Turn Your Face Away

"I've seen ignorance before, but never ignorance like yours!" The Green Robe Old Man was nearly driven mad with rage. "The Ghost Nurturing Jar itself isn't some powerful magic treasure. What's powerful is me! Do you know how many things I've seen and learned over these tens of thousands of years? As early as twenty thousand years ago, I was already a treasure countless people fought to possess! You, you, you..."

"Wait, Green-Haired Old Man, what did you say? Tens of thousands of years?"

"That's right. Several tens of thousands of years have passed since my first master refined me. Now you know how formidable I am, don't you?"

"Really?" Wei Suo pointed at the beauty paintings hanging by the bed. "Green-Haired Old Man, hurry and tell me—were the beauties from tens of thousands of years ago prettier than this one? What were your Dual Cultivation Techniques like back then?"

"You idiot!" The Green Robe Old Man finally snapped completely. "Do you know what's most important in the Cultivation World? Experience! I went through so many generations of masters—how much experience do I have? You... you..."

"That's right!" Golden light immediately shone from Wei Suo's eyes. "Green-Haired Old Man, then you must know loads of cultivation techniques. Quickly tell me a few! They don't need to be too powerful—I probably couldn't learn those anyway. Just something a little stronger than the Heavenly Dao Sect's Heavenly Dao True Understanding will do."

"Th-that... I don't know any cultivation techniques." The Green Robe Old Man froze. "I couldn't cultivate them myself, and you can't tell how someone cultivates just by looking at the outside."

"You don't even know cultivation techniques, and you still have the nerve to say experience is the most important thing in the Cultivation World?"

"I know many methods for refining pills, talismans, and magic treasures!" The Green Robe Old Man was on the verge of tears.

"Really?" Golden light immediately flashed from Wei Suo's eyes again. Pill refining and artifact refining were secrets of the great sects. There weren't even many pill refiners or artifact refiners in all of Lingyue City. If the Green Robe Old Man truly knew many pill recipes and artifact-refining formulas, then he had really struck it rich this time.

"Just give me any formula and let me see whether you're really that impressive." After being cheated out of thirteen Low-grade Spirit Stones by that country bumpkin, Wei Suo was so poor he was considering pawning his underwear. His eyes gleamed as he spoke.

Once I give him a formula, won't he come begging me obediently? Then I'll drink whatever I want. The Green Robe Old Man ground his teeth as he thought it over. Judging by the intelligence of the person before him, anything too complicated or profound would be beyond his understanding. So, he searched his memories and found the simplest formula. "Qi Replenishing Powder: Dewdrop Grass, Three Nights Flower, Fire Chrysanthemum Root, in a three-three-four ratio. It's very easy to refine."

"Green-Haired Old Man, exactly how long have you been stuck inside this lousy jar?"

"What for? Ever since this Ghost Nurturing Jar was broken in the hands of my fifty-sixth master, I haven't come out. If you hadn't happened to damage the sealing runes without damaging the formation that supplies me with spiritual energy, I still wouldn't have been able to come out today. Let me think... at least ten or twenty thousand years, I suppose?"

"Sorry, but if I remember correctly, Three Nights Flower went extinct three thousand years ago." Wei Suo said expressionlessly.

"That can't be, can it? Then I'll change it. A First-Order Fireball Talisman: Silver Candle Grass and Fire Tail Flower, mashed up to make talisman paper, then draw the talisman with Fire Scorpion Blood. The talisman runes are like this..."

"As for the runes, I don't think that's necessary." Wei Suo began undoing his belt again.

"What are you doing?" The Green Robe Old Man turned pale with fright. "Don't tell me those things have gone extinct too?"

"You damned Green-Haired Old Man, are you deliberately trying to trick me into giving you Fire Scorpion Blood to drink? Once you drink it, you'll recover your vitality? Then you'll be able to deal with me? Do you really take me for an idiot? If you're going to lie to me, can't you at least make it sound convincing?"

