Girlfriend

"Ahhh—this is driving me crazy. Sudo, are you sure you saw someone there?"

Ike let out a wail.

"I did! I swear! Believe me, okay? It was all Class C's fault, and now they're playing the victim. They're awful."

"Sudo, do you really think you did nothing wrong?"

Ayanokoji said as he sipped his orange juice.

"Of course! Obviously! They were the ones who picked a fight with me. I should be getting compensation for emotional distress."

Qiuyue: (Ah... here it comes, this kind of thing. Whether in the original story or in what I saw on the security footage, the fact that you hit them is undeniable.)

(And you want compensation for emotional distress? You lost your temper and took the bait when they provoked you. What gives you the right? That little cut on your body? Three of them had broken bones.)

(That's why, even though you found a witness and saw the photos in the original story, it didn't help. They were running out of time, so Ayanokoji resorted to that idiotic trick of installing cameras to make Class C withdraw their complaint. The school could have caught him and expelled him.)

(Though in the anime it was Ayanokoji and Horikita, it could just as well have been Ichinose in the novel. But if he didn't get involved himself, they might not have been able to use that leverage.)

(Besides, even if I gave you my video, Class C started it and then got beaten up. They were hurt that badly, so at most both sides would be punished.)

"What's the point of talking so much? We should eat more and have more fun. Hanging out with just us is so boring. I want to team up with Kushida..."

Yamauchi said, stuffing snacks into his mouth without a care.

"You... Are you fantasizing about my little Kushida? I won't allow it!"

"Huh? You found me out?"

"You bastard! Who said you could fantasize about her? What were you imagining?"

"...You know... Since we're sitting here, and I'm all the way inside, there's so much room under here. If Kushida were down there, helping me out in a place like this... Heh heh..."

"That's enough! You bastard! Damn it! I'll imagine something a thousand times more perverted than you! Heh heh... My little Kushida..."

The two of them continued their fantasies.

Qiuyue: (...You two have crossed way more lines than I expected. If Kushida found out about something that disgusting, she'd blow up on the spot.)

"N-no, this isn't right."

Ayanokoji tried to stop the pair of perverts, but it didn't seem to do any good.

"Why not? What's wrong with just imagining it?"

Qiuyue: (...Do you two use Kushida every night or something? Do you have enough paper?)

"Hey... why don't you two find girlfriends? You look so pathetic like this..."

"You think I don't want one? I can't find one! Huh? Wait, Ayanokoji, do you have a girlfriend?"

"What? Ayanokoji, don't tell me you and Horikita..."

"No. Absolutely not."

When Sudo heard Ike say Ayanokoji had a girlfriend, he nearly jumped out of his seat. He planted both hands on Ayanokoji's shoulders and asked him. Ayanokoji answered immediately.

"That's good... Ayanokoji, if anything ever happens between you and Horikita, you have to tell me. No, wait, you're not allowed to like Horikita."

"Sure, sure. Don't worry. I won't like Horikita."

Ayanokoji sighed as he moved Sudo's hands off his shoulders.

"So? How do you get a girlfriend?"

Ike slumped back against the sofa, dispirited.

"...First, figure out what your standards are."

Qiuyue finally joined in and spoke to Ike and the others.

"Standards... Well, first she has to be pretty. She doesn't have to be an eight or a nine out of ten, but she should at least be a six or a seven.

Actually... I've thought carefully about what you said that day, Qiuyue. Maybe I really am that kind of person. I can't accept a girl who's too ugly."

Ike said this.

Qiuyue: (...I get it... There's a saying: it's okay not to be handsome, but don't be ugly. Looks are your ticket in.)

"Anything else? Is it enough if she's cute?"

"Huh? There have to be more requirements?"

"..."

"Sorry, Ike. I underestimated how desperate you were. I didn't realize you'd gotten this bad."

Qiuyue: (At this rate, in a few years your only requirement will be that she's female.)

"What do you know!? I've never dated a soft, sweet-smelling girl before! Damn it! Give me a girlfriend! Oh, heavens!"

Ike flailed around excitedly, making it clear just how badly he wanted a girlfriend.

Then Ike grabbed Qiuyue by the shoulders and shook him hard.

"Huh? Do you have a girlfriend, you bastard!? And how many girlfriends have you had? Confess!"

Qiuyue stopped Ike's arms from shaking him and sighed as he replied:

"No, I don't have a girlfriend, and I've never dated anyone. Not even once."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Qiuyue, you're a great partner, a great buddy. If I get a girlfriend, I won't forget you."

Ike hugged Qiuyue and said encouragingly.

Qiuyue: (No... thanks, but no. I don't think you'll find a girlfriend anytime soon, even though you did manage to get one in the original story.)

"To make sure we all find girlfriends, let's set targets for each other first. Sudo's target is Horikita, and Yamauchi's target is..."

"Yep, yep, my target is Kushida."

"Little Kushida is my target! Yamauchi, why don't you pick someone else? I'll totally support you."

"No. We can compete fairly, can't we? But Ike, you can't beat me."

"What!? You dare underestimate me! I'm telling you, little Kushida likes me more. I'll fight you over her later. Right now, we need to figure out who our rivals are.

Ayanokoji and Qiuyue, who are your targets? Or is there someone you like? Heh heh..."

"No, I probably don't have anyone."

Qiuyue: (A target... Someone I like? When I watched the anime, I really liked Ichinose and Karuizawa. But they were just on a screen, so having a harem was no problem, right?)

(Now... No, liking someone isn't important anymore. What matters is that they might not like me.)

(Besides, it's not like I can just say I like them from behind a screen. In real life, things would be different. I don't think love should make your heart race. I think it should make your heart ache.)

(That ambiguous feeling of your heart racing is just teenage hormones kicking in. Your heart beats fast when you're nervous, doesn't it? And it's the same after you stop running, right?)

(So I think what people call a racing heart, that accelerated heartbeat, is just hormones at work.)

(What makes your heart ache for no reason—that's what real love is.)

(The best way to confirm whether something is real is often to look at its negative side.)

"Qiuyue, what about you?"

"Me neither. I guess I'm the kind of person who likes people who like me."

Qiuyue: (...By my own theory, other than physical heartache—that is, being sick—I haven't experienced heartache in the true sense of the word. So I guess I haven't liked anyone yet.)

(But I'm probably the kind of person who thinks, 'If someone treats me well, I'll treat them well.' If people could really fall for someone that easily, there wouldn't be so many people struggling.)

(So I plan to make myself fall for someone who likes me. Love is hard to come by, so you have to treasure it.)

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"Dummy Sudo, Qiuyue means he likes girls who fall for him."

"Huh!? Doesn't that mean you'd date anyone?"

Sudo looked extremely surprised.

"Sudo, if you can't say anything sensible, you can keep quiet."

Qiuyue said irritably.

The five of them chatted like that and completely forgot about Sudo's situation. Even Sudo himself did, too.