Love Live and Kamen Rider 5

Number One: A Kamen Rider must be a cyborg! So, drag them all out and modify them...

A certain Number One collapses (×ω×"∠).

Senba Gari (silently puts away an unidentified rod-like object): Thank you, senior Number One, for that brilliant speech. Next, let's welcome the leader of the monster faction, Shocker Leader!

Shocker Leader (silently sits down next to the collapsed Number One): ...

A group of Shocker Combatmen (silencing...): ...

Senba Gari: Ahem, next, let's welcome our special guest, our shameless author—Weather!

Weather (slaps the table): Let me say this first! Cross-dressing? That is impossible!! Don't even think about it, you bunch of masochists! Wahahahahahaha!

A certain Weather collapses (×ω×"∠).

A certain Shocker Leader sits expressionless between the collapsed Number One and the collapsed author, feeling the immense pressure!

Senba Gari (silently puts away an unidentified rod-like object): Ahem, alright, let's introduce our contestants: from the Rider faction, we have Number Two through Ghost, and from the monster faction, all the major bosses throughout history, excluding Shocker Leader!

All Riders: Oh!

All Monsters: Roar!

Senba Gari: Hmm, it seems everyone's morale is very high. However, I must clarify that the Rider vs. Monster Battle Royale will be conducted in a one-on-one format, and... whoever loses each round will have to accept a punishment~ (A certain Number One's body shudders).

As for what the punishment is~ I think senior Number One has already experienced it, oh ho ho~

A certain Number One is shivering in the corner.

Fear—exclusive to Kamen Rider Number One!

Senba Gari: So, does everyone want to know what kind of punishment senior Number One received that day?

Everyone: Yes!

Senba Gari: Then, please look at the big screen!

A large black screen descended, and an image appeared.

Inside a room lit by flames, Takai Geki (holding a feather, cackling): Nehahahahaha~

Golden Firmament (holding headphones, laughing): Uwahahahaha~

Number One (hands and feet tied to a chair): Mmph mmph mmph mmph!

Takai Geki: Nehahahahaha!!!! Senior Number One~ you've kept us waiting for so long~

Number One: Mmph mmph mmph mmph!!

Takai Geki: Firmament, go!

Golden Firmament: Understood, uwahahahahaha~ (cackling as he holds Number One down and puts the headphones on his head).

Takai Geki: Senior Number One, relax~ it's only three minutes~ it'll be over soon~ (He takes a feather, places it on the soles of Number One's feet, and begins to move it very, very slowly).

A certain Number One begins to laugh hysterically~

At the same time, the headphones begin to emit philosophical ♂ sounds.

Ah ♂~ Oh ♂~ Ah ♂~ Ah ♂~ Wo ♂~ Fa ♂ ku~ Patchouli ♂ GO ♂~ Oh ♂~ (The following various 18+ phrases are omitted to prevent censorship).

Number One (miserably): Mmph mmph mmph mmph!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! Mmph mmph mmph mmph!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Takai Geki (cackling): Mehahahahahahaha!!!

Golden Firmament: Uwahahahahahaha!!!!

In the end, senior Number One, having suffered double trauma to both body and spirit, crawled back.

Let's give a round of applause for our brave senior Number One!

Senba Gari: That's how it is, so whoever loses—hehehe~

Everyone is shivering~

Senba Gari: So, who's going first? Oh! Right, right, don't even think about quitting the competition, because if you quit, both sides! Everyone! Will be punished~ Hehehehe~ (cackling).

Everyone shivers again~

Senba Gari: Then let's start with the Rider faction! (All Riders: WTF?!) Who are you choosing?

All Riders: Uh...

Senba Gari: How about this, whoever wants to go up, just take a step forward!

All Riders (silently stepping backward): ...

Agito: Senior Riderman, your helmet is crooked.

Riderman: Oh! Thanks for the reminder! (Straightens his helmet).

Senba Gari: Wow! I really didn't expect that! Senior Riderman is actually the first to step forward! Truly worthy of being the first senior to sacrifice his life for humanity, commendable! (Pats Riderman on the shoulder).

