Assassination Classroom: Oops, I Became the Stand-In!
Chapter 18

High-End Ingredients...

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12d ago•

Kouenji Rokusuke, what a rich young master. He spent all day staring at himself in a hand mirror, making me lose face so badly on the bus.

At dusk, the school path turned red, then dark, until night swallowed it completely.

On the dim school path, Kushida Kikyou walked alone in silence...

Kushida Kikyou strolled along with a smile on her face, but as night fell, the bright light in her eyes faded. They grew dull and silent, and she finally stopped beside a secluded grove.

It was a remote path. Even during the day, hardly anyone came this way.

Kushida Kikyou glanced around, making sure no one was on the path and that there were no cameras nearby. She took a deep breath and slowly raised her pale, shapely leg toward the railing...

"Ah—this is so damn annoying!"

"Bam—!"

"Why would a woman like that come to this school? Why did I have to end up in the same class as a bitch like Horikita Suzune, who acts all high and mighty just because she can study and wears that deadpan expression all day?"

"Drop dead!"

"Bam—bam—!"

"Why doesn't someone like that just hurry up and die?"

"Bam—!"

"And those pigs in my class! Do they have any idea how annoying it is to have to smile at you every single day? If you've got any sense, hurry up and die!"

"Bam—! Bam—! Bam—!"

Again and again...

Nothing like the sweet, gentle girl she usually pretended to be.

Kushida Kikyou vented her pent-up frustrations, unleashing them on the outside world. The iron railing groaned in agony as the whole thing shuddered from her kicks.

Her vicious curses and the railing's groans echoed along the deserted school path...

"Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead!!"

"All of you, drop dead!!"

"Creak—crack—"

Kushida Kikyou's anger reached its peak. She poured all the resentment she'd built up toward Horikita Suzune and her classmates into one final kick. With a loud clang, the railing was bent inward into a C shape.

She slowly let out a breath, smoothed away her vicious expression, and tidied her disheveled hair. Once more, she became Kushida Kikyou, smiling sweetly and hoping to be friends with the entire school.

"Haha, that feels much better. I should head back now..."

After straightening her little shoulder bag, Kushida Kikyou hummed a cheerful tune and trotted away from the silent spot.

Only the bent railing remained, twisted in midair like a corpse with its eyes still open.

"Hmm~ hmm~"

"Hmm-hmm~"

"Hmm-hmm-hmm~"

A few minutes later, in the shadowy grove no one would have expected, three little heads cautiously peered out from behind a dark tree trunk.

Mikage Touji: "Wow, that was brutal..."

Morishita Ran: "That woman... is she Jorogumo?"

Yamamura Miki: "Huh? Am I supposed to say something?"

The three of them hadn't run into a monster while trying Spirit Concealment. Instead, they'd stumbled across a woman whose face changed faster than a monster's.

Once they were sure Kushida Kikyou wouldn't come back, the three of them immediately scattered from behind the tree.

"Mikage Touji, where were you putting your hands just now? You touched Master Morishita's thigh! Tell me, were you up to no good?" Morishita Ran pointed at Mikage Touji and was the first to accuse him.

Mikage Touji rubbed his head. "You've got some nerve. You nearly pulled my hair out."

Yamamura Miki timidly bowed to Morishita Ran. "Sorry, Morishita. I squeezed your shoulder too hard just now..."

The three of them had been walking with Mikage Touji in front. When he spotted the juicy scene, his body had instinctively crouched down first. Morishita Ran, right behind him, had grabbed his hair to keep her balance, and Yamamura Miki, at the back, had quietly grabbed Morishita Ran's shoulder to peek.

"But..." Mikage Touji watched the direction Kushida Kikyou had gone, absently feeling around in his pocket and rubbing his chin. "I never thought Kushida Kikyou had this side to her. I thought she was just a little two-faced."

"Mikage Touji, did you record it?" Morishita Ran asked out of nowhere.

"..."

Mikage Touji looked up at the sky, which was pitch-black. "Ah, what lovely weather..."

"I knew it!"

Morishita Ran saw right through his attempt to change the subject.

"I thought something was off just now. Why was there a little light down there? I thought you were getting pervy and trying to look up Master Morishita's skirt. I didn't realize your thoughts were even more depraved!"

"Hey, hey, that's a bit much. I just wanted to get some leverage on her, in case I ever needed to turn the tables someday." Mikage Touji was starting to lose his composure and loudly protested.

"No need to explain. You were thinking she had a nice figure and was pretty, so you could use the video to threaten her and make her do the kind of lewd things you men like. Like making her take off all her clothes so you could watch her humiliated expression." Morishita Ran raised both hands above her shoulders, curled her fingers as if grabbing something, and spoke with a serious little face.

"Do you think this school is some kind of hentai anime? That's a crime. If you actually did that, the only place you'd get to see me is in prison."

At that, Yamamura Miki gathered her courage and chimed in. "Mikage, you can't do something like that."

"Then what do you want to do? We've got such great leverage, and you don't want to use it? Do you even want to graduate from Class A?"

Morishita Ran gave a triumphant smile and held out her hand.

"Hand it over. Master Morishita will keep it safe. I have no interest in threatening that woman. Come to me when you want to use it."

"That's not a bad idea."