"What are you even talking about? Silver Candle Grass may be a little rare, but there is absolutely no problem with this talisman formula! Back then, when my master was refining this talisman, he discovered that Fire Scorpion Blood could nourish me."

"Keep pretending. Pretend as hard as you can." Wei Suo sneered at the Green Robe Old Man. "Please turn your face away."

The Green Robe Old Man was utterly bewildered. "Turn my face away?"

"Yeah. I just took a piss, and you're too ugly. Looking at your face, I can't even piss."

"..." If he could have hanged himself, the Green Robe Old Man would have done it long ago. "What exactly do you mean? Even if you're going to piss on me again, at least let me understand why I'm being pissed on!"

"Fine, I'll let you understand perfectly." Wei Suo looked at the Green Robe Old Man as if he were an idiot and suddenly shoved open the window.

Outside, the air was fresh after the rain. Several wild cats ran across the distant rooftops, while countless silvery wild grasses trembled in the wind.

"You said Silver Candle Grass was very rare?" Wei Suo carried over a stool and looked at the Green Haired Old Ghost. "Green Haired Old Ghost, your acting is pretty good. That country bumpkin who cheated me today—did he learn it from you?"

"No way?" The Green Robe Old Man's mouth fell open wide enough to fit an egg. The wild grass growing wildly from the cracks between the roof tiles, each stalk shaped like a little club—wasn't that unmistakably Silver Candle Grass?

"Old ghost, aside from Fire Scorpions being a little difficult to find, the other two things you mentioned are everywhere. If these three things could refine a Fire Talisman, then buying an egg could hatch me a hen. Enough nonsense. Turn your face away."

"I understand! Wahahaha!"

The Green Robe Old Man stood there dumbly for a moment, then suddenly burst into a wildly ecstatic laugh.

"Did getting pissed on flood your brain and turn you stupid?" Wei Suo was a little dumbfounded now.

"I can't help but become incredible!" The Green Robe Old Man puffed out his chest. "I understand now! Three Nights Flower went extinct three thousand years ago. Silver Candle Grass was still scarce ten thousand years ago, yet now it's everywhere. It's because too much time has passed, and everything has changed! Does Iron Wire Grass still exist now? What about Glazed Fruit? Are there many of them? Fire Earth Dragons haven't gone extinct either, have they? There must be lots of them, right?"

"Lots, asshole!" Wei Suo rolled his eyes.

"You still don't understand. Are cultivation techniques from tens of thousands of years ago the same as today's cultivation techniques? They're not." The Green Robe Old Man did not fly into a rage. Instead, he spoke rapidly. "The blue sea turns to mulberry fields, and the world shifts and changes. Over these tens of thousands of years, the cultivation techniques and pill recipes of the Cultivation World have undergone countless transformations. Cultivators tens of thousands of years ago still relied on Heaven and Earth Spiritual Meridians to cultivate, while later cultivators mostly relied on spiritual medicines and demon cores. This Pill Recipe I obtained from a small sect back then was of little use at the time, because Silver Candle Grass and Fire Tail Flower were both extremely scarce. But now, these two things actually grow everywhere."

"Green-Haired Old Man, you're still pretending even now? You're saying this talisman formula of yours is real?"

"Of course it's real! It could be said that, in the dark, this lowest-grade magic treasure of mine—this useless thing—has encountered a fortuitous chance! It has welcomed its most glorious era! I will surely leave my name in the annals of history and become a legend in the Cultivation World! Damn it! You!" The Green Robe Old Man raised both hands to the sky, overflowing with passion and heroic grandeur, but before he could finish, a stream of piss splashed down over his head.

"This is really unbearable." Wei Suo shook his head as he tied his belt.

"Big brother, what do I have to do for you to believe me?" The Green Robe Old Man was completely speechless. "The talisman formula I gave you is really real. If you don't believe me, you can try it. If what I said is false, throw me into a cesspit and soak me there for ten thousand years."

(Brothers and sisters, give it a push! Let's keep blasting our way forward!)