Emotion Fluctuation: Longing

Window

It's very late.

It was well past midnight in Heaven Dou City; only the wind still lingered in the streets and alleys.

Ye Xinglan stood by the window, gazing into the distance.

The window was half-open, and moonlight filtered through the clouds, casting intermittent light and shadow on half of her face.

Her gaze was serene, like deep water soaked by the night.

A few lights were still on in the distant Federation office buildings, like the last, unwilling eyes of the city to close.

The lights in the room were off.

Yun Jingheng remained in meditation under the moonlight, his breathing light and long.

She didn't turn around.

His presence is like another kind of light in this room—not bright, yet omnipresent.

A breeze blew in through the cracks in the window, and it was a bit chilly.

She suddenly remembered the autumn at the Ye Family Estate many years ago.

She was little then and loved to chase after the leaves under the ginkgo tree.

Her mother sat under the eaves, watching her with a smile.

She always tried to grab the biggest ginkgo leaf, but every time she got close, the wind would blow it even higher.

Her mother said, "Stop chasing, the leaves will eventually fall to the ground." She wouldn't listen and chased after them until she was covered in sweat.

When her father came home, he lifted her high and let her ride on his shoulders.

She opened her arms, feeling as if she could touch the sky.

Later she went to Shrek.

After that, I never saw ginkgo rain like that again.

She took a soft breath.

The night breeze rushed into my nostrils, cool and slightly astringent.

She raised her hand and closed the window slightly, leaving only a crack.

Yun Jingheng's breathing suddenly became heavier, as if he had encountered something extremely heavy in a dream.

She turned her head and saw the moonlight slide down his forehead, following the curve of his brow bone, and falling into the depths of his collar.

After a long while, she turned around and looked out the window.

It seems she hasn't been home in a long time...

When this thought entered my mind, it was so light, like a ginkgo leaf skimming across the surface of water, sinking without even a ripple.

But after it sank, a thin layer of acid slowly rose to the surface.

She stood there, suddenly unable to recall her mother's voice.

The sound gradually faded into a faint mist in her memory; its outline could be drawn, but its exact tone could not be grasped.

When my mother was young, she loved to sit under the eaves and hum a little tune. The tune was soft and slow, like the wind blowing from the valley at dusk.

She listened to this all the time when she was little, and after listening to it so much, she would fall asleep on her mother's lap.

But now, she can't even hum the first line of that little tune.

Where is my father?

She remembered that he had broad shoulders and large hands, enough to lift her over his head.

When he smiles, the corners of his eyes curve first, then the corners of his mouth.

He always returned home before the ginkgo leaves had all fallen, his clothes covered in dust he had brought from afar.

When he held her, his stubble tickled her face, and she giggled and tried to dodge. Her mother, standing nearby, said, "You're not acting like a father."

But her mother's eyes were full of smiles.

later...

Later, she gripped the sword more and more steadily, but went home less and less often.

His studies, his sword practice, and the years he spent by Yun Jingheng's side were like a road that kept getting longer.

She kept walking along this road, so far that when she looked back, all she could see was a blurry, golden expanse of the past.

The wind is coming in again.

She blinked and felt a cool sensation on her eyelashes.

It's raining.

The rain in Heaven Dou City always comes silently, like the footsteps of a person, so light that only the sleepless can hear it.

Rain slanted in through the window cracks, landing on the back of her hand, making her shiver slightly from the coolness.

She turned and glanced at Yun Jingheng.

He was still sitting there, his breathing so heavy it was as if he were about to fall into another long dream.

She has no past.

She simply closed the window even smaller, leaving only the narrowest crack to block out most of the wind and rain.

Then she stood back by the window, motionless and unyielding, unwilling to let that faint, lingering scent of the past drifting in from the east overwhelm her.

The explosion from a month ago flashed through her mind.

Perhaps... they thought I was dead.

Her home wasn't far from here, but she couldn't go back; she couldn't let anyone recognize her.

"Ms. Ye, your emotions have fluctuated significantly. Based on the analysis, it is presumed to be due to longing."

The voice of Half-Sweet Coffee gently came through the headphones.

The voice was warm, with a very faint mechanical quality, yet strangely, it wasn't offensive.

Ye Xinglan was taken aback.

She had almost forgotten that she was still wearing the hidden earphone in her ear today.

She didn't say anything.

The rain was still falling, as fine as silver dust sifted from the sky, landing on the windowsill with a soft patter that almost drowned out the last sound in my headphones.

She raised her hand and touched her ear, as if to confirm that the voice was real and not a hallucination born from the long vigil.

"You... you've been listening the whole time?" Ye Xinglan asked softly.

Her voice was very low, almost blending into the sound of the rain outside the window.

"Correction: It's monitoring."

The man with the Half-Sweet Coffee spoke calmly, as if correcting a trivial fact. "Your heart rate, body temperature, respiratory rate, and emotional fluctuations are all being continuously monitored."

"Before the God Trial began, my master instructed me to prioritize your safety. If you were to fall, my safety would also decrease. That's why I spoke up to remind you."

Ye Xinglan listened, slowly leaning her back against the window frame.

She gazed at the gray rain outside, and after a long while asked, "When... did he tell you to do this?"

"You went to the toilet on the afternoon of the day the master decided on the God Trial."

Half-Sweet Coffee answered very naturally, her voice even carrying a very faint laugh that she didn't know she had learned from somewhere, "The master said that Xing Lan might not sleep, might forget to eat, and might miss home but not say it."

"If she's feeling unwell, don't disturb her, but let her know someone is there."

Ye Xinglan's eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

She bit her lower lip hard and turned her face away, as if she didn't want an intangible voice to see her lose her composure.

The rain intensified, enveloping the entire city in a damp, gray stillness.

She took a slow breath in and then exhaled very slowly, but she couldn't suppress the soreness in her chest. Instead, it welled up in her eyes as if stimulated by that breath.

"Master also said..." Half-Sweet Coffee's voice rang out again, a little softer than before, "If he doesn't wake up for a long time, say for him— Xing Lan, don't be afraid."

Ye Xinglan didn't let her tears fall.

She simply tilted her head back, gently resting the back of her head against the window frame, her eyes wide open in the rain and mist.

The sky outside the window was black, the rain was silver, and the last light on the Federation building in the distance was about to go out.

Her voice was soft and hoarse, as if it were being squeezed out little by little from the deepest part of her throat:

"I'm not afraid..."

There was a moment of silence in the headphones.

The man with the Half-Sweet Coffee seemed silent for a moment before speaking gently, "Ms. Ye, you should eat something. You only had half a bowl of porridge this morning, which is far below the recommended intake for adults, even though you are still a minor."

Ye Xinglan did not answer.

She simply turned her head and looked at Yun Jingheng.

He remained seated cross-legged, still silent.

Rain seeped in through the window cracks, landing on the floor three steps away from him, spreading out little by little.

She knew he couldn't hear her.

But that "Don't be afraid" seemed to travel through the earphones from a very, very far place and landed in her heart.

"Knew."