Classroom of the Elite, Oh No, I've Become a Stand-in

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Who are you?]

Unlike the enthusiastic greeting from just a moment ago, one could practically feel the icy interrogation emanating from Kushida Kikyou through those three characters.

[Jiji Fu Jiji: Dear, this is the Advanced Nurturing Student Council.]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Student council my ass! Who are you! Speak!]

"..."

Cha Cha.

I'm sorry, I suddenly realized I still prefer the you who used to coo with concern and send me perks; can you please revert to that?

How exactly did that sweet, soft-spoken girl turn into a vicious, foul-mouthed delinquent?

"Thud--!"

A dull sound echoed in front of Mikage Touji. He looked up, and amidst the ramen chef's kindly gaze, a wave of steaming white vapor rushed toward his face, a pungent, spicy scent hitting his brain head-on.

As the steam dissipated, white noodles rolled within the magma-like broth, various spicy seasonings undulating like figures struggling and wailing in lava—it was a hellish landscape!

Cold sweat broke out on Mikage Touji's forehead as he turned his head mechanically: "Are you trying to kill me?"

"As a human being, one should forge ahead and never fear a challenge." Morishita Ran spouted her twisted logic again, then glanced at Mikage Touji's phone and muttered, "Who told you to look at your phone instead of ordering yourself."

"Then why didn't you order the same thing?"

Mikage Touji pointed at Morishita Ran's plain, watery chicken soup ramen and demanded an answer.

"Mikage Touji, you should be grateful that Lady Morishita helped you order; this is the first time anyone has enjoyed my service, hurry up and say thank you!"

"Please answer my question directly!"

"...What a massive pervert, actually making a girl like me try something like that; you really are a cold-blooded, heartless guy."

"..." You still know you're a girl? Wasn't it you who ordered this the first time we came here?

Facing the morally flexible Morishita Ran, Mikage Touji felt he might never win an argument against her.

So, he chose to take action directly!

Taking advantage of the fact that none of the three had touched their chopsticks, Mikage Touji grabbed his, lifted, entered, and retreated.

At light speed, he dumped a massive clump of noodles into Morishita Ran's chicken soup ramen, then quickly snatched a clump of her noodles back into his own bowl.

A crazed smile appeared on his face: "Morishita Ran, let's go to hell together."

Everything happened so suddenly that Morishita Ran hadn't even reacted before her ramen was stained red.

She stared silently as the bright red chili oil spread across the center of her bowl.

Without a shred of hesitation, Morishita Ran immediately mimicked Mikage Touji's maneuver, dividing a portion of her ramen to the side for Yamamura Miki, subjecting Yamamura Miki's ramen to inhumane devastation.

"Yamamura Miki, let's go for a joyride to the end of hell together!"

"Eh?!"

In the end, the three of them held their chopsticks, staring at the bright red ramen in front of them, falling into a deathly silence.

A few minutes later.

Mikage Touji glanced silently at the two who had already begun to try it, deciding to wait and see for now.

Filtered through the broth, the spice level difference between Yamamura Miki, Morishita Ran, and himself was roughly medium-spicy, extra-spicy, and pervert-spicy plus; he had no intention of courting death just yet.

The phone on the table vibrated incessantly, and Kushida Kikyou grew increasingly agitated.

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Where are you? Come out! Where the hell did you die?!]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: You piece of non-combustible trash who only knows how to hide in dark corners, you must be using those disgusting, rat-like eyes to stare at my body all the time, right.]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Why don't you stretch your claws out of the gutter then?!]

What the hell, personal attacks?

Can this be tolerated? Absolutely not!

I wanted to interact with you as the student council, but this is the abuse I get in return.

Keyboard, come forth!

[Jiji Fu Jiji: Fun~ You want to know who I am that badly? (Smirk)]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Fun your mom! Is that the funeral music for you to dance on your own grave?]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: A cyber gutter-rat like you, who wouldn't dare let out a fart in real life, only has the skill to send emojis to hide your shaking hands.]

[Jiji Fu Jiji: Getting anxious? Afraid others will discover your true colors?]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Anxious about your mom's funeral home queue? I'm just appreciating the diversity of species!]

[Jiji Fu Jiji: So the true face of the first-year's popular beauty is like this; please, continue your performance.]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Performance? The collective performance of your whole family in their portrait frames is truly spectacular! A loser so poor they have to use a trial version of a VPN, and you think you're worthy of seeking attention from me?]

Gradually, Mikage Touji began to feel that something was wrong.

What the hell, how did I get insta-killed the moment I poked my head out?

How is her attack speed like a machine gun? Does she type that fast? I send one message and she sends three?

I don't believe it! Again!

Refusing to accept defeat, Mikage Touji threw himself back into the battlefield!

Three minutes later, a shell-shocked Mikage Touji was blasted out once again.

He silently shoved his phone to Morishita Ran beside him: "Use your flexible moral compass and keyboard-warrior her to death for me!"

Morishita Ran glanced at the chat history, then looked at Mikage Touji with pity, "Fine, since you're begging me like this..."

Another three minutes passed, and a grim-faced Morishita Ran silently shoved the phone to Yamamura Miki: "Yamamura Miki, it's up to you, take her down!"

"Eh? I don't know how, I've never cursed at anyone before."

"It's fine, don't worry about what she says. She can say her piece, you just curse back," Mikage Touji provided guidance.

"Then... I'll give it a try."

In the end, the three of them slumped in their chairs, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Yamamura Miki: "She's so fierce."

