Chapter 314

'Go home'

... Going home?

If it were at the very beginning, if it were when he first came into this world, if it were during those days of confusion and aimlessness, he would probably really want to go home, he absolutely had to go home, he would have no choice but to go home.

But...

I have a girl I like.

The girl I like needs me.

She can't live without me.

Natsuki Subaru pursed his lips slightly, turned his head, and looked once again at Emilia was standing beside him with a pained expression.

"... Emilia."

He called her name softly, wanting to reach out and touch her, but hesitated and withdrew his hand.

Let's continue and endure the torture.

If you don't finish reading his words, if you don't end your conversation with him...

Natsuki Subaru thought that he had no way to go any further.

Although time seems very tight, if we don't move forward quickly, the devastating fate of the Great Rabbit might strike again.

But.

He has to face it.

If all else fails, we can just start over.

Taking a deep breath, Natsuki Subaru raised his hand again and turned the page.

[Yes, yes, I bet you're going to bring up your Emilia again.]

The first words that followed were words that seemed to see right through one's heart.

[No, brother, you're such a simp.]

Ask yourself honestly, are you really that important to her?

Okay, yes, that's true. She can't live without you; she's a complete waste without you.

What a coincidence, a sycophant meets a loser.

I'm so angry I could scream! You two are a match made in heaven!

I'm completely convinced.

Don't breathe a sigh of relief; there's nothing to be relieved about.

Do you think you've found a reason?

I don't think that would be a valid reason at all.

So what if she can't live without you? So what if she needs you to function?

Can't you take your daughter-in-law back to meet your parents?

Do they have any filial piety?

You wouldn't be so self-degrading as to think the other person would never want to go back to meet your parents, would you?

You can't possibly be so inexperienced as to think that a relationship between a man and a woman can reach the point where they want to spend their lives together without their parents' knowledge or involvement, can't?

Do you really think of yourself as an orphan with no parents?

Seriously, I'm tired of typing question marks.

There's really no need for me to ask so many questions; you should know it yourself, you should understand it yourself.

This isn't even about compulsory education anymore. If you refuse to go to school, if you drop out halfway through, if you don't graduate from high school, then you're completely illiterate.

Shouldn't someone have this level of understanding?

I'll take another step back, I'll take another step back.

Although I don't know how many steps I've taken back today, I don't know if I've retreated by an entire Pacific Ocean.

But I'll still give you another step back here.

Because you might not reach the point of marriage, I'm generously giving you another chance.

An ugly daughter-in-law may never see her parents again, but you, the child, must always come home.

It's not like I'm telling you to just leave your wife there and ignore her.

But you can't not even set a goal, can you?

If a one-way ticket isn't enough, then figure out a round-trip commuter ticket. There's always a solution to every problem; it's either solving Emilia or solving the problem of global travel.

You have to solve one of them!

What's wrong with your brain? Didn't you travel through time yourself? Why do you suddenly think it's impossible when you want, need, and have to go back?

That's what I hate most about you.

Reflect on your actions! Reflect on your actions to your godfather!

Take a step back, then another step back, and then take another step back.

The final step is a very simple, very ordinary requirement that doesn't even require doing anything, just a change in attitude.

... His requirements were really low.

If you can't even have expectations, then don't talk about loving your parents.

Even though he didn't want to admit it, Natsuki Subaru was still able to clearly realize this at that moment.

This is something he has to face, something he has to admit.

My initial idea was indeed somewhat ill-considered... no, not just somewhat, but very problematic.

There are many excuses I could come up with, and quite a few I could find.

It's the witch influencing me, it's Echidna seducing me, it's the countless Return by Death that have brought me a sense of despair that I may never be able to escape Satella for the rest of my life, it's my mind that has unknowingly become alienated into the form of another world.

Can.

But when the excuses were actually on the tip of their tongues, they were all swallowed back.

Because these are just excuses.

What is the real reason?

Natsuki Subaru knew this.

'Self-abasement'.

Deep down, he was that insecure child.

In the past, on Earth, people always called him 'Natsuki Kenichi's child.' Now that 'Natsuki Subaru's' existence has disappeared, he can only rely on meaningless clown antics to gain attention from others.

He is a useless person.

But in another world.

Just as the other person admitted in the Diary, he was needed, I was needed, Emilia needed me, Emilia couldn't live without me.

The thoughts that lingered deep within him, even those that had surfaced back in the Royal Capital, still remained in his heart.

Unlike Earth, this place has a home for me.

So, so, so...

Rather than letting my parents always look at me as useless, rather than letting them focus all their attention on me as useless, rather than letting them pour their time, energy, and love into me.

--It would be better to let them simply give up on me.

As long as I stop thinking about going back, they'll probably give up on me over time.

This was a thought and attitude he also expressed during Echidna's Trial.

They reconciled, they cried, they hugged, and they turned to move forward.

However, deep-rooted influences still linger in my heart.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Just like crying and apologizing in the arms of his 'father' during Trial, Natsuki Subaru gripped the pages of the Diary and kept repeating his apology.

But this time, he didn't cry.

He shouldn't have cried.

He should apologize, he needs to reflect on his actions, and he should blame himself.

Then, in an endless cycle of self-deprecation and self-loathing.

... stand up again.

Natsuki Subaru hates himself.

Therefore, in a sense, it is correct that he expects and wants to be insulted, as stated in the Diary.

Because blaming yourself is meaningless, and insulting yourself will not alleviate the emotions in your chest in the slightest.

But others are different, especially those who seem to know so much about their own Diary.

The insults he received only served to pierce his heart.

Stop fucking repeating a grade. I get annoyed just looking at people repeating grades. Even if you keep saying sorry to me, I won't feel any better.

I fucking feel like I'm your dad.

If it weren't for your dad, nobody would care about your parents, right? They can put up missing person notices however they want, and wait for their own kid to come home however they want—it's none of my business!

I thought about it carefully. I've said my piece, I've insulted you enough, and I've said everything I needed to say.

Have you truly reflected on your actions? Is your reflection genuine? Can you make even the slightest change in your heart?

It has nothing to do with me anymore.

So that's enough for now. I've had my fun.

Do whatever you want.

After all, you'll have a lot of hardships and struggles ahead of you.

Seeing that the text was about to end and the other party's willingness to continue the conversation was waning, Natsuki Subaru suddenly snapped to attention and stopped repeating his apologies.

With unparalleled decisiveness and intuitive instinct, he instinctively lunged at the Diary a tiger-like charge...

Kneel.

"Father, Father, Father, Godfather, I understand, I know, I'm reflecting on my actions, I need to reflect. You were right to scold me, you were right to reprimand me!"

He suddenly knelt down on the ground and said this in one breath.

The reason is not only because the harsh reprimands are filled with a clear sense of disappointment and frustration that only someone who truly cares about your well-being can emanate and feel.

More than anything, he suddenly discerned a peculiar meaning in that last sentence.

No, I'm already suffering enough. You're already facing enough hardship. Every hurdle I've overcome so far has been one of hardship.

Dad, don't go! You know this, right? You should be clear about it, shouldn't you? I always felt that you had some idea about the future.

Please tell me quickly!!!

Natsuki Subaru's mindset transformed at lightning speed.

He's trying to curry favor with someone powerful.

Just as the other party said from the very beginning.

He is stronger Satella.

Since that's the case, since that's the case...

Even a little help for my son would be alright, wouldn't it?

"Please offer some guidance to your godson!!"

Natsuki Subaru's powerful voice resounded throughout the entire stone chamber.

[...]