Classroom of the Elite, Oh No, I've Become a Stand-in

Kouenji Rokusuke, that rich heir, spends all day staring at himself in a hand mirror, making me lose so much face on the bus.

On the school path at dusk, the twilight turned red, then dim, until it completely plunged into darkness.

On the dim school path, only Kushida Kikyou walked in silence...

Kushida Kikyou walked with a smile on her face, but as night fell, her once bright and clear eyes became dull and silent, finally stopping beside a secluded grove.

This was a remote path; even during the day, not many people would pass through here.

Kushida Kikyou looked around for a moment, confirming that no one was on this road and there were no cameras nearby. She took a deep breath, slowly lifted her snow-white, fleshy leg, and aimed at the railing beside her...

"Ah—so annoying!"

"Bang—!"

"Why did that kind of woman come to this school? Why did a bitch like Horikita Suzune, who relies on her ability to study and wears a dead-pan face all day, have to be in the same class as me!"

"Go to hell!"

"Bang—bang—!"

"Why doesn't that kind of person just die already!"

"Bang—!"

"Those boars in the class! Don't they know how annoying it is for me to have to wear a smiling face for you every day? If you had any sense, you'd just hurry up and die!"

"Bang—! Bang—! Bang—!"

One kick after another...

It was completely inconsistent with the gentle and sweet persona she usually displayed.

Kushida Kikyou continuously released her inner dissatisfaction onto the outside world. The iron railing let out a miserable groan, and the entire structure began to tremble from the kicks.

The empty school path echoed with Kushida Kikyou's vicious curses and the groans of the railing...

"Die! Die! Die!!"

"Just all of you go to hell!!"

"Screech—snap—"

Kushida Kikyou's anger reached its peak, venting all the resentment she had accumulated toward Horikita Suzune and the students in her class into this one kick. With a loud "clang," the railing was completely bent, caving inward into a "C" shape.

Slowly exhaling, Kushida Kikyou composed her vicious expression, tidied her hair which had become messy from the outburst, and transformed back into the Kushida Kikyou who wore a sweet smile and wanted to be friends with the whole school.

"Haha, much better. Now, time to head back..."

Adjusting her small handbag, Kushida Kikyou hummed a happy tune and walked away from this silent place with light, rhythmic steps.

Only a mangled railing remained, twisted in mid-air, unable to rest in peace.

"Hmm~ hmm~"

"Hmm-hmm~"

"Hmm-hmm-hmm~"

A few minutes later, in the dark grove that no one would have expected, three little heads quietly poked out from behind a pitch-black tree trunk.

Mikage Touji: "Wow, what a brutal scene..."

Morishita Ran: "That woman... is she a Jorogumo?"

Yamamura Miki: "Eh? Should I be saying something?"

The three of them never imagined that instead of encountering a monster while playing hide-and-seek, they would encounter a woman whose face-changing speed surpassed that of any monster.

Confirming that Kushida Kikyou would not return, the three who had been huddled behind the tree trunk instantly scattered.

"Mikage Touji, where were you putting your hands just now? You actually touched Morishita-sama's thigh! Speak! Are you harboring evil intentions!" Morishita Ran pointed at Mikage Touji and initiated the accusation.

Mikage Touji rubbed his head, "You're one to talk, my hair is about to be pulled bald by you."

Yamamura Miki timidly bowed to Morishita Ran to apologize: "I'm sorry, Morishita-san, I pinched your shoulder just now..."

Of the three, Mikage Touji, who had been walking in front, had instinctively crouched down first upon discovering the drama. Morishita Ran, following closely behind, had grabbed Mikage Touji's hair to steady herself, and Yamamura Miki, at the back, had been silently peeking while gripping Morishita Ran's shoulder.

"However," Mikage Touji looked in the direction Kushida Kikyou had left, subconsciously feeling his pocket and stroking his chin, "I didn't expect that Kushida Kikyou had this side to her. I thought she was just a bit of a 'tea' at most."

"Mikage Touji, did you record it?" Morishita Ran asked out of the blue.

"..."

Mikage Touji looked up at the sky, which was pitch black, "Ah, the weather is really nice today..."

"I knew it!"

Morishita Ran saw right through Mikage Touji's attempt to change the subject.

"I thought it was a bit strange just now, why there was a tiny bit of light down there. I thought you were being a pervert and trying to peek up Morishita-sama's skirt, but I didn't expect your thoughts to be even filthier!"

"Hey, hey, it's not like that! I just wanted to get some leverage on her, thinking that maybe one day I could use this for a desperate comeback." Mikage Touji couldn't hold it together anymore and argued loudly.

"No need to explain. You must be thinking about how she has a great figure and a pretty face, then using this video to blackmail her into doing those lewd, lewd things that you men all love, like making her strip naked and watching her humiliated expression." Morishita Ran raised both hands above her shoulders, curled her palms into claws, and tightened her small face as she spoke with feigned seriousness.

"Do you think this school is an adult video studio? That's a criminal act. If you actually did that, the only place you'd be seeing me is in prison."

At this, Yamamura Miki gathered her courage and chimed in, "Mikage-kun, that kind of behavior is not okay."

"Then what do you want to do? With such a good piece of leverage, are you saying you don't want to graduate from Class A anymore?"

Morishita Ran flashed a smile of triumph and held out her palm.

"Hand it over to Lady Morishita for safekeeping. I have no interest in blackmailing that woman, but come find me when you want to use it."

"That works too."

