Number One: Kamen Riders have to be modified humans! So take them all away and modify—
A certain Number One fell flat on his face _(×ω×"∠)_.
Senba Gari (quietly putting away an unidentified rod-shaped object): Thank you, Senior Number One, for that wonderful speech. Next, let's welcome the Shocker Leader from the Monster Faction!
Shocker Leader (quietly sitting beside the fallen Number One): ...
A group of Shocker Combatmen (in silence): ...
Senba Gari: Ahem. Next, let's welcome our special guest, our shameless author—Weather!
Weather (slamming the table): Let me get this straight! There's no way I'm dressing like a girl!! You bunch of r b q bottoms can forget about getting spoiled! Wahahahahahahaha!
A certain Weather fell flat on his face _(×ω×"∠)_.
The Shocker Leader sat expressionlessly between the fallen Number One and the fallen author. The pressure was immense!
Senba Gari (quietly putting away an unidentified rod-shaped object): Ahem. All right, let me introduce our contestants. On the Rider Faction's side, we have everyone from Number Two through Ghost, and on the Monster Faction's side, we have every generation's Big Boss except the Shocker Leader!
The Riders: Whoo!
The monsters: Roar!
Senba Gari: Hmm, everyone seems fired up! But let me explain: Rider vs Monster Battle Royale is a series of one-on-one matches, and... whoever loses each match will have to face a punishment~ (A certain Number One shuddered.)
As for what the punishment is~ I think Senior Number One has already experienced it, hasn't he? Oh ho ho~
A certain Number One shivered in the corner.
Fear—exclusive to Kamen Rider Number One!
Senba Gari: So, does everyone want to know what kind of punishment Senior Number One received that day?
Everyone: Yes!
Senba Gari: Then, let's take a look at the big screen!
A huge black screen descended, and an image appeared on it.
Inside a room lit by a fire,
Takai Geki (holding a feather and cackling): Nyehehehehe~
Golden Firmament (holding a pair of headphones): Mwahahahaha~
Number One (tied to a chair by his arms and legs): Mmmph! Mmmph! Mmmph!
Takai Geki: Nyehehehehe!!!! Senior Number One~ We've been waiting for you for so long~
Number One: Mmmph! Mmmph! Mmmph!!
Takai Geki: Cangqiong, get him!
Golden Firmament: Got it. Mwahahahahaha~ (Grinning, he held Number One down and put the headphones on his head.)
Takai Geki: Relax, Senior Number One~ It'll only take three minutes~ It'll be over in no time~ (He held the feather to the sole of Number One's foot and began moving it very slowly~ very slowly.)
A certain Number One began laughing uncontrollably~
At the same time, the headphones started playing philosophical♂ sounds.
Ah♂~ Oh♂~ Ah♂~ Ah♂~ Oh♂~ Fa♂ku~ Patchouli♂GO♂~ Oh♂~ (Various other 18+ lines omitted to avoid censorship.)
Number One (miserably): Mmmph! Mmmph! Mmmph!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!! Mmmph! Mmmph! Mmmph!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!
Takai Geki (grinning): Myehehehehehehe!!!
Golden Firmament: Mwahahahahaha!!!!
In the end, Senior Number One had suffered such devastating damage to both body and spirit that he could barely crawl back.
Let's give our brave Senior Number One a round of applause!
Senba Gari: And that's how it is. Whoever loses—hehe~
Everyone trembled.
Senba Gari: So, who wants to go first? Oh! Right, don't even think about forfeiting, because if you do, both sides! Everyone! Will be punished~ Hehehe~ (Grinning.)
Everyone trembled again.
Senba Gari: Then let's start with the Rider Faction! (The Riders: WTF?!) Who are you choosing?
The Riders: Uh...
Senba Gari: How about this? Whoever's going up, take one step forward!
The Riders (quietly shifting their legs forward): ...
Agito: Senior Riderman, your helmet's crooked.
Riderman: Oh! Thanks for pointing that out! (He straightened his helmet.)
Senba Gari: Wow! I never thought Senior Riderman would be the first to step forward! Truly worthy of being the first senior to lay down his life for humanity. You deserve praise! (He patted Riderman on the shoulder.)
