Chapter 309
Didn't they all pull through in the end?
He survived the attacks of the Elsa Granhiert, he survived in Roswaal's Mansion, he survived in the Royal Capital, he survived facing the White Whale, and he survived even in the face of Sloth.
Finally, what awaits us is the Sanctuary we have already arrived at.
The so-called Sanctuary doesn't seem to be any incredibly holy place; it's merely Matoba with a name, or perhaps more accurately, a secret base.
Well, at least that's what the clown said.
... Perhaps the description of the story is too brief, making it difficult to accurately depict his experiences and insights along the way.
But that's life; not everyone needs to know about your past.
All that matters is the present moment.
The sound just now did not originate from the entire Sanctuary, but if we had to say it came from Sanctuary, it wouldn't hurt to say it did.
That was the witch's voice.
The other world they were transported to was a special world where swords and magic existed, and in it, beings known as 'witches' bore the sins that resounded throughout the world as 'great sins'.
The voice just now was whispered by Echidna, the 'Witch of Greed'.
The so-called strong desire is the pursuit of all wisdom in the world, which one is unwilling to give up even after death, and the pursuit of the existence of all knowledge.
A witch is someone who can easily turn the world upside down and destroy it, or subvert the distinction between reality and illusion.
Naturally, even memories can be easily peered into and used to create illusions.
Thus.
Natsuki Subaru saw his past.
It's not that his past experiences after arriving in this other world are what he's going through; those painful memories of adventure might not evoke such strong feelings in him.
What he saw was from an earlier time...
Parents.
Natsuki Kenichi, his father.
He is incredibly charismatic, incredibly successful, incredibly passionate, incredibly sociable, incredibly cheerful, sunny, carefree, and lively... making people admire him and want to be like him.
Man.
Natsuki Naoko, his mother.
She was relatively natural, very beautiful, very gentle, very kind, and very... someone who would move you to tears and evoke fond memories.
Woman.
His parents.
The scene before even arriving in the other world evokes memories of a distant past that bring tears to one's eyes.
Wearing my school uniform, in my room that I haven't seen in ages this morning, surrounded by countless familiar books, all sorts of comics and light novels, with covers and titles that evoke nostalgia.
My gaze swept across them, omitting a fleeting glimpse of a pitch-black book.
Natsuki Subaru turned his head away.
Sunlight, curtains, and the awakening of a father's love.
My memories have become blurred; it's as if I never went to any other world or encountered any people from the very beginning.
But the instincts deep within my body still resisted the school.
'I've been refusing to go to school for months now, and each time I do, I'm tormented by self-loathing and feelings of inferiority. I only feel at ease when I confirm that school hours have passed.'
My former self.
The hands of the clock have long since passed that time; as long as you let go, you can peacefully pass another day.
But.
The reality that has already passed will not vanish like a bubble, and the past that can never be returned to cannot be dwelled upon anymore.
My chest felt tight, my heart was pounding, and a frantic sense of anxiety was resisting the discomfort that was eroding my entire body in the present moment.
Then, memories flooded back like a tide.
Echidna is the Witch of Greed.
What she seeks is knowledge, mystery, the unknown, and more possibilities.
Rather than simply indulging in malicious pleasure, although in the pursuit of truth one may be somewhat cunning, even if one uses every trick in the book to deceive others during the process.
But she never lies; at most, she might slightly conceal key information in her words, causing others to misunderstand.
Therefore, even now that memories have awakened, the illusion here has not yet ended.
Facing the past requires more than just waking up.
Waking up is only the first step.
The key to passing the Trial may lie in not being bound by the past.
"I have a girl I like."
"--So, I'm alright now."
He worried about his father and his mother; their worries stemmed from his past memories, from the shadow of his seemingly inescapable refusal to go to school.
But that shadow is long gone.
Everything is alright now.
Even though they knew perfectly well that the people in front of them were not the real them.
But Natsuki Subaru still had to speak.
I have a girl I like.
"Am I a hopelessly insignificant, incompetent idiot, or a self-important piece of trash?"
He said.
"I want to be insulted like this by you."
He said.
"... I hope you will give up on me."
He said.
This is a very sincere and heartfelt request.
Even if this request is destined to be unfulfilled.
A very simple reason.
Because what he sees now is an illusion created through his memory.
Since it's an illusion created based on his memories, the result he gets will definitely be what he can foresee.
'We don't love you anymore, we hate you the most, someone like you... is not our child.'
That's what I want to hear.
What they want to sever are unfulfilled wishes and unattainable outcomes.
... If, if I were simply never to see them again...
I have someone I like.
There are people who like me.
So...
So.
So--
"If you feel apologetic, just spend your time repaying your kindness. Take good care of me and your mother in the future, eldest son."
Such fatal words must not be uttered.
You shouldn't say lines like that at a time like this.
The understanding that there is no 'future' that will never exist, and that one will never be able to return to the original world.
In Natsuki Subaru's heart, the last line of defense was breached.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry--"
It was tears.
It's an emotion.
It was something I had already sensed, a feeling I still wanted to express even when facing a dream.
Calm down.
Cry until you've cried enough.
Tie your tie, put on a mature look, and then it's time to go to school.
It wasn't really about going back to school.
But perhaps, this is simply what one should do when facing their past.
She cried again.
She had cried in front of her father, but she still couldn't stop the tears from flowing in front of her mother.
I felt I was ready to say goodbye properly and even had a little confidence.
As he was leaving, he finally called out to his mother, who had chosen to walk with him for a short distance.
Then.
"--I have things I absolutely have to do, so I'll be separated from you for a long time."
I wanted to shout that, trying to look really cool.
"I'm going somewhere far away, where I won't be able to contact you..."
He wanted to explain why he left, to say that his purpose in leaving was to save her.
"I know this will make you worry, Mom and Dad, but..."
I want to use words to confirm that I will never forget something.
Think--
Subaru--It's okay.
The moment she turned around and spoke like that.
Sure enough, I couldn't help but cry.
He cried, felt utterly humiliated, and finally wiped away his tears.
"Take care on the road."
This was on that night when we moved, on that night when we left for the convenience store, just before we closed the door.
The conversations that had taken place were still happening.
"--I'm off."
Natsuki Subaru didn't speak at the time, but in this dreamlike state, he wanted to fill in the gaps.
Then.
It's time to face the witch.
"Facing one's past, whether affirming or denying it, will lead to an answer. Those who are fearful, disgusted, or withdrawn cannot overcome the 'Trial.' However, I commend those who can accept their past or make the resolute decision to sever ties with it. For this, I can give them countless chances."
"... This is the 'Trial'!"
So the witch said.
"Although there's no need to ask, this world really is..."
The fool couldn't help but ask.