Mikage Touji pondered for a moment before nodding in agreement, pulling out his phone and swiping his finger across the screen.

"Absolutely no backups allowed." Morishita Ran leaned in, staring intently at Mikage Touji's phone screen.

"Fine, fine, fine. You do it yourself, alright?" Mikage Touji rolled his eyes, handed over his phone, and gave up on the spot.

"That's more like it..."

After handling the matter, the three of them left the small grove and began to stroll along the school path.

"So in the end, the spirit abduction didn't happen? I knew that book was full of lies!" Morishita Ran said indignantly.

"As if that would happen... Morishita, let me tell you, there are no supernatural phenomena in this world. You have to believe in science..." the genuine esper said, telling a bald-faced lie.

"I've decided! We'll try again in a different spot tomorrow." Morishita Ran remained stubborn to the end.

"Eh? No way, once is enough for that kind of thing, it's terrifying!" Yamamura Miki expressed her firm opposition.

"By the way, what are we having for dinner later?"

"Ramen! I'm going to try that spicy ramen again!"

"Are you saying last time wasn't miserable enough for you?"

"I'll share half with you this time. Can't waste food."

"I object! I am not eating that ramen that looks like it could kill a person."

"Let's put it to a vote... two to one. Alright, it's decided, we're going to the ramen shop!"

"Nani! Yamamura... even you..."

"The ramen at that shop last time was delicious, I want to try it again."

"Mikage Touji, you need to accept reality!"

"Damn it..."

Chapter 24: High-end ingredients...

Another week passed.

On Saturday afternoon, after a week of seeking advice—including but not limited to opinions from Katsuragi, Yamamura, Shiraishi, and Morishita—and politely declining Shiraishi Asuka's kind offer to join him for the shopping trip, Master Mikage, who dreamed of becoming a master chef, put on his shoes in the dorm, grabbed his phone, shouldered his backpack, and headed straight for the supermarket.

Entering the supermarket, Mikage Touji went directly to the kitchenware section.

Looking at the rows of dazzling kitchen tools, Master Mikage first ruled out the "quantum-enhanced" cookware, "nano-non-stick" pans, and "Hokkaido fairy-forged iron pots" that Morishita Ran had enthusiastically recommended. They were clearly scams, and he briefly wondered if Morishita Ran had noticed his wallet getting thicker lately and was trying to swindle him out of all his money.

In the end, Mikage Touji picked up a Chinese cast-iron wok, held it high with both hands, swung it twice as if fighting off zombies, and nodded with satisfaction.

The weight felt good; he could tell just by the sound that it was a sturdy pot capable of cracking a skull or blocking a bullet. It was a pity he couldn't strap it to the back of his backpack.

After picking out the rest of his kitchen tools, Mikage Touji found a broom handle, strung the items onto it like a traveling merchant, hoisted it onto his shoulder, and moved on to the produce section.

High-end ingredients often only require the simplest cooking methods.

Master Mikage, who had been busy all day, chose to freeload.

It had to be said that Kouiku did have one good point: to ensure students in lower-ranked classes could eat something decent when they grew tired of the vegetable-heavy meal plans, the supermarket stocked limited quantities of fresh ingredients every day.

Operating on the principle that if he didn't take advantage of this bargain, someone else would, Mikage Touji resolutely reached out a hand of sin toward a head of spinach on the display shelf.

At the same time, another fair, slender hand reached out as well.

Both hands landed on the same head of spinach simultaneously.

"Hm?"

"Eh?"

Both hands pulled back at the same time.

"..."

Mikage Touji turned his head and saw the Class B archangel, Ichinose Honami, who had also turned her head.

"Hello there, Mikage-kun, long time no see." Ichinose Honami quickly recognized Mikage Touji and waved with a sweet smile.

Ichinose Honami was dressed in casual clothes, a cream-colored dress fitting her perfectly. She had a shopping basket hanging from her arm containing quite a few ingredients, making it clear she was an experienced homemaker, far beyond the reach of a novice like Mikage Touji.

"Ichinose-san, are you here to buy groceries too?" Mikage Touji asked, making small talk.

"That's true, you really should relax at this time on the weekend. Mikage-kun, what are you doing?"

Ichinose Honami nodded, then noticed the clattering kitchenware skewered on a broom handle behind Mikage Touji.

"Oh," Mikage Touji turned around, "I'm selecting a batch of legendary kitchenware." Another round of clattering rang out.

"Um... there are shopping carts over there, you know."

"This is cooler."

"Is that so..."

Ichinose Honami let out a dry laugh. She realized she couldn't quite grasp this classmate's train of thought; no wonder Hoshinomiya-sensei told her that Mikage Touji had a reputation as an "eccentric."

Even so, she still offered Mikage Touji some friendly shopping advice.

"That enamel board probably won't work. The magnet that comes with it is too weak; if you hang anything heavy on the wall, it'll fall right off."

"As for knives, just buy one suitable for prep work. You basically won't need a bone cleaver because most of the ingredients provided by the school are already processed."

"And also..."

Ding!

Master Mikage has received experience infusion from Master Ichinose. His level has increased.

"Is that so? I see."

Mikage Touji looked as if he had just been enlightened.

"Then I'll have to go back and swap these out. Thanks, Ichinose-san."

After saying that, he turned and walked toward the kitchenware section.

"It's only natural, we're classmates after all."

"You can't say it like that. If you accept someone's kindness, you have to thank them. It's as simple as that."

"That's true, but I still hope my friends will come to me whenever they have a problem. I'll do my best to help them."