Mikage Touji: "An enviable typing speed."

Morishita Ran: "An Advanced Nurturing tentacle monster."

Meanwhile, on the other side.

Even though the other side had stopped sending messages, Kushida Kikyou was still outputting.

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Where are you? Come out and die? Is your mom dead? Is your dad dead too?]

A long while later, the other side finally squeezed out a sentence.

[Jiji Fu Jiji: Not in good form today, I will surely cut you down another day!]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: No need for another day, I'll chop your dog head off right now!]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Come on, don't tell me you died too?]

After another period of silence, confirming that she had won the verbal battle, Kushida Kikyou revealed a genuine, joyful smile.

An unprecedented sense of pleasure surged from her heart, rushing through her entire body, making her feel as if she had been cleansed from the inside out.

Still feeling unsatisfied, Kushida Kikyou sent one more message.

[Everyone Is Good Friends: When is 'another day'? State your own death date!]

[Everyone Is Good Friends: Management, come out!]

After waiting for a long time without a response, Kushida Kikyou reluctantly put her phone back into her pocket.

Wait!

Kushida Kikyou paused.

Did she forget something?

Whatever!

After tilting her head and thinking for a long time without coming up with anything, a refreshed Kushida Kikyou grabbed her small bag, took happy little steps, and hopped off like a little rabbit to meet her friends.

Chapter 48: Senior Comes to Turn Up the Intensity

The next morning, it was another weekend.

As the alarm on the phone by the bedside rang for the third time, Mikage Touji rolled over, struggled to reach out and fumble for it, turned it off, flopped around on the bed a few times, and finally propped up his upper body.

Staring blankly with half-open eyes for a long while, Mikage Touji reached out to rub his messy hair and let out a long yawn.

Cha Cha!

That woman is too strong; his pride and joy, the Six Arts of a Gentleman, wasn't even a match for her! In the end, he could only flee in defeat like an elementary schooler, shouting threats like "don't leave after school."

It was a total humiliation!

He picked up the phone by the bedside, opened the anonymous account from last night, hesitated for a moment, then moved his fingers lightly to tentatively send a provocative message.

In just over ten seconds, a torrential downpour of curses seemed to overflow from the screen and drill into his brain.

My god, this woman is insanely fierce!

High-intensity internet surfing, camping at the spawn point, getting insta-killed the moment he stepped out.

And at this hour, did she set some kind of special notification alert or something? She didn't even ask who he was again, just single-mindedly focused on cursing him to death.

Mikage Touji rubbed the phone screen with his finger. Should he delete her?

Logically speaking, he had already achieved his original goal; once Cha Cha knew her behavior might be discovered, she shouldn't be so impulsive about kicking the rail anymore.

But he felt so unwilling; it was three against one and they still got counter-killed. Are they even playing?!

Thinking of this, Mikage Touji clenched his fist, wanting to open his phone and have a verbal duel with her.

Then he saw lines of toxic trash talk continuously appearing on the screen...

Mikage Touji silently turned off the screen.

But then again, isn't it a remarkable act in itself to calmly admit that you are inferior to someone else in certain aspects?

In the end, Mikage Touji decided to let her off the hook for now, planning to go into seclusion for a period of cultivation, use her to grind some levels along the way, and once he returned to the realm of the Land Keyboard Immortal, strike her down with a single blow.

This is what they call counter-attacking when victorious and holding a grudge when defeated.

After tossing one last remark at her like feeding fish, Mikage Touji quickly logged out of his account, leaving Kushida Kikyou to vent into the void—this was the best of the Thirty-Six Stratagems: running away.

Having dealt with Kushida Kikyou, Mikage Touji got out of bed to wash up, shoved some food into his mouth to finish breakfast, and then began tidying up his room, putting away everything that should—and shouldn't—be out in the open.

Yes.

There is only one possibility for a guy to set three alarms to wake up and take the initiative to tidy up his comfortable nest to perfection—a thief has broken in (crossed out) a guest is coming over.

Heaven knows why Senior didn't choose a tutoring sanctuary like the library or a cafe, but instead chose to wreak havoc on his little den.

But according to her own words, it was probably just "because I feel like it." In a way, she and Morishita Ran are actually quite similar.

After tidying up, Mikage Touji specifically took out the tea set he had spent 5,000 big ones on. Usually, no one ever came here, so he never had to go through the trouble of preparing for guests.

As it turned out, he never expected Senior to play by her own rules, charging in like a dump truck and blindsiding him and his room all at once.

After Mikage Touji had gone to the bathroom for the third time, the "ding-dong, ding-dong" of the doorbell rang out unceremoniously.

Mikage Touji pushed open the door, stood in the doorway, and said solemnly, "Senior, let's go out for tutoring instead. It's not great for a girl to enter a guy's room, and if we finish, I can just accompany you shopping afterward."

Yes, he wanted to make one last struggle; after all, this was the only piece of pure land he had left that hadn't been ravaged.

"That kind of indecisive personality won't do, you know. That's a point deduction in Senior's book. Besides, do you really think Senior cares about what others think?"

Kiryūin Fūka tossed her long white hair, pushed past Mikage Touji who was blocking the door, and forcefully barged into his little den.

Hanging her bag behind the door, Kiryūin Fūka put one hand on her hip and scanned Mikage Touji's room, looking like a leopardess patrolling her new territory.

"Oh..." Kiryūin Fūka drawled, looking at Mikage Touji with a teasing smile, "To think you'd tidy up your room so cleanly—are you afraid of me seeing something I shouldn't?"