My D-Class Reason: Absurd but True

He thought about why he'd ended up in Class D. Even if he told someone, they might not believe him. And even if they did, even if someone tried to use the reason to threaten him, even if the whole school found out, it didn't seem like it would affect him much.

Tsukishima sighed. "All right. I know you're pretending, but I don't need to keep stringing you along. You want to know why I got put in Class D, right? I can tell you."

Kushida lifted her head. Tear tracks still marked her face, but a glimmer had already appeared in her eyes. "Really?"

Tsukishima nodded. "Really! But whether you believe me after I tell you isn't my problem. I can at least promise that what I'm saying is true."

Kushida quickly wiped away her tears and nodded.

The anticipation in her eyes gave Tsukishima a headache.

Deep down, she knew there was a good chance Tsukishima wouldn't tell the truth. But this meant he was starting to soften!

Let's hear what you come up with this time. Sooner or later, I'll pry your secret out of you!

Kushida's little devil tail seemed to wag.

Tsukishima sighed. "All right. Do you remember the last time you recorded me? I gave two reasons. The first one, about setting fire to a cult, was fake. If you think about it, you'll see it had a ton of holes."

"The second one was partly true. I introduced someone to the interviewer, and that person's identity and actions made the interviewer think there was something wrong with my head, so he dumped me in Class D."

Kushida snapped, "You didn't tell me anything just now, you know!"

Damn it! I acted like this, and he still won't tell me anything. How infuriating!

Tsukishima scratched his head. "This really is complicated and absurd. If you still want to hear it, I can tell you."

"Of course I want to hear it!"

"Okay, you said it. First, let me make sure you know that every student gets interviewed, right?"

Kushida nodded.

"Okay. I introduced a boyfriend to the male interviewer who interviewed me. This boyfriend was my middle school homeroom teacher's husband, and he was also my former mother. And then, going by the usual... um, tendencies in male same-sex relationships, there's the receiving end and the giving end."

"The interviewer was the giving end, but my mother, who'd had a sex change, had a few too many drinks with him, and the interviewer ended up on the receiving end. You understand what I mean, right?"

"The reason I did this was that before my mother had a sex change, my father cheated on her with my homeroom teacher. That was also what led my mother to transition. Although after she... he transitioned, she seemed even happier."

Kushida held up both hands as her brain went into overdrive. "Wait. Let me think!"

It took her a long time to sort out the whole story. She looked at Tsukishima with a complicated expression. "If that's a story, it's way too absurd. If it's true, it's even more absurd. People can't—well, people shouldn't..."

Suddenly, Kushida clutched her head and crouched down. "Damn it! This doesn't help at all! Who would believe something like this if you told them?"

Tsukishima glanced around. It was still quiet and deserted, and no one else was there. He patted Kushida on the shoulder and sighed. "I never expected this to get me put in Class D, either. Didn't everyone end up happy?"

"My dad's probably getting along pretty well with my homeroom teacher now. I'm not at home, so they can have their time alone together. As for my mom and that interviewer, they're probably pretty happy too..."

As he spoke, he started complaining. "I even set that interviewer up with someone, and someone important to me, no less. Why'd he still dump me in Class D?"

Kushida sighed and stood up. "The interviewer was right. There really is something wrong with your head. Who thinks to set their own mother up with someone?"

Tsukishima looked at her in confusion. "But what other choice did I have? Everyone's happy this way. Isn't that good?"

Kushida didn't say anything more. She simply walked in silence toward the classroom.

Soon, the two of them reached the school building.

Kushida naturally put on a sweet, bashful expression. She glanced at Tsukishima from time to time and said softly, "Tsukishima, it's a deal, then. After the midterms, I'll make sure to spend lots of time with you!"

Tsukishima smiled and nodded, his voice gentle. "It's okay. You focus on what you need to do. If you run into something you can't handle, come to me."

As he spoke, he affectionately patted Kushida on the head. She closed her eyes, clearly enjoying it, then skipped off.

"Damn it, Tsukishima! I challenge you to a duel!"

"Calm down, man! You're no match for him!"

"Our Kushida's become Tsukishima's and his alone. Sigh... I knew this day would come sooner or later, but still... sigh..."

Tsukishima glanced over, and the voices fell silent.

Tsukishima was actually curious about how Kushida planned to handle their relationship. Would she make the act real, or wait for a chance to make him out to be a jerk and break up with him?

Over the next few days, Kushida was so busy she was practically flying. Whenever she had a spare moment, she messaged him to complain.

[Kushida]: That bastard Yamauchi insists on finding a girl from Class B to tutor him. How can someone have no shame at all?

[Tsukishima]: Tell Archangel and ask her to assign him a big, burly guy. If that doesn't work, talk to Ryuuen and have him send over that dark-skinned guy from their class for a few days.

[Kushida]: [Rolls eyes] Forget it. Class C is acting like they're crazy, picking fights with two classes left and right. They've even teamed up with Katsuragi from Class A. Who knows what they're planning?

[Tsukishima]: Don't worry about them. Class A won't resort to framing people; they prefer to solve problems within the rules. Maybe they'll make an issue out of the special rules for this exam. This school doesn't seem like the kind of place that weeds people out through exams. Otherwise, even a gorilla like Sudo would've had a hard time getting in.

[Kushida]: This stupid school keeps coming up with all this nonsense. It's so annoying! That gorilla Sudo's about to slam the desk again. And that damn ice queen Horikita Suzune has upset some students in Class B. Now I have to clean up the mess!

[Tsukishima]: Poor you. [Good luck!]

[Kushida]: You bastard! Why do you get to hide in your dorm, eat sweets, and draw? Why do you get to sit happily at Sweet Words drinking tea? No, I have to drag you into this too!

[Tsukishima]: I'll cover your desserts and tea this week. The best tea, too.

[Kushida]: You know what's good for you. Damn it! That ice-block bitch is arguing with someone again, and the gorilla's about to flip the desk. The student from Class B was being perfectly polite, too!

Tsukishima popped the dessert in his hand into his mouth and felt a genuine sense of happiness.

Happiness was all relative.

His family situation was a mess, but at least his dad treated him well. Especially after divorcing his mother, his dad had been generous with money to make it up to him. He didn't have to worry about money, at least, and was much better off than the homeless people living on the streets or the girls at Okubo Park.

Now he could eat sweets, draw, and do the things he was interested in, while Kushida had to worry about the study group and keep putting out fires. Compared to her, he was very happy.

Kushida might end up with a receding hairline one day.