Can't We Have Fun Without Nerfing Them?

In a sake-soaked izakaya.

"I'm divorcing my wife! Divorcing her! I have to divorce her!"

A fat man clutched his friend's shoulder, bawling and sniffling. More tears streamed down his face than the drink in his cup.

His friend, a skinny man, said, "Chili Pill, you might die on a mission tomorrow. Why bother getting a divorce? Just make do and keep living."

"You don't understand, Eight Birds!" Chili Pill sobbed. "My wife said yesterday that she'd had enough of me!

"She! She! She... she actually said! Boohoo!"

"Finish what you're saying before you cry. Or finish crying, then talk."

"She actually said... that I've got a little chili pepper down there, with two cloves of garlic hanging under it!"

Pfft!

At the next table, Kawadera Uchiha had been diligently gathering intel and looking for an opportunity to spread rumors. He spat out a mouthful of sake.

He was a professional spy, a professional intelligence ninja. How could he lose his composure in a place like this?

Unless... unless he couldn't help it.

How vicious! The cruelest thing in the world was a woman's spite. How could she be so vicious?

What kind of woman would say something so cruel?

Luckily, Chili Pill was focused on crying, and Eight Birds was focused on Chili Pill's crotch. Neither noticed Kawadera Uchiha.

A little chili pepper?

With two cloves of garlic hanging underneath?

Eight Birds glanced down at his own crotch. He was a proud eight centimeters, after all. If Chili Pill could find a wife, what was Eight Birds lacking?

"Divorce her! Chili Pill, go ahead and divorce her. Once you do, your wife can find someone better. Don't hold her back anymore."

At that, Chili Pill threw his head back and wailed.

His crying wasn't all that loud in the izakaya. Everyone around them was shouting as if they wouldn't live to see tomorrow.

Kawadera Uchiha listened carefully... and, come to think of it, Chili Pill's sobs did sound a little high-pitched.

Wait, what had he come here to do again? Oh, right. He'd come to spread rumors.

He raised his cup to cover half his face and cast a genjutsu on Eight Birds.

Eight Birds shook his head sharply.

"Speaking of women, I just remembered something I saw on the battlefield. I came across an incredibly beautiful Cloud Ninja. That long neck, those high, firm breasts like stone balls, that plump rear you could use as a chair.

"If you're not eighteen centimeters, you can't even reach the door.

"Such a beautiful woman, and a Uchiha brutally slaughtered her.

"People have been arguing about which clan is Konoha's strongest lately, haven't they?

"I say there's no need to argue. It has to be the Uchiha Clan!

"More than five hundred ninja, over fifty with Three Tomoe. They stand together, staring at you with blood-red eyes, like a pack of wolves watching you in the dead of night!

"Their eyes glow red. It's enough to make your heart race!"

Remembering his own encounter with the Uchiha Clan, Chili Pill said,

"The Uchiha Clan is bad enough when they're in the village. Their Police Force bullies people. But it's even worse when they go to the battlefield. They're not even human."

The two changed the subject and started chatting about the Uchiha Clan.

It didn't take long for them to reach the same conclusion: the Uchiha Clan was too powerful, and was definitely Konoha's strongest clan right now.

Can't we have fun without nerfing them?

Kawadera Uchiha smiled. He'd more than completed his mission tonight, winning himself two devoted Uchiha haters.

He repeated to himself: What did Konoha's rise or fall have to do with me?

Konoha couldn't be too strong. Otherwise, how would he get anything good out of Tobirama Senju?

If Konoha became the strongest in the Shinobi World, Tobirama Senju wouldn't bother with him anymore.

Let them fight. Either the east wind would overpower the west wind, or the west wind would overpower the east.

Even without his meddling, Konoha would tear itself apart until they were at each other's throats. He had no reason to feel guilty.

As he left the izakaya, a voice suddenly rang out in his Sea of Consciousness.

"Kawadera Uchiha, show me what Konoha looks like now."

"That'll be a B-Rank Mission."

"Agreed."

"I'm telling you, if you don't agree, I absolutely won't—what? You agreed?"

Kawadera Uchiha stubbed out his cigarette, momentarily unable to process it.

