(Karuizawa)
There was no denying that I looked cute. Even in elementary and middle school, I'd been one of the most popular girls in my class. So I never imagined that someone like me would end up being bullied by her classmates.
Because I had a fairly forceful personality, the girls trusted me.
At the same time, my forceful personality and behavior sometimes rubbed other girls the wrong way.
At first, it was just petty stuff. Rumors would spread around the class, or my classmates would gang up on me and leave me out.
I suppose it couldn't be helped. That was simply what I was like.
It was impossible not to offend anyone. If I stood by and watched them bully other girls, would anyone like me be willing to help when they turned on me?
Because I fought back, the bullying gradually shifted its focus to me.
They'd stuff dead animals into my desk drawer or hide nails in my indoor shoes.
It kept getting worse...
Even so, as long as I stayed careful, they never managed to get what they wanted.
But I never expected a girl I'd trusted all along to personally lead me, after school, to a deserted path beside the school.
"Karuizawa-san, could you come with me after school?"
"Sure."
This was where delinquents gathered...
A flash from a camera nearby blinded me.
"Karuizawa Kei, you're pretty stubborn. It seems the usual ways we deal with other girls aren't enough to teach you a lesson."
"There are only two or three semesters left before graduation. Your social skills are getting a failing grade from us."
"I'm talking to you. What are you standing there for?"
"We brought you here to give you a little extra instruction."
I looked at Sai Nai beside me in disbelief.
I'd helped stop her from being bullied at school, and yet...
"I'm sorry. I—I was threatened. They said that if I didn't agree to bring you here, they wouldn't just go after me. They'd go after my little sister in elementary school, too."
Sai Nai lowered her head as she spoke, and the girls burst out laughing.
"You can leave."
They pointed at Sai Nai.
Sai Nai pressed her lips together, glanced at me, then lowered her head and left.
I don't want to remember what happened after that. Whenever I think about that day, I can't help feeling like I'm going to throw up.
Especially that scar.
Just an ordinary knife wound, but it was hideous and filthy.
A sharp blade had sliced through my once-delicate skin, leaving a scar behind.
It had cut my heart, too.
I kept refusing to accept what had happened, but the intense pain told me it was still there, on my side.
I was desperate. I took a week off school and hid at home, afraid to go outside.
I hated them.
I hated how helpless I was.
I'd always looked down a little on the boys they hung around with, but they didn't see it that way. They stuck close to those boys and threw their weight around school. I'd wanted to stand up for the girls they picked on, but somehow I'd ended up being the one they bullied the worst.
I hated them...
I hated how weak I was. I'd been bullied until I could barely breathe, yet I still thought, Maybe this will be the last time. I wanted to bear it all in silence, but the bullying that followed was even worse.
From then on, the relentless abuse came at me like a rising tide, whether from those who hated me to begin with or those who were forced to take part.
In short, it was a memory I couldn't bring myself to face.
I climbed onto the roof in despair.
"Maybe I should just end it all."
I said it to myself.
But when I stood at the edge of the roof and tried to step forward—
I lost my nerve.
All I could do was drift through each day in a daze, clinging to a faint hope.
I hadn't been living without purpose since enrolling.
Enjoying school life wasn't exactly high on my list of priorities.
The reason was simple: I didn't want to go through what I'd experienced before.
Tacks on my chair, dead animals in my desk, endless rumors, and the scar on my side.
At first, I didn't assume the worst of everyone else.
Surely they couldn't all be completely heartless. We were only middle school students, after all.
But even graduating hadn't spared me from misfortune.
Maybe Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School could help me escape my misery.
Then again, what made me think I could get into such an excellent school?
My grades hadn't been bad before, but the bullying had kept me from focusing.
Even if my chances were slim, I had to try.
That said, I didn't have much hope.
It was like a drowning person spotting a piece of driftwood. Even if it wouldn't change the outcome, they'd still reach for it.
But I'd managed to succeed at something that seemed so hopeless, and that gave me at least a little courage.
I wanted to find a way to change,
to change myself.
I paid them back for everything they'd done to me. It was a dangerous process, but I made it through without anything going wrong.
But even though I'd gotten my revenge, the scars they'd left behind were difficult to heal.
I never wanted it to happen again. Not even once.
A life spent being bullied like that...