comes the twist. At one this afternoon, the big shot suddenly went to Old Man A's room. I almost thought he was still angry from this morning and had finally decided to beat him up. But instead, he respectfully invited Old Man A into Old Man B's room.

12L: How do you know he invited him? Maybe he forced him.

13L (OP): No way. I know that attitude all too well. That's exactly how I act when I ask my parents for money. I couldn't mistake it.

14L: What kind of attitude?

15L: Like a grandson. lights cigarette.jpg

16L (OP): None of that matters. The important thing is that the big shot invited Old Man A over to tell Old Man B's fortune!

Looking for a fortune-teller in a hospital is as ridiculous as looking for a wife in a wife cake. If someone says he's a master, do you believe him?

I don't, anyway. But the big shot's dad seemed to believe him.

The latest news is that Old Man B offered Old Man A a huge sum to tell his fortune...

I'm going to get a hemorrhoid removed. I'll continue when I get back.

17L: Uhhhh, not sure whether to be more shocked by the master fortune-teller or OP's hemorrhoid.

18L: I suggest OP call the police. The officers will teach the "master fortune-teller" how to be a decent person.

56L: It's been a whole day. Is OP still not back?

57L: My guess is the big shot already had OP silenced.

78L (OP): I'm back. I'm talking to you now in the ORZ position, so please be patient.

Latest news from the cute nurse: Old Man A said Old Man B's grandson was short on metal in his fate, so he should probably change his name. The two of them are now in Old Man B's room, coming up with a new name for the grandson.

I figure I could do that too. Just name him Xin. If one Xin isn't enough, use two: Xin Xin.

Three wouldn't be out of the question, either. Four-character names are all the rage. If you're short on something, just add more. Why pay a fortune to change your name?

I used to assume that a man who could have a big shot for a son must be really smart. Reality just slapped me in the face. I need a moment to calm down.

79L: Feels like OP's witnessing a large-scale brain-cell massacre. I really want to go see it for myself.

80L: -_-|| I'm in Qing City and I've already guessed who the big shot is. I heard his dad's always been really into fortune-telling. I can't believe he hasn't given up the hobby even in the hospital.

81L: Waiting for someone to name the big shot???

Qing City Second Hospital, VIP Room 456.

On the hospital bed, an old man in a patient's gown, ruddy-faced and full of vigor, was peeling an apple.

On the chair beside the bed, a young girl propped her chin in both hands and gazed eagerly at the apple.

When the paring knife stopped and the long strip of peel fell away, the girl reached out quickly. The old man snorted and slapped the peeled apple into her hand.

"Thanks, Grandpa."

"All you know how to do is eat. You're twenty and still can't peel an apple. When I'm gone, are you going to stop eating apples?" The old man wiped the paring knife clean and set it aside.

Liu Mumu crunched into the apple and said indistinctly, "I can find a boyfriend to peel apples for me."

The old man glanced at her and cruelly crushed her hopes. "Don't dream. Based on my more than eighty years of fortune-telling experience, your fate has pretty much ruled out relationships with men."

Liu Mumu immediately sulked and pouted. "That's because your readings are inaccurate. Before we left home, I went to Front Street and had Blind Liu tell my fortune. He said I'd definitely find a boyfriend before I turn twenty-five!"

The old man's eyebrows shot up. He pointed at Liu Mumu. "You little rascal! You went to see Blind Liu behind my back? Don't you know what kind of person Blind Liu is? He's your grandpa's competitor!"

"Oh. Blind Liu probably doesn't see it that way."

The old man immediately clutched his chest.

"I heard he makes twenty times as much money in a year as we do," Liu Mumu added.

"He doesn't know a damn thing. He's a swindler!" After saying that, the old man paused and asked, "He really makes that much?"

"Yep." Liu Mumu took another bite of her apple, then sighed. "You're both fortune-tellers, so how come he can make money in peace while we got driven out of our hometown? Is that normal?"

The old man grumbled and lay back, pulling the blanket up. He didn't want to talk.

The two of them had originally been making a living in a city in the north. A month ago, her grandpa had landed a big job. The client was very satisfied, but after her grandpa calculated the time and place where the client had met his mistress, the client's ex-wife got high-definition photos. She wasn't very satisfied, and made him pay out half his fortune. So the two of them had no choice but to pack up and flee to Qing City in the middle of the night.