Riderman looks heartbroken at the Riders standing a dozen meters away; you can't just sell out your teammates like this! If heaven could give him another chance, he would say—

I have a curse word I don't know if I should say!

Senba Gari: Alright, the Rider camp has sent out the senior Riderman! So, what about you, Monster camp?

Shocker Leader: I am sending out Doctor Shinigami!

Doctor Shinigami: Squid and beer!

Senba Gari: Good, Riderman VS Doctor Shinigami! The match begins!

Riderman (eagerly): Come on!

Doctor Shinigami (reaching out): Matte!

Riderman (stopping): What is it?

Doctor Shinigami: Fighting and killing is far beneath my dignity.

Riderman: Then what do you want to do?

Doctor Shinigami: (pulling out two bottles of alcohol) Let's have a drinking contest! Whoever finishes first wins!

Riderman (taking the bottle): Fine!

Senba Gari: Whoa! It seems our contestants have decided to see who can drink the fastest, so the match begins again!

Doctor Shinigami, Riderman: Gulp, gulp--

Senba Gari: That's strange, something seems wrong with senior Riderman?

I saw Riderman's face suddenly turn red, and finally, he collapsed; he was drunk.

Doctor Shinigami (completely fine): I win.

Senba Gari: ...

What the hell?! Cyborgs can get drunk too! Are you kidding me! And if you can't drink, don't drink, hey! I'm speechless!!!!

Senba Gari: Phantom...

Silver Phantom: Understood. (silently picks up the remote control)

Beep--!

Click--!

Takai Geki (picking up a feather): Mwahahahaha, senior Riderman!

Golden Firmament (putting on headphones): Uwahahahaha, enjoy the experience.

Riderman: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

A few minutes later, two Shocker Combatmen wearing nurse caps carried the foaming-at-the-mouth Riderman away on a stretcher.

Senba Gari: Alright, who is next?

OOO (trembling): I...

Ambassador Hell: Me!

Senba Gari: Good, then next up is OOO VS Ambassador Hell!

Ambassador Hell (cracking his whip): Hahahahahaha!!!! OOO! This time next year will be your...

GA~GAT~AGAT~A ~KIRIBA ~GAT~AKIRIBA~

Ambassador Hell: ... (silently looking at the thousands of OOO in front of him)

Thousands of OOO silently pick up their coins.

TATOBA TATOBA TATOBA

RATA RATA RATORATA

SAGOHZO SAGOHZO

TAJA DORU

SHA SHA SHAUTA SHA SHA SHAUTA

PU TO GLAO TYRE

BuraKaWani Wani BuraKaWani

TAMASHI TAMASHI TAMASHI RIDER TAMASHI

One hundred and twenty-plus entries omitted below

Coin Sentai OOO-Ranger, reporting for duty!

All OOO: Oh!

Ambassador Hell (throwing his whip): Referee! I protest! He's cheating!

Senba Gari: Overruled! Protest invalid! Continue!

Life is meaningless--Ambassador Hell edition!

BOOM!!

Silver Phantom: ... (silently picks up the remote control)

Beep--!

Click--!

Takai Geki (picking up a feather): Mwahahahaha!!!

Golden Firmament (picking up headphones): Uwahahahaha!!!

Ambassador Hell: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

A few minutes later, two Shocker Combatmen wearing nurse caps carried away Ambassador Hell, who was foaming at the mouth, on a stretcher.

Senba Gari: It seems it's a one-to-one tie for now. The next round is the crucial one; if either side loses again, tsk tsk tsk...

Number One (slamming the table): Blade! You're up!

Blade (shivering): O-okay!

Shocker Leader (slamming the table): General Shadow! You're up!

General Shadow: Yes!

Weather (slamming the table): ...

The table, deceased!

Number One: ...

Shocker Leader: ...

Weather (scratching his head): ...Oh... ha... haha... seeing you both slam the table, I couldn't help but follow suit... ha... haha...