Do I Long for Death?

"But doing this kind of thing must be tiring. Honami-chan, you can take a break. I don't mind handling it."

"It's all right. As long as I can help everyone, I'm happy. I hope we can all stay together until graduation."

"Honami-chan really is the best."

I strained to pick out Shiranami's voice from the increasingly heated argument, trying to ignore the scattered noise around it. But the commotion had already grown too loud to brush aside.

"It sounds like there's a quarrel over there..." I put down the book I was reading and looked toward the students from Class D. From the looks of things, it wasn't an internal dispute within the class; they'd run into trouble with another class.

"Those are... students from Class C."

"Chihiro, keep studying with the others. I'll go see what's going on."

"Then I'll come help, too." Shiranami hurriedly got up from her seat, intending to follow Ichinose.

"It's okay. While I'm gone, please keep an eye on everyone for me, Chihiro."

"But what if something happens—"

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. This is a library, after all—a public place. Just wait for me to come back, Chihiro."

"Okay, okay. Just be careful."

"Hah, hah! 'Pride goes before a fall'? Give me a break."

"We're not studying to avoid failing. We're studying so we can get better grades. Don't lump us together with you. Besides, you get excited just because you got Francis Bacon on your test? Is something wrong with your head? What's the point of studying material outside the exam range?"

While Shiranami was suggesting what to do, the argument had already escalated another level. It seemed like they were on the verge of coming to blows, and the red-haired boy from Class D didn't look like he had a very good temperament.

Seeing this, Ichinose hurried over.

"Can't the people from Class C behave themselves for once?" Ninomiya couldn't hold back anymore and voiced her opinion.

"Behave themselves?"

"Yeah. For the past month, people from Class C have been picking fights with our class now and then... Raku, don't you know about it?"

"Sorry, I don't think I've heard about that." Why did I feel so out of the loop? We were in the same class, yet I'd somehow fallen so far behind.

"I thought all the boys had been harassed by now."

"Harassed? You mean the students from Class C have been harassing the boys in our class?"

"Yeah. They deliberately tripped Shibata before, and bumped into Okabe. They also intentionally threw a basketball at Sugiyama's head, breaking his glasses. There have been plenty of other things like that. Basically, all the boys in our class have had something like that happen to them. Hasn't it happened to you, Raku?"

That was close!

"Maybe they forgot about me."

"Looks like the people from Class C don't want to bully Raku, either. He looks completely harmless." Tsube chimed in.

Huh? What was that supposed to mean? Saying something like that to my face was a little too damaging to a man's self-esteem!

"But speaking of which, why are the people from Class C doing this? Are they just trying to provoke us?"

"I don't know." Shiranami shook her head. "Honami's tried talking to them several times, but she couldn't get anything out of them. The people from Class C just said it was an accident and gave us a half-hearted apology."

"If something like that happened to me, I'd never let them get away with it."

So someone was arranging all of this behind the scenes? What was the point?

"If you're going to keep studying here, you'll need to behave yourselves. That's all." In the distance, Ichinose successfully sent the Class C students away. She tossed her final words to the Class D students and returned briskly.

"Is everything all right now?"

"Yeah. At least they probably won't cause trouble in the library again. The people from Class C are awful, picking fights with students from all over... Oh, Raku, have you run into any trouble?"

"I just heard that Class C has managed to offend all the boys in our class. It seems they forgot about me, though."

I felt a little lucky about that, but why couldn't I stop feeling sad about it?

"That's good, then. If they give you trouble, be sure to tell me, okay?"

"I will."

"But I really don't think anyone would ever pick on Raku."

"Um, is there a particular reason for that?" Ichinose asked Tsube, puzzled.

Please, could you stop repeatedly beating me over the head with the words "completely harmless"?

"Because Raku's presence is so faint. Honestly, if it weren't for the study group, I might not even have noticed there was someone like him in our class."

Wasn't that even more hurtful?!

"Huh? Really? I've never felt that way at all," Ichinose replied in surprise.

"Y-yeah, exactly. I don't know him that well, either. As for Class Representative Ichinose, of course you'd notice him—you two are close, after all." Ninomiya nodded along.

"What about you, Chihiro?" Ichinose asked again, unconvinced.

"No, I notice him all the time."

See? I knew it... Wait, what was with that murderous look in Shiranami's eyes? Had I offended her somehow?

Under Shiranami's dark stare, I nervously swallowed.

After that, nothing else went wrong during the study group, and we finished the day's work without a hitch. As usual, Ichinose reminded me to eat dinner. I wanted to stop her from doing that, but being cared about by someone else was really addictive.

Kanzaki and the others, on the other hand, still had to keep going because they were researching materials. As his "close friend," I resolutely stayed behind to keep him company, and took the opportunity to look for another book to borrow from the library.

I usually enjoyed detective stories, though from time to time I also tried to understand human nature. Among the many books available, those two kinds might seem straightforward and uninteresting, but they were still good enough to satisfy my own appetite.

A book's value depended on how useful it was to me.

The Thirteenth Hour, Death Notice, And Then There Were None, The Silence of the Lambs, and—Ayanokoji.

"Yo, good evening." When it came to this sort of thing, I could only say I'd gotten used to it.

"Is your study group over?"

"Yeah, we finished a little earlier than usual this time. Normally, it goes on for another half hour... I saw you arguing with the students from Class C earlier. What happened?"

"We were making a bit of a racket, I suppose. That student named Ichinose must be from Class B, right? I really have to thank you for that. Otherwise, things could've gotten troublesome."

"She really does mean well and wants to keep order." I smiled wryly.

"By the way, do you know about the changes to the midterm exam scope?"