Riderman glanced sorrowfully at the Riders, who were more than ten meters away. You can't betray your teammate like that! If Heaven gave him one more chance, he would say—
I've got something to say, but I don't know if I should!
Senba Gari: All right, Senior Riderman will represent the Rider Faction! What about you, Monster Faction?
Shocker Leader: I'll send out Doctor Shinigami!
Doctor Shinigami: Squid and beer!
Senba Gari: Great! Riderman versus Doctor Shinigami! Let the match begin!
Riderman (eagerly): Bring it on!
Doctor Shinigami (holding out a hand): Wait a minute!
Riderman (stopping): What?
Doctor Shinigami: Fighting and killing people is beneath someone of my status.
Riderman: Then what do you want to do?
Doctor Shinigami (taking out two bottles of liquor): Let's have a drinking contest! Whoever finishes first wins!
Riderman (taking a bottle): All right!
Senba Gari: Oh! Looks like our contestants are going to see who can drink faster. Then let the match begin again!
Doctor Shinigami and Riderman: Gulp, gulp—
Senba Gari: That's strange. Senior Riderman seems a little off.
Riderman's face suddenly turned red, and then he fell over. He was drunk.
Doctor Shinigami (completely fine): I win.
Senba Gari: ...
What the heck?! Modified humans can get drunk?! Is this a joke?! And if you can't hold your liquor, don't drink, okay?! I'm so drunk!!!!
Senba Gari: Phantom...
Silver Phantom: Got it. (￣ー￣) (He quietly picked up the remote.)
Beep—!
Click—!
Takai Geki (picking up the feather): Myehehehehe, Senior Riderman!
Golden Firmament (picking up the headphones): Mwahahahaha, have fun with these.
Riderman: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
A few minutes later, two Shocker Combatmen wearing nurse caps carried away Riderman, who was foaming at the mouth on a stretcher.
Senba Gari: All right, who's next?
OOO (trembling): Me...
Ambassador Hell: I'm up!
Senba Gari: All right, next up is OOO versus Ambassador Hell!
Ambassador Hell (swinging his whip): Hahahahahaha!!!! OOO! On this day next year, you'll—
GA~GAT~AGAT~A ~KIRIBA ~GAT~AKIRIBA~
Ambassador Hell: ... (He stared silently at the millions of OOO in front of him.)
Millions of OOO silently took out their Medals.
TATOBA TATOBA TATOBA
RATA RATA RATORATA
SAGOHZO SAGOHZO
TAJA DORU
SHA SHA SHAUTA SHA SHA SHAUTA
PU TO GLAO TYRE
BuraKaWani Wani BuraKaWani
TAMASHI TAMASHI TAMASHI RIDER TAMASHI
The next one hundred and twenty or so have been omitted.
Coin Sentai OOO-Ranger, assemble!
The OOO Army: Whoo!
Ambassador Hell (throwing down his whip): Referee! I object! He's cheating!
Senba Gari: Overruled! Objection denied! Keep going!
Despair—exclusive to Ambassador Hell!
Boom!!
Silver Phantom: ... (￣ー￣) (He quietly picked up the remote.)
Beep—!
Click—!
Takai Geki (picking up the feather): Myehehehehehehe!!!
Golden Firmament (picking up the headphones): Mwahahahahahaha!!!
Ambassador Hell: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
A few minutes later, two Shocker Combatmen wearing nurse caps carried away Ambassador Hell, who was foaming at the mouth on a stretcher.
Senba Gari: Looks like we're tied, one to one. The next match is crucial. If one side loses just one more time, well, tsk, tsk, tsk...
Number One (slamming the table): Blade! You're up!
Blade (trembling): O-okay!
Shocker Leader (slamming the table): General Shadow! You're up!
General Shadow: Yes, sir!
Weather (slamming the table): ...
The table: Dead!
Number One: ...
Shocker Leader: ...
Weather (scratching his head): ...Uh... ha... hahaha... You were all slamming the table, so I got carried away and did it too... Ha... hahaha...
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