Reading Icha Icha Paradise Again

Qingyu struggled to hold back his laughter.

The sight was too beautiful. He couldn't bear to look.

By evening, the team reached their designated rest stop: an abandoned relay station.

After confirming it was safe, Kakashi had the four of them set up camp.

"Take turns standing watch in pairs. Sasuke and Neji for the first half of the night, then Qingyu and Naruto," Kakashi assigned.

"I'm going to set up a perimeter barrier. You can make dinner yourselves."

With that, he vanished. The legendary "King of Lateness" sure was quick to slip away.

The four boys looked at one another.

"Who knows how to cook?" Neji asked.

Sasuke said, "I don't."

"Does instant ramen count?" Naruto asked.

"...I can manage a little," Qingyu said.

Before crossing over, he'd at least been an office worker living alone. He could manage simple meals.

But when he opened the supply pack and saw what was inside, he fell silent.

Military Ration Pills ×20, compressed biscuits ×10, dried meat ×5, and... a few packets of wild vegetables?

Were they supposed to be roughing it in the wilderness?

Weren't ninjas supposed to have logistical support? Weren't they supposed to get extra allowances?

Logistics: I'm not giving you a damn allowance!

"Watch this!" Naruto rolled up his sleeves. "I invented the ultimate, super-delicious Military Ration Pill ramen!"

Five minutes later, Naruto came back with a pot of some black, unidentifiable substance.

Sasuke glanced at it. "Poison?"

Neji examined it with his Byakugan. "The chakra is in disarray. I don't recommend eating it."

Qingyu said, "I feel so hot... What did you put in this?"

"Crushed Military Ration Pills, ramen seasoning, and my special chili sauce!" Naruto boasted. "Try it!"

Qingyu steeled himself and took another bite.

Three seconds later, he rushed for the water jug and guzzled it down.

Spicy! So spicy his soul nearly left his body!

This wasn't food. It was a chemical weapon!

Naruto, had your taste buds stopped working?

"Is it really that bad?" Naruto asked, crestfallen. "I thought it was pretty good..."

"I'll take over," Qingyu said, resigned.

First, he used a small Fire Release to start a fire. Then he chopped up the dried meat and boiled it with the wild vegetables.

He ground the Military Ration Pills into powder for seasoning. It definitely wouldn't taste great, but at least it would be edible.

Sasuke watched coldly the whole time, but when Qingyu served him a bowl of soup, he accepted it and drank in silence.

Sasuke could still tell food from shit.

Neji thanked him politely and drank quickly, yet elegantly. The Hyuga Clan's upbringing really was something else.

Naruto took a sip, and his eyes lit up. "Wow! It's even better than mine!"

Qingyu said, "..." Even a dog wouldn't touch the stuff you made!

After dinner, night had fully fallen.

The desert night was surprisingly cold. Qingyu wrapped his coat tighter around himself, but the chill still seemed to seep into his bones.

Sasuke and Neji went on watch.

Naruto soon slept like a log. Having a big heart was a talent, too.

Qingyu lay in his sleeping bag but couldn't fall asleep.

The two voices in his head started up again.

"The desert..." Izuna said wistfully. "Back when we fought the Senju, the worst battlefields were the deserts! Sand got in your eyes, weapons rusted, and the bodies were hard to bury."

"But the desert terrain is well suited to ambushes and guerrilla warfare," Tobirama said. "Sunagakure's ninjas have a natural advantage there."

Qingyu tensed.

Right. Sunagakure was fighting on its home turf. Could their little "problem child squad" really handle this?

"Don't overthink it," Tobirama said. "The most important thing now is to rest. We still have a long journey ahead tomorrow."

Qingyu closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

He didn't know how long had passed when he was suddenly jolted awake! It wasn't a sound, but a feeling.

[Combat Intuition (Beginner)] was warning him!

He sat up sharply and saw Sasuke and Neji already on their feet, warily watching a certain direction.

"What's wrong?" Qingyu asked in a low voice.

"Something's approaching." Neji's Byakugan glimmered faintly in the darkness. "Three... no, four! They're fast."

Sasuke had already activated his Sharingan. "They're not beasts. They're people."

Where was Kakashi? Qingyu looked around, but the team's Jonin was nowhere to be seen.

Had he gone to read Icha Icha Paradise again, sensei?!

"Wake Naruto," Sasuke ordered calmly. "Prepare for battle."

Qingyu quickly shook Naruto awake.

Naruto mumbled, "Is it morning already... Huh? We're under attack?!"

He snapped awake and pulled out a Kunai.

Four dark figures appeared from behind the dunes, moving swiftly and landing without a sound.

They all wore Sunagakure uniforms and masks.

"Little kids from Konoha," the leader rasped, "playing outside so late at night. Aren't you afraid you'll run into some bad guys?"

Naruto said, "You're the bad guys, aren't you!"

Sasuke said nothing.

Neji was already in the starting stance for Gentle Fist.

Qingyu silently counted: four Sunagakure Chunin. Judging by their chakra, none of them were weak.

And on their side... four Genin and one missing Jonin.

Those odds...

Your Fatty Zaemon only stands with the strong!

"What do we do?" Naruto asked quietly.

"Fight," Sasuke said, terse and to the point.

"Wait!" Qingyu suddenly spoke up. "Honored Sunagakure seniors, we're Konoha's team here for the joint event. This must be a misunderstanding, right?"

He was trying to buy time!

Kakashi-sensei, if you don't show up soon, your adorable students are going to get bundled up and hauled away!

"Joint event?" The Sunagakure ninja laughed. "It doesn't start until tomorrow. You came this early... Don't tell me you're up to something?"

Neji said coldly, "The agreement allows us to arrive a day early."

"Agreements are dead; people are alive," another Sunagakure ninja said. "How about this: hand over your supplies and we'll let you go. Call it... a welcome ceremony in the desert."

Extortion! Plain and simple! Was collecting tolls a Sunagakure tradition?

I really am going to have to secretly take you out, brother.

"What if I say no?" Sasuke's hand was already on his ninja tool pouch.

"Then don't blame us for being rude."

The battle was about to begin!

At that critical moment...

"Well, well. What's all the commotion?" Kakashi's voice came from overhead.

Everyone looked up and saw Kakashi crouched on the ruined roof of the station, still holding Icha Icha Paradise.

Just how much did you love that book, sensei?!

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto cheered.

The Sunagakure ninjas' expressions changed. "Konoha's Copy Ninja..."

"That would be me," Kakashi said lazily as he hopped down. "Friends from Sunagakure, picking on children isn't very nice, is it?"

"We were just... saying hello." The leader took a step back. "Since Jonin Kakashi is here, we'll leave it at that."

The four turned to leave.

"Wait," Kakashi called after them. "Since you're here, why not leave us a souvenir?"

He flashed into existence behind one of the Sunagakure ninjas, pressing a Kunai to his throat. "Tell me. Who sent you?"

So fast! Qingyu's pupils shrank.

Was this the strength of a Jonin?

"N-no one sent us..." The ninja trembled. "We just... wanted to make some extra money..."

"Oh?" Kakashi narrowed his visible eye. "Then how about I escort you back to Sunagakure City and let Lord Kazekage hear all about this 'extra money'?"