Mikage Touji thought it over for a moment, then nodded. He took out his phone and swiped across the screen.

"Don't make a backup." Morishita Ran leaned closer and stared at Mikage Touji's phone.

"Fine, fine. You can do it yourself, okay?" Mikage Touji rolled his eyes, handed her the phone, and gave up.

"That's more like it..."

Once they'd taken care of that, the three of them left the grove and strolled along the school path.

"So the Spirit Concealment still didn't make anything appear in the end? I knew that book was full of lies!" Morishita Ran grumbled angrily.

"As if it would... Morishita, listen. There are no supernatural phenomena in this world. You should believe in science..." The true wielder of supernatural powers lied through his teeth.

"I've decided! We'll try again somewhere else tomorrow." Morishita Ran was determined to see it through.

"Eh? No, please don't. Something like that is scary enough just once!" Yamamura Miki firmly objected.

"By the way, what are we having for dinner later?"

"Ramen! I want to try that spicy ramen again!"

"Wasn't last time awful enough?"

"I'll split it with you this time. We can't waste food."

"I object! I don't want to eat ramen that looks like it could kill someone."

"Let's vote... Two to one. All right, we're going to the ramen shop!"

"What?! Yamamura... even you..."

"The ramen at that shop was really good last time. I want to try it again."

"Mikage Touji, accept reality!"

"Damn it..."

The ingredients that made all the difference...

Another week passed.

On Saturday afternoon, after a week of seeking advice from everyone from Katsuragi, Yamamura, and Shiraishi to Morishita—and politely turning down Shiraishi Asuka's kind offer to come shopping with him—Master Mikage, who dreamed of becoming a chef, put on his shoes in the dorm, grabbed his phone, slung on his backpack, and headed straight for the supermarket.

Once inside, Mikage Touji went straight to the kitchenware section.

Looking at the dazzling rows of kitchen utensils, Master Mikage first ruled out the quantum-powered cookware, nanotech nonstick pans, and hand-forged iron pans made by hermits from Hokkaido, Japan, that Morishita Ran had enthusiastically recommended. They were all obvious money traps. He'd even started wondering if Morishita Ran had noticed that his wallet was getting fatter lately and was trying to drain it dry.

In the end, Mikage Touji picked up a Chinese cast-iron wok, raised it high in both hands, and swung it around like he was fighting off zombies. Satisfied, he nodded.

It felt good in his hands. From the sound of it, this was the kind of wok that could crack a skull or stop a bullet. Too bad his backpack couldn't hold it on his back.

After picking out the rest of the kitchenware, Mikage Touji found a broom handle, strung all the utensils onto it like a peddler, hoisted it onto his shoulder, and headed for the ingredients section.

The finest ingredients often needed only the simplest cooking methods.

After a busy day, Master Mikage decided to get his ingredients for free.

Kouiku did have one good point. To make sure students in the lower classes had something decent to eat when they got tired of the Mountain Vegetable Set Meal, the supermarket stocked a limited amount of free ingredients every day.

With the thought that if he didn't take advantage of this, someone else would, Mikage Touji resolutely reached toward a spinach leaf on the display.

At the same time, another pale, slender hand reached out.

Both hands landed on the same spinach leaf.

"Hm?"

"Eh?"

They both pulled their hands back at the same time.

"..."

Mikage Touji turned and saw Class B's angel, Ichinose Honami, turning toward him as well.

"Hello, Mikage! Long time no see." Ichinose Honami recognized him right away and waved with a sweet smile.

Ichinose Honami was dressed casually. Her cream-colored dress fit her perfectly, and she carried a basket over her shoulder filled with groceries. She looked like an experienced homemaker, far beyond a novice like Mikage Touji.

"Are you here to buy groceries too, Ichinose?" Mikage Touji asked to make conversation.

"Yeah. It's nice to relax a little on the weekend. What about you, Mikage?"

Ichinose Honami nodded, then noticed the kitchen utensils strung together with a broom handle on Mikage Touji's back, clattering noisily.

"Oh," Mikage Touji said, turning around. "I'm picking up a batch of legendary kitchenware." The utensils clattered noisily again.

"Um... I think there are shopping carts over there."

"This looks cooler."

"Does it...?"

Ichinose Honami chuckled awkwardly. She realized she might not understand this classmate's thought process. No wonder Hoshinomiya-sensei had told her Mikage Touji had a reputation as an oddball.

Even so, she kindly offered Mikage Touji some advice on what to buy.

"That enamel board might not be a good choice. The magnets it comes with aren't strong enough. If you hang anything heavy on it, they'll come loose right away."

"As for knives, you only need one that's good for chopping and slicing. You probably won't need this cleaver, since most of the ingredients at school are already prepared."

"And also..."

Ding!

Master Mikage received a transfer of experience from Master Ichinose. His level increased.

"So that's how it is. I see."

Mikage Touji looked as if a lightbulb had just gone on over his head.

"Then I'll go exchange them. Thanks, Ichinose."

With that, he turned and headed back toward the kitchenware section.

"It's only natural. We're classmates, after all."

"I can't put it that way. When someone's kind to you, you should thank them. It's as simple as that."

"That's true, but I still hope my friends will come to me whenever they have a problem. I'll do my best to help them."

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