The waters of the Ninja World had turned thoroughly murky lately.
"Ahahaha~ These people are too much..." Qingwu chuckled from the shadows. His greatest daily entertainment was watching the Ninja World's colorful cast. All that shouting and chaos—that was what made a world feel real, alive, and human.
He rubbed his hands together, ready to try a new way of using emotional power. That hotheaded Raikage would make the perfect guinea pig.
In Kumogakure, in the Land of Lightning, the Fourth Raikage, A, had barely left the hospital. Red marks from his bandages still lined his bulging muscles as he planted his hands on his hips and asked his subordinates, "Anything new in the Ninja World? Just the four major ninja villages. Handle the small-time stuff yourselves~"
Now that was swagger. In A's eyes, the ninja villages outside the four great nations weren't worth a second glance. No, he didn't even think much of those four. His private philosophy had always been straightforward: Aside from my old man, I'm the strongest bastard alive!
Who could blame him? His father, the Third Raikage, had been a monster who could clash with a Tailed Beast using his bare body and snap off one of the Eight-Tails' horns. He had once fought ten thousand Iwagakure ninja without taking a single step back, finally dying of exhaustion. To A, his father was practically a god.
As for the God of the Ninja World, Senju Hashirama, and the Asura of the Ninja World, Madara Uchiha? Well, they had died too early for him to meet them. Otherwise, he would have challenged them, one way or another. That was A's arrogance—bred into his very bones.
"Hahaha~ That old bastard Ōnoki's still a stumpy little runt, even if he's young again... That's fucking hilarious!" A's shoulders shook as he read Iwagakure's news, before he gritted his teeth. "One day, I'll twist that bastard's head off as an offering to my father! He was the one who set the trap and had my old man mobbed to death!"
As he kept leafing through the reports, his eyes suddenly widened. "What the hell? Konoha's Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu are going everywhere as a couple? Don't they both have spouses, children, and grandchildren already? What kind of madness is this?"
The next report left his jaw hanging even lower. "And Sarutobi Hiruzen stays home with his wife all day, never even steps outside, yet somehow gets weaker by the day... Pah! That lust-addled old bastard!"
"Pfft—hahahaha..." A nearly spat out his water. "And look at Shimura Danzō! Now he spends every day wandering around the village, collecting a whole crowd of female fans and grinning like an idiot!" At first, he had assumed the intelligence was fake. Only after checking with his secretary three times did he dare believe it.
Good grief. Had someone hit the reset button on the entire world while he was in the hospital? Still... it sounded pretty entertaining.
"Oh, man~ I can't even picture it. What's that bandaged, one-eyed Shimura Danzō thinking... Was he always such a flirt when he was young?" A slapped the table, roaring with laughter. "They really are teammates! None of them can hide it anymore... Getting younger made them bolder!"
Just imagining Danzo striking poses to charm his female fans made him laugh until tears streamed down his face. "Now it's finally all coming out... Hahahaha..."
"All the Clan Heads have bags under their eyes. Tsk, tsk, Konoha sure has a lively nightlife! Hahahaha!" A stroked his chin, a sly gleam crossing his eyes. "Good. Let them keep at it. Hopefully, they'll run Konoha into the ground, and I can swoop in and take the Land of Fire..." For all his words, his voice dripped with envy.
He kept reading, then suddenly sat bolt upright. "Huh?! What the hell? Sunagakure held a public beauty contest, and the winners get taken home to bear children?"
"Who? Ebizo?!" A cried out, his eyes nearly popping from their sockets. "Isn't that old bastard eighty already?!"
"And his sister Chiyo arranged the whole thing? That old bastard picked dozens of wives in one go and gets to be a groom every night? Pah, shameless!" He cursed fiercely, but couldn't hide the envy in his voice. The more A thought about it, the more bitter he felt. Why didn't he ever get that lucky?
No longer in the mood to read, he slammed his fist onto the table with a bang, put his hands behind his head, propped his legs on the desk, and sighed. Beside him, the mature, elegant Mabui noticed something was wrong and asked curiously, "Lord Raikage, what's the matter? What's got you so angry you've stopped reading?"
"Read, my ass!" A snapped. "I've had enough of their lovey-dovey crap! I'm stuffed full of anger!"
The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He punched his own thigh. "Fuck! I'm such a manly bastard, so why does everyone keep thinking I'm gay? That old fart Ebizo gets women hanging off both arms. Why? Why?! Is there no justice? No law?! I'm not gay! I'm not! I'm not!"
He nearly ground his teeth to pieces. In the end, envy, jealousy, and resentment were to blame.
"Someone get in here!" A roared, making the room tremble. He swung his thick arm up and pointed at the secretary beside him. "Issue a statement! Condemn that bastard! Tell me, why?! Why?!"
"N-no, please, Lord Raikage~ Isn't that a little inappropriate?" One secretary went pale with fright, cold sweat beading on his forehead.