He'd just gotten himself a B-Rank Mission?

Tobirama Senju must really want to see what Konoha was like now.

"Hold on tight, Second. I'm taking you on a nighttime tour of Konoha!"

He changed into his Police Force uniform. No one could tell he was just a temp, and the uniform gave him the right to Body Flicker across the rooftops.

"First stop, Konoha's central avenue!"

Kawadera Uchiha stood on the roof of a four-story shop along the avenue. Its sloping roof fell away on both sides, leaving his view unobstructed.

"To the northeast, that brightly lit clan compound belongs to our proud Uchiha Clan. The great Uchiha Clan."

Tobirama Senju said nothing. Kawadera Uchiha was deliberately provoking him.

Tobirama Senju remembered that Madara Uchiha was still alive. Looking at the Uchiha Clan's prosperity now, he couldn't imagine what would happen if they teamed up with the enemy, inside and out.

You couldn't nerf the Uchiha and still have fun?

"To the southeast, that brightly lit clan compound belongs to the Hyuga Clan, which will become Konoha's strongest clan in the future."

"The Hyuga Clan will become the strongest clan in the future? That's ridiculous."

"Yeah. Because nearly every other clan will be wiped out. The Hyuga Clan can call itself the strongest without exaggerating at all."

Tobirama Senju fell silent.

"To the southwest, that brightly lit compound belongs to the Sarutobi Clan, Konoha's strongest clan right now."

"You said nearly every other clan will be wiped out. Will the Sarutobi Clan decline too?"

Kawadera Uchiha turned around. "See the roof of the Chunin Ninja Exams arena in the distance? In the future I saw, Hiruzen Sarutobi is killed there.

"No!

"Not just killed.

"In front of all of Konoha and the visiting daimyos from several countries, on the highest rooftop, he's killed in public.

"That's not a killing. It's an execution!

"A carefully planned public execution, carried out through the cooperation of several parties!"

Tobirama Senju said, "Save Little Monkey, and I'll give you an S-Rank Mission reward."

"Second, you sound just like a useless husband right now, spouting nonsense. That old habit of yours is acting up again. I'm weak, not suicidal. If they can join forces to execute Hiruzen Sarutobi, what would stop them from killing one more person?"

Tobirama Senju frowned, struggling to absorb the terrible news.

Little Monkey would be killed by a group of people too?

Executed?

In public?

Why would Konoha turn out like that?

Kawadera Uchiha continued, "To the northwest, that dimly lit clan compound is the Senju Clan Grounds."

Tobirama Senju looked at the Senju Clan Grounds, and memories of its former prosperity flooded his mind.

In the twenty-second year of Konoha, he had overruled the clan's Jonin and rejected a proposal to triple the size of the grounds, believing the village should have room to grow.

After that, the Senju Clan Grounds had become severely overcrowded.

He had led the effort to renovate the clan head's residence, converting the first two of its three courtyards into housing for the clan and living in the third himself.

Now the Senju Clan Grounds were so desolate. Judging by the lights, only a fifth of the houses were occupied. The rest stood empty and dark.

"Second! The Uchiha Clan is about to rise! They're on the verge of soaring to new heights and becoming Konoha's rulers!

"After that, the Sarutobi Clan and the Ino-Shika-Cho Clans will trample over the Uchiha and Konoha's corpses to become the new rulers here!"

Who cared if it was true? Seven parts truth and three parts lies. First, give Tobirama Senju a good scare.

Who could say what the future held? If asked, he'd just blame Tobirama Senju for refusing to stay dead and changing the course of history.

As expected, Tobirama Senju immediately said, "The Senju Clan has declined to such an extent. We must restore the balance within Konoha!

"We must weaken the Uchiha Clan while preserving the Senju Clan!

"This is an S-Rank Mission. I'll give you a reward based on how well you perform!"

"Heh." Kawadera Uchiha grinned like a villain.

"Suppressing and weakening the Uchiha Clan is your specialty, Second. You're the best at it. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do."

Whatever else happened, he'd earned another B-Rank Mission reward tonight.

Two out of three. He was one B-Rank Mission reward away from exchanging them for a Mind Awakening.