"Yeah. Last Friday, our homeroom teacher announced that the scope for all the midterm subjects had been adjusted... Didn't you know?"

Come to think of it, I'd heard the name Francis Bacon, too. That wasn't material covered on the exam.

"It's possible we didn't hear... Sorry, I'll have to excuse myself. I need to check the scope with our homeroom teacher. Thanks for letting me know."

"Don't mention it."

Isn't this interesting? Whether we're talking about the Class D homeroom teacher or Ayanokoji himself.

What exactly is "ability," anyway?

I continued browsing for books to borrow.

Chapter Eighteen: Do I Long for Death?

"Good thing you're here. So far, none of our members have been eliminated." The man came over to me cheerfully and stretched.

"Elimination" had always been the euphemism they used here, a fiction that let them avoid the truth.

"What's in that canteen of yours? Coke?"

"An energy restorative."

"It's a rare occasion worth celebrating. Don't you want to drink something else? Ever since you first arrived here, I don't think you've had a proper meal... Why not go inside and talk with them for a while? I can keep watch out here."

"..."

"Tch, just like before. Fine, do whatever you want. Stay out here by yourself." With that, he went back inside.

It seemed he'd only come to invite me.

I drained the last of the pale yellow drink in my cup. The difference in the nighttime lighting had made him mistake it for Coke. I could let him keep thinking that, but there was no point. For someone who was going to die, nothing mattered anymore.

After I ate the last energy bar, footsteps sounded behind me again.

"Well, well. No wonder your team, led by the No. 1, hasn't had anyone eliminated so far."

"..."

"Don't look at me so coldly. I'm the mentor who cares about you most, after all."

"Examiners aren't allowed to interfere in this exam." I repeated the assessment rules, but he didn't care at all. He acted as though he were the rules themselves, with the right to decide what was right and wrong.

"This exam isn't about which team has the fewest people eliminated. It's about how much the team can gain in the end. You still haven't figured that out, have you?"

"I have."

"You have?" He scoffed at me. "How can you gain anything without sacrifice? The way you've been handling things so far disgusts us."

"Your actions have already violated the rules." I stuffed the energy bar wrapper into the test tube that had held the energy restorative and tossed it away.

Don't take chances with the things you store. Get rid of anything useless right away.

"How so? I'm just here to kindly remind you. If you don't use the abilities you have, you'll end up dead."

"I appreciate your concern."

"See that you do." The man pursed his lips in displeasure and hurried away into the darkness.

Was he genuinely trying to let me know they were unhappy with me? Or had he been sent to warn me? If so, who was behind it?

And who was the one about to die?

After a long period of preparation, the midterm exams ended three days ago.

The atmosphere was as warm as ever, but this time it was mixed with a little nervousness. The next homeroom period would bring the announcement of our midterm results. During the break, I wanted to sort out the special system used at Advanced Nurturing High School, known as the S System.

The system covered a wide range of things. According to students in the upper grades, no student had ever fully understood it since the school was founded, and even the teachers didn't know everything about it.

But one thing was certain: the system revolved around S Points.

I took out the phone issued by the school, opened the app it had installed, and logged in by entering my student ID and password. Then I opened "Balance Inquiry" from the menu. The app let us perform all sorts of operations, such as checking our own points, checking the points held by our class, or transferring our balance to another person.

There were two types of points.

Class Points and Private Points.

Class Points were marked with "cl," short for "class," and their full name was "Class Points." They represented the points held by a class as a unit. On the first of each month, each class received Private Points equal to its Class Points multiplied by one hundred. Class Points were also used to rank the classes.

"pl"—Private Points, short for "Private Points." Private Points were deposited into each student's account on the first of every month. Since it was clear they could be used to buy all sorts of things ordinary people couldn't even imagine, everyone in Class B agreed that we should conserve them. We kept all the class's points in Ichinose's account, leaving each person with only thirty thousand yen a month for living expenses. Of course, if that wasn't enough, we could ask Ichinose to increase the amount.

The bell rang, its tune featuring a grand clock, and I had no choice but to wake from where I'd buried my face in my arms.

Teacher Hoshinomiya entered the classroom right on time, carrying her poster tube and bouncing along cheerfully. Seeing her put most of the class at ease. After all, no teacher would be happy about one of their students getting expelled, especially not a homeroom teacher as enthusiastic as Teacher Hoshinomiya.

"I'm about to announce your midterm results! Is everyone nervous?"

"Since you're so happy, Teacher Hoshinomiya, that means nobody in our class is getting expelled, right?"

"Whaaat? Was it already that obvious on my face?! This is no fun at all. I was planning to scare you!"

"Your acting is really terrible, Teacher. Also, you definitely drank at lunch today, didn't you?"

"I didn't! Teachers aren't allowed to drink before class, so I didn't! If I had, I'd double everyone's homework today. Got that?"

"Isn't that an obvious threat?"

"And how can you call that a threat? It's a fact. Hosokawa, you don't want to be punished, do you?"

As our homeroom teacher, how had she managed to keep such a childishly immature mindset?

"Since everyone already knows, I'll just reveal the results."

Once again, she posted a table listing the subjects, the students' names, and their corresponding scores on the blackboard. Apart from the number of score sheets, it was no different from last time.

Then Teacher Hoshinomiya wrote the average score for each subject and the corresponding passing mark beneath the results.

"Our class's average in math this time is ninety. According to the formula for calculating the passing mark, our cutoff is forty-five, so—everyone in the class passed!"

"Nice! I'm not in last place." Okabe looked at the total-score rankings and cheered excitedly.

"You're only second from the bottom this time. Don't get too excited. If you weren't so lazy and had put in the effort to get close to eighty, you'd still be in last place." Shiratori patted Okabe on the shoulder, trying to calm him down.