"Cut the crap! Send it out! Unless you want a taste of my fist!" A's eyes bulged, his expression suggesting he might explode any second.
Mabui sighed and gave her colleagues a meaningful look. "All right, go. Otherwise, Lord Raikage really will lose his temper." They would just have to watch the wording. She thought to herself, Jealous old men have no sense of reason.
The secretaries didn't dare delay. They nodded frantically. "Yes~ We'll take care of it right away." They practically greased their heels and fled. Everyone knew that when this brute of a Raikage threatened violence, he really would swing his fists.
Only then did A nod in satisfaction. "That's more like it! I can't be the only one miserable while they have all the fun. That's bullshit!"
Before long, Kumogakure's statement went out. After trying at length to stop him, his advisers could only polish the wording and tone down the harshest lines. "We strongly condemn certain old men in certain ninja villages within the Ninja World. Cease your disgraceful conduct and illicit affairs. We urge you to see the error of your ways and turn back before it is too late. Do not force me to come to your doorstep and curse you out..."
That was already the version the advisory team had revised repeatedly. The Raikage's original wording had been far more explosive, naming names and hurling the vilest insults.
"Lord Raikage, these are private matters. Publishing this is tantamount to burning bridges," his advisers pleaded. "There's no need to make enemies everywhere."
Only after Mabui spent ages persuading him did A reluctantly relent. "Fine, I'll do it for your sake. Otherwise, I'd make him pay! Fuck, why does that old bastard get to..."
But who could have imagined that even this "tactful" wording would catch so many people in the crossfire, planting a huge ticking bomb for Kumogakure's future? His mouth really had invited disaster.
Over in Konoha, Sarutobi Hiruzen stroked his beard, his brow furrowed. "There must be a mole in the village! It's my one little hobby, and I only sneak a look in my office. How did the Raikage find out?"
Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu blushed, inwardly cursing him. How does our twilight romance bother you? Can't old people find true love? Nosy bastard!
Ōnoki assumed A was taking a veiled swipe at him. After all, the Land of Lightning and Land of Earth had always been at odds, and he had engineered the Third Raikage's death. "Bastard! What business is it of yours if I rob other crooks? Just let me catch a ninja from the Land of Lightning! Hmph!"
Kakuzu assumed Kumogakure had discovered his underground business. Cutting off his income was as unforgivable as murdering his parents. He quietly pulled out a little notebook and made an entry. "Tch. What good is running your mouth?"
Shimura Danzō never considered that it might refer to him. He even felt smug. Hiruzen, Homura, Koharu, you've utterly disgraced Konoha. Fortunately, I've kept my own conduct spotless.
As for Ebizo? He was busy meeting Granny Chiyo's "KPIs" and had no time whatsoever for outside gossip.
Everyone else played dumb despite knowing perfectly well what was going on. With no names mentioned, wouldn't responding amount to admitting guilt? Behind the scenes, however, they all gave things a little push.
And so, rumors that "the Raikage is gay and replenishes his yang by draining other men's yang" quietly began spreading again, complete with convincing details:
—Why had he stayed single all this time?
—He always liked training shirtless with other men. Training? He was clearly choosing his consorts!
—Those followers of his were all his lovers...
Every possible version flew around. After all, the people A had offended were either experts at manipulating public opinion or well-informed old foxes.
Seeing that nobody was responding to his statement, A flew into a rage. "Bastards! Bastards!"
"They're actually ignoring me? I-I-I..."
"What?! They're saying I'm gay? Slander! Outrageous slander! They're saying I'm picking consorts from among men?"
"What? Their biggest piece of evidence is that I'm single?"
"Fuck—I..."
"Pff—" He spat out a mouthful of blood.
The invincible A had fallen once again.
Kumogakure descended into chaos once more, rushing their Lord Raikage to the hospital for emergency treatment.
The man who had coughed up blood from sheer rage had probably never felt so wronged in his life.
When the crafty old schemers heard the news, they secretly slapped their thighs with laughter. Hmph. Boy, you're still too green to play games with us.
"Ahahaha~ Oh, man, you're killing me! A bloodbath caused by jealousy... Hahahaha..." Qingwu laughed so hard in the shadows that he couldn't straighten up. "Aren't you all just bullying an honest man?"
He stroked his chin, amusement flashing in his eyes. "Damn, emotional power really is vicious. All I did was use the Rinne Sharingan to guide and amplify things a little, and the Raikage and the others fell for it without even realizing. What a show."
"Looks like I'm getting more and more comfortable being the mastermind behind the scenes. Shame that's all I can do for now. I can only influence emotions, not inflict any serious damage directly."
"But that's fine. I've got plenty of time to grow stronger. One step at a time~"
"The Ninja World is my playground."
"Everyone, do your best, okay?!"
"Heh heh~"
Just then, people all across the Ninja World shivered for no apparent reason, as if something sinister had set its sights on them. The sensation vanished so quickly that they could almost believe they had imagined it.
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