These days, fortune-telling was a high-risk profession.

"Did you tell Grandpa Tan's fortune again today? Uncle Tan gave me a weird look in the hallway."

"What was weird about it?"

"He looked at me like I was a swindler."

Although Grandpa Tan in Room 458 trusted her grandpa a lot, his son was the complete opposite. Not only did he not believe them, Liu Mumu felt like he wanted to bundle the two of them up and send them to the police station.

"He doesn't know a good thing when he sees one," the old man said unhappily.

Liu Mumu continued, "And the guy next door looks at you and Grandpa Tan like you're mental patients. Grandpa, please tone it down."

"What do they know? With Old Tan's face, I'd say someone's set up a Feng Shui arrangement at his house. In a few days, his son will end up in the hospital too. Then he'll be the one begging me for help."

Liu Mumu crunched on her apple, lost in thought. "There seems to be plenty of work in Qing City."

In the small northern city where they used to live, they'd rarely run into high-level misdeeds like setting up Feng Shui arrangements in someone else's home. After all, Feng Shui masters with real ability went to big cities to make money. Who would stay cooped up in a small place like her grandpa, refusing to move?

"Don't even think about making money. You can't even get a hexagram right. Don't go out there and embarrass yourself. Just focus on your studies."

Yes, the main reason the two of them had come straight to Qing City was that Liu Mumu had gotten into a university there. She still had to study. Although the hexagram arts she studied were a little unscientific, she and her grandpa still believed in science.

"So what if I got the hexagram wrong? It's not like you've never gotten one wrong. Liu Yao and Meihua Yishu are both so difficult. Is either of them something a normal person can learn?" Liu Mumu muttered guiltily.

Although she'd gotten an official Diviner's License, if diviners had to take an exam to qualify, she'd definitely fail.

Liu Yizhi had taught her for ten years and still hadn't managed to teach her. His own granddaughter, Liu Mumu, was a disgrace to his eighty-year career.

"Enough, stop making me angry. I don't have many days left as it is. Just listening to you talk has shaved two more days off my life." Liu Yizhi turned onto his side, not wanting to look at her.

His words left Liu Mumu silent.

After a long while, Liu Yizhi finally spoke. "I've already figured it out. Your dad is in this city. Go find him in a while."

"I'm not going."

"You still have a bond with him. If you don't go find him now, you'll run into him eventually anyway. When things get difficult, you run away. Is that what I taught you?" Liu Yizhi's voice grew heavy.

Liu Mumu stared at his back and pouted. After a long while, she managed to squeeze out a few words. "I know."

Qing City Tieba

Post—My Suffocating Hospital Roommate

152L (OP): I'm back. Something terrifying has happened. It's been three days since Old Man A told the big shot his whole family would suffer bloody calamities, and the big shot broke his arm and ended up in the hospital. He's now neighbors with his own dad.

I'm suddenly a little uneasy.

153L: OP, believe in science. It's all just a coincidence!!!

154L: Person above, I've always thought fortune-telling was pretty scientific. It's all about probabilities. The Book of Changes, the Eight Trigrams, and so on have been around for thousands of years. There must be some inevitable cause-and-effect relationships in there.

155L: That doesn't change the fact that all fortune-telling masters nowadays are swindlers.

156L: Maybe the one OP ran into really does know his stuff.

185L (OP): Brothers above, stop arguing. The big shot just invited Old Man A over again. Whether Old Man A is the real deal or a swindler, either way, he's getting the big shot's money.

I secretly asked around. Apparently, the big shot offered Old Man A a seven-figure sum.

186L: I might not make seven figures in my whole life. This is fucking ridiculous.

187L: No wonder our city's average income is over ten thousand a month. This is how my average got dragged up. I just want to know whether Old Man A pays taxes.

310L (OP): Here's a kind of funny update. Apparently, Old Man A didn't take the big shot's money. He told him to wait until he died and arrange his funeral as payment for the fortune-telling.

The big shot agreed.

I have to say, master fortune-tellers really are on another level from ordinary people. They plan ahead. I've learned something today.

666L (OP): ...Old Man A passed away last night.

Holy shit, is this scientific???